Chapter Text
Ilya Rozanov loves Shane Hollander. This is a fact undeniable by any sane human being who has ever seen them interact. Spending any more than thirty seconds with the pair is enough to tell that they are so unbelievably in love with each other that it can't be easily put into words. That every single love song is written for them, by them, and about them. That every Hallmark rom-com is a cheap retelling of their kind of love. That every single book that has ever been written on the topic or concept of love was about them.
Ilya Rozanov is so incredibly in love with Shane Hollander - he is so deeply, truly in love with Shane Hollander that he doesn’t have enough words in English to describe it.
This is a fact that he reminds his beautiful, stunning, talented, amazing, brilliant, boring husband of daily.
“I love you, moye solnyshko.”
“I love you too, asshole, now go put your dirty socks in the fucking hamper or I swear to God, I’m getting a divorce-”
So yes, Ilya Rozanov loves his husband. He loves his husband when his husband is competitive and stubborn and angry and pissy and anxious and awkward and dead-set on something. He loves his husband when the doors close and the walls come down and he is sweet and funny and kind and gentle and beautiful. He loves his husband in all the in-between moments. He loves his husband.
-
Shane Hollander loves Ilya Rozanov. Against his better reasoning and logic, he loved Ilya Rozanov. Against every bone in his body telling him that this wasn’t worth the risk, he loved Ilya Rozanov. Against the advice of every subreddit he’d posted to during their “situationship” phase, he loved Ilya Rozanov.
It wasn’t hard to love Ilya, despite what Shane might say - if anything, the “falling in love” was the easy part.
The hardest part of loving Ilya Rozanov was being Shane Hollander.
The hardest part of loving Ilya Rozanov was being so afraid of the world that he couldn’t scream it from the rooftops of every hotel they fucked in.
So maybe Shane was tired of being afraid. Shane was tired of worrying what the fans would say, what the NHL would say, what the world would say.
So maybe he started writing the love he felt down.
And maybe the love he wrote about turned into a song. Or five.
And maybe he called Rose and asked if she knew any music producers.
And maybe, just maybe, Shane lied to his husband about going to a meeting with a new sponsor. And maybe, just maybe, Shane went to a music studio and recorded those five songs.
And maybe, just maybe, he thought that he could release them and maybe his husband wouldn’t recognize his voice, but that maybe the songs would show how much he loved his husband without the world having to get involved.
So maybe he signed a contract to release the songs under a name that wasn’t quite his but was close enough that he couldn’t feel guilty about it. And that maybe, once his husband did figure it out, he would feel like an idiot for not putting the pieces together sooner.
J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. released their first song one random evening in September, right before the pre-season starts.
In a week, everyone was talking about this new faceless artist who showed up out of nowhere and got signed by one of LA’s biggest producers. Rose had tweeted about it, saying it was her song of the year.
By week two, the song was the source of a huge TikTok trend because someone had come up with a choreography to the chorus that was frankly… very sexual.
By week three, Shane had made a Twitter account for J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. and was engaging with fans.
J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
any pronouns will do; i’m here for music and chaos
It was fun. Freeing.
He had spent his whole adult life being Shane Hollander, Hockey’s Golden Boy. He didn’t fight, he didn’t get involved in drama, he was rarely on social media unless he’s posting about brand deals. Even after he and Ilya came out, he still isn’t very active on social media, only posting about brand deals, the Irina foundation, or Ilya’s daily bullshit.
So being someone new, someone who wasn’t supposed to be perfect all the time, someone who could swear and make dirty jokes without it being such a big deal… it was fun. J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. wasn’t perfect, wasn’t media-trained, wasn’t awkward, wasn’t only focused on hockey.
J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. was all the parts of himself that he hadn’t allowed the world to see. J.A.N.E.I.F..Y was messy, and flirty, and chaotic, and funny. J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. was snarky and sarcastic. J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. was more than achievements and trophies. J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. was fun.
