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Valentine's Day.
A day of love, confessions, and affection. Girls with heavy makeup loitered in the hallways with chocolates in their hands. Guys stuck their hands in their pockets and tried to look effortlessly casual as their eyes darted from girl to girl. Couples kissed behind stairs and out in the open. Some students held grandiose displays of affection with bouquets, whilst others could be seen shyly gifting their partner a rose. It looked, smelled, felt, sounded, and even tasted like love.
How improper, Tsukasa Tenma thought. Really, students shouldn’t be lingering around in hallways right before classes, nor should they be shamelessly showing public displays of affection! Kissing in the sacred hallways of Kamiyama High?
As a member of the Disciplinary Committee, Tsukasa heavily disapproved of such impudent actions! Yes, it was a day of celebration for the wonderful magic of love, but that doesn’t mean they could all act so brazenly!
So why was he in the courtyard holding a love letter in his hands?
Tsukasa would like to ask that himself.
A yellow envelope, folded meticulously with care, littered with hearts and small doodles, devoid of wrinkles was in his hands.
Tsukasa eyes his letter. The bold lettering taunted him like a ghost of his impending doom. He cringed for the umpteenth time that day; the him from 10 hours ago must have been too tired to think.
What had he been expecting? A grand confession that would lead to a perfect romance that rivalled Cinderella’s? The truth hit him hard: he was simply setting himself up for heartbreak. The very thought sent a fresh wave of anxiety racing through him. Tsukasa sighed, nausea swirling in his gut. Why did I think this was a good idea? He could already imagine the horrified look on Rui's face when he read the letter. “You want to date me, Tsukasa-kun? Really?” Oh God, he can’t handle that. Maybe he should just crumple it up and toss it in the nearest bin. It would be quick and he’d be able to move on without any complications-
He heard a familiar female voice behind him. “Oh, Tsukasa.”
Turning around, he found a green haired girl carrying two large boxes and a tall, purple haired boy carrying three.
“Nene! And… And Rui!” His voice faltered. “What are those boxes for?”
“Emu sent me flowers.” Nene sighed.
“From Miya Girls?!”
“From Miya Girls.”
“How?!”
“No idea. Rich people can do anything, I guess. Can you help me put these on the floor?”
“Of course! As your beloved troupe leader, nothing hurts more than seeing a fellow troupemate in trouble! I, Tsukasa Tenma, will-”
“Just get to it!”
“Roger!” Tsukasa put his letter down on a nearby bench and quickly rushed to help unload the massive deliveries in Nene and Rui’s hands.
Big mistake.
Once the boxes were out of his hands, Rui eyed the small packet curiously.
With a playful grin, he bent down to pick it up. “Could this perhaps be a love letter, Tsukasa-kun?” He teased, mischief dancing in his eyes.
Tsukasa froze. “Um, yes, but…!”
“I am very wounded you didn’t fill me in on the details of your love life.” He dramatically clasped a hand over his heart. “And here I thought I was your best friend!”
“No, it’s not like that! Anyways, just give it back!” Tsukasa panicked.
Rui’s playful gaze drops to the object in his hands.
On top of the pale paper surface, written in sparkly purple glitter ink and handwriting that was even brighter and bolder, yet so utterly Tsukasa, was the name of the letter’s intended recipient.
A name that was strikingly familiar.
Rui could do nothing but ogle like an idiot at his own full name staring back at him in all its purple, glittery glory.
“Rui? Oi, give it-”
…
And when Tsukasa saw the look of disbelief painted on Rui’s (very pretty) face, when he realised the recipient’s name was revealed in all its splendor, he immediately fell silent.
Before yelling at top volume, of course.
A very indignant female voice tells him to pipe down.
Promptly snatching the letter from Rui’s hands, he bolted as if his life depended on it, because it quite literally did. If he lingered to see Rui’s reaction, he was convinced his face would catch fire, and then there would be nothing anyone could do but watch him burn out like a star in a supernova. Matter of fact, Tsukasa could already feel his skin tingle and burn, his cheeks abnormally warming whilst his trembling fingers fumbled to grip the letter tighter. Shit, he thought, shit, shit, shit! How am I going to face him now?
He dashed up the stairs, his shoes clattering loudly with every step, spiralling up and up until he met a very familiar door. He pushes it open, the creaky hinges protesting, and sprints onto the school roof before slamming it shut with full force.
