Archive of Our Own

Was something…slimy on Riley’s face? Their eyes slowly opened under their sleeping mask, the dreams and fog of last night dissipating at a sluggish rate. Yep. There was slime on their face. Gross. Had they drooled again? They had never drooled all over their own face before.
Something solid and warm was also on their face, moving. It was probably Carsten or Mateo waking them up again. They sighed and reached up for their tails, mumbling. Huh…? Since when did their brothers have smooth skin instead of scales?
“Mrrow”
Riley recognized that meow, and pulled off their mask to get an eyeful of blue-green mollusk body. Another meow sounded and Riley put on a small smile.
“Hi, Gary.” They said sleepily.
Gary made his little purr noise and his two little eyes bent down to nuzzle their hair. Riley patted his shell and laid there as the sleep meds continued to wear off, snail eyes still rubbing over their cheeks.
Riley let the memories of the past few days play out like a slightly foggy slideshow, both the good and bad washing over in scenes. They really were stuck here for a few days, huh? It was fine. It wasn’t as bad now. By a few days, Mom and Dad were sure to come back with the others. Yeah. Yeah, they had to. Wasn’t much they could do about it anyway, whether they liked it or not. Until then…well, sitting around waiting wouldn’t do much, and Riley had a feeling that with SpongeBob they wouldn’t be bored too much.
“Riley? You awake yet?”
That was him. Riley picked Gary up off their face and slowly sat up, rubbing their eyes with their free hand as the couch squeaked. “Mhm.” They mumbled.
“Good morning!!” He chirped. “…Yah G’mrning…” Riley put their glasses and stifled a giggle at the pink, lace-covered apron he was wearing. That certainly was different from the green bathrobe they had expected him to be in.
“You get a good night’s sleep?” SpongeBob asked as he skipped into the kitchen.
Riley shuffled behind him and scratched the back of their neck, still feeling cold and fuzzy. “Yeah.” They said softly.
“Good! Because with what I’ve got planned today, we don’t wanna be late!” SpongeBob said happily, dashing around the kitchen to fiddle with the toaster and grab the bread.
Riley woke up a little from both what he said and Ellie once again trying to bite their elbow. “Late? Late for what?”
SpongeBob replied with his unique laugh. “Oh, you’d thought I’d forget, didn’t you?” He leaned over and ruffled their hair. “Nope. Not telling you! It’s a surprise, silly!”
Riley squirmed but fought a smile. “We’re visiting someone right? A ‘she’?”
SpongeBob made a funny face. “Ok, ok, you’re right about that. But don’t get cocky on me!” He wagged his finger, his back now turned to the toaster.
Uh oh. Had Riley annoyed him? They couldn’t see his face and they didn’t know if he said that in a ‘joking’ way or ‘ok knock it off’ way. They decided to just not say anything. That usually worked when they had said something wrong. They looked down at the floor, listening to SpongeBob hum something cheerful.
Baby Ellie babbled something a little angrily and reached for Riley with an indignant expression. Her tiny hands said ‘hold me!’ But everything said ‘…so I can bite the heck outta you!’ Riley looked over at her as she squealed a small growl. This little girl had massive attitude and it was clear that she saw Riley as an enemy of some kind. A rival. An intruder in her territory. Riley couldn’t blame her. She was just a baby, and that was a natural instinct for predators anyway. Especially Lionfish. After all, that’s what they were known for- venom and wanting to be left alone. Now that there was another competitor in her home for food and room, that definitely wasn’t making Ellie happy. Riley gave her a neutral look with one eyebrow slightly raised, and she let loose one of her tiny roars, grabbing furiously at the air. “RWWAH!!!” She screamed at her would-be victim.
“Awww, do you want Ri to hold you, Ellie Bellie?” SpongeBob said to his baby girl sweetly. “You aren’t gonna bite them, ok? Be nice. Niiiice.” He said, making a small sweeping gesture with his free hand. “I think she wants you to pick her up, Riley!” He explained, pouring out what looked like VERY creamed and sugared coffee.
Riley looked over at the ferocious little Lionfish and got a very different feeling that’s what she wanted to do. Then again, they didn’t want to make SpongeBob mad(der?). They owed him for taking them in for the few days they’d be here.
“Oh, uh…sure.” They said, picking Ellie out of her seat. They knew how to hold babies well. As long as they kept their hands away from her back they’d be fine, right?
Ellie didn’t move her violet gaze from Riley’s yellow eyes, and stuck out her lip in an excessively pouty way. She looked so grumpy that Riley found it both adorable and funny. Maybe she was just always looked grouchy? Awww, this chubby little princess just wanted to be held. She wasn’t that scowly, just a little—
“RWWAAAHHH!!!” Ellie lunged forward and smacked her little face into Riley, gnawing furiously away at them with dedicated ferocity. “Gah!” Riley grunted from surprise. Guess not.
“RWWAHH!” She squeak-roared, trying to bury her two mini fangs into Riley’s left cheek, wriggling in their arms like an angry jelly bean. At least her fangs were so little and dull Riley couldn’t feel them, but they sure didn’t like all the slobber on their face now.
“ELLIE!” SpongeBob exclaimed. “I said ‘be nice!’ You stop that right now!” He took a swig of his coffee (or if it could even be called coffee in Riley’s eyes. He had to have only a few drips of actual coffee in there among all the sugar and cream!) and walked over, prying Ellie’s ruthless attack off the poor sea snake.
Ellie fussed at her victory being halted and pouted at SpongeBob, whimpering.
“Eeeaah!” She whined, half-crying.
“Ellie, be niiice.” SpongeBob said, gently petting Riley’s shoulder as example. “Niiiice. Riley’s nice. So you be nice. Ok? Riley has feelings…just like Daddy’s fingers.” He added that last part under his breath. Riley stifled a laugh, imagining the circumstances that sentence might’ve come from.
Ellie scowled and fussed more, kicking Riley in the ribs. It felt like two jabs from a murderous teddy bear and Riley effortlessly laid her on her back in their arm, careful to avoid her spines. Now unable to attack in any way, Ellie flapped her tiny, chunky little arms in protest and gibbered adorably in irritation. Riley chuckled as SpongeBob reached over and poked her tummy again, tickling her.
“Make sure you’re on your best behavior, Eliana, ok!” He said in a happy but firm tone. “You know our mystery destination, and you don’t want to be a little gremlin when we get there, do you?” He asked in a silly voice.
Ellie squealed more but relented, slouching in Riley’s arms but still glaring at them as though this was their fault. Riley smiled at her and looked at SpongeBob as he went back to the countertop.
“SpongeBob…will this…surprise…like me?”
“Oh don’t worry, Ri, she- I mean, the SURPRISE will like you just like I do the moment you meet! I’m sure of it!”
And with that, he plopped two plates of toast with banana slices and drizzled chocolate down on the table accompanied by a cup of fresh-looking orange juice.