Interacting with the fans was fun too.
kay <3 @calikaykay
oh my godddd, brink is literally going to be in my top 3 spotify listens this year i can promise you that. it’s so fucking good!!!! Crazy that it’s jane’s first released song?? If u haven’t heard it yet, ur dead to me </3
Shane huffed a laugh at that.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Don’t kill anybody for not listening to my music bc they can’t listen to it if they’re dead. you should simply tie them up and fucking force them to listen to it instead
l-> kay <3 @calikaykay
OMGOMGOMGOMG JANE NOTICE!!??! Hi i love ur music and i’m so normal about it <3<3<3 and i will absolutely be tying up and forcing eveyr single person i know to listen to brink because i am so normal about it
Jenni (brink era!) @hopeful_aromantic
but like… when will we get a jane face reveal bc i just /know/ they’re so hot??? Like they have such hot vibes they literally must be so hot idk what they actually look like but.. Yk??
Shane rolls his eyes at this one. You’ve heard one song? What makes you think J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. is hot?
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y @J_A_N_E_
A face reveal? hmmm. maybe someday, but right now i’ve got enough on my plate
Jenni (brink era!) @hopeful_aromantic
OMFG JANE REPLIED TO MY TWEET I CAN KMS IN PEACE NOW???
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Noooo don’t kys! how will you see the possible face reveal if you’re dead???
Jenni (brink era!) @hopeful_aromantic
OH MY GOD-
-
Shane shouldn’t have been surprised when Ilya came home from practice and shoved his phone in Shane’s face.
“Shane!”
“Yes?”
“Have you heard this new song? Haas showed me, is called Brink, the lyrics are so- ah, words in English aren’t enough!” Ilya grinned, a flush on his face from sprinting up the steps. “Just listen!”
He connects to their home speaker and the familiar tune plays out, one that Shane had co-written with his producer. Shane could write the words and carry a tune, but the backing track was mostly Logan’s deal.
Then the words start.
Brink by J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. (author's version)
Hotel room lights don’t do you justice
The way you move makes me-
Ugh
The words don’t come out right
And I don’t trust this
Say you hate me
Ugh
Kneel for me, you say
On your knees
Follow directions
Following your lead
My tongue on your erec-
oh, no, no-
Shane flushes - god, he really had written that? And sung it??? And then released it for everyone to hear? Jesus. Why did no one stop him!?
Pull me under, pull me closer
We lie, we lie
Cause they can’t know, sir
Push me down, even deeper
We both know that I’m freakier
Than they think
Push me, push me to the brink-
Push me, push me to the brink-
To the brink-
You walk away, I watch you go
Don’t wanna say goodbye like this, oh no
Just let me kiss your lips
One more time
Let me call you mine
Every time in a different city
Push me down and call me pretty
It feels like sin, convince myself
Won’t do it again
It hurts like hell
Then you text me your hotel-
Room number
Pull me under, pull me closer
We lie, we lie
Cause they can’t know, sir
Push me down, even deeper
We both know that I’m freakier
Than they think
Push me, push me to the brink-
Push me, push me to the brink-
Shane doesn’t look at Ilya, who’s singing along now. Shane looks up at the ceiling and wonders why he ever thought that this was a good idea. Why did he write this? If it ever gets out that he wrote this, then everyone is going to know how much of an absolute freak he is in bed. Oh fuck.
Shane might be having a small panic attack.
Hiding from the world
Pretend we don’t exist
No one needs to know we
Get down like this
‘Cause if they knew
There’d be a riot, riot.
Riot, riot-
Pull me under, pull me closer
We lie, we lie
Cause they can’t know, sir
Push me down, even deeper
We both know that I’m dirtier
Than they think
Push me, push me to the brink-
Push me, push me to the brink-
To the brink-
The song fades out and Shane is left questioning every life choice he’s made for the past twenty years.
“Is good, no?” Ilya is grinning like a mad man. “Sounds like us!”
Deny, deny, deny-
“Ha, yeah, Ilya. What do you want for dinner?”
-
Shane almost texts Logan to not release the next song - but he goes through with it anyway. No point backing out now! Shane is many things, but a quitter is not one of them. And well, he’s in a little too deep now. Something, something, sunk cost fallacy, whatever.
