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Falling down to the smooth indigo ground before him, Ahn felt his breath coming out in wheezing, shallow puffs. He was distantly aware that his clothes were tattered and slick with blood, the very aether in his body oozing out of him with each pulse of his weakening heart.
Little One…
Fray’s voice felt distant… making Ahn wonder if he, too, was hurting just as much. If he was aware of what was going on.
I am aware of what is happening, Foolish boy… You are dying- while I remain hale and whole as always.
Oh.
That feels about right… I… got a bit careless there.
Attempting to turn his head slightly, he saw Zenos’s form, half enshrouded and in a state not much unlike his own. The Garlean’s chest rose and fell so minutely that Ahn almost didn’t spot it.
Still alive… what a shame… I thought that final blow was enough to finish him off for good.
"That I should lose again…” Zenos’s words were ragged and forced, a wheezy laugh escaping his throat, much like a death rattle. “How disappointing.”
Ahn went to open his mouth to retort, but all that seemed to flow out was blood and spit. Followed by a gurgling wheeze… a pained grunt and fizzling around the edge of his eyes.
I really am dying.
I thought I was used to this… especially after my grand show to Emet-Selch.
At the mention of his past, the scar that blossomed across his stomach flared, the one he was proud of, for it marred the brand Zenos had struck across him so many years before. Oh, how there was probably more hiding that blasted brand in his body made him feel almost giddy in his bloodloss induced delirium.
But despite the pain and agony that coursed through every fibre of his being, the consolation that he had redeemed himself to the Scions gave him some degree of comfort. He had tried such a thing in the past… at the end of his journey with G’raha in the First… But he was ripped from the jaws of the Lifestream by Zwyn and Alphianud… a distant song from Venat that he begged him to continue…
But now… now it was finally over. Her song was silenced, and he would join her in the life beyond to hear her sing it once more.
Are you sure you wish to die like this? Fray asked him, his voice gentle. His shadowy form flowed out of him and held his hand, as if he were a mother worried for her child that was abed and struggling in sickness. I can give you the strength to fight on… forge ahead and return to the others on the ship.
Ahn’zem tried to shake his head, but the pain in his skull made him groan and wheeze.
Had death always been so painful? I don’t remember it hurting quite like this.
Trying to get back on track with his thoughts, he attempted to further communicate with his voidsent companion.
Despite it all… I’m tired, Fray. You know… I wrote all those letters… sold my home. My affairs are in order… everyone will return home, but me.
It was always meant to be this way.
From the day he and Fray made his bond in the cold plains of Garlemald when he was close to death in the depths of a lab, to the day he died in the Praetorium…
His stint in the First and now… now at the Edge of the Universe… it was always borrowed time. It was never meant to last this long.
How he hadn’t run out of the flame of his life before now would forever be a mystery to him.
Not seeming to understand that Ahn’zem would much rather have his final moments with his familiar and not him, Zenos continued to speak. “Never have I understood those around me. Understood their obsessions…”
The two decided to try and ignore him… attempting to continue their conversation before he ran out of breath.
So you will die… Do you wish to relinquish our bond?
I want you to be free… Fray. I am tired… everyone else can carry on the torch. Those who are more fit to bear it. Ahn coughed, more blood splattering on his face, the pain now numbing as he grew cold.
“Besieged by their banality, the world was a mire of tedium and trivialities. But in these fleeting moments, there is...a spark.”
Free? I am bound to more than just your soul through the means of my voidsent flesh, Pollux.
“Blinding, brilliant... Gone...too soon…”
Really? But… you can join me in the lifestream? Or… will you wish to find another shard of me?
You are the Pollux that was most true to me, Little One. There will be no other like you. Despite the fragments that might continue to live elsewhere within the rift, I will hold on to our bond…
There was a pause… a moment where Ahn could sense his voidsent had more he wished to say.
May you fight a little longer? I do not wish to end our farce like this…
He wanted to laugh, but a small gasp was all he could force forward. So selfish… yet I was the one that you used to call you that when I repressed you. Oh, how we have grown.
That does not answer my question, Little One…
Zenos’s voice cut across their silent conversation. Knocking what little breath remained in Ahn’s lungs. “What of you, my mirror?”
Ahn’zem felt his anger flare, despite his hurts and tiring cold at the comparison that fell from the Garlean’s lips. All previous conversations halted- for in a final push of adrenaline- he managed to force his voice to cooperate. “What? Gives you the… r-right.” His tongue was thick, the taste of iron too strong. “T-To say… such a thing-”
The Garlean spoke across him, almost as if he was too lost in his own monologue to even deign the miqo’te with conversation. “Born into this world, bestowed name, bid to seek out strife and adventure…” He shifted, his armour clattering against the floor before he continued, voice slowly losing steam as he too seemed to be at the end of his tether. “Was this life a gift...or a burden? Did you find... fulfillment? I..."
