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//One of the many signs of early summer is the lovely chorus sung by hundreds of types of birds. As the weather gets warmer, the day longer and food more abundance, our winged friends find it the perfect time to engage in perhaps the most important duty of any living organism: the propagation of their lineage. Today, we will explore the mating habits of some popular members of this beloved class of animal, to see what they’re up to while us humans are also gearing up for our own season of love — Valentine’s Day.//
***
Cous Coussier had closed for the night. Eiji often took over cleaning for the last shift, since Chiyoko-san lived two train stops away. He honestly enjoyed the work. Often rowdy and extravagant during the day, much like its owner, the restaurant became a sweet-natured, cozy living space at night time, also just like its owner. Eiji loved the gaudy decorations, the mountain of souvenirs, the picture frames littering every surface. He could sense love overflowing from every detail, absent-minded but by no means thoughtless. There simply was so much of it, an affectionate, comforting warmth unhindered by physical dimensions. Compare that to the house he grew up in — Eiji could easily carry all the love he felt there in the palm of one hand. Or, well, in a pair of underpants. Point being, he was grateful for the chance to stay here. It was his first time living somewhere he could, however temporarily, call his home.
As he went about mopping the floor, turning over chairs, or doing dishes, Eiji liked to put on the radio. He wasn’t allowed to watch much TV growing up; now, he found the harsh light from the screen made it harder for him to fall asleep later. He wasn’t picky which late night show came on: some DJs chatted with callers, some played top 40 music, some acted out entire story arcs with rotating casts. His favorite though, when he could catch them, were documentaries. Though he didn’t always catch all the words, due to running water or clanking noises from his own activities, the mellow cadence in the background often sent him straight into a deep sleep after his late shower.
//Among the birds featured today, one can differentiate between male and female members of a given species simply by looking. The males often spot impressive, eye-catching plumage, while the females’ colors are more earthy and subdued, though still beautiful in their own way. The most extreme example is, of course, the difference between a peacock and a peahen. Look at this fellow strutting about, showing off the iridescent sheen of his striking tail feathers. The bright colors signal that he possesses strong genes that will produce healthy offsprings. In contrast, the peahen is mostly brown with pale mottling. This allows her to blend in with the environment as she raises her chicks.//
“Eiji!” Ankh strolled through the kitchen doorway, holding up a bundle of fabric that looked like the average tourist emerging from a Holi crowd. “What the hell happened? All my clothes are the same shitty color!”
Eiji went pale. “My scarf!” He loved that scarf, it reminded him of a herd of wildebeests. A second glance made him even paler. “My green underpants!” They certainly were no longer green. One could say they had matured, or rotted, depending on perspective.
“Did you mix the laundry?” He put down the dishes and ran over, forgetting to rinse his hands. “I sorted them into different baskets for you! Just put the clothes in then push the button!”
“Doing one batch at a time takes too long! I’m out of clothes, do you want this cop to be naked tomorrow?”
“Just wear my stuff then, what’s the big deal?”
Ankh looked insulted.
“Are you kidding?!” His glare swept Eiji up and down, taking in bits of the cozy getup he’d put on for cleaning duty that showed outside his apron. “No way am I putting on that crap! I can barely tell you apart from foliage!”
Eiji’s face flushed hot, though he bit back his angry retort at the last second. Given what he’d learned about the Greeed’s muted senses, perhaps it made sense that once Ankh possessed a human body, he immediately went for the flashiest, most eye-bleeding shade of crimson known to man. His pants could trigger Spanish fighting bulls to charge. His jacket would make Renaissance nobles weep. His feathers should be stuck on Roman generals. His Greeed form belonged on the flag of several Communist countries— ok, going too far, be the adult here Eiji-kun. Borrowing Hina-chan’s physical strength for his mental health, Eiji took several steps — physically and mentally — back.
Taking a deep breath, he asked.
“So you put everything into the wash?”