Brink was J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.’s first song and it was a hit.
His next song, Lights, was beyond that.
Everyone had heard it- even Hayden had added it to his game-day playlist, a fact that Shane wasn’t quite ready to deal with.
When Shane got to the Centaur’s arena for practice, he heard his own voice coming from the loud speakers on the ice and wanted to immediately turn around and go home. He didn’t, of course, because it would’ve caused the team to ask more questions than he could handle, but he definitely didn’t make eye contact with anyone who was singing along in the locker room.
“Hollzy!” Hayes grins at him when Shane closes his locker. “Look, man, we know you don’t listen to a lot of music, but you’ve heard this song, right?”
Shane forces a smile that is probably closer to a grimace that he means it to be. “Hah, yes, I’ve heard it.” I wrote it and sang it.
“What do you think?” Haas pipes in, curiosity on his face.
“I think it’s a decent song, just not really my thing?”
“Decent!?” Half the locker room cries.
“Holly called the #2 song in the US just decent?!”
“I can’t believe this-”
“Roz, you need to divorce him! He has no taste!”
“I don’t need a good taste in music - which one of us has won three Stanley Cups again?” Shane huffs and grabs his stick, heading to the ice, ignoring the shouts of protest from the others. “I’m going to train now! You can join me if you’re ready to actually play some hockey!”
In the arena, the song is playing again. Who put it on loop??
Lights, camera, action
Can’t counterfeit this kind of passion
You pull me in, I hesitate
The fighting is our foreplay
Lights, lights, shining in our faces
Microphones, sayin’ you’re goin’ places
One or the other, pick and choose
One of us has gotta lose
The electric guitar is heavier with Lights than Brink. It’s more of a… pump-up song, Shane guesses. He didn’t really mean for it to be so punk-rock, but hey, it’s not too bad, so he’s okay with it. Logan did a good job with all the backing instruments.
Team player, yeah, I play it right
Gonna be playin’ you tonight
No one knows the way you beg
When you’re lyin’ in my bed
Lights, camera, action
Can’t counterfeit this kind of passion
You pull me in, I hesitate
The fighting is our foreplay
Shane fights the urge to roll his eyes. Ilya skates around the rink, shouting out the lyrics as the song continues. His husband is laughing at something Haas says. His husband is teasing Hayes and Bennett about something. His husband almost trips LaPointe. But in between each exchange, Ilya is singing along to the song. It’s strange, watching his husband sing the words that Shane had written about him… he wonders if Ilya has figured it out yet.
In the club, pretending I don’t see
The way you’re lookin’ at me
It works every time, easy to please
Pull me closer, call me a tease
Our constant rivalry
Team player, yeah, I play it right
Gonna be playin’ you tonight
No one knows the way you beg
When you’re layin’ in my-
In my bed
Shane tries to drown out the sound of his own voice by skating, shooting pucks at Hayes so fast that Hayes can’t keep up.
“Damn, Hollzy! What’s gotten into you today!” Boodram calls out and Shane snaps out of the fog he’d fallen into.
“Sorry, Hayes.”
“Eh, no worries! Just means I gotta train more to keep up with you!”
Shane tries to smile weakly back at the goalie. Maybe he was being a little aggressive. It wasn’t Hayes’ fault that Shane thought it would be a good idea to write songs about his torrid love affair and then put them out into the world.
-
And of course, Rose had to get involved too, because she simply can’t help herself.
Rose Landry ✅ @rose_landry_official
Shoutout to @J_A_N_E_ for being talented as hell and pretending they’re not. Someone tell me why they just called me to ask if they were making a mistake for releasing lights. Girl. this song is the Peak of Music and you should be proud.
Shane rolls his eyes.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
ro, i stg if you don’t stop airing my dirty laundry out on twitter 🔫🔫🔫
l-> Rose Landry ✅ @rose_landry_official
babe, if u don’t stop acting shocked every time i tell u you’re talented and cool 🔫🔫🔫
A little while later, when Shane goes back to check on Twitter, he sees that Rose has sent him a DM with a link.
haley loves rose @rosie_nosy
Ok but like,,, yall saw that exchange between rose and jane??? Lesbians???!? Do we think that Rose is Muse!?!? Bc like… a lot of the lore from lights… makes sense for it to be rose?? Let’s go through my evidence!!! 1 / 6
…
Huh. Well, that’s a theory. At least it distracts a little from who he actually is?
