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Gojo Saturo has never panicked before. Not over something as trivial as debating whether he should pick up his drowsy child or not. If he were a normal parent, he would have done what other parents would do in his place, that is, picking up their child when they are superrrrr sleepy so as to prevent them from smashing their face on the hard concrete .
But, Gojo Saturo’s not some regular parent. Heck, even labelling him as a “parent” is too big of a word, guardian is the most apt. He’s barely an adult himself, his twenty-first birthday having passed just a few weeks ago. Hence, you can say Gojo Saturo has no experience in parenting and he’s not sure what should be the right course of action in the predicament he’s found himself in.
He'd taken the Fushiguro kids out for a fun day as it was a Saturday and that means no school the next day. They went to a zoo first, on Megumi’s demand, followed by a shopping spree in a mall to buy the kids new clothes as they have grown out of their old ones due to the sudden growth spurt and change in their lifestyle since they started living with him. They had a delicious, hearty lunch in the mall’s cafeteria, and then they headed towards a night fair to spend the remaining energy they had left in their systems.
Overall, the kids had a fun day, judging by Tsumiki’s bright smile and crinkled eyes, and the little skip in Megumi’s step. He still hasn’t smiled but Saturo will take it as a win when he agreed to click family photos – Saturo’s word – with minimal protest. He was glad his plan has seemed to work out. Satisfaction and contentment bloomed through his whole body and a soft smile graced his lips. He, himself, had a great day. After months of packed schedules, he has finally gotten a day off and decided he would rather spend it with the kids then wallow in his thoughts about Sug– No. He’s not going down that lane again.
All in all, the three of them were happy and currently heading back home carrying a plethora of bags containing prizes, gifts, clothes, shoes, etcetera etcetera. Everything seemed to be going according to the plan, however, what Saturo had failed to account for was the fact that he’s going out with children. One of them being six-years old. He forgot that kids get tired more easily and become sleepy earlier than adults, and that not being in bed on their scheduled time tends to make them grumpy and cranky.
Tsumiki has let out a yawn or two in the last five minutes and Megumi was bordering on sleeping while standing, saved only by Saturo coaxing the boy to move forward. Some people who had seen him struggling had adviced him to pick up his son in his arms so that he can fall asleep. He has just nodded in response not bothering with explaining the complex relationship he and his wards have.
See, it’s not like Saturo will get a back ache if he carries Megumi. He’s young and the strongest, for heaven’s sake! He could carry both Tsumiki and Megumi together and not break a sweat. But he has only recently started getting the kids comfortable with him and he doesn’t want to intrude by acting like a doting parent. But he also doesn’t want one of the to trip and injure themselves. But he also fears their rejection if he offers to carry them. That would sting a little even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself.
Right.
So.
He’s in a dilemma. A big one.
Should he or should he not carry one of his kids?
He’s already treading on a thin rope with Megumi. One wrong word or action and the kid will grow even more distant than he already is. He had once offered to drive Megumi and his sister to school but the boy has taken offense to that and outright accused him of snatching their independence from him.
He gets it. He understands where they are coming from. They still don’t trust him and are not comfortable enough to allow him to drive them to school, the only routine they are able to retain even after their life has taken a drastic turn for good. If he offers to carry Megumi, he might see it as one of Saturo’s way of interrupting with his life and making him dependent on him which he certainly does not want to happen. That's why he refrains himself from doing so. He can offer the same to Tsumiki though and he does,
“Miki, do you want me to carry you if you are too sleepy?”
Tsumiki, who has been gazing at the city lights and the multi-colour billboards, startles at her guardian's question. The question registers in her mind a second too late but then she answers,
“No, Gojo-san. I’m perfectly fine walking. I want to look at the night city a little more and we’re close to home anyway so, it’s no problem.” She finishes and give her guardian a polite smile.
Ah! What a sweetheart his little girl is.
He nods and returns the smile.
He then glances down at the grumpy one, Megumi, on his right and ponders whether to ask Megumi the same or not when Tsumiki decides for him-
“But you should carry Gumi though. He looks very tired and he can’t even keep his eyes open. I don’t want him to trip and fall down. So if it’s not a bother, can you please carry him? He would love that very much. I would've carried him but he's too big for me now.", She asks, uncertainty and embarassment laced in her tone.
“Ofcourse, Miki! It’s not a bother to carry either of you. I can carry both of you, if you ask me. No need to be shy about it, okay?”, Gojo replies, his voice soft but sincere.
Tsumiki nods and stares ahead.
Gojo then finally musters up the courage and stops walking to crouch infront of an almost asleep Megumi. He seems not to be even aware that they have stopped, his eyes barely open.
