Chapter Text
Kuroko Tetsuya has added Kagami Taiga, Aomine Daiki, Kise Ryota, Midorima Shintaro, Murasakibara Atsushi and Akashi Seijuro to the chat
3:27pm
Kuroko: Hello everyone.
Kagami: wth
Kagami: why am i in a group chat with these freaks???
Aomine: dude ur acting like were not distant cousins
Kagami: oh so now u acknowledge im one of u guys huh
Aomine: for the sake of bullying u ya
Kagami: im not a freak like u mr ‘the only one who can beat me is me’
Aomine: SAY THAT TO MY FACE FUCKER
Kuroko: This group chat has been alive for less than 5 minutes and there’s already infighting. Smh
Midorima: You added Kagami and Aomine to a private group chat, what did you expect would happen?
Akashi: Agreed.
Murasakibara: mmh
Midorima: Lazy even when you type, I see.
Murasakibara: not all of us r grammar freaks
Kagami: yeah yalls perfect typing is freaking me out stop it
Kuroko: No.
Kagami: can u at least give me admin perms
Kagami: im literally ur light bro
Aomine: gay
Midorima: You are seriously one to talk.
Aomine: AS IF U CAN GLASSES FUCK
Kuroko: Hmm I’ll allow it just this once.
Kuroko gave Kagami admin role
Kuroko: Use this wisely. With great power comes great responsibility.
Aomine: why r u quoting spidermsn dude
Kagami changed Aomine’s nickname to Ahomine
Ahomine: DUDE
Ahomine: WHY
Ahomine: WHAT DID I DO??//?
Kuroko: The better question is
Kuroko: What didn’t you do
Aomine: why did this become a bully aomine group chat
Murasakibara: this was always a bully mine-chin group chat wdym
Akashi: Kuroko, may I inquire as to why this chat was made? Not that I don’t enjoy talking to you all.
Akashi: Well, most of you at least…
Ahomine: i feel that was targeted
Murasakibara: look at u using ur big boy brain
Ahomine: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Kuroko: Honestly
Kuroko: I just wanted some entertainment.
Kuroko: I’m not sure how much longer I can continue to listen to Izuki-senpai’s puns without wanting to put my head through a meatgrinder.
Ahomine: a bit morbid but i can respect that
Midorima: So we’re just your court jesters I see.
Kuroko: You all have always been my court jesters
Kuroko: Now it’s just official
Kagami: LMFAO
Kuroko: Don’t think you’re free from this fate Kagami-kun.
Kuroko changed Kagami’s nickname to Bakagami
Bakagami: i shouldve seen this coming tbh
Murasakibara: yea rlly
Bakagami: stfu dont be his hype man
Bakagami changed Murasakibara’s nickname to purple fucker
purple fucker: 🖕🖕🖕
Akashi: Behave yourself, Murasakibara.
purple fucker: sorry aka-chin :(
purple fucker: but bakagami better change my name back or imma crush his peasized brain
Bakagami: im not afraid of u
Kuroko: No but you should be afraid of me
Bakagami: im sorry
Bakagami changed purple fucker’s nickname to purple giant
purple giant: hmm better
Ahomine: wow he has u trained like a dog huh LMFAO
Bakagami: SHUR UR MOTYH
Midorima: You are one to talk Aomine. Did middle school slip your mind?
Ahomine: shut up thats fifferent
Ahomine: akashi keeps both u and mua on a leash u cant be talking either
Midorima: I am not kept on a leash!
purple giant: mmm u kinda are tho
Midorima: Murasakibara…
purple giant: ooh hes getting mad
purple giant: i can feel his vein popping from here
Bakagami: lmao not even akashi is arguing against that
Akashi: Mhm.
Akashi: Though I would argue Aomine needs it more to be honest.
Bakagami: ur not wrong
Kuroko: Indeed
Midorima: Oh absolutely.
purple giant: ya
Ahomine: i hate all of u
Ahomine: also where the hell is kise isnt he in this group chat too
Ahomine: not that im looking for him or anything i just need someone else to deflect the bullying to
purple giant: being tsuntsun is midochins thing not urs ahomine
Midorima: It is most certainly not.