He shoots a crying-laughing emoji back at Rose, but puts his phone away as Ilya comes back from his walk with Anya.
-
alex (lights out now!!) @janesfave
ok but i need to know - are lights and brink about the same person??? Bc like… oh my god? @J_A_N_E_ please please please- the people (me) demand answers!!
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Yes, they are both about the same person ;) in fact all the songs being released are about the same person ;)
alex (lights out now!!) @janesfave
OH MY GODDDDDDDDD ARE YALL SEEING THIS?!?! JANE SAID THAT ALL THEIR SONGS ARE ABOUT THE SAME PERSON???
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
;)
l-> alex (lights out now!!) @janesfave
HOLY SHIT!? Ok but like, do they know that???? Does this person know!??! Or have you been writing all this music about someone who you’re not in a relationship with??? Because i am more than willing to offer my services as a boyfriend ;)))
Shane pauses before responding. Would it be too much of a giveaway if he admits that they’re married? Shit. Maybe he shouldn’t be giving away so much information about his “mysterious muse”?
He decides to leave it vague.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
;)))
-
Song three gets released in October just as the season starts, it’s called Homemade and people are losing their minds over it.
J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.’s account gets blown up with new followers and mentions and fanart and fanfics and-
Shane’s a little overwhelmed by it all, but he’s enjoying the interactions he gets to have with fans.
sam (J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. NOTICED ME) @blindedbylights_
okay, we know that all the songs are about the same person (for new fans, we know this because of this tweet LINK) (we call the person muse btw) so like… anybody else noticing that the songs are getting less… raunchy and more sweet??? Is jane in love with muse?? Are the songs getting sweeter because their relationship isn’t all about sneaking around and sex in hotel rooms anymore? In this essay i will-
Shane almost laughs. Damn, these fans are so observant!
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
;) no comment
He scrolls a little longer and nearly chucks his phone against the wall. Shit, shit, shit-
junie 4 jane @playin_u_2nite
ok but one of my hockey oomfs (don’t ask its a long story) keeps trying to convince me that JANE sounds like Hollander from the ottawa centaurs and i’m losing my mind bc i can kinda hear it??? But also like,,, hollander is sooo not the kind of guy who would release softcore porn music - so??
He groans, goddammit- too fucking observant.
Well, at least they don’t really believe it. He’s not going to say anything. If he responds, it’ll just make people look closer at the theory. Just let it die out. That’s all he can do.
-
Ilya is humming Homemade under his breath as they walk Anya together.
This doesn’t come easy to me
Always looking for the way out
Cameras flash when you walk past
You smile like a knock-out
You handle the spotlight better than I do
Always keep it cool, keep it cool
You know what to say to make
The world go crazy, babe
I stumble like a fool, like a fool
Oh dear god, Shane is never going to live down the fact that he wrote a whole album about his husband and then released it under a fake name so that he could pretend that he wasn’t the one writing these things about Ilya. This is going to haunt him until the day he dies.
But behind locked doors,
That persona drifts away
Still an asshole
But kinder than you let the world think
I want to let the world know
You’re homemade, babe
Never perfect, but perfect to me
Flaws don’t mean you’re broken
I’m hopin’
They show you’re homemade, babe
Shane tries so hard not to flush at the sound of his husband singing the song that he wrote about his husband. Some days he really wants to confess the truth to Ilya - that he’s J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. and that all the songs are about them. But every time he thinks about doing it, it becomes harder and harder to explain why he kept it a secret? And then he feels like he can’t ever say anything because, oh god, what if Ilya thought it was weird?
Jesus. Shane is in a cage of his own creation.
-
Logan calls Shane one evening. Shane is at the rink, helping the rookies with their passes and defense when his phone rings.
Shit. “Hey guys, gimme a sec? Keep practicing!”
