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Usually, Caleb thinks, he is so good at gauging time. Sure, it can get away from him if he is focused like any self respecting wizard, but dates and times themselves are usually so solid in his memory. But there was something about waking up wet and sticky between your legs when you’d neglected to remember your monthly cycle that certainly put all of that on its ass. Ah well. Aeor could do it to a person, he supposes. He had been tired, last night. They had been tired last night, and Caleb turns his head on the pillow to eye Essek, who is still laying in bed next to him, eyes closed, breathing deep.
… that is all so new, this sharing of a bed. Well, him and Essek as a whole, really, first as study partners working together in this hellscape, and now, something with a little bit more intention. Just a little. Their touches are not so casual. He has invited him to share his bed to rest. Once– just once– an impulsive kiss after a lengthy spellcasting ritual where they had managed to successfully harness the power of time again. Ill-advised, maybe, because… they are moving slowly, have to move so slow because of who they are and what they’ve been through. Yes, he might be in love, but he is very happy with all of these things until they are both ready to take another step.
He feels a trickle of blood leak out of him, and winces himself back to reality. Right, this is a more immediate problem. Scheiße, but it is always something. He shoves a hand beneath the blankets to feel for the damage. It won’t be a lot, not just yet, but it’s enough that his hand grazes a warm and sticky spot on the blanket and he cringes again. Already too late for the bedding, then. “Scheiße,” he whispers out loud, and squeezes his thighs together as he looks back at Essek once again.
There isn’t much of anything for it. He could change and come back to a bloodied bed, because he is not above throwing a towel down in the worst of times and trying to sleep through it, but… he cannot, in good conscience, let Essek stay in a bed with his own blood in it, even if he is a respectable distance away. If nothing else… well, Essek does have a tidying spell. Maybe, if this isn’t so messy, it won’t even necessitate getting the cats to change the sheets if he can give him a little assist.
He sighs, wipes his hand on his pants, and uses the unsullied one to rest gently on Essek’s shoulder. “Essek.”
He says it softly, but Essek wakes almost immediately. His eyes fly open, even if he doesn’t move. Caleb watches as his gaze flits around quickly, gauging the situation in much a way that he’d learned to do himself, and then, drowsily, he turns his head towards him. “Caleb…?”
“Ja, I’m sorry,” he whispers, pulling away to get himself sat up. “I, um. There is a little bit of a situation– not dangerous,” he adds quickly, “and I, ähm, well, I’d appreciate if I could make use of your cleaning spell for a moment.”
Essek blinks, expression much groggier than a moment before. He looks back at Caleb, and then says, even slower, “you woke me up… for a cleaning spell…?”
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “Normally I would call the cats or ignore it, but I don’t think it’s very hospitable of me to make you share a bed with my blood in it.” He says it humorously enough, but Essek’s eyes open again, and he sits up quickly.
“You’re bleeding?” he interrupts. His eyes sweep down what is exposed of Caleb’s front: messy, loose hair and a rumpled linen shirt. Of course he cannot magically see what mess awaits beneath the blankets, but his eyebrows pinch all the same. “What happened? Are you injured?”
“Oh– nein,” he says quickly. “No, no, I just– I forgot about my days,” he says apologetically, “and now it’s kind of made a bit of a mess, so I was hoping you could hit it with a spell instead of having to shuffle us both up for the cats to clean.”
Essek stares at him, still worried, but with an expression that is a little more blank. “Your days?” he repeats, even as he is still eyeing Caleb’s form.
“Oh, ah, my cycle? Period?” He fidgets, and feels more blood escape between his legs. He presses his thighs tighter, and wills it to at least have the decency to wait for gravity. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure how they say it in the Dynasty. Menstruation?”
Something in one of those words seems to click. He watches as Essek’s eyes go lower, to whereabouts his nethers are settled beneath the blanket. Then they dart to Caleb, and back again, and Caleb registers that he is watching a realization being made in very rapid time, and– oh–
“Oh,” he says out loud.
