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In the darkness of Chika’s room the only sounds Kanan hears are the soft sighs and rustling sheets of way too many girls in way too small a room. For some reason, she can’t bring herself to sleep. Today had been pretty exciting, though she could lend a bit of the blame toward the girl sharing a bed with her, a stupid grin on her face as she burrows deeper into Kanan’s chest. Had her grip always been so strong?
The silence is abruptly broken up by footsteps, a voice undeniably Chika’s waking up a cranky, less enthusiastic one. Their words are too soft to hear, and by the time Kanan lifts her head to look the two of them are gone, the door shut behind them. Quirking a brow, Kanan flops back down with a sigh. This rustles Mari, sending Kanan into a slight panic when she wiggles for a moment to readjust the distance between them before settling back down, content with Kanan closer.
Kanan lets out a breath. Crisis averted. She hasn’t been to a sleepover in years, but should anything have changed she doubts it’s Mari’s fury over being woken from her ‘beauty sleep’ before the reasonable hour of noon.
Nostalgia warms her as she watches her personal bed bug. Mari’s habit of worming her way into the same futon as soon as the lights were out hasn’t changed either. What has changed and confuses Kanan more than anything is how Mari latches onto her chest and virtually crushes her breasts with her face wedged between them. Kanan lets her, supposing it’s the least she deserves. Hardly a day will go by anymore without Mari telling Kanan she missed her by way of a squeezing hand, a passing hug, a knowing glance.
It’s actually pretty weird, holding Mari like this. Even harder to describe. If she had to, she would say Mari is like a stranger and an old friend at the same time, recognizable on the surface but someone entirely different underneath. Two years changes a person. Kanan gives her a light squeeze; they have so much to catch up on. She wants to know Mari again.
Mari stirs, to Kanan’s chagrin. So much for not waking her. Mari blinks sleepily and, thankfully, eases her hold on Kanan’s chest. “What’s that? Morning already?”
Kanan chuckles lowly - she always found it amusing how Mari lost her mixed speech when she was serious or sleepy. “No, sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Mari yawns and nods, nuzzling her head under Kanan’s chin in preparation to go back to sleep, but something dawns on her as she draws back. “Why are you still up?”
“No reason. Just thinking.”
Kanan hopes that settles the matter, happy that Mari isn’t bent out of shape from being disturbed, but Mari has other plans. The other teen drags herself up to lay her head on the pillow alongside Kanan, bumping their knees together on the way, eyes flashing in the dark. “Do tell.”
The fingers that lightly trace her arm run a delightfully familiar shudder down Kanan’s spine, but this is not one of those nights. The chances of getting caught are high, and she really doesn’t like the idea of Dia chewing her out again about how an idol should act. So she catches that hand and holds it between them, fingers woven together. “Chika just stepped out with Riko.”
“Oh?” Mari stretches the word out, long and scandalous. “Remind you of anyone?”
Kanan briefly sticks out her tongue and rolls onto her back, rubbing her thumb over the back of Mari’s hand to distract herself from that cheeky smirk.
She remembers when she and Mari used to sneak out in middle school and, while it lasted, their first year of high school. They would just go, no destination in mind. Mari never cared where so long as it wasn’t home. Dia would come with them sometimes, but more often than not she declined. Dia would never say, but the other two knew she liked to be there to say goodnight to her sister.
Kanan remembers how she would drive to shore so her and Mari could sit on the sand and listen to the waves. She remembers how they would make up silly constellations and sometimes, on summer nights, go for a midnight swim. Mari would pretend to be the drowning damsel so Kanan would carry her to shore to wrap a towel around her shivering body and, after some persistence, her arms. When they would talk, Kanan would hang on Mari’s every word. What they talked about was a mystery to her now, but she remembers how Mari would notice her, would send her a smile. The stars would reflect in Mari’s eyes like they did in the sea.