His voice trailed off, and Ahn waited a moment for Zenos to find his voice and continue his godsdammed monologue. But all he heard was a groan… and then no more…
Silent.
Quiet.
Still.
Ahn’zem almost cackled, his breath sticking in his throat as his body jerked with the joy that flushed his system before it was quickly replaced with mind-numbing agony.
Finally… silence… peace… I am free from his hold at long last.
In the still tranquillity at the Edge of the Universe, Ahn’zem Hyacinth felt like he could breathe for the first time without fear. Without a looming threat of his past cornering him and making him feel like the monster he always feared he was.
But instead of being a monster. In this moment, Ahn’zem Hyacinth wished nothing more than to be selfish, greedy, and desperate.
Fray… please let me go… come with me if you wish, but I can’t… I don’t want to continue anymore. I don’t care if it’s selfish.
I don’t care… if G’raha grows to resent me. I don’t want this.
I don’t want this.
I’m so tired…
Please.
Several tears slipped free from his eyes. Sobs shook his body, but the aching cries would not leave his swollen lips.
Little One… Fray held onto his hand tighter, but Ahn could barely feel it; his eyes were heavy. He was so exhausted… so ready to sleep and finally go to the lifestream to end up with his mother once more. I… I can’t dissuade you, can I? Very well, I will join you, and mayhaps you will learn to separate us once more, dearest Pollux…
We were always meant to be two parts of a whole.
Maybe I will be able to do it again… But, for now, I just want to meet Mother again… speak to her and really know her once more before I am reborn.
He was ready to leave everything behind… to bid farewell to his friends… his family… his everything.
But… I do hope that G’raha will forgive me in time…
Oh, Isne fil-um… I am so sorry.
The letter… should explain everything… that I couldn’t.
He felt more tears, his despair at how G’raha would feel upon learning that his partner of many lifetimes would never be coming home.
I was never good at expressing my thoughts or feelings at the right time… was I?
Mayhaps he will, in due time… Little One. Though I am afraid he will most likely be angry at you for lapsing so heavily into your old ways. Fray sighed before leaning over Ahn’zem so they could lock eyes. Gaunt and pale irises met Fray’s sparkling ruby. You owe me for this… For allowing you to let go. As you so wish, I shall sever our bond in full once your body is recovered by the Scions and join our souls in the lifestream so you won’t lose me again.
Ahn’zem wanted to laugh, but he could only see the Fray and the stars above him growing darker at the edges. You really think they’d try and come back to the End… just for a mangled corpse?
Fray sank back into his body, aware that time was quickly growing short. They would come back for their friend. Their brother. Their companion… Their husband. He tutted and growled, clearly tired of Ahn’zem’s antics. Always so quick to throw yourself away… Mayhaps you will be kinder to yourself in the next life. If not, I will seek you out, be it in a body of flesh or spirit of mist.
I will keep that in mind, Fray. Thank you… for being with me until the end. Ahn felt his heart grow heavy as he felt his eyelids grow heavier. He feared that in what really was his final moments, he had never fully told the fragment of his ancient self, just how meaningful their bond had grown to be… how, despite it all… he adored the spirit that lived on in his body and kept him going all this time.
From disdain to undying appreciation. How funny life and bonds could flourish with time…
The miqo’te didn’t want to admit it, but as death rapidly washed over him, he was afraid.
He was grateful that Fray was there to talk to him at the last stop… to help usher him into a calm rest with the promise to find him again. It was comforting… it was calming.
Despite my desperation to finally die… why am I scared of falling asleep in this moment?
Fray snorted, his tone oozing ‘I-told-you-so’ with every syllable. Maybe you truly wish to fight?
Wanting to shake his head, Ahn’zem found that he couldn’t. His body felt cold, and the blood that was leaking from his mouth now felt sluggish and thick.
Ah… I don’t think so. Besides, even if I did…
My time… is finally come.
Foolish boy… Fray chided softly. I will always be with you… For that is the bond I am forever bound to, as your concept and part of your soul. Do not despair in the lifestream. You will find your companions in the next life… both of ancient and new.
Ahn’zem felt one more tear trickle down his cheek before fading into his hairline.
He wanted this.
He always wanted this.
He just wanted to sleep.
Good night… Pollux… My dearest companion. Farewell, Ahn’zem Hyacinth, my new old master.
Farewell, Freyr… Thank you for letting me have my selfish wish.
With a small smile twitching on bloodied lips, Ahn’zem finally let his eyes close, his final breath ringing out as he allowed himself to fall into a permanent slumber.
Mother… I am finally coming home…