Chapter Text
“Has summat happened to mam?”
“No–”
“Then has summat happened with Paul?”
“No–”
“Then why are you calling me, Liam?” his brother’s angry voice sounded through the phone speaker. Liam inhaled deeply and let out a breath. Fucking out with it, then, Noel was saying to him silently, and yet out loud his brother said nothing and waited patiently for him to continue.
“Gene found the fucking sex tape from ‘03.”
He could hear Noel inhale sharply on his end of the phone. The image of his brother flashed in front of his eyes and he tried to imagine what the man must look like right now. Where was he, even? And what if Noel had him on speaker phone and just hadn’t said anything when he picked up? And considering the line had gone dead silent, it was possible Noel had actually suffered a heart attack and died on the spot, or more likely, maybe he had just hung up.
“How?”
Liam took in another breath and toyed with the phone cord. “Fucker went through some old stuff. He found a locked box and I refused to open it for him, so he took matters into his own hands the other night while I was out and he opened it himself.”
Noel grumbled low into the speaker. He muttered expletives and some more incoherent nonsense, but Liam couldn’t make out most of it. “Fucking typical. He’s got your genes, hasn’t he?”
“Summat like that,” he agreed. They both stayed on the line in silence for a moment, neither one having anything to say.
“What’s he gone and done with it?”
“He watched it,” Liam answered plainly. “I saw him in front of the VCR staring at the static, and then he pulled the tape out and asked me what the fuck he was watching.”
“How the fuck did that happen?”
Liam raised a hand over his eyes. “Got home late from the pub and wasn’t expecting him, so when I saw the stairs to the attic were down, I went up and just… found him in there. Dunno how he managed to hook the telly and the VCR up, though.” He had a hard enough time doing it himself but he figured Gene was more savvy with electronics than he was anyway.
“And what’s he done with the tape?”
“He watched it, didn’t he?” Liam repeated. Noel sighed, heavy and annoyed.
“Where is it, Liam?” he asked, upset again. “Has he gone and made copies or summat? How long has he had it? Has he fucking, I don’t know, converted it to a digital file or some shite?”
“What? No–” Liam immediately retorted and then he stopped to think for a second. “I… I don’t think so. I think it must’ve just gotten done playing when I found him–”
“You don’t know that for sure though, do you?” Noel countered. “You were off getting pissed so you don’t know if he’s had the time to copy it and post it somewhere, or sell it to someone else.”
“He wouldn’t do that–”
“But you don’t know that, Liam–”
“He’s my fucking son and he wouldn’t do that.”
Noel hesitated. Honestly, Liam could’ve taken more offense to Noel not trusting his kids, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be terribly upset with his brother. After all, it was his responsibility to keep the tape locked away, and yet Noel’s voice came through the line all somber. “Sorry, kidda.”
“Yeah, you should be.” Another beat of silence passed between them. Liam’s fingers clenched around the phone cord, wondering again if Noel had hung up.
“I’m sorry.” He sounded… thoughtful? “It’s my fault, isn’t it?”
“What?” Surely he couldn’t be on one of his we’re fucked up and it’s my fault spiels again. “For what?”
“For… fucking everything.”
Ah. So it was one of those spiels. Liam pushed against the wall beside the landline. “I wanted it, Noel. It’s not your fucking fault–”
“I’m talking about the sextape, you fucking tart,” Noel interrupted. “I shouldn’t’ve–”
“Takes two to make the sextape, doesn’t it?”
“It was still my fucking idea.”
“Fucking good one too, at the time.” Liam’s eyes drifted to the ceiling and he imagined the hotel ceiling from that night years ago. A gift from some photographer cunt, Noel had told him, brandishing a new camera, and then they messed with the settings for far too long, didn’t they? And Liam spent a lot of time that night on his back staring at the ceiling and the camera lens while Noel fucked him silly, til he was fucking incoherent and dopey, but he must’ve spent an equal amount of time looking at Noel’s eyes because he distinctly remembered Noel telling him to fucking look at me, Liam, or something along those lines.
Noel hummed and Liam snapped out of his daydream, his tone curiously still thoughtful. “That was a long fucking time ago, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it was.” Liam’s eyes drifted down from the ceiling to his living room. “I don’t regret it, though.”
“What, the fucking sextape?” Noel asked incredulously. “The fucking sextape that your son found and might ruin us with?”
“I don’t regret us, you fucking tart,” Liam rolled his own eyes. His fingers trailed along the phone cord again. “And for the record, I don’t regret that tape, either. Got off to it a lot back in the day, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, and apparently you fucking liked it enough to keep it years later, too,” Noel bristled on the line. “Fucking hell, Liam, why’d you even keep it? You’ve got Debbie–”
“Because Debbie’s not enough, is she?”
“What?”
“Because–” He hadn’t really meant to say that bit about Debbie, but it was true, wasn’t it? “Because she isn’t you.”
More silence, but he could hear Noel’s breathing meaning he was still there. “Fucking hell…”
“That’s why I kept the tape, you know?” Because the tape had Noel in it, and it had Noel adoring Liam and loving him and that’s all Liam would ever want or need, innit? In addition to the Beatles and the love of his mam and all that, but really, he’d kept the tape because he missed that version of Noel, the one that fucking wanted him like Liam wanted Noel.
“Christ, Liam,” Noel exhaled.
“What is it?”
“Well, if Gene does summat with that tape, I’m going to fucking to deny everything. And you are, too–”
“You want me to lie?”
“You’ve done enough lying with every bird you’ve ever been with, haven’t you?” his brother replied icily. Fucker was getting on his high horse, then. “You can lie about this also. Say it was AI. I don’t care. Deny it.” Liam scoffed and Noel let out an incredulous laugh. “Are you seriously getting your knickers in a twist over lying about fucking incest?”
“It’s different with my kids.” It wasn’t untrue, but also, Liam just wasn’t a very good liar. He probably would have confessed he was in love with Noel if Gene had stuck around and interrogated him instead of shoving the tape into his hands and leaving the house. Noel declined to respond for another beat too long and Liam wondered what would come next. “Noel?”
Liam heard some more muttering, the telltale sign of his brother deeply considering his options. Then finally, in a tone lower than before, “Would you just do this for me and do what I ask?” He recognized that tone. “Liam, could you be a good boy for me?”
“Yeah–”
“Good. Because I know you wouldn’t fucking lie to me and do summat stupid, right? Like go and tell the truth to anyone who asks?” Noel questioned. Liam nodded even though Noel couldn’t see. “Even if Gene shows that tape to some posh cunts, you’re going to tell them it’s fake, yeah? You don’t know who made it or when or nowt.”
“Yeah, I got it, Noely.”
“Good.” Liam swallowed. “That’s a good boy.”
“Noel…” Liam began, not really knowing how to say what came next.
“What is it?”
“Is this…” Fuck, he didn’t really want to know, did he? But he wasn’t a kid anymore and he had to fucking know. “...Is that it, then?” Are we not going to talk again after this? Is this it?
It seemed like an eternity passed after he asked the question and he held the phone tighter in his hand. “Yeah.” Strangely, his brother’s voice teetered on fondness. “This is it.”
Liam closed his eyes, his fingers loosening. It felt like he was sixteen and Noel was leaving to tour with the Inspirals and never come back, but at least back then, he knew that his brother would still call. Liam didn’t have that anymore. “Suppose you’ll miss me?” When we hang up? Or just in general?
An exhale of breath on the line and Liam looked back at the ceiling, remembering the hotel room again. “Suppose I will.”
Liam waited around a bit more, not putting the phone back on the wall. Noel’s breathing was still even and soft on the line. “Goodnight, Liam.”