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Phainon didn’t want to brag, but he had the best best friend in the world.
He and Mydei had known each other since they were kindergarteners. They met on the playground when their class was playing tag, and when Phainon was “it” he tackled Mydei to the ground to tag him. Mydei did not like this very much and grabbed a handful of dirt to throw in his face. Or maybe he did like it because when Phainon did it back to him, he started laughing and slapping at him without making any real attempt to push him away.
When the teachers put them in time out, they kept poking each other and trying to stifle their giggles, until they were caught and put on opposite ends of the room. Phainon still remembered bawling when that happened. That was the worst heartbreak his five year old self had ever experienced.
The two of them became inseparable after that. Phainon’s life was intertwined with Mydei’s. When Mydei’s baby teeth started falling out, Phainon insisted that he wanted to keep one, much to the confusion of his parents. And when Mydei was old enough to realize that not all fathers were as cruel as his, Phainon didn’t hesitate to let him sleep over on the rougher nights. His family was just as willing — they loved Mydei. He was a respectful, soft spoken boy.
Well, at least he was with them. With Phainon, he was a menace.
They never stopped roughhousing, no matter how many times they got in trouble for it. They eventually learned not to do it at school when they reached the age that their teachers could threaten to dock their grades. But whenever they hung out at Phainon’s house, Mydei would shove him out of nowhere, and Phainon would shove him back, and they would keep escalating until they were rolling around on the floor, each trying to pin the other down.
It was just second nature to them. Everything felt so pleasantly simple when he was with Mydei. It was always Phainon and Mydei, Mydei and Phainon.
And when Mydei wasn’t around, life just felt… well, empty. At the beginning of their sophomore year of high school, Mydei started to pick up more shifts at the animal shelter he worked at. He was working over thirty hours a week now, and Phainon barely had time to see him outside of school. Of course, he still had his other friends Castorice and Hyacine, and his sister Cyrene facetimed him from college almost every night, but nobody could quite fill the space Mydei left behind.
He even tried dating. He talked to a few different girls throughout sophomore year, and had a girlfriend during the summer and the first semester of junior year. But no matter how much he’d perfected playing the part of a chivalrous boyfriend, he never felt the spark people described when they talked about romance. And when she cried asking why he wouldn’t kiss her, he knew he had to end things.
On Valentine’s Day, Phainon opened his locker to a pile of pink envelopes sealed with heart stickers and lipstick marks. He chewed at the inside of his cheek. Maybe this time, he could find a relationship that worked out.
“That’s a lot of letters,” a familiar voice noted.
Phainon nearly jumped out of his skin in excitement. He turned around, beaming, to come face to face with his best friend. “Mydei! Is that jealousy I hear?"
“You wish,” Mydei scoffed.
“I’m just kidding,” Phainon laughed. “I know you have even more.” He was already thinking of all the ways he’d have to defend him from unworthy suitors.
But to his surprise, Mydei leaned on the wall of lockers and shook his head. “Nope. None.”
Phainon’s jaw fell. “What the hell? If I were a girl, I’d be falling over myself to confess to you!”
“Thanks for the consolation,” Mydei muttered.
“No, seriously, I mean it!” Determined to boost his friend’s confidence, he continued, “You’re like, probably the top ten most beautiful faces of Amphoreus. Actually, scratch that, the most beautiful face of Amphoreus. And your body is insane, too. I have dreams about that body. I mean, in the sense that I dream about having the same physique as you.”
Mydei’s face was bright red. His eyes darted around, as if searching for anybody that might have been eavesdropping on their conversation. “But don’t you already have… Never mind.”
Phainon rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Although, maybe it’s a good thing nobody confessed to you. I don’t like the idea of sharing you… Do you have work today?”
Mydei still looked a bit bothered for a moment, but in the end he shook it off and sighed, “No. I tried to pick up a shift, but my manager told me to go have some fun.”
The perfect idea sprung into Phainon’s mind at that moment. He clapped his hands together and sang, “And have some fun we will! You deserve some love on Valentine’s Day. Let me take you to a cafe after school! It’ll be like a Galentine’s, except we’re not gals.”
Mydei chewed his lower lip, his expression contemplative. “It has been a while since we hung out after school, hasn’t it?” Finally, straightening up, he said, “Alright. It better be a good cafe.”
“Of course! Only the best for my Mydei.”
~
“You know, I always thought it was so cute how much of a sweet tooth you have,” Phainon cooed. “I think Castorice told me there’s a phrase for it. Gap moe?”
“Can you just eat your food,” Mydei groaned.