He steps into the cold October air just outside the arena. “Hey, Logan, what’s up?”
“Hey, Jane, so I’m getting a lot of requests for interviews, concerts, all that stuff. I know you mentioned not wanting to have to do much talking or any face reveals or stuff, but do you have any interest in recording a couple acoustic versions of songs or even doing, like, a written interview or something? Because the hype is high right now and if we want to keep that, you’re going to have to do more than occasionally reply to some Tweets.”
Shane rubs his face. “Shit, uh. Well maybe? Can I think on it?”
“Yeah, man, you’ve got time. Song four is coming out in two weeks, so we’ll still be pretty high on the market.”
“Okay, yeah. Thanks, Logan, I know this is a weird situation for you to have to deal with.”
“Ain’t no worries here, baby, just doing my job.”
“Hah, anyways, thanks. I gotta go back to practice.”
He stands outside just a moment longer, breathing in the cold air and sighing. Well. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to do something like a written interview? Maybe a Q&A?
It can’t be harder than doing a presser after a game, right?
He heads back inside, just in time to hear the outraged cry of his husband.
“Haasy! My son! You betray me like this!?”
Oh, Jesus. Shane tries to slip away before his husband spots him but after so long together, Ilya is very good at catching him before he can get away.
“Hollander! Our son is betraying me!”
Shane tries - he really tries - to understand his husband.
But sometimes… Ilya is just completely incomprehensible.
“What?”
“Haas has decided that celebrity crush is J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.! I thought I was celebrity crush!” Ilya yanks at Shane’s sleeve. “What am I now? Cut-up kidney?”
“Chopped liver.”
“What?”
“The phrase is what am I, chopped liver?”
“You are not chopped liver, you are husband.”
“I-” Shane blinks, then looks back at his husband as he ties his skates back on. Ilya is grinning at him like a diabolical idiot. Goddammit. He got ragebaited again. He shakes his head, fighting back a smile. “Get back on the ice, Rozanov.”
-
J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
AMA for the next thirty minutes. i’ll try to answer as many as i can but i can’t promise i’ll answer everyone. Check for duplicate questions before you reply so it’s easier for me to go through them please
He posted the tweet thirty seconds ago and he’s already overwhelmed by all the questions. His eyes immediately are drawn to the accounts with checkmarks - official accounts of celebrities??? There are celebrities listening to his music???
He spots a familiar name and almost laughs. Well, he has to answer this one!
l-> Luca Haas ✅ @haas_official
HI JANE!! My hockey team loves your music, our question is - does J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. stand for something? Is it an acronym?
He smiles.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Hi Luca (and your hockey team!) i’m glad you all like the songs. J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. does actually stand for something, but i won’t tell you what it stands for ;) you’ll have to figure that out all by yourself (or with your team’s help)
He keeps scrolling. Ilya won’t be home for at least an hour, so he has plenty of time.
Oh, this one is interesting.
l-> ray loves JANE! @_play_it_right_
Hi JANE!! I love your music sm, can you tell us about your muse?
Shane does laugh this time. I would love to tell you all about him.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Thanks for listening, ray. Muse is an absolute fucking asshole (affectionate). We’ve known each other for a very long time and they still get on my nerves every day. I hope that’s enough to satisfy your curiosity ;)
Hm. Which one should he answer next?
Ah.
l-> andrea (homemade) @janetheicon_
Hi! This is so cool that you’re doing a ama <3 we love you! What are the easiest/hardest parts of writing your songs?
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
the hardest part is making the rhymes make sense - i can write the words down, i can come up with a tune, but making the words rhyme is my weakness. I’m not really a poet or a songwriter in my real life. But writing down how i feel is easy because i feel a lot of things that i have a hard time saying irl. I just hope the music can communicate for me what i can’t say for myself
He hits post and then pauses. Shit, was that too much?
Oh well, it’s out there now.
He scrolls some more, answers some other questions. Then he spots another familiar username and blinks. Ah, fuck.
l-> Ilya Rozanov ✅ @official_roz81
Hello! My husband is being very stubborn about not liking your music because he is very silly and boring - how can i convince him to listen to more of your music?
