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My dearest dove,
If you’ve found this letter, I did not come home from the reclamation of Wall Maria; or you have made it to our room before me. If the latter is the case, please kindly put this down and disregard.
In the wake of my death, I cannot imagine how upset you must be. I selfishly avoided speaking with you about such a possibility. Upon losing my arm, I grew more and more sure of my pending demise yet neglected to sit down and have a proper conversation. I knew you would not take it well. I was a cruel, two faced liar in life, but I won’t be in death; hence I will not claim my avoidance was solely to preserve your feelings for as long as I could. I feared your reaction would weaken my resolve. Your faith in not your ability to protect me, but my own will to live. You could feel it, I’m sure. The weight I carry was beginning to crush me. My guilt, my sins, my failures. There is no redemption, not for the likes of me, but there is salvation. The end, in one way or another, was finally in sight. Deep down, I knew I had little left to give humanity.
In the end, you are all that remains of me. In the charred smoldering embers of my passion, it was your gentle care that kept kindling lit; fanned the flames of my courage. I was the symbol of hope, but you are the stone in which the emblem is engraved. I sought you out for your strength and I kept you for your soul. I’m not quite sure whether or not I’d label myself reliant on your presence. I have not thought too deep into the idea of you never having been here; I know this would never be a reality. I was always meant to find you. You were destined for me, perhaps as a punishment; I can only hope you feel even half as lucky as I know I am to have loved you. There is no part of you in which I cannot twist into something to swoon over. From your darling threats on my life to your assaulting of a teenager in the middle of court, there is nothing in which I am not fond of. Wherever I lay dead and mangled, I hope one day I will be swallowed by the earth. Every inch of my body holds such immense love for you. I hope the ground consumes my affection, I hope the land cherishes you the way I do, I hope this absorbed adoration leads the world to be kinder to you.
Sometimes I dreamed of another life for us. These dreams weren’t too far fleshed out, I could never let myself do so once I woke. There were always consistent factors to these dreams: a small cozy house, a garden, a ring, and my sweet Levi. Sometimes I do wonder if peace could’ve ever been in our cards. To humanity, you were their strongest soldier, their sword. To me, you are my man. They only see your skill, they will never see your kindness, your grit, your heart. Selfishly, I’m okay with that. To think I am the sole man to have had you dissected and in my hands; it makes the parasite we share writhe in my veins. Even in death, I will always be the one closest to Levi Ackerman. By the time you’re reading this, I will have already crawled my way from the deepest pits of hell and back to where I can reach you. I’m close, can you feel me?
Ackerman. You know, I was a little disappointed when we learned of your last name. I’d convinced myself Levi Smith had a good ring to it. I always intended to avoid marriage, I always knew I’d leave you behind. As I sit writing this, I realize the emotional toll would be of no difference. In my head, you have been my husband.
I write this because I know you survived this mission. I write this because I know you will continue to live; even if for no other reason but I order it of you. I know with great confidence that we won this battle, even if I did not live to see said victory. Your divine strength and bravery has returned Maria to her rightful hold in humanity’s hands. With the truth uncovered, beyond the walls will be open for you to explore. I beg of you, go out there and see the earth that was stolen from us. From time to time, come home to me, bring with you the world. In exchange, I left something for you. If you recall, there’s a loose floorboard in my office where I keep some liquor hidden. There, you will find another many letters with much better handwriting. Do not open them until the date designated on the envelope, it is the least you owe me. Do you know how hard it is to hide anything from you and your incessant cleaning? Additionally, you’ll find a ring. It was my mother’s. I was never given my father’s, but hers I was able to keep. It’s yours now. Don’t feel any dead man’s proposal pressure, though. Do with it as you will, I trust you.
Never will I be able to thank you for all you’ve given me. You didn’t just offer your strength to my cause, support my dreams; your presence gave me life. It is only with you that I could be human. I will spend eternity cherishing the love you gave me. If I’m lucky, death will have me waking up to a chase with an unnamed thug through the underground, able to relive these past seven years over and over again. Preferably, I can do so forever, or at least until time must end.
My darling Levi, if I ever feel far, look for me in yourself. My love for you has seeped into the very marrow of your bones, as yours did mine. If anything is eternal, it is the bond we share.
Yours and yours only,
Erwin