Sitting in front of him on the table was a stack of golden honeycakes, perfectly fluffy and topped with whipped cream, and a cute pink pomegranate milkshake. Phainon had a slice of raspberry cheesecake, which he happily dug into at Mydei’s exasperated request.
After a few bites, he looked up to ask Mydei how he liked his food, but stopped when he saw his face. His mouth was still set in a straight line, but his golden eyes were wide and shimmering and there was a faint blush dusting his cheeks. Clearly, at least clearly to Phainon, he was enjoying himself.
It was so adorable.
While Phainon was transfixed by the sight, a waiter popped up beside their table. “Hey there, would you two like the Valentine’s day special? It’s a deluxe sized strawberry milkshake with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and toppings of your choice! And don’t worry,” he winked, “it’s free for couples.”
Mydei opened his mouth, probably to correct him, but Phainon quickly answered, “We’ll take it! Wafers and blueberries as toppings, please!” He turned to Mydei and waggled his eyebrows. “Anything you want to add, baby?”
“No thank you,” Mydei said through gritted teeth. He looked about two seconds away from clawing Phainon’s face off.
“Alright then!” The waiter scribbled onto his notepad, completely unaware. “Valentine’s special with wafers and blueberries. I’ll get that right to you.”
Once he’d walked away, Mydei hissed, “What the hell was that?”
“That, my dear Mydei, was seizing the opportunity,” Phainon answered cockily.
“That was public humiliation,” Mydei corrected.
“I called you baby once, it’s not that bad!” Phainon shovelled another bite of cheesecake into his mouth. Through his chewing, he added, “Once we get that free milkshake you’ll be thanking me.”
Mydei rolled his eyes and cut another chunk of his honeycakes off to eat. “Whatever you say.”
It wasn’t long before the special drink was brought out. The color was somehow an even rosier pink than the pomegranate milkshake Mydei’d already had, and the tall glass was slightly frosty. It was topped off with a mighty dollop of cream, a generous drizzle of chocolate syrup, plenty of wafers and blueberries like Phainon had requested, and two heart shaped straws.
Phainon tentatively took a sip, and his face immediately lit up. “Oh my god, this is so good! Try it, Mydei!”
He watched as Mydei took the bright red straw between his lips. After a few moments, he simply leaned back in his seat and replied, “Yeah. It’s fine.” His tone was flat, but before he’d spoken Phainon had caught a glimpse of that same expression he’d worn while eating his honeycakes.
He smirked. “Wasn’t it worth it? Tell me it was worth it.”
“I’ll tell you no such thing,” said Mydei, as he reached for another sip and a couple of wafers.
In the end, he ended up eating much more of the Valentine’s Day special than Phainon did. After paying, they left the cafe and strolled down the street, huddling close together to fight the sharp chill of late winter.
“This was so fun,” Phainon sighed dreamily, slinging an arm around Mydei’s shoulder.
“I guess you have a good idea every once in a while,” Mydei chuckled.
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” Phainon turned to face Mydei with a grin. “Say, Mydei, don’t you think we’d make a really good couple?”
Mydei’s face contorted itself into a pained expression. “Well there you go, you’re all out of good ideas.”
Phainon laughed and moved his hand to fiddle with Mydei’s braid. “Just imagine it for a second. If one of us was a girl, we’d be an amazing couple. I think I’d want to get married. Oh, and I guess we’d still be a great couple as guys if we were gay! Yeah, that works too… Mydei, are you okay?”
The skin on Mydei’s neck had heated up to at least twice its original temperature since Phainon had started talking, and he was refusing to face him. Instead, he coughed loudly and rasped, “I think I’m getting sick.”
“Let’s get you home, then,” Phainon offered, and put a hand on the small of Mydei’s back to guide him, but he jerked away.
“I’ll walk on my own. I don’t want to get you sick.” And with that, Mydei walked away so fast he was practically jogging, leaving Phainon dumbfounded and alone on the sidewalk.
~
Phainon woke up the next morning to a text from Mydei saying his condition had only worsened and he wouldn’t be at school that day. It seemed he’d only bothered to tell Phainon, because at lunch, Hyacine asked where he was.
“He’s sick,” Phainon answered with a pout. “He started feeling bad after our date yesterday.”
Castorice tilted her head. “I didn’t know you guys were actually dating. Congratulations.” Immediately, she became flustered at her own words and frantically added, “Wait, how long has it been? Is it weird to say congratulations?”
Hyacine placed a hand on her shoulder. “Oh, don’t worry, Cassie. Everybody saw it coming.”
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” Phainon sputtered. “It wasn’t like, a date date.” Yesterday’s memories flashed through his mind. He’d said it wasn’t, but it really had been like a proper date, hadn’t it? And he’d certainly enjoyed himself more than any of the dates he’d been on with girls the previous year. He mused, “Although it would be kind of cool if I were gay so I could date Mydei.”
