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It had been four hours since Robert had left for work, and Robin wouldn't stop crying.
She had tried everything at this point. Diapers? Cleaned. Fever? None. Hungry? Fed. Courtney had spent nearly an hour Googling what she could have possibly missed, but everything she did just seemed to make things worse. She tried to retrace her steps for the day and figure out what went wrong…
Courtney had woken up early for once. Her sleep was restless to say the least. Nightmares from her old life still haunted her, always lurking in the shadows as a reminder. A warning. Therapy had helped to an extent, but Courtney knew they would never truly go away.
Instead of dwelling on the past, Courtney decided to work on the future. She made sure Robert and Robin were sleeping peacefully. Both slept on their backs, drool trickling from the side of their open mouths. Courtney had to cover her mouth before she burst out laughing. If Robin was snoring like a hibernating bear, the two would have truly been identical.
Robin had inherited her mothers dark hair, but the rest of her features were so adorably Roberts. She had his smile, those honey filled eyes she could look into for hours. Even the tiny freckles on her face that Courtney would count each day, seeing how many more would appear. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Robin would grow up to be just as kind, just as brave.
Spirits slightly lifted, Courtney prepared to get ready for the day—slipping on a faded Nirvana T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants.
Closing the door gently behind her, she was greeted with hundreds of cardboard boxes littering the floor. The early morning sun shinning through the balcony doors painted the room in a soft glow. Dust particles caught in the suns rays, punctuating the age of a few items currently stashed away for the move.
"Are you seriously going to keep all of the lamps the Z-Team got you? I'm pretty sure half of them are stolen by the way." Courtney had wrinkled her nose at the dusty gifts.
"They're mementos! Besides, each bedroom gets a lamp now." His genuine excitement had lit up the room.
"Pretty sure there's only three bedrooms, Rob."
"….Each room gets two lamps?"
Courtney's lips twitched at the memory.
At first, the idea of buying a house had seemed like a dream. Scrolling through websites looking at houses while she laid across Roberts lap had been some of the highlights of her time being pregnant. Robin was their little miracle of course, but fuck she could not deal with the morning sickness again.
After careful research, they had found a house that was perfect for them. It was close to SDN to save on gas while also being in a quieter neighborhood. The inside was a modest two bedroom home, the kitchen covered in tacky wallpaper (It would be one if the first things to go) showing the places age. It even had a fenced backyard for Beef to claim as his kingdom.
Maybe I can make Rob breakfast for his first day back? Courtney thought. She had at least learned how to make eggs and toast. Anything else was risking a fire breaking out in the apartment. Again.
Besides, death by fire was better then jumping back into organizing those boxes of misery and despair. She could feel a headache coming on just thinking about it.
She had stupidly told Robert she could handle her own portion of the packing. After all, she wasn't gonna turn into some frail housewife just because he fucked a baby into her. She was Invisigal. She could take down criminals with her eyes closed and breath held. How hard could putting shit in a box be?
As it turns out, pretty fucking hard. And stressful. How did they manage to have so much stuff?
Speaking of…
Traversing around the boxes felt like the worlds worst episode of Wipeout. But instead of falling into water, one wrong move could send you to the infirmary. Courtney cringed at the thought, finding the items she would need to make something resembling food.
The morning began to fall back into a familiar rhythm.
Robert woke not long after the food was done, entering the kitchen with Robin in his arms and kissing her tenderly. He didn't even complain that the eggs she made were completely overcooked. A slight frown had graced his lips, the worry of how this day would go sat heavy between them. Courtney wouldn't have that, so she had ushered Robert out of the apartment.
He hadn't been back at work since Robin was born. And when the time finally came to head back he was hesitant. Not because he didn't want to. Courtney knew he missed dispatching and fighting along side the Z-Team as much as she did—He was just worried for his family.
He'd stated multiple times throughout the week that he would stay as long as they needed him. If Courtney was honest, she wasn't ready for him to be gone for eight hours. She had gotten used to having their days together, spoiling Robin with attention—talking about their future. If only the Courtney from four years ago could see her now. She's learned to appreciate the little things in life. Cuddling up on the futon and watching movies together could be better then sex. Sometimes.
Who knew?
In another life she would have told him to stay home, hell maybe even quit if it meant they'd be together every day. Courtney, unfortunately, had grown and knew that mindset wasn't healthy. She also knew that Robert was needed. She didn't want to be selfish and keep him from the people that needed saving. She could handle herself dammit. She had told Robert that this morning and it had seemed to be just enough to get him to leave.
She regrets ever letting him go now.
Courtney is brought back to the present as another agonizing wail pierces her ears. Robin's face was beet red, tears leaking endlessly limbs flailing in the air like she was trying to fight the universe itself. If Robert was here, she may have laughed at the thought. A fighter just like her parents.
But Robert wasn't here.