Ankh snorted.
“Of course.”
“Then…” Eiji quickly calculated this month’s salary. “You’re wearing that for the next three weeks.” He gestured at the clothes Ankh currently had on.
It was disturbing how quickly such a beautiful face could twist into a grotesque Noh mask.
“Don’t be absurd! I’m not putting on dirty clothes after I bathe!”
Oh right, birds were clean freaks, or at least this giant one was.
“I said one year of ice cream, I never said unlimited clothing budget. Ask Hina-chan for Detective Izumi’s old suits or something.”
Ankh could turn any clothes his host had on into what he liked, but there had to be something to work with first. Changing colors? No problem. Switching materials? Took some fiddling, could be done. This incomprehensible mixture of industrial dyes, with the chaotic whimsy of Mardi Gras and the ruthless permanence of a wash-and-tumble-dry cycle? Ankh had better luck waiting for it to decompose, then grow cotton on top to weave cloth from scratch.
Ankh fumed for a minute. “Fine!” Shouldn’t be a hard ask, Hina-chan would not want the world to know her brother’s exact measurements. Still Ankh made straight for the fridge, as he often did when things did not go his way, which was most of the time. They’d just had too many close calls to bother bringing out the big guns over something this trivial. As Eiji had once blurted out, they were stuck with each other.
“The more ice cream you eat,” Eiji added serenely, returning to his dishes, “the longer it will take for me to buy you new clothes.”
“Whatever…” Ankh grumbled, taking an extra popsicle and munched on both while he waited to Eiji to finish.
***
//As you can see, this handsome rooster is engaging in a chivalrous display known as tidbitting. While clucking and bobbing his head, he is offering the tastiest treat he could find to his favorite hen. Procuring food, in the animal kingdom, is a surefire demonstration of the male’s ability as a provider. If the female is interested, she may also offer some of her food back. This kind of loving exchange builds the foundation of a solid partnership which, for some species such as hawks, condors and vultures, can often be lifelong. Together, a happy pair will build their nest, forage for food, incubate their eggs, and raise their young year after year, no different from our society’s definition of a monogamous marriage.//
***
“Eiji, use these ones!”
Ankh tossed him three core medals. Eiji caught them in the air, didn’t need to check to know they made Tajador. No idea if it would work against this type of enemy, but frankly they’d tried everything else already and Eiji was getting kind of desperate. He went overboard shooting at this thing with the Tigerbike, it seemed to work until, surprise, the Yummy was just hoarding firepower to shoot everything back at them all at once. The blast tossed Eiji clean through a nearby wall. When he managed to crawl back out, he hollered at Ankh between coughs.
“I’m out of cell medals!” He pointed at his sword. “Let me charge this up, if it doesn’t work nothing will!”
Ankh, also covered in soot, considered for a beat.
“Last chance.” He slapped three cell medals into Eiji’s palm. “I’m all out too. Use it with a combo. If this fails, we’re fucked.”
Flapping his wings high in the air, Eiji made sure to gain enough altitude before diving down, sword at the ready. This was it, all or nothing. As he fell like a comet towards the enemy, time seemed to stretch, perhaps because there was nothing left for him to do but obey gravity. Kougami tech required an endless supply of cell medals to use, and he kept asking for them from Ankh, even though they were his body and lifeblood. Ankh had to bargain away 70% of his lifeblood for Eiji to play hero, to tell himself he could save lives. He was taking advantage of Ankh, he knew. He kept coming back, kept reaching out, because what he needed, no one else could give him but Ankh. He needed Ankh in his life, more than anything, because he, he was—
***
Eiji woke up on his bed.