Castorice slapped her hand over her mouth.
Hyacine stared at him blankly. “Say that again but slower.”
Phainon blinked and repeated, “It would be cool if I were gay so I could date Mydei?”
The two girls silently looked at each other, then back at him, their expressions blank. Phainon felt his stomach drop. Did he say something wrong? Oh my god, what if they were homophobic — wait, no, they both like girls. Then what did he do wrong?
Luckily, someone swooped in to save the day. “Whoa, who killed the mood here?” Cipher sidled up and used Hyacine as an armrest.
Hyacine didn’t even bother to reprimand her for that, which was how Phainon knew she was really focused on grilling him. “Phainon, why don’t you tell Cipher what you just told us?” she demanded.
“I told them it would be cool if I were gay so I could date Mydei,” Phainon said once again. “Really, I don’t get what’s so crazy about this. Doesn’t everybody feel like this with Mydei?”
Cipher’s eyes went as wide as saucers before she burst out cackling. She was laughing so hard she almost toppled Hyacine over with her. Phainon shifted uncomfortably as he waited for her to calm down enough to speak.
“You cannot be serious right now,” she finally wheezed, wiping a tear from her eye. “You are a real piece of work, Phainon. And for the record, no. I don’t wish I was straight so I could date Mydei. Ew.”
“Don’t ew Mydei!” Phainon cried.
“Not ew him specifically, ew men in general,” Cipher clarified.
“Oh, okay.” Phainon settled back down.
“But seriously, Phainon,” Castorice said. “You know you can just… be gay and date Mydei?”
He was taken aback. “But I’m not gay.”
“Straight people don’t wish they were gay so they could date their best friend,” Hyacine pointed out.
“Well, I can’t possibly be gay, my favorite singer is Robin!” Phainon insisted. “I have posters of her all over my room!”
“Yeah, and you learned all the choreo her backup dancers do at concerts,” Cipher snorted. “You’re really bad at it, might I add.”
“I think your appreciation of the arts is really admirable, Phainon,” Castorice butted in, trying to do damage control.
“Okay, this is ridiculous.” Phainon pinched the bridge of his nose. “You guys don’t know what me and Mydei’s relationship is like. I’m not actually romantically attracted to him. He’s my best friend and I wouldn’t trade that for the world!”
Castorice looked at him with a vague sense of pity. “Those don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”
He wasn’t really sure what to say in response to that.
~
The next weekend, late at night after his shift ended, Mydei showed up to Phainon’s house with a brush and a bottle of red cosmetic paint.
“What’s that for?” Phainon asked while trying to close the door as quietly as possible. While his parents would undoubtedly have no problem with Mydei coming over — this wasn’t the first time he’d appeared at their door so late — they were already sleeping and he didn’t want to wake them.
“I’ve been thinking about getting tattoos,” Mydei answered, turning the bottle over in his hands. “I want you to draw them on me so I can see how they look first.”
“Don’t minors need their parents’ permission to get tattoos?” Phainon was worried about how Mydei’s dad would react.
“I’m turning eighteen in half a year,” Mydei pointed out. He started towards Phainon’s room, and Phainon trailed behind him.
Mydei took his shirt off as soon as Phainon closed the door behind them, revealing the muscles he’d built during their gym sessions. They hadn’t gone together in a while with Mydei so busy, and Phainon found himself trailing his eyes over his body trying to spot any differences. Were his pecs bigger? Maybe he was just imagining it.
“I drew the designs I want on paper,” Mydei said, pulling out his phone to show the pictures to him. “We’ll start with this one. I want this down both of my arms.”
Phainon studied the picture as he opened the bottle of paint and dipped the brush in. “These are super conspicuous. How will you hide them from your dad?”
“I’m moving out.”
Of course only Mydei would drop that kind of information so nonchalantly.
“I already found a studio apartment and talked to the landlord.” Mydei was silent for a bit before he added, “I’ve told my mother about it. She’s supportive of me. She wants to help me pay rent, but I don’t want her to. She’s already done so much for me. I want her to only have to worry about herself for once.”
“She worries about you because she loves you,” Phainon said. “You’re worrying about her because you love her.”
Mydei pursed his lips, a silent acknowledgement of Phainon’s words, then offered his arm for him to begin painting.
He started with the flame-like patterns at his shoulder. It was a vibrant red, almost glowing in the dimly lit room. He moved down Mydei’s arm as he worked, drawing swirls and streaks of crimson.
