Work Text:
[Charles has added Anna Cornick to the chat]
Charles: Testing, testing.
Anna: It’s working!
[Anna has added Bran Cornick to the chat]
[Anna has added Leah Cornick to the chat]
Anna: Hi guys. This is the Aspen Creek pack chat! Secure and encrypted. Not even the FBI can crack this.
Charles: Anna.
Anna: What? I have faith.
Bran: And we need this, why?
Charles: Da, I explained. We need a private, secure channel to contact each other in emergencies that doesn’t rely on platforms owned by easily bribable billionaires.
Anna: And he built this himself! The mind boggles.
Bran: It certainly does.
Anna: A word or two of praise wouldn’t go amiss here, Bran.
Charles: It’s fine.
Charles: We’re going to keep the group small for the time being to test things out so I’m only going to add Asil and Tag.
Anna: And, we’re all going to play nice.
[Leah Cornick is typing.]
[Leah Cornick has stopped typing.]
*
Asil: I still think we should have code names.
Charles: If the plan is to increase this chat to more people, that will become confusing.
Asil: Only for imbeciles.
[Asil has changed his name to Moor806]
Bran: Subtle.
Anna: 806? What does 806 stand for?
Anna: OMG. Is it the year you were born?
Moor806: Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Charles: May I remind everyone that this is supposed to be for emergencies only.
[Anna has changed her name to ZenWolf]
Bran: None of you would cut it in the CIA.
[Charles has changed ZenWolf’s username to Anna Cornick.]
[Charles has changed Moor806’s username to Asil Moreno.]
*
Tag: I’m out on the plough this morning. Let me know if there’s any roads you want made passable outside of the usual.
Bran: Can you do DuBarry?
Tag: [Thumbs up emoji]
Bran: [Peace sign emoji]
Tag: [Fist bump emoji]
Bran: [High five emoji]
Charles: [Stop emoji]
*
Asil: Has anyone seen my good secateurs?
Charles: What part of ‘emergency only’ doesn’t everyone understand?
Asil: This is an emergency!!!!!!!
*
Bran: Reminder, we’re hosting the Full Moon pack run next Saturday. Please bring something for the Pot Luck.
Anna: [Thumbs up emoji] We’re on the mailing list.
Bran: What Mailing List?
Anna: The Full Moon mailing list?
Bran: I’m not on this mailing list.
Asil: Neither am I.
Tag: I am!!!!
Anna: I’m sure if you ask nicely you’ll get added to it. [Eyes emoji]
Asil: I am very happy not to receive additional emails. Please do not add me.
Tag: But then you won’t know what the theme is [Winking emoji]
Bran: …the theme?
Anna: Haven’t you ever wondered why everyone brings the same cuisine to the potlucks? It’s French this week. Juste is making a croc em bouche.
Asil: I’m definitely busy next weekend, then.
*
[Bran Cornick has opened a private chat with Anna Cornick]
Bran: Are there any other mailing lists that my wife hasn’t added me to?
*
[Anna Cornick has opened a private chat with Leah Cornick]
Anna: I didn’t realize he wasn’t on the mailing lists.
Anna: I obviously realize why he isn’t on the mailing lists. Now.
Anna: That man never met a pie he didn’t want to stick his finger in.
Anna: I’m sorry. I feel like I just made your life harder. [Sad emoji]
*
[Bran Cornick has opened a private chat with Leah Cornick]
Bran: My room or yours tonight?
*
[Leah Cornick has opened a private chat with Charles Cornick]
Leah: I think you should disable the private chat feature.
Charles: [Sighing emoji]
*
Anna: Just saw the first brown bear cubs of the season!
Anna: [Image.png]
Anna: Bit blurry – had to zoom in. So cute.
Charles: Aren’t you on a hike with Emma?!
Anna: We stayed well away, don’t panic.
Bran: Was it old Bess?
Anna: Couldn’t see if mama bear had a scar. Looked about the right size. They’re currently in the pasture behind Sage’s old place.
Asil: I’m sorry – we have named the resident bears?
Bran: Oh, was this not in the mailing list?
*
[Private chat between Anna Cornick and Leah Cornick]
Anna: [Monkey covering eyes emoji]
*
Bran: This full moon the theme of the Potluck will be Indonesian. It will be in tomorrow’s mailing list.
Tag: Indonesian?