That moron.
Shane has a very terrible idea. He switches to his main account and clicks on quote retweet.
Shane Hollander ✅ @hollander24_official
Stop calling me boring just because we have different tastes in music!
He only has to wait a second before Ilya replies.
l-> Ilya Rozanov ✅ @official_roz81
But мое солнышко! you are being boring!!
l-> Shane Hollander ✅ @hollander24_official
Ilya.
l-> Ilya Rozanov ✅ @official_roz81
>:( one day, i force you to become J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. fan.
Shane giggles to himself, switching accounts again. This is too fun.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Be nice to your husband, mr. rozanov! Not everyone can have impeccable music taste like you ;)
Only a moment later, Ilya replies.
l-> Ilya Rozanov ✅ @official_roz81
See, Hollander! Even J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. thinks my music taste is good! You are boring one!
Shane laughs and puts his phone down for a moment, rubbing his nose under his glasses. He checks the time. Shit, he’s been doing this for 45 minutes and Ilya is going to be home soon.
He clicks on his original tweet and replies to it.
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. @J_A_N_E_
Sorry guys, i answered as many as I could! But unfortunately i am a human person and need to go make dinner so i will be closing this for now. Thank you for all the kind words and all of your amazing questions! Bye for now!
He closes Twitter and gets up, cracking his back and making his way to the kitchen. Dinner isn’t complicated, just reheated leftovers, but he doesn’t want to get caught on his phone when his husband gets home. Hiding this is a lot harder than he’d thought it would be.
-
Song four comes out in November. Titled simply Dreams, it comes out just before the team leaves to play against the Admirals.
The team listens to it on the plane ride, everyone talking about it, Haas talking about his theories for what J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. could stand for, questions about who Muse could be.
Shane just closes his eyes, leans on his husband’s shoulder, and tries to sleep.
It’s not long before someone whips out their phone and plays it out loud for everyone to listen to.
I dream of you when you’re there by my side
Tucked into the sheets with me
Your beautiful smile echoes in my mind
Yeah, baby, I dream of you
I remember icy days in December
The memories skate by, I try to remember
I try to hold onto them, I do
But, baby, I still dream of you.
Ilya is humming along, his cold hands raking through Shane’s hair as he pretends to sleep. Shane fights the smile that wants to break out onto his face.
Once thought I’d be alone
On the top of the world
But I’m glad to see you by my side
Just you and I, at the top of the world
Baby, I dreamed of days like this
You and I, two sides
Of the same coin
A part of the same team
You have my back
I have yours
We can win it all
Victorious in war
The words for this one had come easily to Shane. Being signed with the Centaurs had really allowed him to see how amazing it felt to play with Ilya by his side. The All-Star game had just been a peek into the joy that could be found by skating with Ilya, barely a taste. Now he gets to play with Ilya, not against him, all the time, and it never gets old. A part of the same team, indeed.
Baby, I dreamed of days like this
You and I, two sides
Of the same coin
A part of the same team
A part of the same team
Playing for the same dream
Shane eventually does fall asleep on his husband’s shoulder, Ilya’s gentle humming soothing him into a restful nap.
-
After the game - which they had won handily with a 3-1, sorry Hunter - Shane hops onto Twitter while Ilya is in the shower.
The first thing he notices is that he has a checkmark next to his name now. Holy shit. Okay? He’s like… official now? That’s crazy.
J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.✅ @J_A_N_E_
Sorry for disappearing for a little bit, life’s a little crazy but i’m glad to see everyone is enjoying Dreams! It’s one of my favorites. and wow, I have a checkmark - I’m in the big leagues now? Thank you to everyone who is listening to and supporting my music, it means more to me than words can say
He immediately gets a flood of replies from fans, wishing him well and complimenting the music. He’s sure he’s smiling at this point because so many people are being so kind to him.
