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"You're sending me on a joint mission with another agent?" Bond asked without any preamble, after entering Q's office without even knocking. Closing the door, he strode over to Q's side of the desk, leaning on the table, entirely too close to Q.
Q, who was in the middle of hacking into the database of an international spy ring, sighed and replied while continuing to type on his keyboard, "Have you never heard of the concept of knocking, 007?"
"I'm a spy. I never knock." Bond replied, no doubt aiming to be suave, but Q had spent too much time among Double O agents and had long developed immunity to their charms. Especially those of a certain 007 agent. Or so he told himself, willing himself not to be affected.
"Come on, Q," Bond cajoled when Q continued ignoring him, "You know I rarely work with other agents. I need to know more about my partner if this mission is to be successful."
Knowing Bond would just keep pestering him until Q caved, he sighed and paused his work, glaring at Bond. "You've worked with other agents before. You know the drill."
Bond smirked, "The last agent I worked with was Moneypenny, do I need to remind you how that went?"
"Well, you'll be happy to know that we don't anticipate a gunfight for this mission. If you remain cautious and discreet, of course."
"I always do."
"Your mission files speak for themselves, 007."
Bond shook his head, smiling slightly. "Always wounding me with your words, Q. So tell me more about this agent I'm working with. Who is it?"
"005," Q answered.
Bond raised his eyebrows in surprise. "005? Isn't that the one who's the son of the previous 001 Uther Pendragon? You're sending me on a mission with baby Pendragon?"
"I'm not even going to ask how you know about his relation with the previous 001. Yes, you're going on a mission with Arthur Pendragon, code-named 005."
"Why are we being sent on the same mission? Pendragon usually does political intrigue missions, doesn't he? Seems very different from the missions that I get sent on."
"There's been an... intersection of interests," Q replied. "As you know, we've been trying to dismantle SPECTRE's influence around the globe. We've received intelligence that certain governments might have played a role in SPECTRE. 005 is the agent who discovered this and he knows the relevant contacts within the governments, but you're the one most qualified to deal with SPECTRE."
Bond nodded his head, accepting the reason. "Tell me he's at least a good shot."
"I'll do you a favour and not tell Eve you said that." Q pulled out a folder and case from a drawer. "These are the mission details and all the documents you need for this mission. In the case you'll find your standard-issue gun, coded to your handprint as usual, a pinhole camera, and a set of wireless communicators. Please do try to bring all the equipment back in one piece, all still in working condition, this time. You'll be rendezvousing with 005 and his field technician at the hotel listed in the mission details tomorrow at 1900 hours."
Bond's brows shot up in surprise. "His field technician? 005 has a personal technician? Showing favouritism, Quartermaster?"
Q shrugged and replied, "It's been this way long before I became Quartermaster. I don't typically run mission support for 005, it's almost all exclusively handled by W, who prefers to be on-site. They're a good team. However, because of the delicate nature of this mission, I'll be monitoring it as well, although W will take care of most of the on-field technical support. Please try not to blow anything up in this mission, 007."
"You make it sound as though I deliberately make things explode in every mission."
"It certainly seems that way sometimes."
Bond laughed and shifted closer to him, trailing a hand up Q's arm. "What will I do without you and your sharp tongue, Q?"
Q drew in a sharp breath, goosebumps starting to rise up on his arm. "Please try not to seduce W as well."
Bond smirked and bent down closer to him. "Don't worry, Q. The only MI6 personnel I want to seduce is you. Speaking of which... I locked the door when I came in. How about some 'good luck' sex?"
Q glared at him, trying to damp down his arousal. "I am not having office sex with you, 007."
Bond laughed, a low sexy sound that sent shivers down Q's back. He moved even closer to Q. "You always say that. But as we've both learned by now," he said, his face now inches from Q as he laid his hand high on Q's thigh, "I'm very skilled at seduction."
In one fluid motion he pulled Q up from his chair, and turned them so that Q was now bent over the desk, and Bond was pressing his whole body against Q's back, shallowly thrusting in an imitation of what Bond wanted to do to him, letting Q feel just how interested Bond was.
