Work Text:
It isn't until after Arthur dies that Merlin realises he's always been the protector, but no one's ever protected him. Sure he had his mother and Gaius, but that was never protection, it was fear. Fear of being discovered, fear of Camelot's men coming to Ealdor and dragging Merlin back to Camelot to kill him when he was younger.
Hell as he grew up it was him protecting his mother from some of the villagers that didn't seem to trust or like her, because of how strange they perceived Merlin himself to be. As well as those who tried courting her, even though her heart had always remained with Balinor. Of course she could look after herself and often did, but Merlin had... other ways of scaring people away if he noticed his mother was uncomfortable.
When he came to Camelot, he thought Gaius would protect him but instead his mentor and uncle both told him to hide his magic at all costs, but also use it when things were going wrong. It felt contradictory, especially with the red knights, as Merlin had dubbed them when he was younger, right there!
It didn't help that he all but became Arthur's bodyguard against magic and what felt like the entire magical community within the first 24 hours of getting there. Thanks for that Kilgharrah.
He knows that it was a strange situation to be in, him being Emrys, the most powerful warlock to ever walk the earth, not to mention immortal and all of that, but the realisation that no one, not once had the thought to protect him the same way he protected everyone else, hurts like hell.
Was he not worth protecting? Was protecting everyone else all he's good for?