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Lucy is waiting for him with a beer, and a smile when he walks through the door. She’s not exactly sure how to approach this but—
It’s not like he doesn’t know about it, he would be assisting with the operation while her and Nyla were in Baja. But still—she knows how he feels about undercover work and now that they were back together she hopes they can actually talk about it rather than just sweeping it under the rug.
“Hey.” She says handing him the beer. He gives her a smile and leans in to kiss her.
“You don’t need to sweeten me up Luce.” He says. “I want to talk about this.” Lucy nods and she looks down at her own beer. He wasn’t exactly truthful last time, and even though he is more emotionally healthy. And he tries not to keep anything in, this was a sore subject. This was something that weighed on him for years.
“Okay.” She says. “How do you feel about me going to undercover?” Tim blinks at her, and then takes a sip of his beer.
“Terrified.” He says. “Like I can’t already breathing thinking about how you will be six hours away from LA and I can’t get to you.”
“Right.” She says.
“I am terrified but you are good at this Lucy. And I’m not going to hold you back from it. You and Harper are the right ones for this job.” Tim says.
“But?” She says because she knows it’s in there and even though this a lot more than what she got out of him before there was more he wasn’t saying.
“But… it’s not going to make me not worry. It’s not going to make me lie awake wishing you were next to me.” Tim says. “I’m going to feel all that and I’m going to let myself because I need you to come back home to me. I need you next to me Lucy.”
Lucy feels tears welling in her eyes and she’s so grateful for Tim, she’s so grateful and proud of how far he’s come. It took a lie detector test to make him realize he wasn’t okay with this. And she’s okay with him not being okay with it. He would never hold her back, but he was also being truthful.
“I’m going to come home to you.” She says. Tim sets his beer down and steps towards her. He pulls her into him. “I will come home to you Tim.”
Tim lifts her chin up and he has a sad smile on his face. “I know.” He says. He wipes a tear that falls down her face.
“You don’t resent me because I’m putting you through this again?” She asks. Tim shakes his head.
“No.” He says. “You aren’t putting me through anything Lucy, we are doing this together. It was different with Isabel. I didn’t have a say in the matter.”
“Oh.”
“She left as soon as she could.” Tim says. “I think she resented me. I think she regretted marrying another cop.”
“I won’t regret that.” Lucy says. She has been thinking about marriage a lot, not that they were ready for it but she’s pretty sure Tim had a ring. She’s pretty sure, one day in the near future she would be saying yes.
And she couldn’t wait.
“I know that.” Tim says searching her face. “Everything is different this time. With you and I’m not messing it up. You aren’t putting my constant and the steadiness I need.”
“So you need me to come back home to you.” Lucy says. Tim nods and his face looks sincere.
“Yes. And I’ll be waiting for you. Kojo will be waiting for you. Your side of the bed will be ready.” He says.
God she loves him.
“I’ll be ready for all that I’m sure.” Lucy says. Tim gives her a smile and pushes her hair back. She has it in a ponytail but she knows as soon as they are getting ready for bed he will take it out like he always does.
She will miss all these little moments even if the op was expected to last long. She’s going to miss Tim. She’s going to miss coming home to him.
“I’ll miss you.” Tim says. “But I know this isn’t forever. And you are good at what you do.”
“Thank you.” Lucy says softly, and she stands on her toes to kiss him. “I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“It’s not.” He says honestly. “But I know you can do it Luce.” Lucy nods and wraps her arms around his neck.
“You can do it too.” She says. Tim hums softly, and presses a kiss to her lips. She knows he can do it and she knows he will be okay. And she will be okay too.
“Can you promise me something?” Tim asks and he looks almost hesitant to say it.
“Yes.” Lucy says softly. “Of course. What is it?” She’s not sure what he’s about to ask but she’s read for it.
“Promise me you will back out if I raise a red flag. Promise you won’t go any further—I can’t lose you Lucy. I can’t lose you.” Tim says and he almost looks desperate as she leans in to press his forehead against hers.
“I promise.” Lucy says and she has doubt she will keep that promise. She has no doubt that if Tim says get out she will get out. “You won’t lose me Tim.”
“Okay.” Tim says and he pulls her closer. “I love you. And I want you to do what you love but—”
“I do that every night.” Lucy says and her voice is teasing. Tim raises his eyebrows at her. “I don’t love undercover Tim. It’s a job.”
“You are good at it though.” Tim says. “You are allowed to—”
“I know.” Lucy says and she takes a deep breath and lets it out. The truth is undercover hasn’t been the same for her. It didn’t give her that thrill it used to, it didn’t strike her as something she wants to do forever.
She agreed to this operation because she was needed and she would be with Nyla but she’s not sure she wants to do it again. She’s happy being a sergeant, she’s happy doing what she does everyday.
“What’s wrong?” Tim asks. Lucy looks up at him with a sigh, and then presses a kiss to his lips.
“I used to love undercover.” She says. “I don’t know what changed but something did and it’s not the same anymore.”
“I didn’t—”
“It’s not you Tim.” Lucy says. “I promise. You did nothing wrong. This is my decision.. I don’t know if I want to do it after this.”
Tim studies her for a second and then pulls her in for a kiss. “Okay.” He says. “But how about you don’t make your decision now? Wait until you are sure and you know this isn’t what you want.” Lucy nods and Tim pulls her into a hug, she’s never wants to let go. This was going one of the last times she would be in his arms for awhile.
It might not be perfect and they still had stuff to discuss and figure out but they would—because they were them. They would figure it out and that’s all that really matters.