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Duchess's breaths are shallow and quick. She turns in the mirror, her corset and the harness squeezing her torso uncomfortably. Her figure is now immaculate. But her wings-
They’re peeking out just slightly from underneath the harness. She shoves them under roughly, and takes a second look in the mirror.
They are now perfectly concealed, and Duchess is now ready for the school day. She sneaks a glance at Lizzie's side of the room, and sees her roommate is still asleep. She heads out of their shared dorm room, once again wishing she had tried harder to be put in her own individual room.
Duchess walks through the halls, planning on taking a stroll around the campus for a while so she can kill time before class. She wouldn’t have to get up so early if she didn’t have to harness in her wings without Lizzie seeing.
The thought of letting her roommate in on the secret crosses her mind, so tempting with its promise of being honest with Lizzie and whatnot, so Duchess immediately banishes it, remembering what her grandma has told her all her life.
She’s going past the front doors when she hears singing. Duchess suppresses a groan. It’s Ashlynn.
Ashlynn is sitting demurely on the edge of the fountain with a bluebird perched on her finger. They're harmonizing well. Duchess turns a little and tries to pretend she hasn't seen her, a plan that is sabotaged by Ashlynn calling to her.
“Duchess! Lovely morning, isn't it?”.
Duchess freezes. She cannot for the life of her understand why Ashlynn is so horribly courteous to her all the time.
“It was a lovely morning, and then you talked to me and now it's ruined.”.
Ashlynn flinches slightly, a gesture Duchess relishes the sight of.
“Oh, don’t be like that!” Ashlynn chides.
Duchess rolls her eyes. It’s fine to be a little nasty to her. Royals like her who get happily ever afters need to be knocked down a peg once in a while.
“You’re fine, it’s not like you have many other bad things happen to you.”.
Ashlynn frowns and the bird, sensing her distress, flies off.
“Do you have any idea how wrong you are?”.
“Do you?” Duchess challenges.
“How do you not remember me and Hunter?”.
“Of course I do.” Duchess sneers. “Everyone only gave you your deserved flack for a week or two, and then you got off scot free.”.
“You only think that because you haven't been experiencing what I have. People still gossip behind my back when they think I'm not listening.”.
Ashlynn's largely calm demeanor is rubbing Duchess the wrong way. In a desperate bid to reclaim control, she snaps
“I bet you wish you hadn't told everyone now.”.
Ashlynn leans back.
“I mean… getting it over with was really the best thing we could've done, and keeping the secret forever was just too stressful.” She faces Duchess. “I can live with what other people say, because being honest is its own benefit.”.
Duchess falters, thinking of the wings folded too tight on her back. She storms off without saying anything, but Ashlynn's words echo in her skull, as Duchess goes through her classes and completes her schoolwork.
It sets a question in her heart, inscribed deep.
Is the lying worth it?
At the end of the day, the stars shine gloriously in the sky. Duchess stares at them with a bored expression. She should be changing into her bed-clothes now, but she's immobilized by her thoughts.
Lizzie enters the room like always; with maximum noise and minimum elegance.
“Today has been too boring for me!” She huffs. “Back in Wonderland, everything had wonder, and being boring meant OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!”.
Duchess still can't help but be blown over by Lizzie's general energy, even though they've been roommates since the school year started.
Regarding Lizzie's energy, her talk of hating boredom gives Duchess an inkling of something. It feels good to hope, but hope is a dangerous thing that should be reigned in.
But what good has ‘reigning in’ really done for her? She's still destined to spend most of her life as a swan, and she can still never quite satisfy her grandma.
Before Duchess can think twice, she removes herself from the windowsill and takes out her pajamas. She unlaces her corset, removes her dress swiftly, then takes off her tights. Duchess puts on her pyjama bottoms, then unbuckles her harness. Her wings unfold carefully after a whole day of being restricted, black feathers shining. Lizzie's eyes immediately find them, and Duchess braces herself for scorn.
“I didn't know you had those.” Lizzie pipes. There's no sort of judgment in her tone, just curiosity. Duchess turns to her.
“Uhh, yeah.” She says awkwardly, her usual sass gone. Lizzie tromps over, seemingly to get a closer look.
“Very nice.” Is her only comment.
Duchess is in very unfamiliar territory.
“Uh huh.” She agrees compliantly.
“Shame you haven't shown these off before.” Lizzie utters.
“Really?” Duchess asks. “The feathers are black.”.
“And they're a very lovely black. Why haven't you let other people see them?”.
Duchess opens her mouth, before realizing she isn't sure herself. She thinks back to when they first started growing in.
Her grandmother was very happy when she was initially notified, mouthing off about how she could show them to her prince as a signifies of love(before she commits suicide/becomes a swan forever), until she saw the feathers were black, at which point she grabbed Duchess by the arm and told her she could never, under any circumstances, reveal them to anyone, because black feathers were wrong for her destiny, so the wings were best kept out of things.
A few times throughout her youth, Duchess had asked her grandmother if it was really necessary for for her to practically straitjacket them in whenever she was around other people, to which her grandma had told her that she would be endlessly mocked if others knew she had them.
But now, Lizzie is seeing them, and she has so much wonder in her eyes, like she ‘s looking at a rainbow. This pried at what Duchess's grandma had told her.
“I-I don't know.” Duchess confesses.
“It's okay to not know, I barely know what I had for lunch today.”.
Duchess shifts her wings tentatively.
“Do you ever fly with them?” Lizzie inquires “I should hope so, there's little other point to wings.”.
“I… No, I don't. I only have my wings unharnessed to sleep and bathe, so I actually don't know how to do anything with them.”.
“Harnessed all day?”.
“Yeah.”.
“Well that's awful. It's like using a flamingo as a baseball bat instead of a croquet mallet. Why would you do such a thing?”.
Duchess now knows why, but the answer has everything to do with her grandma and nothing to do with something being wrong with her. She can't say this though, because no matter what her grandma has instilled in her, she's still the woman who raised her from birth, and she does not deserve to be slandered.
Lizzie responds to her silence by slowly reaching out to pet Duchess's wings. She only does it briefly, but this indirect admission of admiration is such an overly sweet thing to Duchess's heart. She abruptly sits on her bed, and puts on what she hopes is a decent-looking smile.
“Well, it's getting late, and I'm already a little past my bedtime, so I should sleep now.”.
Lizzie starts walking back to her side of the room, dodging piles of stuff on the way to her bed. Suddenly, she turns back.
“Duchess?”.
“Yeah?”.
“Thanks for showing me your wings.”.
“You're, uh, welcome.”.
Duchess tucks herself into bed quickly. She lays on her stomach and turns off the lamp. She probably won't be falling asleep anytime soon.
She's considering her previous attitude with new eyes. It was a miracle Lizzie was so okay with her wings, but in hindsight, she was maybe the best person to tell, given she's from Wonderland. Destiny demands white wings from her, and since she doesn't have them, it would be better to not provide wings at all.
But destiny isn't a god, the rebels have proven that. Duchess thinks about the muscle cramps and the sprains. They might not really be worth avoiding judgement.
She turns to the wall, and flexes her magnificent wings.