Essek says the same simultaneously. “Oh. I– I didn’t–” He sits up very straight, and stares past Caleb’s shoulder. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry–”
“Nein,” Caleb interrupts. “I forgot– I am so used to the Nein having known for some time, I– I forgot that you wouldn’t have known yet.” Honestly, it is always very far on the back of his mind. His periods can be pretty shitty, but they are usually out of his mind the moment he has stopped bleeding enough to have to care. And he and Essek have not been on the road together for so long like he had been with the Nein; of course he would have had no way of knowing short of sneaking a glance in the hot tub, which he now knows Essek has definitely not done. “I’m sorry,” he says again, more for the keeping of such a simple secret than apologizing for the mess yet again.
“No, it’s–” Essek clears his throat. His cheeks look a smidge darker in this already gloomy light. “I’m not entitled to– to anything you don’t wish to share, of course.”
“Well, it was only that I forgot. I have a lot of secrets in my life, but, ähm, this is not really a big one.”
“I see.” Essek takes a short breath, and then fixes his gaze on Caleb’s again. “Yes, to answer your question. I can clean up. How… how much of a mess am I tidying…?”
“More the longer I am still sitting here,” he mutters, but that has been his own choice. He raises his voice a little bit, and gestures vaguely. “I don’t think it should take more than a couple casts, but, um, we will see when I roll myself out of bed, I suppose.”
“Alright. I can do that.”
“Danke.” He hesitates, but like he thought a moment ago, there is still nothing for it. He will have to send these pants off for laundering, anyway. “You can return to your rest right after,” he promises, and shoves the blankets away to finally get up. He does catch sight of the blood on the sheet and blanket, but it really isn’t that much. Probably, Essek will be able to get it in one spell. Honestly, that spell is handy magic to have, especially during this time of the month. Especially as he does feel gravity kick in and more blood ooze out of him and into his clothes.
His pants are definitely less spared, but luckily those parts had not been touching their bedding over much. Still, it’s a hassle, no matter when and where it starts. “Ach, I wish I would have had my head on straight last night,” he mutters, just as he clocks Essek’s hands tracing through the air, and the blood vanishes from his trousers. “Oh.” He looks at the spotless fabric, and then back at Essek. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Essek shrugs slightly, and is already casting the spell again for the bedding. “I figured it would be more comfortable.”
“Ja,” he agrees. “Danke,” he repeats, and hurries off to the bathroom.
He still has to change from the short walk, but the damage is far more minimal and easily forgotten when he is changed into new underthings with plenty of cotton padding. He sends the one lone piece of laundry off with a sleepy looking cat, washes his hands, gets a drink, and heads back to the bedroom. Essek is still where he’d left him, of course, still sitting up with his hands folded in his lap. He looks up expectantly as Caleb re-enters the room.
“All good,” he says, because Essek is looking at him like he is waiting for the all clear. “And…” He pauses next to the bed and takes a quick peek beneath the blankets for any stray mess, but it is perfectly pristine. “All good,” he confirms, and slips back beneath the covers. “Thank you again. I am usually, um, I can keep pretty good track of when it is coming, but I was very tired when we got in.” He curls up on his side this time, and is facing Essek when he finally makes to lay down again.
“We were both very tired,” he murmurs, and eases back down slowly to pull the blankets up over his chest. “It was a long day.”
“It was.” He yawns, and wonders if he is imagining the perceived awkwardness in the air. He is about to blame it on his hormones when he notes that while Essek has folded his hands across his stomach again, he is still staring straight up at the canopy of the bed. Ah– He falters a little, and reassesses that the awkwardness might not be his imagination at all.
Well, it is awkward. A little bit more embarrassing than usual because this is Essek, and he has been trying very hard to impress him since the beginning. There is definitely something belittling about not preparing for your own bleed, even though he knows it isn’t always so simple. And, that aside… he is very grateful for Essek’s magic to help him clean up, but the fact of the matter is that he is still expecting the man to be okay with sleeping in a bed that had been sullied only moments prior. Why wouldn’t he be uncomfortable with that?