Luckily, Hina-chan wasn’t around, having been busy with mid-terms for the past week. Grateful as he was for her help, Eiji still felt awkward whenever she insisted on patching him up. He’d been through worse, really, OOO’s power would heal most light wounds after a good night’s sleep. More than that, he didn’t want her to have to see her brother’s body in bad shape. This battle had been a complete disaster. Ankh had to cough up almost his entire cell medal stash, even a charged up sword plus Eiji’s last-ditch combo did not make a dent on this Yummy. Now Ankh was hurt, the Yummy had taken another victim, and Eiji had no idea how he could defeat it next time.
As usual, his first sight upon waking up was Ankh perched on the sofa, flipping through his phone. Greeeds didn’t need to sleep, Ankh said he’d let Detective Izumi’s body take catnaps when there was a lull in customers downstairs. Safety in numbers, was Eiji’s guess. More people to keep watch, though Eiji doubted Ankh ever slept with both his eyes closed. At night, after the lights went off, Eiji could feel Ankh’s gaze on him. The pupils were Izumi Shingo’s, but the calculating glints and breathless intensity were all Ankh. Somehow, under such a gaze, Eiji slept better than he had all his life. Here was a being whose intentions he had absolute understanding of, and utter belief in. That had never been an option, given his upbringing. Eiji secretly cherished it.
“How are you?” He asked, struggling to push himself upright.
“Don’t bother, it’s not feeding.” Ankh lifted his eyes from the screen, stilling Eiji with one withering glance. “Get your strength back, I have an idea what we need to do when it shows up.” Turning off the display, he hopped to the floor, connected his phone to the charger. “And the cop is fine. I jumped out of the way when that thing deflected your attack, didn’t even singe a hair.”
“No, that wasn’t what I—“ Eiji paused mid-sentence, for Ankh was suddenly right in front of him. “—hand, I mean. You.” Eiji shut his eyes, collected himself. “I’m sorry,” he bowed, still sitting on the bed. “I used a lot of medals, without—“ Eyes opened, this time with clarity. “I’ll get the Yummy for you next time, I promise.”
Eiji thought Ankh would make his trademark impatient ‘tsk’, or say something cross like ‘Don’t be an idiot.’ Instead, he felt a prick on his forehead.
Eiji looked up. It was Ankh’s index claw, drawing a straight line down his forehead, where a coin slot to produce Yummies would usually appear. When there were occasions to touch him, or catch him from falling to his death, Eiji noticed Ankh always used his two human-like fingers. It was that kind of unstated consideration that made Eiji trust Ankh, not with his life, because Eiji’s life had little value, but with his goal to save people, which had. Vision obscured by Ankh’s palm, Eiji had no idea what expression he wore, but he could feel the claw slightly digging in. Enough to scratch the skin, not enough to draw blood.
“Oi,” Ankh chastised. “At least protest or something. All creatures want to avoid danger. Are you even alive?”
“You’re not hurting me.” Eiji stated the obvious. “I know you won’t.”
“That’s no excuse.” Ankh drew the tip back up, smooth upward curve causing even less pain than the way down. This way, it felt like a playful caress. It was that suggestion, more than the none-existent threat that Ankh was goading him into acknowledging, that made Eiji shiver.
“You’re so…” That claw whipped away from his forehead. With a graceful twist, it pressed under his chin, lifting his face up upon that singular point of almost imperceptible, yet inescapable contact. “What are you hiding in that water-logged skull, huh? There are countless emotions in this world, yet thanks to humans I can be certain of only one. So what of the others are you feeling? Do you even know?”
The claw kept lifting, until Eiji’s neck was straining just this side of uncomfortable. He had no idea why he let it happen, why he didn’t push Ankh away or tell him off. The sole light bulb hanging from the ceiling made Ankh into a dark, bottomless silhouette, what light glinted from behind his shoulders made Eiji tear up. He’d lost track of the conversation, he had no idea what answer he was supposed to give. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed dry. His body still ached, he was gripping the thin blanket so tight that his fingernails hurt. All he could give Ankh was the truth, when countless truths were racing through his mind.