Q gave up (it was never much of a fight to begin with), turning his head and leaning up to take Bond's lips in a hard, bruising kiss. "You know where the lube and condoms are," he said.
"Tell me you're joking."
"No, Arthur, for the last time, I am NOT joking. When do I ever joke about our missions?" Merlin said, exasperated, for this was about the millionth time he had to say this in the last half hour.
"So you mean to tell me," Arthur paused for dramatic effect, "that they're sending us on a joint mission with 007. Double O 'I blow things up all the time and leave a trail of bodies in my wake' - Seven?"
Merlin rolled his eyes. "You're exaggerating. He's not that bad."
Arthur growled and started pacing around the hotel room again, agitatedly muttering to himself, as Merlin sat slumped in a chair, briefing materials for their new mission laid out on the table in front of him. "I just don't see the problem," Merlin continued, "We get sent on joint missions with other agents all the time."
"Yes but that man's a brute! I do things with much more finesse than him! How do our missions even intersect?"
Merlin snorted. ""You don't do things with finesse. I always have to clean up after you so you don't leave a trail of destruction after you."
Arthur waved his hand dismissively, "That's because you're good at clean up, we all know that's what you're good for."
Merlin narrowed his eyes, and took advantage of a split-second in which Arthur's attention was diverted to whisper something, and Arthur suddenly tripped over a box. Sprawled up on the floor, he looked up at Merlin and sputtered, "Where did that come from?"
"It was always there, Arthur," Merlin said airily.
"No it wasn't," Arthur insisted, looking thoroughly confused. "Seriously, why does this keep happening?"
"Because you're a klutz?"
Arthur looked outraged. "No I am not."
Merlin shrugged, the very picture of innocence. "Well how else do you explain why you keep tripping over random things all the time? Surely they can't have just magically appeared right in front of you right? Anyway, now that you're finally seated, albeit on the ground, stop being a whiny dramatic prat and shut up so that I can go over the mission details with you, shall we?"
It's only the first night of the mission, and it already wasn't off to a great start.
Merlin sighed, slumped down on his chair watching the two idiots agents posture at each other across a pool table.
Really, he should have known this would happen when their first words to each other had been, "So I finally get to meet baby Pendragon. I have to say, your father had a much more intimidating presence," and "Oh look it's 007! I didn't realize you were still active in the field, I thought you retired. But then again one can hardly keep track of your status these days, you keep retiring and coming back." The conversation had continued in a similar vein, becoming increasingly barbed, and eventually led to a challenge at the pool table that Merlin had declined to join.
Merlin pressed a button on his radio transmitter, and Q's voice sounded in his earpiece, a sympathetic note in his voice. "They're still at it then?"
"First they made increasingly pointed critiques about each other that ranged all the way from age and inexperience to nepotism and inconsistency. Now they'd been through what, five games of pool now, and are critiquing each other's skills in pool as an analogy for their prowess in bed. I give up. I'm done here, Q. Tell M I'm resigning."
Q snorted, "Better you than me. I've put you down as giving in your two-weeks' notice. You do still have to finish this mission though. Good luck, W." With that parting shot, he signed off, and Merlin switched off the transmitter in disgust. He really should have just left these two clotpoles to bumble through the mission alone and enjoyed some downtime in London.
Speaking of the two devils, they seemed to have finally wrapped up their pool games, and came back to table, still glaring at one another and taking potshots at each other.
Merlin threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Will the two of you just stop arguing for a minute, and remember that we actually have a mission objective over here?" Merlin asked.
Bond threw him a charming smile, turning his body to face him. "Of course, W. Wait, is there a name I can call you instead? Won't want to draw attention to ourselves by referring to you using a letter in the alphabet, right?"
"You can call me Merlin," Merlin replied, charmed despite himself.
"I'm simply delighted to meet you, Merlin," Bond said flirtatiously. Across the table Arthur growled, and Bond's gaze turned speculative.
Merlin sighed for the umpteen time. This was going to be a long night, and an even longer mission.