"Robin it's okay…. Please. Please stop crying." Courtney rocked her back and forth in her arms trying to soothe. Every new wail was a punch to the gut and a kick to the heart. Panic was starting to set in. The room seemed to tilt slightly, making Courtney drop to her knees and lean against the futon, baby still in her grasp. What was she doing wrong?
Of course you'd fuck up being a mother.
She tried to shake the thoughts out of her head, but the words pierced like a needle dripping poison through her body.
What do you know about good mothers when you never had one to begin with?
"Please Robin…." Courtney held held her daughter closer. She couldn't tell if the contact was to help sooth the baby or herself. Courtney could feel Robins tears pierce through her shirt. She knew she had to text Robert. The situation called for it. But she shouldn't have to.
Robin deserves better.
With a trembling hand, Courtney grabbed the phone in her pocket and opened Roberts contact.
|Visi: Robert I think somethings wrong with Robin|
|Visi: she wont stop crying idk what to do im scared|
Courtney fought against the sting of tears in her eyes as she sent the SOS messages. Robert should be out there helping to save lives. Instead, he's forced to pick up Invisigals mess. Her failures. Courtney couldn't contain the flood of emotions any longer as soft sobs began to rock her body.
"F-fuck. I'm so sorry Robin. You deserve better. I'm sorry." Courtney whispered in between sobs. She faintly hears the chime of a notification on her phone. She grasped for it like a lifeline.
|Robert <33: I'll be there in 10|
How could she not do this one thing? What kind of mother can't care for her child?
Courtney rubbed her thumb soothingly over the baby's forehead."It's okay Robin. Daddy will be home soon. H-he'll know what to do."
Courtney's sobs began to rival that of her child's, as she waited desperately for Mecha-Man to save them.
True to his word, Robert had burst through the front door ten minutes later, breath ragged as if he'd ran all the way here. Knowing him, he probably did. His SDN uniform had a new coffee stain on it, buttons put together unevenly. The beard he was suddenly desperate to grow in sits patchy near his chin. To anyone else, Robert Robertson III would look like a disheveled mess.
But to Courtney, he'd never looked more fucking handsome.
Robert shut the door quickly behind him, approaching the pair, worry etched over his face.
"Court, what happened?" His voice was firm, but kind. The voice he used when dealing with stressful dispatch situations at work. His hands trembled slightly as he knelt down to rub comforting circles on Courtney's back.
Courtney realized how pathetic she must look. Flushed and crying like the baby that laid in her arms—kneeling on the living room floor. The scattered remains of their old life and soon-to-be new one fighting for dominance in Roberts apartment. Any other time she'd feel embarrassed. But right now she was just relieved Robert was here.
"She won't stop crying Robert. I-I don't know what to do." Courtney said quickly, voice rough from crying. "I fed her, and changed her, there's no fever. Everything should be fine!" Her voice cracked at the last word. Robert looked torn on who to comfort first.
Determined, Courtney wipes away the tears on her face quickly and gives Robert their child, making the decision for him. This wasn't about her. She would take another bullet to the shoulder if it would get Robin to calm down. Sensing her resolve, Robert gave a quick nod, taking the crying, fussy child into his arms.
"Hey there Robin. Whatcha stressing mommy out for? Hm?" He started to rock the baby back and forth just as Courtney had done earlier—humming softly.
And then it happened.
Robin stopped crying.
And when Robert tickled her stomach a bit she laughed.
Courtney didn't realize she could feel both relieved and utterly heartbroken at the same time.
She curls in on herself, knees pulled up close to her chest, head hidden behind her arms. All of her doubts were right. She had done the same thing Robert had and more. For hours.
Robert did the same and managed to calm Robin down in minutes.
A pitiful sob tore through her body.
Robert must have heard as he leaned down to place a quick kiss atop her head, whispering how he'd be right back. Probably to put Robin in her crib she thought. The crib they had both picked out together and painted blue and purple so she knew she was a part of them. So she knew both parents would always be there for her. To love her. To comfort her.
Except apparently Courtney.
She didn't know how long she sat on the floor moping. It could have been minutes or hours. She didn't care at the moment. Only a few months as a mom and she was already failing. Typical.
She felt more then heard Robert come back into the room. The sixth sense he used to detect Courtney while invisible seemed to work both ways after being together so long.
Robert let out a grunt as he sat down beside her. She laughed inwardly to herself.
What an old man.
"I-is she…?" Courtney's throat felt like sandpaper, the grip on her arms tightening to leave indents. Her voice came out muffled against the metaphorical shell she had burrowed herself into.
"She's okay, Court. All that crying really tired her out." A small nod was all she could offer Robert in response—the grip around her heart loosened slightly. It still felt hard to breathe, but not quite like an asthma attack. It had nothing to do with her lungs. It was her chest, her heart. Like someone had replaced the blood filled organ with stones.