“I don’t—“ It was hard to talk, with his head tipped all the way up like this. His throat was bare, he realized. In a flash, he could see himself from a third person’s eyes. His senses sharpened, the world made more vivid by this shift in perspective. Well hidden attic, a seat from up high that could see everything at a glance. This position guarded the door, directly faced the windows, all to watch over—
A bird of prey carried him back to its nest.
Every night. As he breathed. As he slept—
“There.” Bright white human teeth spread into a smile, where there should be beak or fangs. “Now you get it.”
In a blink, that pinpoint feeling disappeared. Ankh leisurely climbed back to his perch, as Eiji fell over on his side, gasping.
“You’re wrong…” He rasped, once he got a hold of his breathing. “I don’t want to see you hurt. It’s not just Hina-chan’s brother, I’m worried about you too!”
His eyes were prickling hot, a combination of frustration, indignation and helplessness making his chest feel like it was close to bursting. Imagine his surprise when, from one breath to the next, Ankh crashed to the floor in a heap.
“Ankh!” Eiji was kneeling next to him before his brain registered moving. Granted, Ankh made a very elegant heap of long arms and long legs and long string of curses, but still. It took some creative wrangling to untangle his slender limbs. Helping him to his feet, Eiji frantically checked behind his head.
“Does it hurt anywhere? Do you feel nauseous? How many fingers am I holding up? Are your ears ringing? Can you remember what we talked about just now?”
A clawed hand slapped over his mouth.
“Shut up, dumbass!” Ankh was panting, ears red. “If you ask another question, I swear I’ll throw this corpse over the window!”
Eiji nodded, eyes wide, both arms innocently raised like a model hostage. This made Ankh even madder, somehow, because abruptly he was picked up by the scruff of his neck and flung towards the bed. Stamping on one end of the blanket, Ankh wound the length round and round Eiji’s upperbody, arms included. Next thing Eiji knew, he was a yellow worm, wriggling desperately to avoid the slaps landing on his bare ass.
“Can we talk—“ He tried to bargain when something decidedly not a gun was pressed against his thigh. “I haven’t washed tomorrow’s pants yet! These are my last pair!”
“Like I care.” Ankh said succinctly, grazing his claws on Eiji’s hot skin. “You have no desire. Let’s see if I can make you feel every other emotion, all at once.”
Eiji’s words, as well as his thoughts, were incomprehensible after this point.
***
After landing the good doc’s creepy doll into his boiling pot one two many times, Date finally felt a prickle of what could generously be called the tattered remains of his conscience. There could be some smoking debris of decency mixed in there, hard to tell; whatever it was, he knew he had to keep off the premises until Dr. Maki’s panties untwisted themselves.
Naturally, he chose Cous Coussier as his secondary base. Atmosphere was great, people were friendly, as long as he stayed in his designated corner the lady let him order as much oden as he wanted. There was even Gotou-chan being a sombre, uptight busy-bee for him to tease or impart wisdom to, depending on his mood. It was heavenly, he almost didn’t miss Dr. Maki’s lab at all.
One day, heavy rain pretty much guaranteed nobody would show up for the ~*✧*Sparkling~*✧* ~Loco Moco~*✧* ~Lovely Hawaii Lunch Special~ *✧*♡**~ Bored of rearranging her flower wreaths for the umpteenth time, Chiyoko-san turned the radio on. It was some kind of nature documentary, narrated in that stately, serious voice that kind of reminded Date of his favorite people. They just tickled his funny bones, what could he say?
His chopsticks picked up a well-cooked piece of daikon, transparently brown from sucking up all that flavorful broth. He let it cool in the air a bit, just enough that it won’t scald the tongue, then put the whole piece in his mouth. With one bite, rich umami bursts onto his tongue, the culmination of every piece of boiled egg and fishcakes that had been cooked in one pot since his grandpa were wearing fundoshi. It wasn’t just food, it was a sense of tradition, of continuous legacy. He could leave the country for years; whenever he returned, that same cart would still be there, run by either the old man he knew or his son or his adopted heir, and when he chewed a piece of daikon, he knew it would taste the same. That was how Date could tell he was home. Life changed, people changed, Date himself would change. But oden remained the same. Oden was the universal constant, oden was forever. All hail oden!