Locking the door, he breathes a sigh of relief. I’m safe.
His escape wasn’t exactly what one would expect of a future star, but Tsukasa couldn’t care less right now. All's well that ends well.
Wait, no! Nothing is going well!
He takes a moment to catch his breath before processing everything that just happened.
A light rattle from his pocket alerts him of a new text. Hesitantly, he checks it.
Tsukasa-kun!!!
Tell everyone to come to rehearsal early!!!!
Oh, they have practice today. Should I call in sick? But then what kind of troupe leader does that? Slowing down progress for something as silly as a love letter? Unforgivable. Besides, their show was in two weeks, and Tsukasa still hadn’t perfected his role…
OKAY! We’ll be there by 4.
Truthfully, all Tsukasa wants is to head home and groan and cry and scream in his three-walled room. He paced the rooftop, nervously biting at his nails as anxiety swirled in the pit of his stomach, before sinking down onto the cold concrete, leaning against the familiar wall of the rooftop. The afternoon breeze tousled his hair, but it failed to soothe his racing thoughts. He could picture Nene and Rui whispering and giggling right now about the stupid letter. What if they both found his feelings laughable? What if they never saw him the same way again? The thought made Tsukasa's heart race. Was it really so easy for them to laugh and joke about feelings while he was here, drowning in his own insecurities?
I never should’ve written it. Tears pricked his eyes and threatened to fall, but he blinked them away. He was not going to let his feelings get the better of himself. He hugged his knees to his chest, turning to stare out over the edge of the rooftop. The courtyard below bustled with life and laughter, most certainly interesting to stare at, but all he could think of was Rui.
Rui and his teasing grin when he sees a centipede nearby. Rui and the lights in his eyes whenever Tsukasa pulled off one of his stunts. Rui and his soft, purple hair that fluttered on windy days when they sat together on the rooftop, talking about everything and nothing all at once. Rui and his calloused hands, littered with tiny cuts that Tsukasa yearned to caress. Rui and the red eyeliner that brought out the cyan glint in his eyes, especially during sunsets.
Rui and the look on his face when Tsukasa finally lays bare his feelings.
Tsukasa can already imagine the look of disgust and repulse flitting across Rui’s beautiful features. And when it does come, Tsukasa’s heart will plummet as he faces inevitable rejection. Then, Rui will never, ever be able to see Tsukasa the same again.
Maybe he already can’t.
Buzz!
The sound of a drone buzzed overhead, its low hum familiar and comforting. Tsukasa looked up just in time to see a magenta bat drone propelling past his head. Just as quickly as it had appeared, his odd feeling of ease transformed into dread and terror.
First of all, almost nobody brings drones to school. Second of all, even in a sea of robots and machines, Tsukasa would recognise that thing anywhere.
Before his shock recovers, he hears quick footsteps approaching in the distance.
.
A polite knock.
“Tsukasa-kun?”
Of course.
“Tsukasa-kun, please open up.”
“Never in a million years!”
“I’ll just pick the lock, then.”
Of course this guy knows how to pick locks! Tsukasa stared at the rattling door, his mind racing with fear. Rui’s going to reject him. Rui’s going to tell him how disgusting he is. Rui’s going to read that letter, and…
Oh, the letter.
“No, no, no,” he muttered, desperately trying to fold the paper in half before ripping it to shreds. His movements were a flurry of panic. But just as he prepared to tear it, the rattling of the doorknob intensified. Tsukasa's mind raced; he couldn't let him in. Not with the letter still in his hands like a ticking time bomb. He tugged hard at the letter, watching as it bent and wrinkled but did not break. He swore right then and there to never use cardstock again in his entire life.
A click echoed through the air, and Tsukasa froze, his breath held tight in his throat. He heard the doorknob twist and the roof door flung open with yet another squeaky protest.
Rui entered cautiously, his eyes settling on Tsukasa first before glancing at the letter in his hands that he was so desperately trying to destroy.
In a frenzy, Tsukasa hurriedly scrunched the letter up into a ball and shoved it into his pocket.
Rui tilted his head, a knowing smile creeping onto his face. “Tsukasa-kun.”
“I swear it’s not what it looks like, Rui.”
“Then what is it?”
“...”
“Can I have the letter?”
“NO!”