At first when they headed out the door, Riley dreaded they were heading into town. Even if the town looked charming, Riley sure didn’t want to deal with the residents again. For a while, it seemed that way, with them making a few stops at the grocery store and soda shop. They weren’t deep in town but it was enough that Riley could notice people pointing and whispering…again. They gulped and tried to ignore that as they helped SpongeBob pick out treats and stuff.
Huh, interesting…all the stuff they were getting had nuts in them in some way, or berries? They also were getting things that were in the ‘imported’ section…things that came from the surface world. Did the surprise person really like things from there? They must be into exotic travels or something. Kinda like Mom and Dad in how they had always wanted to travel the oceans until that dream got thrown out the window when the kids came and they had to give up on that. Mom had especially grumbled about it when Riley and the other oldest kids were little. They shook their head a little bit to stop remembering that. Had this person been to Costa Rica? Mom always wanted to go there the most. Had she been to The Arctic Circle? Or possibly even the Mariana Villages? The Lost City of Atlantic City? She had to be an avid traveler- why else would SpongeBob be buying stuff from the surface?
“You wanna grab a soda, Ri? We got a little while to walk before we get there.”
“Oh…sure!”
They went over to the soda machines and he grabbed a big cup. Riley grabbed a smaller one. The sodas here looked good, but they didn’t want him to spend too much money on them.
Two fish walked by and caught sight of Riley. Out of the corner of their eye, they saw one elbow the other and point at them.
“Yo, you see that? There really is a sea snake here!”
“Yeah, I do! I thought everybody was joking when they said one had gotten here.”
“It looks blue. Aren’t the blue ones the most venom-using or something?”
“I dunno, but either way, I’m glad my neighbor isn’t letting any of her kids outside by themselves anymore!”
Riley felt a sour lump form in their throat again as their face burned. They gazed at their tail-tip on the floor, trying to ignore them.
“Yeah…venom-users are always up to something if you ask me.”
More face-burning. That hurt deep…they tried to focus on filling their cup.
“Never a trustworthy one among them.”
Focus on the cup, Riley thought hard.
“Hey!” SpongeBob said, putting his fists on his hips and glaring at the two fish. “You watch how you talk about Riley, I’m warning you!” He declared.
The two fish stared at SpongeBob as though they were getting scolded by a toddler.
“Relax, dude, we’re just stating facts.”
“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it anyway?” One of them pointed out, smirking.
“What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?? Oh-ho, buddy, you don’t wanna know what I’m gonna do.” SpongeBob took Ellie out of the baby carrier and handed her to Riley, pushing his sleeves up impossibly higher. Uh oh. Was he going to fight them??
Riley gasped slightly and shrank back, clutching Ellie and their soda cup.
He didn’t seem like he was the kind of guy who’d fight people in a store, but it sure looked that it was going to go down that way.
“Oh, yeah?” The fish who had smirked now pulled up his sleeves too, gritting his teeth.
“Hang on, Jerry, maybe we should just go.” The other fish said, looking a little embarrassed.
“Pffft, what, you think he’ll be a problem? Look at him- he’s a sea sponge! These guys can’t protect themselves for crap!”
SpongeBob rolled his fists, glowering in an exaggerated expression. He squeaked with each time he bent his knees, sadly not doing much to disprove the fish.
“What are you gonna do, you little cheese-ball? Filter-feed at me? Huh?” Said fish goaded, starting to roll his fists too.
Riley set down their soda cup and held Ellie close, who was just as determined to join her dad as Ri wasn’t.
“YYEEOOOOWWW!!!” SpongeBob unexpectedly screamed, throwing his hands palm-first, jumping into an unusual pose.
The fish paused, confused.
“EEYAH!!! HA!! HAAH-YEEE!!!” SpongeBob continued to shout, jumping into different poses with each word. Each one looked like some kind of…martial arts stance? Did he know martial arts? Was he about to roundhouse kick the two fish?
Whether or not he was thinking the same thing, the fish lowered his fists, looking weirded out but also a bit nervous, throwing his buddy a look. The other fish backed up, looking even more scared.
“HHOOOOHH—WWAAAHH~~!!!” SpongeBob leaped into a final stance, palms pointing high above his head, holding his scream. He looked ready to attack, and pulled his hand even higher…then swiped it down under his armpit and made a farting noise.
An awkward silence followed that with everyone staring.
SpongeBob still looked determined and did it again. And again. And again. Soon he was making so many of those noises with his armpits his arms were a blur.
The two fish looked at each other then back at SpongeBob, now more disturbed then anything. The one who had been ready to brawl before now recoiled his arms, backing up faster than his friend as SpongeBob continued to armpit fart at them aggressively.
“——HAAH!!!” He finally yelled like a maniac, jumping into a finishing pose.
“…Ok, ok, we get the message! Sheesh!” Jerry exclaimed scared, holding his hands in front of his face.
“Cmon, let’s get outta here!” The other fish yelped, grabbing Jerry’s elbow.
They did so as SpongeBob gave them one last armpit fart as a warning.
“That’s what I thought.” The beaming rectangle chuckled in triumph, dusting his hands.
Riley blinked, staring, mouth agape. Did that really just happen?
Ellie kicked around and squeaked, watching them run.
“Number 7 rule of Karah-tay: Always use the unexpected to your advantage.” SpongeBob said in a confident, lower voice as he took Ellie back. “Now, let’s get some candy bars for the road! What’s your favorite kind?”