Robert bumped Courtney gently with his shoulder. "Talk to me Court. Please," He whispered. Courtney responded by burrowing deeper into herself and holding her breath—activating her power. She hates crying and hates others seeing her cry more. She had improved immensely since she met Robert, but it was still an uncomfortable situation.
Robert let out something between a laugh and a sigh. "If you think I'm gonna drop this, I'm not."
Courtney flinched, not that he could see.
"And it's not because I'm mad. Actually the opposite. I'm worried." She could hear Robert shifting, probably to look where he sensed her invisible form still was. "I know right now there's that voice in your head you tend to get when things go to shit. I know they're easy to believe. I get them too." He let out a shaken breath.
"But you've always been there when that voice in my head was too loud. So…let me be there for you too."
Fuck.
How was he always so good at this?
Courtney let air back into her lungs, coming back to visibility and uncurled from the confines of her self made prison of sorrow. She cleared her throat, hoping her voice was a little less hoarse.
"Are you sure your superpower isn't motivational speeches? You're like some kinda anime character with those." Thank God her voice didn't sound as awful as earlier. Post-sob voice didn't make her jokes land as well as she wanted.
"Nerd," Robert chuckled.
"You love it," Courtney smiled softly. It was strained, but it was something. A way to show Robert she would be okay.
Wordlessly, Courtney scoots closer to Robert, taking his hand in hers. Just being near him made Courtney feel warm and safe. Like she was curled up next to a fireplace during a snowstorm. She could feel Robert squeeze back slightly, urging her on.
She keeps her eyes glued to the floor and takes a slow shakey breath. All she wants is to crawl under the blankets and sleep until tomorrow. But she owes him an explanation after making him leave work.
"Do you think I'm a good mom?"
"Court…"
"I keep thinking…. that she deserves better then what I can give her. I mean, fuck Robert. Our daughter was balling her eyes out and all I could do was just watch. Meanwhile, a few minutes in your arms and she's as calm as ever."
The last sentence comes out bitter, frustration bubbling where sadness once laid. Courtney's next words are small, barely audible in the quiet apartment.
"What if she hates me already?"
Courtney squeezed her eyes shut— like it physically hurt to voice the terrible thought. That speaking it aloud might just make it true. She only opened them when she felt hand cup her face. Warm and grounding.
Robert knelt in front of her, eyes soft but laced with a fierceness she saw whenever he needed his words to be understood.
"Robin, doesn't hate you. You're her mother Court. You love her. You'd go through hell and back for her. That's all you need to be a good parent. To be there. To love your kid. To try." His thumb wiped away a tear that had traitorously fallen. "And I see you do that every day Courtney."
"Then why Rob? What did I do wrong?"
His brows drew together in thought. She could practically see the gears turning in his head. Problems and solutions were where Robert excelled.
"I…. have a theory. Have you ever heard that babies can sense emotions? Kinda like dogs?"
"Are you comparing our daughter to our obese Chihuahua?" Courtney couldn't help but tease. She could tell Robert was fighting back a smile.
"I think with the move and me going back to work after so long…. you've been really stressed out." His words were slow and carful, like he was mulling over each word before he said it.
In another life she would have scoffed—denied his claims because being scared meant she was weak. Vulnerable.
She wasn't that person anymore though.
"Yeah. Yes, I've been a little stressed."
Robert raised an eyebrow.
Courtney let out a tired sigh, "Fine, fine. I've been really fucking stressed out. With the move. With the baby. With you being back at work."
A look of guilt flashed in Roberts eyes. His hands dropped from Courtney's face as he ran them nervously through his hair.
"I shouldn't have put so much on you. I need to do better. Put in more effort. We're supposed to be a team and I left you drowning. I'm so sorry Court-" She held up a hand to stop him from spiraling further down his own self deprecating tangent.
"Rob, I was the one who said I could handle it. I bit off more then I could chew, big surprise," She scoffed. Robert opened his mouth to speak, but she promptly cut him off.
"I should have said something. You know how stubborn I can be. But it's like you said. We're a team." She absent-mindedly fiddled with the wedding ring on her finger.
"I still feel like it's my fault."
"So do I."
A beat passed.
Both of them burst out laughing.
"God, we're so fucking hopeless." Courtney wheezed, clutching at her sides.
"At least we're hopeless together." Robert reminded her.
Courtney smiled at him. He always knew how to bring her back down from her panic. To make her feel safe and warm and loved. She'll never understand how she got so lucky. But she knew she'd never take it for granted. And she knew she'd make Robin felt that same love.
There was always gonna be ups and downs in their life. Problems that seemed too big, with solutions that seemed impossible. And even after years of being together they were still learning. But she wasn't alone.
Robert was here.
Her family was here.
Courtney clasped her hands in his, leaning against his forehead.
"Together?"
Robert smiled back.
"Together."