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Mapicc’s knees are sore and bruised where they meet the ground, a physical mark of his devotion. His hands are clasped together, fingers intertwined with one another the way his fate is woven with hers. His body trembles with fear, although he refuses to admit it. No one could blame him; who wouldn’t be afraid in the presence of their goddess?
He knows more than anyone what Zam can do, what she WILL do. Mapicc is her favorite devotee, a play thing that she’ll never grow tired of. She is Mapicc’s worst fear and biggest commitment. He will never leave no matter the terror that plagues him, no matter the price he pays for her presence.
Zam’s desire for blood and unfiltered devotion is insatiable, fortunately she found an unending fountain of both. Zam can be cruel, heartless. She gets a twinge of satisfaction from the blood that's bound to drip down Mapicc’s flesh. Zam is at her highest when Mapicc is kneeling below her.
Zam is a goddess, his goddess. She doesn't hide her lack of humanistic traits. No lungs to breathe, eyes to cry, or heart to feel. Her physical form is one of light, of sin, of hope and damnation. She is a deity with the purpose to deceive anyone foolish enough to fall for her sweet siren songs and her gentle nature.
Mapicc is an addict. His mouth swears that every prayer will be the last, promises that he can stop sacrificing all of himself whenever he chooses. The choice was never his to begin with. Once she had laid her eyes on him their fates were locked. Like a predator with her prey, a goddess with her worshiper, Zam with Mapicc.
It’s a trade-off, an unfair one. His addiction is fed with soft touches and simply worded praise while her desires will never be satisfied. Zam will take, and take, and take. Laid out like a sacrificial lamb, Mapicc will be ripped apart and rearranged; a science project that Zam spends her time on. Zam will see how far she can push before he breaks. Mapicc will accept the cracks like gospel.
Zam’s hand rests against Mapicc’s chin, her pointer and thumb tilting his head up to face her. His eyes stay closed, he is a properly trained dog. Perfectly owned and exactly where he’s meant to be.
“Look at me.”
Zam’s voice comes out in a tone so perfectly her, so indescribably describable. The lull of an ocean, the crackle of fire, something as destructive as it is captivating and Mapicc can’t help but lose himself in it.
Mapicc’s eyes fly open at her command. Despite the intensity of her light he will force his eyes to stay focused on her. He will soak in his goddess as if that is his purpose; to him, it is. The tears that drip down his cheeks act as an offering rather than an annoyance.
Zam’s hand travels from his chin, her fingers grazing over his throat before landing on the space where his heart is concealed. Mapicc can feel the way it beats against her palm; a steady rhythm despite the rising panic.
Zam’s lips curl into a smile, something sharp and dangerous. She moves her hand away from him, flipping it so her palm faces up. Mapicc knows exactly what she wants, he always does. A shiver runs down his spine; equal parts fear and anticipation. Zam steps back, arm still outstretched with the expectation of an added weight; of his heart beating in her hand.
Mapicc’s own hands replace the space where Zam’s used to be. It shouldn't be possible, the amount of blood he'd lose is enough to be fatal by itself. He would be exposing his entire life force to the air, to a world that will destroy it when given the chance. To a Goddess that desires nothing more than to tear him down and watch him scramble to come back.
Zam wouldn't let anything too bad happen to him, though. She finds him too entertaining, too intrigued by his devotion to want to let him go. If Mapicc is ever given permission to die it'll be Zam’s bloodied hands ripping him apart.
Mapicc’s fingers push into his own flesh and he can feel it soften, can feel how it gives away underneath his touch. Zam isn't kind enough to take the pain away. She loves to see him wince, loves to listen to the desperate noises he can't hold back. Loves to see exactly how much he sacrifices by being hers every day.
By the end Mapicc’s throat is hoarse from overuse, Zam’s altar has a new offering, and Mapicc is one organ lighter. The absence of his heartbeat is disorienting but the satisfaction from Zam makes up for that tenfold. It's short lived, he knows that. Once Zam gets bored again she'll come back to see how much further she can push him.
Zam stares down at Mapicc on the floor, slowly lowering her body to sit next to him. Her arms outstretch once more, this time with the intention of comfort rather than demand. Mapicc accepts Zam’s love like a stray dog laps at water. It's everything he's ever needed and he isn't sure if he'll ever get something like this again. He crawls into her arms, instantly enveloped by all of her.
Mapicc is shaking, terrified. He needs the comfort that only Zam can provide. The solace that maybe his sacrifices mean something to someone so above him. That doesn't stop him from trembling in her hold, doesn't stop her from smiling just a bit wider when she realizes.
Mapicc has lost organ after organ, gallons of blood, and everyone who might have cared for him once; none of that matters to him, though. He feels fuller with Zam than he ever has before.