Out of the store, Riley braced theirself for downtown and what would follow, but to their surprise (and slight delight), SpongeBob led them away from Bikini Bottom, near the more outback roads. Soon the lively buildings and colorful streets were replaced with rolling fields of sand and sea grass, with giant monuments of purple-blue coral stretched against the ambient aquamarine waters and dark flower-shaped clouds.
Riley gawked around them, forgetting the soda they had been drinking. They had never been anywhere like this. Well, no. That wasn’t entirely true. They went to wild places all the time on the vacation trip- for pit stops and the photos and stuff. But they had never been there for long- as soon as the sights were seen and the cameras used, they were ushered into the boat quickly to try and get to the lake house as fast as possible.
And they were always never IN the wild- at the stops the Slithers all went to, they were there at tourist centers and things like that. Mom and Dad would never have let their kids anywhere near uncivilized parts of those attractions.
“Too many diseases.” Dad had reasoned impatiently one time. “There’s nothing but filth and animals and dirt and things out there. You’ll be miserable, Reagan. Now go and do something else.” He waved them off before they could’ve corrected him.
As Riley looked around and felt their eyes get huge, following SpongeBob…they found theirself disagreeing with their Dad. Out here in the sun-sprinkled sea and flowing wilderness, they didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. It felt…beautiful and peaceful.
It was quiet, too. Very quiet. Except for the noise of the currents, and sea grass rustling. And also SpongeBob whistling as he squeak-walked, with Ellie occasionally babbling up at him and him cooing in response.
There was a faint buzzing noise and Riley turned to see a pair of jellyfish swimming around in the distance, their tentacles waving like ribbons in the currents. One was pink, and to their amazement, the other was orange. Orangey-red-pink, like a sunset summed up in one shade. The two jellyfish kept bumping into each other, but seemed to be doing it on purpose, as if they were playing with each other. They had never seen jellyfish in the wild before…not until they had seen that smiley one the other day, with what almost felt like an entire lifetime ago.
“Whoa…” Riley breathed slowly.
“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” SpongeBob said next to them, looking out at the field too.
“Yeah…I’ve never been out in the wild like this before.”
“Really???” He exclaimed. “Well I’m glad that this is the first impression you get.”
They both smiled and watched the jellyfish swim off happily.
SpongeBob’s eyes glimmered like two bright blue pools of sparkle and wonder as he saw them.
“Wow…look at the stingers on those two…I wish I had my net right now. They’d make a good catch.”
Catch? Riley glanced at him. Why would he…? Ohhh. Was he a JellyfishER?
They had heard about that a little bit.
“Ah well.” He sighed, shrugging. “I can always do that later. Anyway, we’re here!” He jumped up and pointed to the horizon, smiling so big it almost looked like it was stretching out beyond his face.
Riley turned and immediately thought “bubble”. A giant bubble under the sea, half-buried in the sand, bigger than a house, the sun reflecting off it with white gleaming against the water and coral. It was so big that even though it looked still a long way away Riley leaned back, their eyes tracing over the wide extended bottom to the gleaming top.
Then they saw the small figure of a smaller bubble poking out from the bottom with metal doors on either side and they realized that it was some kind of house. A house in a…giant glass bubble? No, not quite glass. Plastic? Who lived in a house like this? Riley squinted as they tried to keep up with SpongeBob, getting closer to the dome, and they noticed something that really struck them as otherworldly;
There was a TREE and LAND grass in the bubble.
It perfectly matched all the books Riley had read about the surface. Whoa…!!
That was a tree. An actual tree!?! There was a TREE in a dome underwater??
What kind of fish or sea creature lived here? Didn’t trees grow in air, not water? Was there…AIR in that big bubble? They could also see other things too- some kind of wheel. A giant metal wheel and a picnic table in the grass. It looked so out-of-place but also…welcoming.
SpongeBob started to break into a run and got to the front door first, turning the hatch so fast it spun like a top as he held it for Riley.
“After you!” He said, beaming.
Riley hesitated but went in.