“But you wrote my name on the cover.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’ll give it to you! This was! A big! Mistake! Do you hear me?”
“Why would it be a mistake, Tsukasa-kun? I think it’s very romantic.”
“Because... Because you’re going to think I’m weird!” Tsukasa blurted, his voice cracking with emotion. “You’re going to laugh at me! Or worse, you’ll look at me like I’m some kind of freak for feeling this way!”
Rui’s expression shifted into something softer.
“What makes you think I would do that?”
“Because it’s stupid to pour your heart out like this- I don’t even know why I thought writing a letter would be a good idea in the first place!”
“Tsukasa-kun… why would it not be? I don’t think it’s stupid- I think it’s very brave.”
“Because I’m scared, Rui. Scared that you’ll find a reason to walk away, scared that these feelings will ruin everything. I laid my heart out in this letter. Once you read it, what if we can never go back to the way we were before? What if you look at me differently? What if you laugh? What if you think I’m pathetic? I can’t handle that!”
Tsukasa’s frustrated tears finally fall as he gazes at the ground, hands clutching the letter and the sides of his cardigan tightly.
His voice cracks.
“I can’t- I can’t lose you, Rui. Not when you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
Rui’s breath hitches, his heart hammering so loudly he could hear its echo in his ears.
“Oh.”
“Rui, just… just go. Forget this ever happened, please. I never should’ve written the love letter, it was so un-starlike of me, I was just being selfish, please.”
Rui’s hands moved slowly, but surely, up to Tsukasa’s face.
Shakily, they settled, cupping his cheeks in a gentle embrace. So warm. The touch sent goosebumps all over Rui’s arms, igniting a warmth that travelled through him like wildfire. Their eyes met, and oh, Rui wouldn’t trade the way the way Tsukasa bit his lip nervously as they gazed at each other, for anything else in the world, nor the way his eyelashes framed his cheeks, which were dusted with a pink that matched the tips of his hair, and of course, the way his eyes glistened with vulnerability as brown faded into a golden amber. The slight furrow of his brow, the way he fidgeted timidly with the edges of his cardigan, the tears clinging to the corners of his eyes; they were all too much.
Rui brushed his thumbs over the yellow boy’s blush.
“Tsukasa-kun, I don’t think you could lose me if you tried.” He replied breathlessly.
Tsukasa felt a flush of heat rise to his cheeks. “I, uh…”
“You’ve never been selfish, Tsukasa-kun. Rather, you are and you’ve always been so, so selfless. Even when you say you’ve been selfish, you’re still always caring for others, shining brighter than any star; you have always put others before yourself without even thinking about it. Is it so wrong to want to do something for yourself, in return? I would never, ever think of you as pathetic, Tsukasa-kun. You’ve changed everything for me. Before you, I was just chasing dreams that felt unreachable, just silly ideas bound to paper. But you- you brought them to life in the best way possible. And I know I’m not the only one. That’s why the thought of you thinking you’re pathetic is what truly scares me.”
Rui leaned closer and smiled tenderly. It wasn’t the type of smile he’d crack as he explained how he would dangle Tsukasa ten meters off the ground, nor the type of smile he would have when laughing along with the rest of their troupe. No, it was the smile he’d give Tsukasa when they bowed during their curtain calls, sharing their pride and achievements together.
“If this letter is your definition of selfish, then I want you to be a little bit more selfish with me, my star.”
“What if you end up regretting it?”
“I could never regret you.”
“What if things get complicated?”
“It might.” Rui acknowledged. “But is it not worth it?”
“...”
Sighing, he leaned forward and pressed his lips gingerly to Tsukasa’s forehead. It was a ghost of a peck, yet it felt so blissful and warm that Rui couldn’t help thinking about what the sensation of senselessly kissing the boy on the lips would feel like.
At the soft pressure of Rui’s lips, Tsukasa let out a gasp.
His heart raced, and his chest tightened impossibly. The gentle warmth of Rui's lips lingered like a ghost, and it only reminded him of how he wanted so much more.
“Tsukasa-kun, will you let me love you?” Rui’s hands dropped to the star’s waist, his fingers only lightly grazing his sides.
There were so many questions Tsukasa found himself wondering throughout the process of him falling for his director. Questions that held him back, questions that pushed him forward, questions that made him fall deeper and deeper.
Was it really okay?