Just when the thought was bringing a tear to his eye, there was some commotion upstairs.
“Let me see him, get away you—“ That sounded like that Izumi girl. “Eiji-kun!” Loud thumping. “Eiji-kun, are you okay?”
Weaving through the sound of pouring rain, the radio pleasantly droned on.
//During mating season, hawks can get quite territorial as they try to protect their mate. To demonstrate his displeasure, the male hawk makes increasingly loud screeches, meant to intimidate the intruder into leaving the area.//
“I told you, he’s fine!” Anko sounded very irritated, but his default mode was irritable so it was hard to tell. “Just sto— OW! Owowowow, you wench, don’t think I won’t make your brother pay for this!”
“Oh yeah? And what will you do without Eiji-kun? He’s trying to help all of us, you know? Why can’t you treat him just a bit kinder?!” More scuffing, plus what sounded like a chihuahua unsuccessfully wrestling an elephant.
//What a surprise, this intruder does not seem the least bit intimidated. Without some type of interference, it seems bloodshed is imminent.//
“Ankh…?” The man of the hour finally made his entrance, sounding like he barely got any sleep the previous night. “Hina-chan? I’m sorry, is it my shift yet?” He yawned every other word, volume decreasing towards the end of the sentence, clearly falling asleep on his feet.
“No, no, uhm… I’m so sorry, I just thought Ankh, uhm—“
“You thought I would hide his injuries? Please, he’s not that fragile. It’s your precious brother we have to worry about. What kind of police can’t even take one hit from a car? Useless.”
“YOU LET MY BROTHER GET HIT BY A CAR?!”
“It’s not my fault he’s made of twigs and— oi, OI! What are you doing you FREAKISH PIEACE OF—“
“Stop, stop,” Hino sounded like a tired teacher pulling apart two fighting gradeschoolers. “Hina-chan, I’m fine, really. Ankh took really good care of me, I’ll be right as rain in no time. And Ankh, Hina-chan was really nice to lend us her brother’s body, remember? I know you don’t mean it when you threaten the Detective, it’s not nice to make a girl cry.”
//Fortunately, the female hawk has poked her head out just in time. Her soft coos calm her mate down, nudging him away from a dangerous fight that may very well mean the destruction of their newly built nest. At the same time, she is signaling to the intruder that this is not a worthy target. If it wants an easy meal, it will have to search elsewhere.//
Anko could be heard grumbling something like ‘What kind of girl can rip a door off its hinges?’, but he stomped away, presumably to sulk in his usual corner. Hina-chan went downstairs a few minutes later, carrying Hino on her back like he weighed nothing.
“I’m okay, just— Slow, slow…” Hino hissed when his ass met the cushion. Thanks to Gotou-chan bringing extra pillows, Hino ended up half-sitting, half-lying on his side, to avoid placing any weight on his lower body. Must have been some nasty fall there. Date winced in sympathy.
//And just like that, crisis averted! Having demonstrated his commitment to protecting his young family, the male hawk goes in search for more sources of food. With the eggs due to be laid in a few weeks, he will need plenty of prey to provide for his mate during incubation, then after that, the hungry mouths of anywhere between three to five chicks.//
“I made you ginger tea, Eiji-kun.”
“Thank you, Hina-chan. Is there any borsch from Russian night left? I’m craving sour cream all of a sudden…”
Well, that was a racket and a half. Only thing that could make this place livelier would be a few crying babies. Randomly realizing that ‘OOO’ looked a lot like three eggs, Date made that exact arrangement on his plate, then happily devoured his meal.
End.