Inside the cramped metal space, SpongeBob rustled inside his bag with the treats and stuff for something as Riley waited near the second door.
It was a little tighter than they would have liked, but at least there weren’t siblings on every side of their body. Or maybe that was what made them so uncomfortable.
Who knew when it came to that at this point.
Riley never would’ve thought they’d EVER miss being pressed and crowded by the other Slithers kids, but now they did. At least a tiny bit. Guess they were more used to it than they thought, like the silent background that surrounded them now.
“…Well that takes care of that!”
Riley looked at SpongeBob and thought he must’ve put a bubble around his face for a second, until they took a closer look and to their confusion, saw instead he had a glass bowl on his head. Ellie too, just a smaller one. Giving them both a strange, alien look.
“Uh-…why do you have a-?”
“Well there IS air in there, after all! We’re gonna need these to breathe! I wouldn’t have brought you to a surprise you couldn’t even go into.” SpongeBob explained, chuckling. Then he paused and looked at them for a minute.
“Ooh, wait hold on- you don’t have a helmet! Oh barnacles, did I forget one for you?!” He went back to going through his bag, now a little panicked. Ellie cooed and tried to help. Or she was looking for something she wanted.
A beeping noise came from somewhere, blaring an announcement of some kind. Or a warning. It wasn’t sharp or loud enough to make Riley recoil and cover their earholes, thank Neptune, but if anything, it seemed to freak SpongeBob out even more.
“Oh, no. No no no no no no—!” He muttered, frantically rummaging for an extra glass bowl. Would one more even fit in that bag he was carrying? Wait, how had the two he had even fit into there in the first place? They looked a lot bigger than the bag.

The water in the pod suddenly started draining away into the floor like in a bathtub, and soon Riley found theirself surrounded by dry air in place of the watery background they were used to. It didn’t bother them however, but the quick change from water to air always shocked them a little with how little they could drift around now.
“ACK!!! SpongeBob yelped, now full-on panicking. “Ok, don’t panic!! Don’t panic, Riley!! I’ll try to-“
What he said next was drowned out by the second door swinging open into the dome. A little sunlight-unfiltered by the water-hit Riley’s scales and they instantly couldn’t help running out.
Sunlight…!!! Oh man the sun felt so great…!!! It soaked into every one of Riley’s scales and traveled through their body like warm syrup across pancakes, revitalizing every cell and filling their stomach with happiness. They felt the grass on their underbelly too, absorbing even more sun. Ohhhh mannnn, that felt SO GOOD.
They dove into the grass and rolled around, unable to stop. The sunlight was great, everything was great, this was great, they wanted to just lay there and absorb all the sunlight they could while they were able to. Preferably for FOREVER!
“Ahhhh…” Riley rolled over onto their stomach and buried their face into the grass, inhaling the fresh scent and feeling the softness against their slits. This…was…heaven.
THIS WAS THE BEST SURPRISE EVER!!!

“RILEY!!” SpongeBob yelled, running in. “Don’t worry, Riley, it’s ok! Try not to freak—!”
Riley looked up at him, confused. SpongeBob stood there appearing equally puzzled. “…Out?” SpongeBob blinked. “Huh? You…you aren’t drying up? You’re just fine?”
Riley stretched out on their back, enjoying the amazing sun some more. It felt like they woke up from a perfectly good nap, even though they were still awake.
“Of course I’m fine!” They giggled. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Energy was drifting up every vein and artery. They felt like a brand new snake! This almost felt as good as when they finished shedding their skin!
“Well, you’re a sea creature like me! I thought you’d be miserable in all this dry air!” SpongeBob looked confused, relieved, and a little curious all at once. He reached up and took off his bowl-helmet for one second, posing as if he was listening for something, then broke into a gasping cough and slammed it back on, accidentally spilling a little water onto the ground.
“HACK!!—COUGH!!! I know I definitely am! Sheesh!” He shook his head then looked at Riley, clearly wanting answers. “How are you doing that?”
“Pffft!” Riley snorted. “I’m a sea snake, SpongeBob! I’m comfortable in both water and air! All snakes are like that!”
“They are?”
“Yep!” They explained, closing their eyes. “Oh man, this is amazing! I haven’t felt the sun on my scales for such a long time.”
They heard SpongeBob sit down next to them and take Ellie out onto his lap. They could practically see him beaming at them through their third eyelids, happy to see they were enjoying theirself.
“…Thanks, SpongeBob.” They said, beaming back right at him. “This is the greatest surprise anyone has given me!”
SpongeBob grinned even wider and bounced a giggling Ellie on his knee. “It gets better.” He squeaked and stood up. Ellie squeaked too, but in protest of her knee rollercoaster being halted.

“Sandy!!! Oh, SANDY!! SANDY!!!!!” SpongeBob called, walking up to the giant tree excitedly. Ellie held his hand, toddling by his side.
Nothing happened.
Riley and SpongeBob shared a look as they met up with him.
“Huh, that’s funny.” He said, furrowing his brow. “She should be home today. She just got back from traveling you know.”
Riley looked back at the quite large dent in the yard from them frolicking in it and hoped this ‘Sandy’ wouldn’t be angry.
“SANDY!!!” SpongeBob called again. “HELLO!!! YOU HOME YET???”
For a while, it was still nothing. Just the noise of leaves faintly rustling and wind coming from somewhere unclear. And a raspberry noise from Ellie.
SpongeBob looked around, waiting for something- ANYthing, but as he waited fruitlessly he started to…waver.
After about 5 minutes he sighed and slumped his shoulders. “Well…darn. I don’t get it. I thought she’d be here…” he turned and gave Riley a sad look. “I guess we should just go…”
“SpongeBob? That you?” A voice called from the top branches of the tree.
SpongeBob and Riley turned. “SANDY!!!” He shouted in glee.
“Hey there!!” A brown figure jumped out from the leaves, hanging onto a vine and swinging around in a cinnamon-colored blur. Leaping around with incredible acrobatics, it backflipped through the air, landed on top of the wheel, and then leaped off onto the grass, even more agile than SpongeBob when Ellie was angry.
Riley blinked rapidly. That had been so fast their eyes had trouble following that, and once they processed THAT and their eyes met up with the figure that was now standing in front of them, they needed to process what they saw again.

