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The day a retired Cliff Marleau became the Assistant Coach of the Centaurs was probably the worst day of Luca Haas’s life.
For the past two months, Luca has woken up with dark eyes in his mind and a raging boner.
When it came to having a crush on a Boston Raider, Luca had been obsessed with Rozanov for years. When his best friend visited practice one day, they brought up the life sized poster of Ilya Rozanov that he had as a kid and the whole team teased him relentlessly for weeks.
He never cared about Marleau before!
So why now?
Why him?
Luca could not have a thing for Marleau. If anyone ever found out, he would probably curl up and die.
He doesn’t think he’s ever been subtle about anything in his entire life. It’s only a matter of time before the entire team finds out.
***
Luca breathes in the cool air of the rink as he takes a smooth step onto the ice.
Maybe he won’t be here today.
Maybe for once he will miss one fucking day of practice and give Luca a reprieve.
But no.
The feel of his presence was immediate.
The specific way the door opened.
The sound of his footsteps.
The way he greets Rozanov with a clap on the back.
His boisterous laugh when Rozanov tells him to fuck off.
Luca can’t take it anymore.
He’s so fucked!
To make things worse, Hollander definitely noticed Luca eyeing him last practice.
Hollander was saying something to him but he wasn’t listening. When he finally got Luca’s attention he just regarded him with a raised eyebrow and suspiciously said never mind.
A sharp whistle brings Luca away from his thoughts.
Speak of the devil.
“Haas!” Marleau beckons him with a jerk of his head.
Luca’s eyes widen and he reluctantly skates up to the boards, meeting him.
“What’s up?”
Act cool.
Everything is totally fine!
“You doing alright? Seems like you’ve been off your game recently. Roz didn’t want me to say anything, but I’d wanna know if I wasn’t playing my best.”
Luca tries looking anywhere but him. “Oh. Uh… I’m good! Yeah, thanks for telling me. I’ll do better.” He says with a hard nod.
Marleau claps his shoulder, “That’s the spirit. Go get ‘em!”
Luca gives him his best smile and skates off back to the team.
Oh my god.
What the hell was that?!
For the next month, Luca tries his hardest to be the player that the Centaurs drafted him as. He made some bad mistakes during games—which, okay, that’s fine!
Everyone makes mistakes!
Right?
Apparently not, because Cap pulls him aside after practice and asks him over for dinner tonight.
Sitting down at the Hollander-Rozanov dinner table, Luca is tense. The married duo before him looking completely normal—business as usual. Hell, they look comfortable!
Rozanov sighed and caught Luca’s eyes. “Haasy. Relax. This is not interrogation.”
Hollander rested a hand on Rozanov’s back and leaned forward. “We just want to talk, Luca. We can tell something’s been bothering you recently. Since Marleau came to Ottawa. Did he do something? Say something?”
“No! He’s good. I like him. The team has been doing well since he joined.” Luca’s voice raised an octave higher.
They aren’t buying it.
“We are here for you. You can tell us.” Rozanov adds.
Luca sighs and looks away. “I don’t want to say. It’s… embarrassing.” He shakes his head.
“About Marly?” Rozanov questions.
Luca gives a reluctant nod.
“I will kill him. Tell me.” His captain grips the edge of the table.
“He didn’t do anything! It’s nothing. It’s me.” Luca lowers his head in shame.
“Ilya.” Rozanov turns to meet his husband's gaze and Hollander shakes his head in silent communication.
Rozanov’s mouth forms into an “O”.
“Don’t make me say it. It’s bad enough you’ve figured it out.” Luca says nearly pleading.
Rozanov sits back and smirks.
Hollander whacks his arm. “We won’t say anything. Right, Ilya?”
He sighs and playfully rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes. Of course, Haasy. We will keep your dirty secret. But really? Marly?”
Hollander narrows his eyes at Rozanov. “Thats what everyone said about you.”
Luca gives a small smile at them. “How do I get over this? I want things to go back to normal.”
“Could just tell him.” Cap shrugs.
Luca’s eyes practically bulge out of his head. “Tell him?! I can’t tell him! That’s a death sentence!”
Rozanov laughs. “He’s not so bad. Asshole? Yes. He was nice enough when I came out. Did not say anything cruel. We are good friends. Does not treat me any different.” He says in thought.
“You didn’t tell him you were in love with him!” Luca screeches. He lays his head against the table. “This is so stupid.”
Hollander reaches across the table and brushes some hair off the younger man’s forehead. “It’s not. I mean—okay, it kind of is. I’ve been there.”
Rozanov rolls his eyes.
“I can’t say that Marly is into men. I guess you never really know, though. They all thought the same about me. Ah. The good old days. Me and Marly taking on the town… fucking as many girls with dark hair and freckles as I could.” Rozanov looks to his husband with that lovesick look in his eyes.
Luca sighs and sits back up in his chair.
“Alright. Fuck it. I’ll tell him.”
“You’ll tell him?” Hollander says surprised.
“Yeah. Sure. Why not? What is it people say? ‘You only live once’?” He gives a scared smile.
