Chapter Text
Chapter 1:
Okay, the teens of South Park had had their fair share of odd Halloweens. But today started EXTREMELY weird.
“Okay what the fuck are you talking about asshole” Kyle snapped.
Cartman’s face dropped.
“HEY! SORRY THAT I HAVE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT SCROOGE” Cartman shouted.
“Oh my god can you both shut up we are going to be late for class.” Stan said, Kenny nodding.
So the boys started walking to class, Cartman and Kyle still yammering.
“I’m telling you guys! I saw some kind of ghost last night!”
“Ghosts aren’t real fatass” Kenny muffled
“THEY ARE TOO I SAW IT!” Cartman snapped back
The bell rang- “SHIT” Kyle sprinted through the door but they were already late
Cartman shoved him aside and sat down. “Well maybe if you hadn’t been bickering with me and just admitted I am right and ghosts are real then we wouldn’t have been late to class Kahl.”
“I would rather die than admit you are right about anything,” Kyle sneered.
Clyde interrupted from behind “Are you guys talking about ghosts?”
Cartman beamed “yes, I saw one”
“No you didn’t fatass, ghosts aren’t real.” Craig monotoned from the corner.
“SHUT UP GAYBO!” Cartman shouted
Craig was about to protest but was cutoff by Butters “uhm fellas, did anyone else notice the teacher STILL isn’t here?”
“Good, no teacher means no class dude.” Cartman said
Everyone paused for a moment
“Uh dudes, was anyone else a tad bit alarmed by the fact that there wasn’t really ANY faculty around this morning?” Kyle said breaking the silence.
“Huh you’re right…my parents also won’t here this morning” Butters said “But I didn’t mind or think much of it, at least they can’t ground me or anything”
“Wait wait wait, Butters your parents weren’t home this morning EITHER? Ike and I were wondering about that” Kyle interjected.
“Yeah…”
“My dad wasn’t at the farm but I assumed he was just out selling weed door to door again or something.” Stan added
All the boys collectively began realizing they hadn’t seen any adults around in the past morning at all.
“OH GOD WHAT IF OUR PARENTS WERE ALL TAKEN BY ALIENS” Tweek shrieked “WHAT IF WE’RE NEXT!”
“Tweek! Honey! Calm down, that’s very far fetched maybe they all just had a town meeting or something..” Craig suggested
“But there are no adults anywhere Craig, how could there be a town meeting?” Tolkein said.
“Yeah you’re right.”
“OH MY GOD IT’S THE GHOSTS IM TELLING YOU GUYS!” Cartman shouted just as Heidi and Wendy walked in
“Yo, you two are late as shit where were you?” Kenny muffled
“Uhm everyone, something is really really wrong.” Wendy said, concern plastered all over her face.
“Yeah no shit, GHOSTS TOOK OUR PARENTS!” Tweek screamed
“No, no, I mean uh…come outside guys.” Wendy said
Stan began to get concerned, “Wendy are you okay?” He asked getting up from his seat
“Just come guys” Heidi interrupted as the girls lead all the other kids out of the class and outside
Bebe was already standing outside staring at the horrifying scene.
Stan’s eyes widened “What the..”
“Fuck” Cartman finished his sentence.
“Is that Mr. Garrisons stupid hand puppet?” Kenny asked
Mr. Hat was on the ground covered in blood and…connected to Mr. Garrisons severed hand. It was a terrible, gut churning display.
“I’m gonna be sick” Stan proclaimed, his face becoming a slight pale green.
Cartman stared eyes wide
“Hey, are you okay Eric?” Heidi asked concerned
“Yeah I’m fine, I’m not a goddamn baby like Stan pukes-a-lot over there. Eric sneered
“Okay quit being an asshole dickface!” Kyle snapped.
“Hey don’t forget who’s fault this is Kahl!” Cartman yelled back
“uhm what’s that supposed to mean?” Kyle protested
“You didn’t wanna believe me about the ghosts so now look Mr. Garrison is dead just like all our parents probably are.
“Oh god… you guys don’t think Cartman is..right‽ Do you?” Tolkein replied
“No fucking way.” Clyde gaped
“Okay well what are we supposed to do now fellas?” Butters looked around at the now ghost town.
“I might know” Cartman snickered
“Ghost hunt.”
“No way fatass! This isn’t ghost busters it’s real life! Our parents and teachers are probably all dead” Kyle protested
Wendy paused, comforting Stan “Kyle wait..I hate to say it but he may have a point. Not saying it’s a GHOST hunt but something is definitely wrong and we need to figure it out.”
Kyle glanced at Stan, he hated when Wendy said stuff to belittle him, especially in front of Stan. It’s not like he was jealous or anything, he just hated to feel stupid in front of him.
“See ass hole! Even Stan’s little bitch agrees with me” Cartman sneered
“HEY DON’T CALL HER THAT FATSO!” Stan yelled
“AGH STOP SCREAMING!” Tweek snapped everyone back to reality
“Okay if we wanna make this stupid plan work we are gonna need a plan, supplies, and I hate to say it but we need to work together.” Craig said.
“Okay, everyone go home and get anything we can use as weapons, ghost hunting tools like vacuum’s, food and waters, and go gather anyone who is still here from the town! Then we will have a meeting in the basement, I’ll go get set up”
So, everyone obliged and went to gather people and supplies, praying Cartman knew what he was doing.
Once everyone arrived Cartman surveyed the new group…all were teenagers and children.
“What the fuck are kids gonna do!” Cartman yelled jabbing a finger at Ike
“Hey you said EVERYONE fatass, and nobody’s parents are around so deal with it and tell us your master plan.” Kyle shouted
“Okay well everyone knows graveyards are the best spots for ghost hunting, so we’ll start there.” Cartman said beaming. “Did everyone bring supplies?”
“Yup I g-g-got vacuums for s-s-oul sucking!” Jimmy chuckled
He paused hoping someone would laugh at his joke but was only awarded with a grunt from Tweek. His face fell and he tossed the stuff into the pile.
“The only sucking that will be happening is Kyle sucking my balls once I save this whole town” Cartman laughed
“In your dreams fatass”
“Okay fellas that’s enough!” Butters interrupted trying to get the attention of the others
“Guys shut your mouths and listen.” Kenny yelled, everyone obliged
“If we want Cartmans plan to work we have to work together and stop arguing” butters pleaded, “come on guys”
An equal look of tacit crosses their faces.
“Butters is right guys, we can do this if we work together” Bebe finally said
And so everyone packed up and got ready, for they were about to embark on a seemingly fun journey, but this really was no movie, this was life or death.