This Sandy wasn’t a fish. She wasn’t even a sea creature! She was a-a-… what…was she? Riley racked their brain, but blanked out once they reached the end of the list of sea creatures they knew. Was she a… land creature?? Under the sea??!
She had fur. That had to be fur, right? It looked like hair. She had a HUGE tail, too, bigger and wider than Riley’s. So fluffy too. They never saw anything so fluffy underwater…
She also had buck teeth kinda like SpongeBob and warm, bright eyes like his, but black coated with dark brown instead of electrified sky-blue. They matched her light tan face, pink nose and and framed her eyelashes in a nice way. She was really tall too, standing above both them and SpongeBob. They tried to think. There was some land creature that looked like this, they knew. A… square? Chip…muddle? Some kinda rodent…
“Sandy!!” SpongeBob ran up to her and she met him in a big hug, both laughing.
“It’s good to see ya, Sponge! I missed ya!” Sandy said in a thick Southern accent, wrapping him in a noogie on his helmet.
“I missed YOU!!” SpongeBob said back, giggling. “How was Rock Bottom?” He asked, wriggling out of her grasp.
“Eh, it’s Rock Bottom. Ya know how it is.” She shrugged. Ellie ran up gibbering and Sandy picked her up exclaiming in happiness. “Eliana!! You little crazy sea critter!!” Ellie kicked in the air and reached for Sandy’s face, squealing happily. Sandy chuckled and brought her down into her arm, using her other hand to tickle the little Lionfish’s belly. Ellie laughed and tried to bite her hand through the bowl helmet.
“How are you, sweetie? Ya bite anything new an’ fun? Ya give your daddy a hard time for me like I asked ya to?” Sandy cooed.
SpongeBob gasped. “So it was YOU!!” He pointed dramatically. Sandy shrugged with a smirk. “Yes. No. Maybe so.” She smiled and looked back down at Ellie. “Why you’re as full as beans as a cowboy at a chili convention!” Ellie gurgled and tried to nibble her furry hands more.
Riley couldn’t stop staring at her. She was a land creature underwater! This was something they didn’t even think was possible! Did she just live in this bubble? Away from everyone? That sounded both great and a little lonely.

“Well, hey there! I don’t think I’ve seen one a you around here! What’s your name, hon?”
Riley started. She saw them? Oh. Right. There weren’t any siblings they were hidden behind. They were right out in the open, so to speak.
“Uh…” They weren’t expecting her to see them. “I’m…Riley.” They said, barely audible above a mumble, staring at the grass. Hey, a ladybug.
“This is Riley, Sandy!” SpongeBob exclaimed, putting a hand around their shoulder. “They’re staying with me for a few days and I thought you’d like to meet each other!!”
Riley nodded and shrank a little, mumbling still. Ugh, why were words so hard…they were making theirself look weird…again.
“They’re a little shy.” SpongeBob chirped. Riley felt even more embarrassed now. Did he really have to say that?
Sandy chuckled. “I can tell. Don’t worry, sugar, I don’t bite.” She said in a warm voice.
Riley smiled and looked at their hands. She seemed nice. “Thanks. I’m a snake. I like your fur.” Their face flooded with heat instantaneously. Why did they just say that??
Sandy laughed again, a sweet, homey kind of sound and softly pinched their cheek. “Well ain’t you the sweetest lil snake I’ve ever met!” She exclaimed. “Cmon to the picnic table, y’all, I’ve got cookies in the works!”
“TEXAS cookies?” SpongeBob asked, following her.
“You know it!”
Riley perked up. Cookies? That definitely made them want to go with them.

Sandy turned out even more friendly than Riley thought when they all sat down. “I stopped by the market in the way here and thought you’d like these!” SpongeBob said, emptying his bag. “Awww, thanks, Sponge! These are great!” Sandy replied, eyes wide at the nuts and seeds. “Good timing too, I just ran outta food here. How’d you know, you yellow rascal?” She elbowed him as she took a basket with the imported snacks.
“My best friend sense was tingling!” SpongeBob laughed, waving his fingers.
Sandy went through the snacks, and eyed a purple bag with an “Ooh!”
“Well, skin my fur and make me a blanket! Macadamia nuts!! Never thought I’d see these beauties down here!”
“I know, right? They even have a whole section dedicated to surface food now in the store!”
“DO they? Well, it’s about time!”
“Yeah, it’s great! You should check it out!”
“I’m sure I will soon.” Sandy chuckled and turned to Riley, emptying the nuts into a bowl. “So, Riley, right? Tell me a little about yourself. You ever been here in Bikini Bottom before?”
“Uh…not really. I’ve never been anywhere like here before. If I have, I probably don’t remember.” Riley said a little shyly.
Sandy nodded. “I see. Where ya from?”
“Rusty Anchor.” They picked at a loose string on their shirt, wishing they had their notebook to draw in.
“ ‘Rusty Anchor’?” Sandy made a face, thinking on that name. “Rusty Anchor…doesn’t ring a bell, or at least a big one.”
Riley was a little surprised, they guessed. Rusty Anchor didn’t have a big sports team or anything going for them like that, but still, some of the rich people who lived there were kinda famous, or so they thought.
“I-It’s a town where rich people live…around Roughtop Ridge.” Riley stated. “M-My mom is a real estate agent…her name is Amanda Slithers.”
Her face didn’t change. “Hmmm…cannn’t say I got any knowledge of her, either.” She shrugged. “I don’t go anywhere much where there’s many cities or the like. Too much people and not a lotta ‘em are accepting of folks like me if ya catch my drift.” She raised an eyebrow at them and SpongeBob in a strange, knowing manner and knocked back a handful of nuts.
Riley looked up at her a little bit. That sounded familiar.
“I’ve heard about Roughtop Ridge, though. Been there before a coupla’ times. Made me think of the cliffs in the deserts back home in Texas a little, ‘cept not as purple and coral-y.”
“Texas?”
“Where I came from to here. My old home.” Sandy’s face lit up at that sentence.