***
The morning of practice, Luca could barely eat his breakfast. He was incredibly nervous and kept jiggling his leg.
No one was forcing him to do this. But he knew he had to do it. It felt like his career was at stake. He’s been doing a shit job recently and everyone’s noticed. He can’t let this control him anymore.
During today’s practice he played maybe the worst he ever has.
He wanted to disappear.
He needed to get this over with.
Luca followed Marleau outside afterwards.
“Hey! Marleau. Can I talk to you for a sec?” He called after him and looked around anxiously.
Marleau turned back and stepped closer. “Yeah, man. What’s up?”
Luca tried to swallow his fear with a gulp. “This is so embarrassing and I promise I don’t expect anything or whatever. I just have to get this out in the open because it’s been messing with me and putting me off my game an-“
Marleau gives a small reassuring chuckle. “It’s alright, just tell me.”
“Okay…” Luca took a deep breath. “I like you. I mean, you really shouldn’t be surprised. You see yourself in the mirror everyday and you’ve got a roster full of women to prove it. So it’s really not my fault.”
The older man has the most shit eating grin on his face. “Oh, so you’re saying it’s my fault?”
He stood up a little bit taller. “Yeah, I am.”
“Hmm. Very interesting logic, Haasy. Can’t say I’m not flattered. Never had a man profess his love for me before. Well—not like this.” Marleau eyes him up and down.
“I’m not professing my love! I’m just simply saying I’m attracted to you!” His voice grows higher.
“Yeah? So attracted that it’s thrown you off your game for months?” Marleau smirks cockily.
Luca sputters for an answer.
Marleau raises an eyebrow.
“Just tell me you don’t like me back and all this goes away.”
He sighs. “I don’t think it works like that, but alright.” Marleau makes a show of preparing himself for his next words.
“I don’t like you back. Is that good?”
Luca nods. “Yeah. See you next time—and please, don’t tell anyone.”
“Sure…” He trails off with concern etched into his features.
***
Cliff watches Haas leave with a small frown on his face, the rest of his day ruined.
Cliff has been with many, many women. Multiple different girls on the same night—the same time. But never a man. That, he was strict about.
Sometimes girls would ask to bring their boyfriends and he always gave a hard no.
Having a man there… would make it too real.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but it was more so the idea that it would complicate things—blur lines he didn’t want to think about.
For the next month Cliff couldn’t stop thinking about Haas.
Wondering what it would be like to fuck him.
To go to sleep next to him and wake up beside him.
Just regular, mundane things.
He didn’t just think about Haas, necessarily.
He thought about what it would be like to be with any man. What it would be like to have a boyfriend.
But he’s straight.
He’s been straight his entire life.
Never strayed—not once.
So why now?
Why him?
He needed to talk to someone about this.
That’s how he found himself on Rozy and Hollander’s doorstep at 2:13 AM.
“Marly? What are you doing?” Ilya says groggily with squinting eyes.
Cliff pushes past him and enters his home.
“You gotta help me, man. Something’s wrong. Seriously wrong!”
Ilya sobers instantly. “What? What happened?”
“Haas told me he liked me.” He drags his hands down his face.
Ilya groans. “You wake me and my gorgeous peaceful husband for this?! Didn’t he tell you like, a month ago?”
“Yeah, but I can’t stop thinking about it! It’s been making me crazy! And how do you know?”
Ilya waves him off. “Does not matter. You like him back, so what?”
“So what?!” His eyebrows raise to the top of his head. “This is life altering, bro! I’m supposed to be straight!”
His friend rolls his eyes. “No one is straight.”
Cliff starts pacing. “Well, I am. I’ve never thought about another dude like this before!”
“Maybe you have not let yourself.”
***
Now it’s Cliff's turn to run after him.
After practice he caught Haas just outside the building.
“Haas! Wait up!”
Haas turns back to him. “Marleau. Hi.”
“Do you still like me?” He says out of breath, taking a step closer.
The younger man takes a step back and shakes his head. “What? No. I thought we were past this.”
“You don’t mean that.” Cliff crowds him.
“What’s it matter to you?” Haas raises his chin.
“I’m taking it back. I do. I like you back.”
Haas is speechless, his brows furrowed in confusion.
“Say something? Please? Don’t make me a fool.” Cliff begs.
“You mean it? This isn’t a prank?”
“I promise. Ever since you told me, I can’t get you out of my head. You’re all I can think about. I know it’s crazy and I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know anything about being gay or bisexual or whatever the fuck I am, but I wanna try. I want to see where this goes.”
Haas steps closer, their noses just a millimeter away from brushing. “Okay.” He whispers softly.
Cliff grabs his shoulders and pulls him into his embrace. Their lips crash together like they’d been doing this their whole lives. Haas clutches at any and every part of him he can reach. Their tongues dancing together in a passionate rhythm.
They break apart in a breathless smile.
“My first time kissing a man. How did I do?” Cliff smirks against Haas’s lips.
“Fucking incredible.” He presses his lips back against his for one last kiss before stepping away. “Text me later. Call me. I want to see you… Cliff.”
Cliff smiles genuinely for the first time in what feels like forever. “I will, Luca.”