He scrolls through the stan part of Twitter, choosing a few tweets to reply to.
justin <3 JANE @dreamingofdays
I don’t really want a face reveal for JANE just bc i think they deserve their privacy, BUT!! ! i do want a muse reveal… this guy has to be so beautiful?? Like?? C’mon JANE is constantly talking about how hot he is-
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.✅ @J_A_N_E_
Hah, maybe some day ;) i wouldn’t do a muse reveal without also revealing myself because once you know one of us, you’d know the other pretty quick. We come in a pair, buy one get one free ;)
Immediately he regrets sending it, it gives so much away! Shit!
But he can’t do anything about it now, because Ilya is coming out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel slung low on his waist and Shane’s eyes are unashamedly locked onto his husband’s happy trail.
“Hollander.” Ilya’s voice curls around Shane’s name and Shane feels the heat pool in his stomach. The sound of his name on Ilya’s tongue… god, that’s the sound of home.
He lifts his eyes, sure his face is red, but faking non-chalance regardless. “Rozanov.”
“Come here.”
Follow your direction-
-
Song five, the last of the ones Shane recorded in those sneaky visits to the music studio, is released in early December.
Haas is already spamming the groupchat about it by the time Shane is out of his shower after his morning run.
Shane smiles at the rookie’s enthusiasm, but switches apps to check Twitter.
Lilah is famous @freakier_than
OK BUT LIKE ARE WE SO FR RN??!? WHAT DO YOU /MEAN/ THAT JANE AND MUSE ARE IN LOVE LOVE AND MARRIED!?!? LIKE WE ALL THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE AN UNREQUITED CRUSH THING OR LIKE A FUCKBUDDY SITUATIONSHIP BC BRINK AND LIGHTS?!??!
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.✅ @J_A_N_E_
I won’t lie! The first few songs were based on the start of our relationship where things were really touch and go as to whether or not we were going to work out, but yes, muse and I are very happily married now and have been for a few years <333
l-> Lilah is famous @freakier_than
Oh my god JANE in my mentions hhahahah i’m being normal about this <3 but wow, that’s amazing that you and muse managed to make things work when it sounds like it was pretty rough at the beginning!
l-> J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.✅ @J_A_N_E_
Love is worth it <3
He quirks a smile as he sends it, turning his phone off and kissing his husband on the cheek as he walks into the kitchen.
“Good morning, baby,” Ilya turns, kissing him properly.
“Morning, love.” Shane smiles into the kiss, melting into his husband’s arms.
“Your nasty smoothie stuff is on counter for you.”
“It’s not nasty, you just don’t eat enough vegetables.”
“Blegh.” Ilya makes a face at the greens on the cutting board. “How you drink that, I never know. Nasty.”
“Brat.”
Ilya gasps. “Ah! Husband abuse! Bullying!”
Shane laughs. “You’re so dramatic!”
“Am not!” Ilya cries out, clutching at his chest. Drama queen. “My husband is so mean to me!”
“Fuck off, Rozanov-”
“So rude, Hollander!”
-
Later, as they go through their morning, Ilya connects to the speakers and plays the latest J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. song, Forever.
I thought it was touch and go
Thought you were too fast,
I was too slow
Thought it wasn’t worth the hurt, I know
And then you held me close
And said you’d always choose me
Didn’t want to lose me
How could I say no?
How could I let go?
Shane huffs at hearing his voice again. He never would have done this if he knew how much he would be listening to himself sing. He pets Anya as she comes up to him, begging for treats. Why she tries to beg from him when he’s literally never given into her cute puppy eyes is a mystery to him. Never give up, Anya.
A ring on my finger
A ring on your necklace
Mother’s cross hanging beside it
Oh, this is forever, it’s crazy
Oh, we are forever, baby
Early morning kisses and
Late night movies dates
Days with you
Feel like forever, say-
It again
Shane doesn’t catch himself humming along, but Ilya does.
Love is a strange thing
It can be so hard to find
I’m so glad I can call you mine
So glad I can call you mine.
A ring on my finger
A ring on your necklace
Mother’s cross hanging beside it
Oh, this is forever, it’s crazy
Oh, we are forever, baby
Shane settles next to his husband on the couch, tucking his head into his husband’s neck. They just sit there for a minute as the song fades out.
“Shane,” Ilya breaks the silence.