After he finished both arms, Mydei showed him the design he wanted on his torso. The style was very similar to the one on his arms, albeit with slightly more spiky lines. Phainon got right to work, almost hypnotized by the way Mydei’s chest slowly rose and fell with his breathing under the brush. He licked his lips. Yeah, Mydei’s pecs had definitely gotten bigger. He wasn’t imagining it.
“You’re… very focused,” Mydei noted.
“Mhm,” Phainon hummed. “I’m in direct punching range, after all. I’m scared of what might happen if I mess up.”
“Yeah, right,” Mydei snorted.
Phainon grinned and leaned back to examine his work. There was red all over his upper body, except for his face. It looked almost unfinished. “You know, I think one on your face will look good, too,” he said.
“A face tattoo? Are you out of your mind?” Mydei groaned, but scooted closer and held his bangs out of his face.
Phainon smiled as he started drawing a pattern on his right cheek. “Come on, I know you have the pain tolerance for it.”
“Of course I do. I’m just questioning your ability to judge aesthetics.”
“I’m very good at judging aesthetics,” Phainon said. “Close your eyes, I don’t want the paint to get in them.”
Mydei complied, and Phainon dragged the brush in one smooth swoop under his right eye. “Alright, you can open now.”
When Mydei opened his eyes, Phainon felt like his breath got knocked out of him. The gold of his irises complimented the red beautifully, and the bold design only brought out the sharpness of his gaze. It was enchanting. Phainon knew for a fact he’d never seen something that looked so perfect.
I envy whoever will get to see this every morning when they wake up, he thought bitterly. It should be me. I know how to lull him to sleep, I know how to wake him up, and I know how to make his favorite breakfasts. And I was the one who knew this would look amazing on him. God, he looks so amazing. I could just kiss him —
Wait. What was he thinking?
“Oh my god, they were right,” he whispered.
Mydei looked puzzled. “Hm? Who was right?”
“I’m gay and I really want to date you,” Phainon blurted out.
Mydei stared at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Before Phainon’s brain could start working again and any semblance of embarrassment could catch up to him, Mydei said just as suddenly, “I want you to move out with me.”
Now it was Phainon’s turn to be caught off guard. “What?”
“Sorry,” Mydei immediately apologized. “Forget I said that. I’ve been hoping that you would, but I know it’s a lot to ask of you, since you have a good relationship with your family —”
“No, Mydei, wait.” Phainon took Mydei’s hands in his. “There’s nothing that makes me happier than spending time with you. Of course I’ll move out with you. Ah, that is, if uh…” He suddenly ripped his hands away as if he’d been burned. “... If you didn’t get weirded out by me confessing.”
“Haikas.” Mydei glared at him. “Would I ask you to live with me if I got weirded out?”
Phainon rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Okay. Right. But are you like, ‘I don’t feel the same way and I want to put it behind us’ or…?”
Mydei averted his gaze as a furious blush crept up his neck to his face. “The other option,” he muttered.
Phainon blinked once, twice, before bursting out into laughter. “Mydei, that was so cute!” he cried. “Awww, look at you, too embarrassed to say outright that you feel the same way.”
“I take it back.”
“No!” Phainon flung himself forward to cling onto Mydei.
“Alright, alright, stop yelling,” he shushed between giggles. “You’re gonna wake your parents up.”
Satisfied, Phainon looked up with a grin. As soon as they made eye contact, Mydei snorted. “You’ve got paint all over your face.”
“Well, now we’re matching,” Phainon said.
“Mine looks better,” Mydei claimed.
Phainon adjusted himself so he was face to face with Mydei. He almost had to go cross eyed to look at him now, but he still did, smile soft and eyes half lidded. “You know I’m not gonna argue with that.”
He heard Mydei swallow audibly. A moment later, their lips touched. He wasn’t sure who’d leaned in, maybe it was both of them, but he was sure that this is what a true love’s kiss was supposed to feel like. It was the gentlest brush, but he could feel his pulse pounding and see fireworks going off behind his closed eyelids. Deep in his heart, he knew it was right that he’d saved his first kiss for Mydei.
Feeling spurred on, he pressed closer, gently lowering Mydei to the bed. He smiled through the kiss when he heard him grunt softly in surprise. Warmth bloomed through his body, spreading from his chest to his fingertips which were now threading through Mydei’s hair.
When he pulled away, he saw the blush across Mydei’s cheeks and the dreamlike shimmer in his eyes. Like at the cafe the other day, he thought dimly, but he looks so much more… in a trance.
Mydei’s lips parted and he drew in a deep breath. Phainon leaned even closer, ready to cling onto his every word.
“The paint is on your bedsheets now.”
Oh shit.