Bran: Yes, from Indonesia.
Tag: Name me some dishes.
Anna: Chicken satay. That’s chicken skewers with a peanut sauce.
Tag: Peanut sauce? Sounds good.
Anna: It’s really good. I can find you a recipe.
Anna: Chicken thighs. Coconut milk. Peanut butter. Oh, I don’t suppose you have any Kecap Manis? You're supposed to marinate the chicken in that.
Tag: ….
Anna: I think you can make it, actually. Soy sauce and brown sugar, it says here.
Tag: I don’t have any soy sauce.
Anna: We have some. I can bring it over.
[Leah Cornick is typing.]
[Leah Cornick has stopped typing.]
*
Bran: Change of plan. This full moon the theme of the Potluck will be Mexican.
*
Asil: There is a man in camouflage-wear with many weapons currently making his way down from East Pike towards the town.
Asil: I am in pursuit. It is amusing.
Bran: Human?
Asil: He is very noisy. So yes.
Tag: I will activate the phone tree.
Bran: Advise everyone to stay in their homes. Asil, disable but do not kill. Bring him to the house.
Asil: How boring.
Charles: This is the correct use of this chat.
Asil: How boring.
*
Charles: Second man spotted. Well-armed. Military training. Heading north from Corban’s farm. I have Emma so I cannot track him.
Tag: I’m on my way.
Bran: Disable but do not kill, Colin Taggart. That is an order.
*
Bran: Has anyone seen my wife?
*
Charles: Has anyone seen mine?
*
Anna: [Waving hand emoji]
Anna: Sorry for the silence. We made a new friend on our run.
Anna: [Image.png]
Asil: Which of you knocked out his teeth?
Leah: He started it.
Anna: He shot at us. He had silver bullets. He’s alive though.
Bran: Leah, are you wounded? Something is not right.
Anna: She says it’s just a scratch. Four of them.
Anna: Says it’s messing with the mating bond so she couldn’t yank your chain. I don’t know what that means. She’s getting a little woozy.
Anna: She jumped in front of me. Like a lunatic. She has the hearing of a bat.
Anna: We’re gonna need a ride. Sending you our What3Words.
Bran: I am coming.
Charles: Remember we need them alive.
Charles: Da?
Leah: I have the hearing of a wolf.
*
Anna: Not for nothing but didn’t this chat work well in an actual emergency?
Anna: [Grimace emoji]
Asil: Anyone heard anything from the Big House? It’s been silent for an unnervingly long two days.
Tag: Heard a rip-roaring fight yesterday morning whilst I was on patrol.
[Tag has deleted his message]
*
Anna: [Image.png]
Anna: Her first tooth!
Asil: Surely a child prodigy.
Tag: [Applause emoji]
Bran: Was that sarcasm? [Angry emoji]
Asil: Who, me?
*
Bran: Who wants to come over for Sunday dinner? My better half has plans with Kara and Peggy, and Charles and Anna have abandoned me for the Other Grandfather.
Tag: So… you’re cooking?
Bran: What’s that supposed to mean?
Tag: It’s just a question.
Asil: He means you either under-season or over-season. There is no in-between.
Bran: I season in layers.
Tag: Mmm.
Asil: I’m in Seattle this weekend.
Bran: I can make it an order, Tag.
Tag: I’ll bring pizza.
*
[Private chat between Bran Cornick and Leah Cornick]
Bran: Do you like my cooking?
Leah: I experience it so rarely….
Bran: I made you breakfast in bed yesterday.
Leah: It was cold.
Bran: Because we got distracted.
Bran: I can’t tell what’s worse. Under seasoning or over.
Bran: Probably over.
Bran: Your silence is damning.
Leah: I am sitting three feet away from you.
*
[Private chat between Bran Cornick and Leah Cornick]
Bran: I hope you are having a good evening.
Leah: I am. How is your evening?
Bran: We are re-watching Rob Roy.
Leah: I don’t think I’m familiar.
Bran: It’s from 1922. And silent.
Leah: Where on earth did you find that? Surely it’s not Streamed anywhere?
Bran: YouTube.
Bran: He’s getting weepy.
Leah: I’ll be home in an hour.
Bran: [Praying hands emoji]
*
Bran: Charles? This really is very impressive piece of technology. Well done.
Anna: Was that so hard?
-end