The good thing was that both Bond and Arthur were consummate professionals, and once the mission began in earnest, they were able to set aside their differences.
The bad thing was that it turned out that Bond really was a magnet for trouble and explosions, and the mission went spectacularly to shit.
Which was why the three of them were huddled behind a stack of crates in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere, gunfire erupting sporadically around them as assassins tried to suss them out. Their radio transmitters had been burnt to a crisp in a prior car explosion courtesy of Bond, so they could not tell Q where their current location was, and between the three of them they only had one gun.
"Seriously," Arthur was ranting while craning his head around to see if he could tell where their enemies were, "how have you survived until now if all your missions go this way?"
"Skill," Bond deadpanned.
"I call bullshit on that," Arthur interrupted even as Bond continued, "and a substantial dose of luck."
"Luck, huh?" Arthur said, looking over at Merlin. "You can't be luckier than me." He gave Bond a short nod and jerked his head in the direction of the exit. "Shall we try both our luck?"
They grinned at each other, and if Merlin had thought the past few days tedious because of the two's animosity toward each other, it was nothing compared to the terror he now felt. Because Merlin recognized the expression on Arthur's face - it meant he was about to do something completely stupid and reckless, and the same expression was now reflected on Bond's face.
"Oh no you don't," Merlin said, and at the same time both Arthur and James broke cover, Arthur running to attack the nearest assassin while Bond aimed his gun at the fire extinguisher on the wall.
Complete, utter chaos filled the warehouse as the fire extinguisher exploded with a loud bang and a cloud of freezing cold smoke, reducing visibility in the warehouse down to zero. In the shadows Merlin could hear shouts and gunshots, and the sounds of bodies hitting the ground. Whispering an incantation, he pinpointed the location of Arthur who was already on the other side of the room, thankfully still moving. Merlin couldn't do the same for Bond, his magic not being as familiar with him as Merlin was with Arthur, and he could only hope Bond was still alive too.
Crawling silently with the crates still serving as cover, he tried to make his way over to Arthur while trying to avoid anyone along the way. Unfortunately, he hadn't progressed much from his original position before someone grabbed his hair, forcing him to his feet. Reacting instinctively, Merlin made a gesture with his palm, and his assailant was thrown far away from him, hitting the wall with a dull thud.
He scrambled back to his knees, and made haste with his movements, heading for the walls. The hissing from the fire extinguisher had stopped and the smoke was starting to dissipate, and Merlin had no intention of being an open target once the smoke cleared. He murmured an invisibility spell to hide himself from anyone.
It took a few more minutes for the smoke to completely clear, and when it did, Merlin took stock of the situation, his spell keeping him undetected from other people. Arthur was in one corner of the warehouse, now armed with weapons, and bodies strewn all around him, alert and looking out for movement. Bond was in another corner, also having acquired new weapons, and taking advantage of the returned visibility to quickly take down a few more enemies.
What he didn't notice was someone else quietly sneaking up on his back, gun raised and finger on the trigger button ready to press down.
"No!" Merlin shouted, and raised his arms. Bond's would-be shooter was thrown far away, and the other remaining assassins were also quickly knocked unconscious with a flick of Merlin's hand. He turned back to Bond to check on him, and found him staring at Merlin, a dumbfounded expression on his face.
Merlin had forgotten to maintain the invisibility spell.
"Uh...," he stalled for time, trying to think of any excuse to explain away what Bond just saw.
"Oh for goodness' sake," he heard Arthur said.
A flying gun, thrown with impeccable aim from Arthur's general direction, hit Bond square on the head and knocked him unconscious.
The very next day, they were already back at the MI6 headquarters in London for the mission debriefing. Q had managed to track down the location of the warehouse they were in through a complicated process of hacking and surveillance, and backup from MI6 had broken into the warehouse not long after Arthur had knocked Bond unconscious.
They had been whisked away immediately, and between medical examination and wrapping up the mission, Merlin had not have the chance to talk to both Arthur and Bond.