Kuroko: Kise-kun is currently at a model shoot
Ahomine: lemme guess he was begging on his knees for u to come along huh
Kuroko: Similar. He sent me 200 messages over the span of the schoolday begging me to come and offering me a free makeover
Bakagami: at least he didnt send a bouquet of flowers this time i thought coach was gonna go there herself and strangle him
Kuroko: Trust me I almost let her.
Kuroko: Anyways we should be getting to practice now before coach actually kills us.
Kuroko: Please don’t blow up this group chat in the meantime.
Kuroko: That was directed towards you Aomine-kun.
Ahomine: WHY AM I CATCHING STRAYS TODAY
6:59pm
Bakagami: o yea b4 I forget
Bakagami changed Midorima’s nickname to TsunTsunChan
7:30pm
TsunTsunChan: KAGAMI
Bakagami: wassup
TsunTsunChan: YOU KNOW VERY WELL ‘WHAT IS UP’
TsunTsunChan: CHANGE THIS RIDICULOUS NICKNAME AT ONCE!
Bakagami: nah
Bakagami: i think it suits u better lol
Kise: I agree ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
Ahomine: oh god
Kise: don’t be mean aominecchi ! \(⩾ロ⩽)/
Kise: what did I miss while I was at my very lonely photoshoot?
Kuroko: Guilt-tripping isn’t going to make me want to come any more than your other attempts
Kise: ૮(˶ㅠ︿ㅠ)ა
Kise: oh well I tried
TsunTsunChan: Pathetic.
Kise: bold of you to be saying that with that name midorimacchi
TsunTsunChan: It wouldn’t be if someone would CHANGE IT BACK
Kuroko: Now why would we do that?
Kuroko: Like I said earlier you all are my personal court jesters
Kuroko: So jingle miserably for me
Ahomine: wow ruthless
purple giant: how come no oene else as nicknames besides me minechin and midochin
Bakagami: ?
Bakagami: wow so im just chopped liver i guess
purple giant: ur brain is so small i don’t think u can be legally classified as a person
Bakagami: HELLO???Q
Kise: LMFAOAOAOO
Ahomine took a screenshot
Bakagami: DONT SCREENSHOT IT DICKWAD
Kuroko: Because no one else has been dumb enough to warrant one Murasakibara-kun.
purple giant: whtre u tryna say kurochin…
purple giant: i literally iditn event do anything
TsunTsunChan: Your abhorrent typing should qualify enough as a reason.
purple giant: fuck u and ur supid glasses midochin
Akashi: Perhaps we should all take a breather.
Ahomine: this isnt pilates class akashi
Kise: ?? how would u know what pilates even is
Ahomine: thats not important
TsunTsunChan: There is not a single flexible bone in your body Aomine.
Ahomine: EXCUSE YOU IM VERY FLEXIBLE THANK U VERY MUCH
purple giant: dude no one wants to know tht
Ahomine: FUCK
Ahomine: YOU
Ahomine: ALL
Ahomine: GOODNIGHT
Bakagami: its not even 9 bro??
Bakagami: ok whatever ig ill go to bed now too
TsunTsunChan: What is he your mother?
purple giant: mre like his idol...
Kise: immitation is the highest form of flattery they say ( • ᴗ - ) ✧
Bakagami: THATS IT IM GOIN TO BED GOODNIGHT
12:34am
Akashi: Well it seems things resolved themselves quite nicely.
purple giant: akachin whtr u doing up so late
Akashi: Apologies for my absence, I was working on a new training regime for my team.
purple giant: ur always doing work akachin
purple giant: doesnt it get tiring
Akashi: I’m used to it.
purple giant: that doesnt make it any better yknow
Akashi: I appreciate the concern, Murasakibara. If I wasn’t able to handle it, I can assure you I wouldn’t be doing it :)
purple giant: mm
purple giant: okay
Akashi: Is something the matter?
purple giant: nah just
purple giant: u said smth similar before is all
purple giant: i dont want akachin overworking himself
purple giant: ill send u some new sweets I found at the konbini near me to cheer u up
Akashi: That’s very kind of you, Atsushi.
Akashi: You should be going to bed now, though. It’s gotten quite late and I don’t want you to be too tired for practice.
purple giant: is akachin gonna sleep too?
Akashi: In a little bit. I still have some things to finish up.
purple giant: ok
purple giant: but after that tho?
Akashi: Yes, I’ll go to bed then, don’t worry.
purple giant: okay…
purple giant: night, aka-chin
Akashi: Goodnight, Murasakibara :)