Boy, if the Bikini Bottomites were passionate about their hometown, they had nothing on Ms. Sandy. She went on for hours describing her home on the surface and Riley was captivated by every sentence. They heard about green pastures of land grass dotted with creatures called “longhorns” and “armadillos” and such. Hot stretches of sand with vibrant sunrises and parties called “Barbecues” with food that made their mouth water just from the description. Texas didn’t sound like Costa Rica but it sure sounded incredible. She also spoke of some kinds of sport called “rodeos” and “square-dancing” and so many other things that made Riley’s imagination take off in a whirl of color and imagery.
By the time Sandy was done and halfway through the nuts and seed packets, Riley realized their mouth was hanging open and they were staring. Sandy smiled at them as they closed their mouth and blushed, a little embarrassed.
“So…why’d you come down here?”
“Well, I’m a scientist. Specifically an engineer but I also dabble a little in other fields. Mainly kinds of biology. Marine, micro, genetics, a little ecology. I thought coming down here would allow for a little privacy in my work.”
“A scientist?” Riley perked up. “Like, you do experiments and stuff?”
“Sure do! I got a couple machines I’m working on right now!” She got up. “You wanna see ‘em?”
Riley looked at SpongeBob and he nodded.
“Sure.” They said, grinning.

Inside the tree was warm and smelled of wood and water. Also a little soil. It smelled homey and cozy, like a hot blanket. Riley felt impossibly more energetic and their hands shook, hungering for a pencil and paper. They felt like they could fill a whole library of notebooks and sketchbooks with art and drawings. For now, all they could do was fidget and rub their neck uncontrollably.
SpongeBob went ahead of them still holding onto his daughter’s little hand. Ellie kept pointing at different things in the house and babbled incoherently.
“Yeah I know!” SpongeBob replied, as though Ellie were making astute observations about Sandy’s furniture.
Riley watched them as Ellie continued to prominently declare her surroundings and SpongeBob saying things like “You’re absolutely right.” Back in a sweet voice.
They thought of how their little siblings would do that when they were little. The triplets weren’t quite at that age yet. They still couldn’t even wriggle around that well on the floor, but every Slithers kid, or kid in general would do that. And with every Slithers kid when they reached that age, Mom and Dad usually ignored them. They remembered one time when they went to the zoo and little Peter pointed at the animals and babbled incoherently, while holding onto Riley’s hand firmly. He had been so little and cute. Riley had enjoyed that zoo trip.
They watched the sponge and baby lionfish walk ahead still, and with the realization of how familiar it felt watching them, they felt a little warm. It felt nice to remember things like that.
“Here we are!” Sandy said, interrupting the memory train.
The room she led them into looked like something right out of a science fiction movie. Silver machinery with flashing lights and buttons dotted the wooden walls and acorn decorations, giving the impression of a forest fantasy realm blended with a robot action flick. Several inventions had robotic appendages sticking out like antenna, needles, and the like, with a table filled with microscopes, test tubes, and other science equipment they had seen on news segments before on stories covering laboratories and science facilities. Even by their head, Riley saw what looked like an android with flashing lights and a metal exoskeleton. They hoped they didn’t look too dumbfounded as they stumbled around, gawking at all the steel contraptions and machines.
Imagine if Herb was here…wold he have been as blown away as them? Especially meeting a real scientist…his eyes would’ve launched right out of his face.
Ms. Sandy must have really known what she was doing down here, even if several of the projects only looked halfway done. This room was huge and the young sea snake had a feeling that this wasn’t even all of it.
“Whoa!” Riley breathed, and promptly bonked their head on a glass flask attached to several others the minute they turned their head. “Ack-!”
“Careful!” Sandy called, standing near a rectangular invention. “I’ve been workin’ on a serum of sorts over there and getting it on ya wouldn’t be pleasant!”
Riley gulped and backed away. “What’s uh…what’s the one you’re standing by?”
“Oh, this old thing?” Sandy smacked the top playfully. “Just a little side project. A solar-powered jet pack!” She turned it around to show off the straps and buttons.
Just a little side project!? That was a SOLAR-POWERED JET PACK. Hearing those words and seeing what it meant were two very different things.
Sandy brushed a little dust off the top of it some more. “I think I might’ve got the panels finally working.” She reached down and pressed a button, making the jet pack whirr and light up like a kid’s science project, except realized.
Riley stared, captivated. They looked and saw SpongeBob was too, his blue eyes focused on all of the panels and lights like two cerulean lasers.
“Ooh, can I try it on?” The Sponge asked, extending a hypnotized finger toward an especially bright, blinking button.
Sandy smacked his hand away with a look that said she had dealt with this before- many times. “Yeah, fat chance, little yellow dude.” She said a tad snarky.
SpongeBob recoiled his hand and stared up at her like a kid caught sneaking a cookie from the jar. For a guy who had his own house and job, he looked so much even younger than Riley they couldn’t help but find it absurd. This guy almost seemed to shift ages as much as he shifted his form with his moods. They had really never met anyone who was so…fluid and excitable without it being overwhelming. That much anyway.
“Don’t give me that look, you know what happens whenever I let ya on one of my flyin’ things.” Sandy snorted at him. SpongeBob rocked back and forth on his heels. “I dunno what you’re talking about.” He said with an over-sugared voice. He sounded almost exactly like Nicole then.
“Right.” Sandy said, still sounding a bit snarky, but obviously biting back a grin. She picked up Ellie and looked at Riley, smirking like they shared a joke. Riley smiled back despite not knowing the punchline.
“Piece of advice for ya, Riles.” Sandy said, slinging an arm over their shoulders. Riley jumped a little from the unexpected touch, but soon they were more fascinated with how her fur felt. They had never felt something like this, or at least real fur. They had done crafts with faux furs before but real fur? That was new, and it was also really soft. A lot softer than the fake ones.
Riley snapped out of it and tried to focus. She was saying something. They didn’t want to be rude.
“If this guy over here ever says anything about him piloting any of my vehicle inventions perfectly.-“ She met their eyes as she jerked a thumb in Sponge’s direction. “-Don’t believe a WORD outta that dude’s mouth. He’ll be lying more than a buckskin rug!”
“Hey!” SpongeBob laughed. “No, you’re the one they shouldn’t believe! You told Ellie to be naughty after all! You can’t be trusted!” He accused, pointing dramatically.