“Hey Megs, do you want me to carry you? Like you know how other parents carry their babies in their arms when they are tired and exhausted. You are exhausted too but you’re not a baby but still you’re small and barely awake and I don’t want you smashing your little face on the hard floor otherwise you’ll be even grumpier. So if you don’t take it as an offense, I can carry y–”, He doesn’t get to finish his panicked rambling when suddenly his arms are full of a six-years old, small arms wrapping around his neck and spiky head resting on the junction between his neck and shoulder.
He freezes. Freezes.
His heart skipping a beat.
God.
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.
He had expected a protest, a dismissal, and even ignorance but not this. Megumi seldomly lets him hold his hand and today he threw himself in Saturo’s arms without hesitation??? He must be really out of it if he didn’t put up a fight.
Huh! I'll tease him about it tomorrow . Gojo thought viciously.
All things aside, he’s never held a child before. He didn’t know what it felt like when little humans wrap themselves around adults. He didn’t understand until now what a wonderful and wholesome feeling it was to have a little life entrusting their whole being in your arms. Letting go of their defenses and seeking comfort in you. And Saturo being a comfort place for someone? It’s something he hadn’t dreamt of even in his wildest dreams.
He's overwhelmed. He's feeling too many emotions in that moment- surprise, warmth, honored, and something close to parental towards the boy.
Gojo has never envisioned himself taking care of children when he thought about his future. He never gave marriage or kids a thought. If certain events hadn't happened, he's sure he would be chilling out with Suguru and Shoko in his lavish apartment, drinking (coke for Saturo), laughing and just being young. Something that's rare for being a sorcerer and ever rarer for him since he's the strongest of all, being demanded everywhere and everytime.
But the reality is different. Very, very different. He's here now, with two children, of his murderer, under his guardianship. He's knows nothing about what being a child is like. His childhood was fulll of traning sessions with his apathetic masters, no warm hands to hold him, no parental love to be showered upon him. He was treated as a Showpiece - the most valuable artifact in a museum, respected but isolated from everyone.
Therefore, when Megumi throws himself into his arms, he freezes.
He's broken out from his stupor when Tsumiki nudged him on his shoulder, asking him to continue walking. He hoisted the now-sleeping boy in his arms, delicately positioning his head on his shoulder, bracing his arms, one on the boy’s back and the other across his legs. Megumi fidgeted a bit before getting comfortable and letting out soft breaths indicating that he’s asleep. Tsumiki held on to the hem of his sweatshirt to not get lost and the pair continued their walk back home.
“You know..",Tsumiki started,
"when Gumi was small, he used to like being held. When we ..uh.. uhm... when our parents were still around, Gumi’s father would carry him and me in his arms. Megumi used to love that a lot. Infact, after they left, I sometimes used to hold him whenever he had a nightmare but he gradually grew out of it and doesn’t asks to be held anymore. That’s a little sad!”, Tsumiki lamented, her lips pouting a little at the end when she added the last line to her sudden revelation.
Gojo was stunned, for the lack of better word. He didn’t know what to make of this revelation. He repeated what the girl said in his mind for a good amount of time before finally understanding it’s implications.
Oh.
Oh.
Megumi trusted him.
Megumi trusted him.
Megumi trusted him.
Or was starting to. It’s doesn’t matter.
He would carry the boy in his arms anytime, anywhere, any day when he asks him if it meant the boy could trust him and rely on him to be vulnerable. He would carry Tsumiki too. It would be an honour to hold these children in his arms because it meant he still has it in himself to care for someone to the point they feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him. He'll strive hard to become the kid's comfort person, one they could trust and come to with their problems, knowing he'll always be there. He has already failed his best friend in that aspect, he won’t fail them too. He’ll become the adult they both need in their life. He refuses to become another Toji Fushiguro in their life.
He glanced down at the sleeping boy in his arms. He was drooling a little on Saturo’s sweatshirt which normally he would find gross but right now, he doesn’t mind. The boy's fists were clenched tightly in shirt and his mouth was slightly parted, letting out deep breaths. He was a goner and won’t be waking up anytime soon. It’s no problem! Saturo can carry him across Japan and back and not let out a ugh!
Seeing his son’s (?) peaceful sleeping face and his daughter’s (?) content smile and sparkling eyes, Gojo felt a deep sense of warmth fill his heart, a feeling he hadn't had in a long while. He doesn’t remember the last time he has felt so….. content. With himself. He’s been drowning in self doubt and the constant nagging of his mind that he’s not enough for anyone since the Toji incident and Suguru's deflection. He felt like he didn't belong anywhere.
But here, right now, with one child sleeping in his arms and the other walking beside him seemingly happy, he realizes that he’s right where he belongs.
With these two children.
With Fushiguro Megumi and Fushiguro Tsumiki
With his family.
Wow, his family.
Saturo liked the idea of having a family very much and he really, really wanted it to be true.
He wouldn’t trade what he has for anything else. He finally belongs.