“Yeah, it does,” Kanan says. She rolls back to her side, finding Mari in the dark. “I’m sorry, Mari.”
She expects a scoff, a sly That’s in the past or an annoyed Darn right you should be couple with a pinch. She expects any reaction along those lines but the one Mari gives her. It’s calm, pensive, an expression Kanan recognizes as her thinking.
By now she has stopped rubbing circles into Mari’s hand, and it does not go unnoticed. Mari brings their joined hands to her mouth and kisses Kanan’s thumb to coax it back into motion, eyes - god, she could drown in those eyes - conveying a silent plea. The smile it earns her when Kanan complies stirs a feeling inside she thought she buried a long time ago.
“I’m sorry, too. I should have talked to you back then. We could have avoided this whole mess if I just told you how much you mean to me.” To Kanan’s horror, water glistens around Mari’s eyes. “Two years, wasted. All because I was too stupid to realize...”
Kanan roughly pulls her back in for a hug. She rests her chin on the scratchy white of Mari’s nightcap and tightens her grip when she feels her collar wet. It was her fault just as much, if not more so. She had wanted Mari to succeed so badly, she had been willing to give up everything to see it happen, regardless of Mari’s feelings. What kind of an idiot does that?
“Hey, you weren’t the only one.” Kanan runs her fingers through golden hair, feels Mari curl closer. A nose buries itself in the scoop of Kanan’s neck to choke the sobs as fingers hook into the back of Kanan’s shirt. “We have this year, and the year after, and the year after that. No one is going anywhere this time. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.”
“Promise?”
Kanan sucks in a breath. Promises are petty words that lead to washed up dreams. They lead to nights staring from the cold comfort of the sea at a room that once housed one of her best friends. They lead to months of throwing herself into her grandfather’s business to distract from thinking about what could have been. But, for Mari, she supposes she can try one more time.
“Yeah.” The bite of Mari’s nails in her back sting, but that hardly compares to feeling her shake, hearing her cry. “Promise.”
They stay like that for a while, Kanan cradling Mari as she wrings out the last of her tears. The shakes slowly ebb with each circle Kanan slowly rubs into her back - a trick Kanan learned whenever Mari would break down in middle school. Some things never change.
When Mari stills completely, Kanan thinks she might have fallen asleep. She’s proven wrong when Mari angles up and nuzzles her again, this time shyly pressing lips to the side of her jaw, asking if this is okay. Encouraged by her squeeze, Mari sighs.
“Sorry,” Mari whispers at her throat. “And thank you.”
Thankfully the room is dark enough for Kanan not to worry if her embarrassment shows, just if Mari can feel the heat from her face. “It’s okay. It’s just like old times, really.”
Kanan smiles as Mari smothers a snort of laughter into her collar. “Were we always this dramatic? Hopefully Riko and Chika don’t end up like this.”
Kanan knows they won’t - the future never looked as bright as it did since Chika, Riko, and You formed the new and undoubtedly improved Aquors. She knows they will be so much more than they ever were. It is a miracle to Kanan how she gets to stand beside them as they shine, sharing in the glow, that feeling of unity when all nine of them are on stage. If Chika can inspire everyone to do this, there is no telling what she will accomplish with Riko further down the road.
“Nah, they’re not the same as us,” Kanan concludes, closing her eyes and pressing her lips to Mari’s forehead to tell her the conversation is over. Time for sleep. “They’ll be fine.”
Mari hums her agreement, Kanan letting the other girl position her arm for a pillow as they settles down to dream the rest of the night away in peace.
Except for when Kanan can feel Mari’s smirk against her skin, the other girl chuckling ominously. “Nothing wrong with a little helping hand from Auntie Mari though…”
Figures she’d bounce back so quickly. “They’ll be fine , Mari.”
Kanan tiredly sighs as Mari finishes her cliché villain laugh. A twist in her gut tells her Mari is going to be a handful all summer. But hey, she tells herself, at least this year will be fun.