Sandy stuck her tongue out and Sponge did the same in turn, but they still smiled and joked.
Riley watched them with growing confusion. They were teasing and making fun of each other, like how Maureen, Sophie, and the twins would to them and the other kids, but they were never…friendly about it, like this. They weren’t trying to get each other in trouble or anything, like whenever Nicole tattled. Or laughing at things about each other that were weird like how Ruth and Lynn would. What was this? They had never seen their siblings do anything like that, but their new, weirder voice told them it was a sibling-like interaction. Or maybe just what close friends did? Yeah, that made more sense. Siblings didn’t act like that, just friends. Yeah. That made perfect sense. Friends would be nicer, siblings wouldn’t. That’s just how it was.
…Right? Poked the voice.
Riley felt a weird twinge in their heart and told their new voice to shut it. They didn’t need that.
“Whatevvvveeer.” Sandy snorted, Ellie tugging on her ears playfully. “You can fly a plane right once, but you’ll never be able to fly a rocket well and not confuse the moon and earth together!”
“You STILL remember that?!?” SpongeBob blurted out, looking halfway-holding back a loud laugh, and half looking shocked. “Hey, on the bright side I proved I could handle alien imposters! You can’t show that otherwise!” He wagged a finger at her.
“Haaaaa sure.” Sandy snickered sarcastically, but in a nice way too.
Riley scratched their head, frowning. They didn’t want to think about it, they wanted to change the subject.
“So…uh…do you really like this?” Riley asked, blurting a tiny bit. Sandy looked at them quizzically.
“…The inventing, I mean?” Riley gulped but tried to elaborate. “Like…do you have fun with it? And stuff? Or-uh…”
They faltered and shrank a little. Maybe they shouldn’t have said anything. They were being awkward again. Stupid Riley.
“‘Course!” Sandy answered, surprising them. “It’s my passion, not just my job. I go lots of hobbies, like weightlifting and karate, but all this science?” She gestured in a sweep. “This is what I like doing with my life. It’s what I’ve always done!”
Riley tilted their head. “Your passion?”
“Yup!” Sandy walked a little towards the door and Riley followed, listening closely. “Everybody’s got a passion! Some do stuff like cooking, some do sports, but we all got one thing that makes us happy and we should all do! Mine just happens to be science and inventin’!”
Her ears flickered and her nose twitched. “Hmmm, might also include cookies. I think the Texas ones are just about done!”
Ellie gurgled as Sandy reached for the door, but then she turned around to smile at Riley and instead her face morphed into an expression of unfiltered panic.
“SPONGEBOB NO—!!!” She yelled, lunging towards the jet pack and the specific Sea Sponge with an extended finger towards a big red button.