“Ah– I’m sorry, Essek, if you would prefer the blankets to be cleaned with more manual means–”
“What?” Essek blinks, tilting his head on the pillow to look at him. The consternation has faded entirely to confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I, ähm, ablution magic is incredibly useful, but if you wanted things to be physically cleaned, too, I understand.”
“No–”
“I just thought maybe you were uncomfortable sleeping in a bed previously stained with my blood.”
Essek stares at him with something in his gaze that Caleb cannot really read. He hadn’t brought his floating lights up, so he is mostly relying on his eyes trying to adjust. He doesn’t think it’s a bad look, and then Essek breathes out sharply – a laugh. “Caleb, I’ve been stained with your blood before.” Caleb winces a little, because, well, that is very true, too. “Multiple times over, in fact. You’ve been covered in mine, too.”
He tries not to think about it. They really do get hurt far too much for being out here without a cleric at hand. But he has a point. “Well… it is a little different,” he admits.
“I vastly prefer this in comparison to your insides becoming outsides.”
Now it is his turn to huff a laugh, even as he thumbs over that newer scar just below his ribs. “Sometimes I can safely say it feels almost the same way.”
Essek’s face pinches again. Caleb wants to reach over and smooth the wrinkles from his forehead. He does not, and Essek continues, “I was mostly thinking about, um, that. In theory, I’ve been aware of bleeds, but details weren’t shared entirely freely with the men of my home. Did you… need anything?”
Oh. That is sweet, Caleb doesn’t say. That look on Essek’s face hadn’t been because of a disgust factor, but it had been one of worry. “Ah, nein, not really. I… I am usually pretty uncomfortable the first couple of days,” he admits, “and since this has kicked in in the night, I will probably be in decent pain when morning rolls around, but…” He shrugs. Pain is nothing new to him, either of this making or any other.
“Do you have anything for it, maybe…?”
“Ja, some medication. If it decides to work this time. Heat helps, too, so I can warm my hands to soothe the pain. Previously, sometimes, I would have Frumpkin making biscuits on my belly, but I haven’t been able to summon a new familiar yet, so that is out.” He sighs lightly, tucking his knees a little closer to his belly. “I hope it won’t be too bad. I will probably have to stop a little more often than usual, but otherwise I should still be good for our exploration.”
“Is this a situation where resting would help?”
“Nein. Well…” That isn’t entirely true, but it has been some time since he’s had the luxury of being able to relax throughout his worst days. One or twice on the road with the Nein, if he had gotten lucky enough to be in a town when he felt his worst, but… necessity has kept him going for quite a while, even before he had met their friends and set off to save the world. “Um, it won’t help the way you think. Not much short of heat or medicine can help the pain,” besides masturbation, he does not say, “so sleeping wouldn’t make it go away, but it can make it more tolerable sometimes. But I should be fine.”
Essek fixes him with a look that he knows he has given Essek, many times over now. He is pretty sure it is much more severe on his friend’s face than his own, though, as Essek asks, “isn’t this one of those moments where you’d tell me to rest, if the positions were reversed?”
… he would. He has him there. He has been trying to impress upon him just how needed and wanted it was that Essek ask if he needed something, so this feels a little hypocritical. But it isn’t the same. He has been dealing with this for going on twenty years. Life could not just stop every month because of some pain. “Well,” he says amicably, “let me see how I feel in the morning, and we will go from there, ja?”
“Alright,” Essek says slowly, like he believes Caleb is still lying to placate him. But they are so alike in that regard, so it’s fair. “Don’t, um, push yourself, I think is what you like to say.”
“Ja.” He yawns, but the quiet adrenaline of the moments prior has really seeped into his brain. He is still so tired, but he knows from experience he will not get back to sleep right away. “Hm, maybe I should have grabbed a book for light reading. I am a little jittery now,” he explains.
Essek blinks, and tenses minutely. “Oh. Would you– I’m sorry, should I return to my room and trance there…?”
“What?” He had been about to try and close his eyes to attempt to relax, but now they fly open once again. “Nein, Essek, I wasn’t saying that.”
“I just… wasn’t sure if you were still comfortable with my being here.”
“Ja. I am very comfortable with you here, as always. My body being uncooperative doesn’t change that for me. Unless it changes that for you?”
