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Nico hated being sick, he hated the way his skin would feel both too hot and too cold, the way his hands would shake, the way his throat would ache and his nose would become impossible to breathe through.
He couldn't remember the last time he was sick, in the Lotus Casino he hadn't been able to get sick or even really get injured.
He hated this, he was kneeling on the floor of Hazel's bathroom, though he supposed they shared it now just like her bedroom.
But he tried to avoid spending too much time in her space, he had already been an annoying little brother once and technically she was the oldest of Hades’ children out of the three of them.
The two of them, Bianca died, only two of them, only him and Hazel.
He hated throwing up, he hated that he threw up if he ate and if he didn't. Either way he had to suffer, maybe this was the gods punishing him for his sins.
Maybe capital ‘G’ catholic God was real too and punishing him, he couldn’t remember the last time he'd gone to confession.
He felt so weak as he choked on his bile, tears welling in his eyes as he tried not to sob, his stomach ached. He couldn't eat, didn't want to, the thought of eating made him want to vomit more. He hated this, hated feeling the hot bile rise up his throat, hated the way his stomach, throat, and mouth burned with the taste.
He hadn’t noticed Hazel come in until she sat next to him and gently held his hair back, he almost sobbed at the touch, he felt like a child.
“Shhh,” she hushed in a soft voice, like one would use for a scared animal. And that's what he was, wasn't he? Some scared feral thing.
After a bit his stomach decided to give him mercy, he lifted his head and tried to wipe at his teary eyes and runny nose with his hand. Hazel stood and ran the sink, gods he was so disgusting his own sister was washing her hands after touching him, maybe she could feel the sin radiating off of him, maybe-
She handed him a warm damp washcloth. Oh. Not washing her hands, not disgusted by him, just helping him. Huh.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, hating how weak and small his voice sounded. He wiped his face with the warm cloth, hating the way the warmth made him relax.
Once he finished he looked up at her, she looked half-asleep, standing over him in her pajamas with a gentle pity in her eyes. “Sorry.. Did I wake you?” He knew the answer was yes.
“It's okay, your stomach feeling better?” it wasn't okay, he was an awful brother, he was supposed to be her older brother (even if, chronologically, she was older), he was supposed to take care of her not the other way around.
“I guess,” he mumbled, his stomach did feel better but he knew it was only temporary. This was the punishment for his sins, there was no other explanation, if he had just been normal, if hadn’t been a sinner who looked at men the way he was supposed to look at women, this wouldn't be happening.
“You want some water?”
“I want-” I want to die, I want rip my stomach out and never have to eat ever again, I want my mom “.. uh yeah, yes please, thank you Bi-” his whole body tensed, fuck fuck fuck, gods damn it, he was an awful brother, he should have died in that jar, she should've let him died in that jar.
“I'm sorry Hazel” he whispered
She just sighed and looked at him with a kindness he didn't deserve, then, because she was an angel who he didn't deserve, she changed the topic “what do you think made you sick this time?”
‘My sins, the fact that I'm a filthy faggot’ he wanted to say, if she knew would she still be so nice? Would she still want to be his sister? “I don't know.. Hedge said stress can make you sick?” He offered with a shrug.
He hadn't actually told the satyr he had been getting sick but he had overheard him telling Leo that after he got sick, but Leo wasn't a sinner, Leo could go to Coach Hedge because Leo got sick for normal reasons and not as a divine punishment for being a freak of nature.
“Hmm, maybe you could ask that medic boy from camp half-blood? Uh what's-his-name? Walt?” Nico felt his stomach flutter in a way that had nothing to do with the fact he just vomited.
“Will.. h-his name is Will,” he muttered staring at the toilet bowl full of his bile trying not to blush. No wonder he was getting punished, just the thought of Will made him feel flustered. “And he's probably too busy,” he added quickly, “Greek demigods are stupid”.
“Mm.. brush your teeth while I get you water,” she said before leaving. He nodded.
He wanted to listen, he did, really, but the toothpaste made him gag even when he hadn't just thrown up. So instead he just went to lay in Hazel's bed. They had only shared the bed once but occasionally Nico would nap in it but usually he preferred to sleep on the loveseat in her room or the couch in the shared space instead, or at least that's what he told her.
But right now he wanted to hide from the world so he hid under his sister's blankets like a little kid. Hazel came back a moment later, or he thought she had until he heard Piper's voice. “Hazel?
She walked over and shook him gently, “Hazel? Are you oka-” she yelped when he pulled the blanket off over his head “Nico?! What are you doing here?”
“Hazel isn't here right now”
“Obviously” Piper rolled her eyes “Is she okay? I heard her getting sick. I know she like gets sea sick and all, but it sounded pretty bad.”
Nico rolled over and pulled the blanket back over his head.
Piper groaned in annoyance, “Nico” she cooed, was she trying to charm-speak him?
“Tell me where Hazel is, please?” She was! ‘Too bad Aphrodite girl, your mom cursed me to be a sinner, that wouldn't work on me’ he thought. Though if Will or Percy had charmspeak, gods help him he would bend to their will like cooked pasta.
“Ughh” Piper whined “gods, do you really have that big of a crush on Annabeth that charmspeak?” what? What in Hades was she talking about?