So it was a very nervous Merlin that sat in on the debriefing meeting today with M, Q, Arthur, and Bond who was still nursing an impressive-looking head bruise.
The meeting started off routinely, but Merlin started fidgeting and sweating more and more as the report progressed along the timeline, until it inevitably got to the stand-off in the warehouse.
Being the senior agent, Bond had been the one describing most of the events, and here he paused, throwing a puzzled look at Merlin who was studiously avoiding his gaze. "I am not quite certain what happened after the smoke cleared. I know that between Agent 005 and me, we were able to take out most of the assailants. There were still some left standing though. One of them nearly sneaked up on me, and then...," Bond trailed off, seemingly unable to explain the events that happened next.
Merlin discreetly rubbed his sweaty palms over his trousers, and not for the first time, strongly considered knocking everyone in this room out and making a run for it. There were surveillance cameras and recording equipment here though, maybe he should fry all the electrical equipment before he left as well. He nearly missed M prompting Bond to continue his report.
Bond answered slowly, clearly trying to piece together the events of last night as Merlin resisted squirming in his seat. "I was alerted of the sneak attack by W, who... quite suddenly appeared in front of me?"
Merlin could feel everyone's eyes on him, and gave a nervous smile. "What? I was always there? Maybe you didn't notice me at first in all that confusion?"
Bond was studying him with narrowed eyes, but decided not to pursue the matter, instead moving on to the next strange event. "My attacker was then thrown back off me. I'm not sure by what. I was knocked unconscious not long after."
"I shot him, that's why he was thrown back." Arthur suddenly said, cutting into the conversation. Merlin swung his head around to stare at Arthur, trying to keep a flabbergasted expression from showing up on his face.
Bond argued, "I didn't hear a gunshot."
Arthur shrugged and replied, "You might have missed it, you were knocked out very soon after. One of the remaining attackers threw something at you and you went down. Fortunately we'd already taken care of most of them by then, so it was easy eliminating the rest, and the backup from MI6 arrived soon afterward." He threw an irritated glare at Merlin, who realized his mouth was hanging open, and he closed it with some difficulty as Arthur continued with their debrief, wrapping up the remainder of the mission report.
After the mission debrief ended, they all filed out of the meeting room. Q and M left first while Bond lingered behind, exchanging some parting remarks with Arthur. Merlin didn't even hear what Bond said, his mind was so full of relief and questions, but he tried his best to appear normal when Arthur nudged him none-too-lightly.
Bond gave him another odd look and Merlin smiled weakly at him. Arthur made an irritated sound. "Well," he said briskly, "as exciting as this mission was, I hope we don't get another joint mission with you for a very long time, 007."
Bond shook Arthur's proffered hand. "Likewise. Although I do have to say that you're a decent agent, 005."
"So are you. Now, if you'll excuse us." Arthur tightly gripped Merlin's arm, and literally dragged him down the corridor, Merlin still too shocked to do anything but follow.
They got into Arthur's car and he sped off. It wasn't until they were clear of the London traffic and on the motorway that Merlin finally dared to speak. "Uhhh, Arthur? Where are we going? And why did you lie about the warehouse? Didn't you see me..."
Arthur cut him off with a curt, "Shut up, Merlin."
They drove in silence for a while, before Arthur abruptly took one of the exits and parked at a nearby shopping mall. Opening the boot, he took out two duffel bags and threw one of them at Merlin. "Come on, we have to hurry."
"What? Hurry where?" Merlin asked while scrambling to keep up with Arthur, who was walking fast to a different car. Unlocking the car with a different set of keys, Arthur slid inside, tossing his bag into the backseat. "Just get in, Merlin!" he yelled, and Merlin could only obey.
Finally they arrived at their destination, which Merlin recognised as one of Arthur's safe houses - one of many that he had purchased under fake identities using his own funds. As far as Merlin was aware, he and Arthur were the only ones who knew the locations of these safe houses. No one else knew, not even MI6.
Arthur got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him, and stormed up to the house, unlocking it and walking in without even waiting for Merlin. Merlin followed meekly behind, his mind churning with questions. He closed the door behind him, and followed Arthur into the living room, where he was currently pacing back and forth furiously.