“No, I…” Essek sighs, and seems to sink further into the blankets. “No,” he repeats definitively, and then, tilting his head to look at him again. “Does that usually change it for people…?”
“Nein. Or, well, sometimes.” It hasn’t been often, because his breadth of experience in things that involved sharing beds is somewhat of a little lacking, but… “Some people are not as open-minded. Somewhat few and far in between, for me personally, but… there are disparaging comments, sometimes, when the presented image doesn’t necessarily match up with the physical body to begin with, and adding in blood in unwanted places doesn’t help.” He shrugs. Astrid and Eadwulf had never minded in the slightest, and he might not have been having sex with the Nein, but they had accepted the truth without batting an eye. Aside from Essek, those have been the most meaningful relationships in his life, so he cannot complain too much.
“The ignorance of the common masses is something we have some experience in,” Essek says flatly. And then continues, “I’m sorry for their prejudice.”
“Ah well.” This, too, has never bothered him much, either, but it is nice to hear Essek say all the same. “I imagine it is a bit jarring to have to upend your entire notion of how you perceive a person, I suppose.”
“Well,” Essek says lightly, “I can promise you that how I imagine you has not changed.”
“Oh?” He absolutely needs to sleep. He is probably more than a little exhaustion drunk, and staying awake will only make him feel worse later. But despite all of that, he cannot stop the next words out of his mouth as he lays on his side and looks at his friend. “Have you imagined me very frequently, then, Herr Thelyss?”
There is a beat of silence, and then Essek tenses at his side. There is another moment, and then the embarrassment practically radiates off of him in waves. His eyes are wide as he jerks his gaze away, staring doggedly towards the ceiling again. “No!”
“Because I assure you, if you have imagined me with a respectable penis, you sadly will not be able to find a single one anywhere on me.”
“No,” Essek blusters. His ears are already red. His cheeks are darkening as he stammers for words.
It is very unfair, but it is very adorable. Maybe Caleb will feel bad for this in the morning as well, but right now he grins about the color on his cheeks and wants to reach over to stroke against the warmth with a knuckle. He doesn’t, of course, but he does enjoy the view from his own side of the bed. “Are you sure?”
“No, I’m–”
“So you are not sure. I see.”
“No!” Essek protests, louder, a little less controlled. He is probably still overtired, too. “Caleb.” He throws his hands over his face, and shoots Caleb a spectacularly unimpressed glance through his fingers. “You and Jester are truly trying to prematurely end my life.”
“Nein,” he chuckles. “Never that, Schatz.”
Essek makes a short noise that sounds half frustrated and half embarrassed. He rolls so that his back is facing Caleb and announces, very pointedly, “we should get some rest.” It is marred only slightly by the fact that Caleb can still see the flush on his ears from here.
“Ja,” Caleb says happily, and pulls his pillow a little closer. “I don’t disagree.” Still, as he settles in, and the embarrassed tension starts to relax from Essek’s frame again, he reaches over just far enough to gently palm between his shoulder blades. “All joking aside, Essek, I am grateful. I am being silly and a little overtired, but I’m appreciative, really.”
Essek sighs quietly, but his voice returns significantly softer than a moment prior. “It’s only a minor spell, Caleb. I can do it as many times as you need.”
“Ah, well, maybe.” He hopes he won’t necessarily have to take him up on that offer, but he has to admit… it is kind of nice to know he won’t have to worry about it if they get stuck in some long battle or a ritual spell. “But more than that. I have to admit I’m happy it doesn’t seem to bother you.” He presses his fingers a little more firmly into his back, and then pulls away to curl up tightly again. “In any case.”
“There is very little that could.” Essek says it in half a mumble, and Caleb doesn’t know if he was meant to hear it or if his friend is already starting to trance again. Either way, he is not going to tease about it this time. He is appreciative. He doesn’t really think Essek would have minded about such things, but it is a relief to know that assumption had been correct. A weight off of his shoulders that he hadn’t even been aware of being there.
He snuggles into the blankets a little further, and replies simply, “likewise” before trying to head back to sleep himself.