“Ilya?” Shane replies.
“Are you…”
He trails off and Shane looks up with a confused expression.
“Am I…?”
“J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.?”
Shane blinks. Then flushes. Then turns his head into Ilya’s shoulder so that Ilya can’t see his face.
“Shane?”
“... maybe?”
He can hear Ilya’s breathing, his heartbeat.
He can feel the way that Ilya starts to laugh.
“Oh, moya lyubov',” a kiss is placed on his forehead. “-moye solnyshko,” another kiss pressed to his cheek.”-moya zhizn'.” A third kiss pressed to his nose as Ilya gently guides his face up from his shoulder. “You wrote those songs for me?”
Shane nods, the words he had been planning to say trapping themselves in his throat.
“You are so amazing, baby, my love, you are so talented-” more kisses delivered all over Shane’s face. Shane manages to open his eyes long enough to see Ilya flushed and grinning like a maniac. “You are not just second best hockey player, you are also musician! My amazing, beautiful, many talented husband-”
“Augh, okay, okay-” Shane gently removes himself from his husband’s grasp, uncomfortable with all the attention. You’d think after being married for so long, Shane would have built up a tolerance for the unfiltered, potent effects of Ilya Rozanov’s Love Beam, but, alas, that has not happened yet. “What gave it away?”
Ilya smiles again, softer. “Many little details, but ring on necklace with mother’s cross? Pretty obvious.”
Shane laughs. “Yeah, not my most subtle work.”
“And now I think about it, all lyrics are about us. Alone at the top but together? Playing for the same team? All the dirty things I say to you in hotel rooms?”
Shane thinks his face may be permanently red.
“Shane,” Ilya’s voice shifts, softer, serious. “Why did you not tell me? Why keep it secret?”
“I just… it’s hard to put how much I love you into words sometimes. And it’s easier to write it. And I just… I wanted to be able to tell the world how much you mean to me without it being about me, about Shane Hollander, you know?” He shrugs. “I was going to tell you if you didn’t figure it out.”
“Oh. My sweet husband.”
-
“Wait.” Ilya says as they both get ready for bed. “What does J.A.N.E.I.F.Y. stand for?”
“Huh?” Shane responds absently, washing his face.
“The name, J.A.N.E.I.F.Y., you said it stood for something when you replied to Haasy.”
Shane dries his face, purposefully looking at everything but his husband. “Oh, just, uh-”
“Oh come on, Hollander!” Ilya’s grin is audible at this point, incredibly smug for someone who took four months to realize that all these songs were about him. “Don’t get shy now, tell me!”
“Just A Name for Everything I Feel for You.” Shane blurts out, the words tangling in his mouth.
“...” Ilya, for once in his fucking life, is silent.
Shane doesn’t say anything more, just applying his last serum and heading into the bedroom. He lays down on his side of the bed and tries to ignore the gnawing feeling of dread in his stomach. Why doesn’t Ilya say something?!
He hears more than sees Ilya finish his own nighttime routine, hears the sound of their bathroom door closing softly, hears his husband’s padded footsteps as he makes his way to the bed.
He feels the warm arms that wrap around him, trying to pull him closer.
“Ya tebya lyublyu,” his husband whispers, kissing the back of his neck. “More than I can put into words.”
“Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.” Shane relaxes, allowing his husband to pull him into his embrace.
-
“You know we have to tell Haas about this now.”
Shane groans. “No.”
“We have to, Shane! He loves J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.!”
“That’s exactly why we can’t tell him!”
“Boring, Hollander!”
“Fuck off, Rozanov.”
-
Three days later, Shane is shaken awake at - he glances at the clock with half-closed eyes - 3:42 AM.
“-ya?” He mumbles.
“Shane- Shane-”
“-at?”
“We cannot tell Haas about J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.”
“Huh?”
“He has crush on J.A.N.E.I.F.Y., he can’t know you are J.A.N.E.I.F.Y.!”
“Jesus-” Shane rolls over, burying his face back into his pillow. “Okay.”
“Shane, is serious!”
“Go the fuck to bed, Rozanov.”