"Listen, Arthur, I can explain..."
"You!" Arthur interrupted, jabbing an accusatory finger at Merlin. "Have you no sense of preservation at all?!" he yelled.
Well, this definitely wasn't how Merlin had expected this conversation to go. "What?"
"Do you have any idea how close you came to blowing your cover? Or that maybe it's already blown? Bond isn't stupid, Merlin. He's bound to put two and two together, if he hadn't already!"
Merlin was beyond confused, and more than a little scared. "What are you talking about?"
Arthur threw his hands up in the air. "What else, Merlin? I'm talking about that little trick you do where you make a hand gesture and five assassins are thrown off their feet and knocked unconscious."
Oh. Merlin had to sit down on a chair, he was so shocked. "You knew...?"
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Merlin," he said, the inflection on the name making it clear that he thought Merlin an idiot. "How many years have we been partners? You're not exactly subtle with your... you know." he waved his fingers at Merlin in a surprisingly good imitation of the hand gestures Merlin usually used.
"With my... magic."
Arthur stopped pacing, and for a moment they just looked at each other, not breathing. The word hung between them.
"Yes, magic," Arthur said, a brief expression of awe passing through his face before it hardened again. "I'm not done with you, Merlin. You really have to be careful and not be so cavalier about your... about your magic. Do you have any idea what they might do to you if they find out?" He paused for a breath, and then looked at Merlin. "Are you even listening to me?"
Merlin was still feeling dazed and dumbfounded. "All this time, you knew? Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was waiting for you to trust me, you idiot."
"Oh." Merlin said, feeling sheepish.
"Oh is right. I can't believe you, Merlin. So many years hiding your secret, and you nearly blow it away because of that arsehole Bond? He's a seasoned agent, Merlin, he can handle a sneak attack or two. What were you thinking, risking your cover because of that flirt?" Arthur was working himself up into a good proper rant again, but Merlin had tuned him out, having realized a few things simultaneously.
"You're jealous," he proclaimed, grinning up at Arthur.
Arthur sputtered. "Jealous? What are you talking about. I'm furious."
Merlin shook his head, laughing and feeling curiously light. He stood up and walked toward Arthur, stepping right into his personal space. "Furious because I nearly gave away my secret because of Bond. You were jealous! And you were so worried about my safety that you planned for us to go on the run together."
Arthur started in on a fierce denial again, but Merlin silenced him with a kiss.
Much later, the both of them laid on a surprisingly comfortable bed, sated and naked. Merlin, curled up in Arthur's arms, sleepily asked, "Do you really think that MI6 might know about my magic, and that we might run into trouble with them?"
Arthur sighed. "I don't know. But it doesn't hurt to prepare for that possibility. If they do come for you, we'll be prepared."
Merlin grinned at him, and kissed the worry off his face. "Don't worry. I know some people in high places. Everything will be alright, you'll see."
In London, Bond and Q laid together on a different bed, having engaged in similar activities.
"I still think there's something odd about the events in the warehouse," Bond said.
"Mmm," Q said, feeling drowsy and lethargic. "What do you mean?"
"Specifically, W. He just appeared out of nowhere, I could have sworn he wasn't there before. And then he made some sort of hand motion, and the attacker behind me was thrown back. I'm certain Pendragon didn't shoot the gun. And I know this sounds weird, but W's eyes glowed gold when he knocked those men unconscious."
"Are you sure you don't have a concussion? Or maybe your memory's going after all these years." Q snarked.
"I'm serious, Q. I know what I saw. There's something seriously odd about this whole thing."
Q had learned to trust Bond's instincts. "Alright. I'll take a look at their mission files first thing tomorrow, and see if any irregularities pop up."
The next day, a sharply dressed man with an umbrella and an unmistakable air of authority showed up at the MI6 headquarters, and all records pertaining to Arthur Pendragon (codenamed Agent 005) and Merlin Holmes (codenamed Agent W) were erased away.