To yearn for Rui’s touch, his gaze, his love; was it really okay?
But as the director cradled his face in his hands as if he were made of glass, looking at him with soft eyes that melted into gold, he realised the answer was a resounding:
“Yes.”
With newfound courage, Tsukasa cupped Rui’s face, mirroring the gesture from moments before. Eyes fluttering shut, he brushed his lips against Rui’s slowly, the kiss nothing more than a tender press of lips that blossomed into warmth and affection. The world around them faded into a distant hum as Rui responded, his hands tightening around Tsukasa’s waist, pulling him closer. Tsukasa could feel the pulse of Rui’s racing heartbeat against his own, lost in the sensation.
Finally parting when their lungs begged for air, they gazed at each other, breathless and wide-eyed. Lowering his eyes, Tsukasa’s hands met Rui’s, and as they intertwined their fingers, he couldn’t help the way his lips curved into a small smile.
“I’m scared. I’m still scared about what this means for our troupe and our futures. I’m scared of messing up, and I’m scared of failing, well, us. But,” He gave the director’s hands a small squeeze, “I want to be with you, Rui. I… I’ve decided I at least want to try. I want to see where this goes, if you’ll have me.”
“Of course I will.” Rui tilted Tsukasa’s chin up gently, forcing him to meet his eyes. Their lips met in a kiss that was deeper, a kiss that said they were ready to face everything- together, because who is Oddball 1 without his Oddball 2? Who is Romeo without his Juliet? Who is a star without his director?
They kissed away the insecurity and the fear, leaning into each other and savouring each press of their lips. Rui chuckled softly into the kiss, and it reverberated through Tsukasa, causing him to laugh too, evicting another giggle from the director, until both boys had their foreheads pressed against each other, laughing uncontrollably.
“Can I read the letter?” Rui quipped.
“Don’t tell me that was your ulterior motive this whole time,” Tsukasa replied, faking exasperation.
Rui gasped. “How could you accuse me of such a thing? Has't I not did earn thy trusteth?”
“Uh-huh, sure.” Tsukasa crossed his arms.
“ Maybe a little. I mean, I can’t help it,” Rui admitted with a playful grin. “I’m dying to know what you wrote about me. Besides, after that kiss, I think I’ve earned it, wouldn’t you say?”
“Well, I suppose there’s no harm… I have very nice handwriting if I do say so myself! But I want you to promise that… that you won’t make fun of me, I guess.”
“I would never make fun of your feelings, Tsukasa-kun. You don’t have to worry.” Rui raised one of Tsukasa’s hands to his lips, kissing it sweetly before grinning cheekily at the boy.
“You-” Ah, the way an inevitable blush immediately overrode Tsukasa’s features was so endearing. ”Agh, whatever, just take it.” The shorter boy groaned, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the crumpled letter.
Rui took it with care, unfolding it as if it were made of glass. He began to read.
Dear Rui,
I’ve been meaning to write this for a while now. It’s strange how words can feel so heavy and so light at the same time, but nevertheless, I hope these feelings manage to reach you and find their way into your heart.
Rui, I want to see more of your curtain call smiles.
And I mean those moments when you stand on stage, basking in the applause. I’ve developed this silly routine of sneaking glances at you when we rise together after bowing and honestly, it’s become my favorite part of every show. When I see the happiness in your eyes, I find my heart burning with pride, because I know that my performance has managed to light the brightest smile in the world. With your every smile, I feel closer to stardom.
But it’s not just during curtain calls that I want to see that smile. I want it in the quiet banter we share backstage, the teasing we share during rehearsals, the many lunches we spend on the school roof, the slow sunset walks back home after practice, and more. I want to know that you find happiness in everyday life with me as much as you do on stage.
I always find myself wondering where the line between like and love lies. I like you, Rui. As my director, yes, but more importantly, as my best friend. You’ve always been by my side, supporting me, but lately, I’ve realised you’ve been more; my inspiration, my safe place, and someone I want to dream along with. I’ll achieve stardom one day- I know it. I believe it. Lately, I’ve realised something critical: I don't think I could believe anymore if you’re not the one directing me by my side. You bring out the best in me, and I want that to be part of my journey as I chase my dreams. Lately, I’ve realised that when I become a star, I want it to be with your hand in mine. Lately, I’ve realised that I love you.
Yours always,
Tsukasa ☆