He turned to face her, “what?”
She rolled eyes, “You're crush on Annabeth, don't play dumb, everyone knows about it,” she said as if this was common knowledge.
“What?” He repeated, blinking at her in confusion.
“Oh please, I've seen it! The way you stare at her and Percy.. you're not subtle.”
Annabeth, everyone thought he stared at them because he liked Annabeth “I..” he paused, he could go along with it, he should go along with it, pretend he liked Annabeth and was jealous of Percy not the other way around. But it felt wrong, he didn't want to lie but he also didn't want to get thrown off the ship the minute he stopped being useful because he was a queer.
“I was the one getting sick.. Hazel's getting me some water” he was good at changing the topic, good at avoiding questions, his mother taught him to as a child. Taught him to say that his father died a little bit after he had been born, that his parents had been married, and that Bianca didn't remember their father because he was always abroad for work.
He remembered being five and understanding why he had to lie “but mama, that's lying!” he had whined “sometimes you have to lie to stay safe, Niccolò” his mother had cooed. What would she think of him now? He understood what she had meant now but would she still understand?
“Oh.. are you okay?” Piper asked, dragging him back to reality, “I'm fine”. Then she put her hand on his forehead for some reason, gods, her hand was warm, embarrassingly he leaned into the touch on instinct.
“I think you have a fever”
“wha- no, I'm fine”
“You're burning up, I should get Coach He-” “nooo,” Nico whined like a child. “‘M fine”
“gods.. you really are just a kid like the rest of us.” Nico tried to glare at her but he knew it was less than intimidating as he wiggled deeper under the blankets of his sister’s warm bed. His eyes felt heavy and his stomach barely hurt, he was so sleepy, he yawned.
“Nico, did you hear me?” Piper asked, oh she had been talking? Nico didn't notice, so distracted by his warm bed- no, not his bed, Hazel's bed, which he needed to get out of so his sister could sleep. “Nico?”
Nico just whined. He wanted to sleep, he wanted his sister to come back so he knew she was safe so he could sleep, he was so tired.
“‘kay, I got you some water an’ some bread, I know you're probably not hungry but you should still try to eat some- oh, Piper, hi” Hazel said as she came in. Nico felt himself relax. Sister's back, safe, sister is safe, I'm safe. He was probably a bit delirious from the fever.
“Hey Hazel, I think he's sick,” Piper said. Snitch.
“Yeah, he got a fever again?” Hazel said as if she knew that already.
Oh yeah, she did know that. Gods, this fever really was getting to him.
“Again? What do you mean again, Hazel? If he's sick we really should tell Hedge,” Piper insisted. Nico tried to glare at her. It didn't really work because he was still mostly buried in the blankets and she wasn't facing him but he tried.
“It's fine, I can handle it,” Hazel said. Gods, she sounded like Bianca. He missed Bianca. He missed his big sister. Why did she leave him? He didn't have anyone else, he wasn't a bad kid, was he?
“Hazel, I get you and him have like a whole siblings, ‘children of the underworld are ostracized’ thing but if he's throwing up and has a fever we need to tell Coach Hedge,” Piper insisted, drawing his attention away from his thoughts. Nico was intrigued by just how much she trusted the Satyr and how much she seemed to care about Nico's wellbeing for no apparent reason.
“Hedge knows and he hasn't done anything!” Nico felt guilty when Hazel snapped at the other girl, he shouldn't have lied, he shouldn't have told Hazel coach hedge knew when he didn't.
“I don't- I can't believe that! Yeah Hedge is kinda mean and like tough but he cares about us!”
“Fine, we can tell him tomorrow if you really don't believe he knows-” “no! It's fine, I-I'm fine” Nico cut her off, Couch couldn't find out about this it was bad enough that Hazel and Piper knew. No one else on the ship could find out because if everyone found out maybe they would be able to figure out why he was getting sick all the time, why he was different, what was wrong with him.
“Nico... ya didn't tell him did ya?” Hazel asks softly, ignoring the ‘I told you so’ look Piper was giving her.
“'M fine” He insisted, like a petulant child.
He felt as though he had had this conversation before, maybe with Bianca he remembered trying to convince her not to tell their mom he was sick “I don't want mamma to worry!”
“Nico, you threw up.”
“I'm okay now, really! I'm okay!”
“You keep throwing up! you can't eat anything.”
“It's fine, I'll get better.”
“We need to tell mamma.”
“I don't wanna worry her!”
“I'm fine.. really.. if I throw up again I'll tell him” Nico felt like he was five and telling Bianca ‘I don't wanna worry mamma’ again.
Hazel just stared at him quietly, as if deciding whether or not to go behind his back and just tell Hedge herself. Piper cleared her throat, “um, so I'm gonna go back to bed but if you need like Tums or something and Hazel's busy you can come get me,” Piper said before awkwardly leaving, closing the door behind her.
Hazel sighed, handed him the water “scoot over so I can sleep”
“I could-” “no, stay” a yawn interrupted her “jus’ don't steal all the blankets again”
Nico just nodded because he was too tired to argue. And maybe, just maybe, though he would never admit it, being curled up in a warm bed with his sister made him feel safe in a way he had felt since he was a kid.