Hours later, Riley slithered behind SpongeBob and Ellie as they headed back to his pineapple house, the view of the sky and fields and outside path now bathed in pinks and oranges and purples, the flowery clouds swimming in the waves and playing with the setting sun.
Riley looked out at it like before, just as wrapped up with this new, startling beauty, but also wrapped up in their own head, going over every detail of the day that had happened.
Their tongue traced over their fangs, catching leftover chocolate from the Texas cookies as they looked out at the coral cliffs they had passed before. Those cookies had been amazing, like how Riley would’ve pictured from how much Sandy said Texas food was. The way the chocolate had melted into the batter had been delicious. But that’s not what stuck with Riley the most. It hadn’t been the cookies. It hadn’t been the mild rush of adrenaline when SpongeBob almost started the jet pack. It hadn’t even been the way Riley and Ellie had played together the whole afternoon on the grass near the giant tree, and Ellie didn’t even try to bite them once.
It had been what Sandy said. When they talked. About the…passion thing.
Riley had nearly spent the whole day staring into space rather than playing with Ellie, thinking about that and turning it over in their mind.
A passion. Everybody had a passion. If everybody had one, then…what was theirs?
Maureen had…well, Maureen’s passion was pink stuff and bossing people around. That was obvious enough. Sophia’s passion was doing whatever Maureen did. She was probably the only person under the sea who didn’t have a passion.
The twins’ passions were football and wrestling over everything they said.
James and Ruth had their sports thing, and Herb was the computer kid. Nicole was Mom’s favorite- being perfect was certainly hers.
But what was Riley’s?
Could their passion be…their art? Drawing and painting and…that?
That felt stupid and they knew it. What were they thinking? Their whole life, Mom and Dad had told them that art wasn’t good for them. It would never pay for anything in their life like bills or a good house. Art just wasn’t a good career like how real estate or sports had promise. Art was supposed to be a habit, something to do in secret and not make a big deal out of. Taking it seriously would lead to ridiculous expectations and a rabbit hole of financial trouble and depression, not freedom and expression.
Art just wasn’t a good future aspiration.
But Riley thought about it more. Drawing and crafting made them…happy. Art made them happy. They couldn’t imagine theirself doing anything else. Art felt like…breathing to them in a way. Did that make art what they were meant for? Their…purpose?
They still thought about it after the cookies and as they watched Ellie chase around SpongeBob, roaring and squealing while flapping her little fins, trying to catch him in a fake hunt.
“You all good there, Riley?”
Riley jumped. How had Sandy gotten next to them without them hearing?
“Oh uh…it’s nothing.” They shrugged.
Sandy raised an eyebrow at them and sat down, chewing on some pistachios. “You sure there, sweetheart?” She said a little firmly. Firmly but…warmly.
Riley felt a strange sensation of being salty and warm at the same time in their chest and wavered, looking down. “Just uh…thinking.” They stammered. “About things.”
Sandy nodded. “What kinda things?”
“…I dunno. Just about that ‘passion’ stuff you mentioned.” They fiddled with their half-a-cookie. “…I guess I don’t know what mine is. Maybe I just don’t have one.”
“Well shoot, you’re 14, right?” Sandy chuckled. “I’d say you got a good long while to figure it out.”
They nibbled more Texas cookie and hesitated really hard on what they were about to say, knots in their stomach forming.
“I might have one.” Riley stated. “But it’s stupid.”
“Really? What is it?”
Riley bit their lip with their fangs carefully. They shouldn’t be talking about this. They were going to look so stupid. But their words fought through the cold dread in their throat and forced their way out of their mouth.
“I…like art. I like drawing and crafting and painting and stuff. I’ve been doing it since I was little and it makes me happy.”
Sandy raised her eyebrows and Riley winced on the inside, bracing theirself.
“That sounds good! Art’s a nice thing to do! I’m sure Squidward will appreciate a fellow artist around here.” She laughed.
Riley looked up in surprise. She didn’t think that was bad? Or weird? Like SpongeBob did when he saw their drawings? Huh, that was good. Or was she just saying that to be nice?
“You…don’t think that’s weird or a bad idea?” They asked.
“Pfffft, what?” Sandy snorted. “Why would it be? Art’s a good thing to work on.”
Every single one of those words went in Riley’s earholes, but none of them processed in their brain right. What did she mean by that?? Did she think art was actually a good thing to be into?
“Well…it won’t lead to anything good. All artists just end up homeless or freaks who wear sequins and stare at paintings claiming it has a hidden message and…things. Art just doesn’t lead to any good money or career stuff, you know?”
They were going to add more, but then saw Sandy’s face and trailed off. She was looking at Riley like they were speaking a whole different language.
“Pardon my French, Ri, but that’s straight-up ridiculous.” Sandy said slowly. “Where’d ya get an idea like that?”
“Uh…my parents told me?” They squeaked.
Her expression dimmed and looked a little more understanding. “…Ah. I see.” She said even more slowly. “…Do…you think that about bein’ an artist?”
Riley was silent as they are the remainder of their cookie. Finally, they said “…No, I guess.”
“Then I think you should give it a try!” Sandy exclaimed.
“Yeah, they should!” SpongeBob agreed as he ran past. “I’ve seen their drawings, Riley’s really talented!” He beamed at Riley and then faked a loud scream as Ellie nearly got his ankle. “OH NO! OH HELP! THERES A FEROCIOUS LIONFISH HUNTING MEEEE-EEEEE!!!” He shouted, dashing across the lawn. Ellie squeaked in joy watching him run and scampered off, laughing uncontrollably in the way babies did.
Riley and Sandy both laughed watching them.
“No kidding? If that’s the case, then I think maybe that’s just right for ya.”
“…You really think so?”
“Yup!”
Riley looked down at the grass, watching it rustle from the winds created by the AC in the dome. Hearing more than one person say that felt nice, like a little light lit up in their chest. No one said that a lot after all. Could they be right, then? Was art their passion? Was that…good?
Did that mean that Mom and Dad were wrong about that, though?
That didn’t sound that alien to the teenage snake. They knew everyone made mistakes and stuff. There were definitely times where Mom and Dad seemed wrong. Still, thinking about it was off. Mom and Dad were…well, their parents. Them being wrong was all…off. Like Neptune was turned on his head, his wave-shaped locks rushing all the water up onto the surfaces, and the depths were drying up from his tails sticking in the air. But at the same time, it didn’t feel so scary for some reason. They sighed through their slits, unable to stop grinning. Maybe they had gotten over the shock from what happened a few days ago so much that now nothing frightened them anymore.
Well…almost nothing.
They glanced at Sandy for a bit. She had mentioned other people not…liking her and stuff…similar to how the Bikini Bottom fish were around them. That explained why she lived so far away and all alone.
But her inventions were so cool! Everything about Sandy was cool! She was from the surface world, she was a scientist, she traveled everywhere… that wasn’t fair.

Just like how they had all thought Riley was some kind of monster.

Now, looking at the upcoming pineapple and then staring at the hatch door as SpongeBob opened it, Riley thought about something crazy as they went in after him, and all through the evening as they slept on the couch again.

…Could they use…their art to make the people here get used to them?