Chapter Text
Brendon was in a slump.
He had been situated in his apartment for about a week straight, only leaving his room to get a meal, which was every couple days where he would have something small to ‘keep himself awake.’ Being a musician made him loved by many, but not by himself. His ability to write songs seemed to extinguish whenever he needed to hit those tight deadlines he set himself, his hands stilled on his guitar as he glared down at his notebook, filled with scribbles of hopelessness.
Brendon set his guitar against his bed and adjusted his eyes to his pigsty of a room. It was never his main concern, writing songs was, but even though he couldn’t do that he couldn’t have given a fuck about his living state. Brendon pulled his exhausted and malnourished body out of bed and wandered to his bathroom, turning on the light and shutting his eyes before letting himself adjust. He positioned himself at his sink, gripping it to keep himself up as he glared through the mirror, being faced with an anomaly he used to call himself.
Pathetic.
That’s the name he gave to that anomaly he saw in the mirror. He ran the cold water and lifted his hands under it, needing a pinch from a dream he couldn’t seem to wake from. He took the opportunity to have a shower, letting the mirror steam up before peeling off his loose t-shirt and sweats. Brendon sat himself down in the shower, letting the scalding water soak his skin as he let out a shaky breath, weaker than ever.
His burning showers were his way of harming himself without leaving a visible trace that would be noticed by nosey fans. He had considered inflicting wounds upon himself for ages, but unable to handle the stench of blood and hiding, he pushed those feelings deep down, but not away. As he brushed the wet hair out of his face he came to realise that these hot showers served no relief to him anymore. Brendon lifted a shaky hand and clumsily turned off the shower, using the sides of the tub to lift himself up and out. He reached for a towel to lazily dry his body before retreating back to his bedroom, throwing on fresh clothes and feeling cleaner than he has in a while.
Brendon’s mind was racing with an idea, risky, but it would provide him some relief. He grabbed his phone and pushed his bedroom door open, heading to his living room where he threw himself onto the sofa and unlocked his phone, swiping away worried messages before opening his contacts list. Before Brendon dropped out of college he had few friends, one of which was notorious for hanging around with shady people, but ‘shady’ was what he needed right now.
——
Brendon: u still know a guy right
Brendon: kinda in need rn don’t ask
XXXXXXX: bren ur pathetic
XXXXXXX: never thought you would be wanting drugs
Brendon: shut up man
Brendon: yk a guy or not
Brendon: please
XXXXXXX: yes of course i do
XXXXXXX: meet him tmrw at the alley near that old library
——
And that was Brendon sorted.
He grabbed his wallet and counted the bills, he knew nothing, but he knew he had more than enough to tie himself over. The air in the room stilled, he was really doing this. His parents would’ve killed him, hell, even his younger self would’ve if he knew he was going to end up down this path in life, but all he can do now is wait until tomorrow.
—— … ——
Brendon woke up groggy and confused, having fallen asleep in the couch, the lack of sleep must’ve knocked him out before he could get to his room. He fumbled for his phone, noticing it was around noon. In a rush he wrapped himself in warm clothes to bear the winter weather, and also to hide himself in case he got noticed on his way to a drug deal of all things. With shaky hands he grabbed his wallet and pocketed it in his coat before shoving his shoes on and leaving his apartment, the cold air biting his skin before he even stepped outside. Through difficulty he locked his door and made his way down the steps, nearly slipping due to ice but he managed to keep himself steady. Brendon proceeded his journey to the abandoned library, closed down due to the owner having scandals they were unable to face. The streets were empty apart from an occasional person walking by, low risks of him being noticed. As he tucked himself into the alley near the library, his mind raced with regret, but he tried to ignore it as he fidgeted with the cuff of his coat, waiting for the guy to show up.
Light footsteps grew louder down the alleyway. Brendon’s head shot up as he tried to focus on the looming figure approaching him. The older man stood in front of the younger, clearing his throat as he looking him up and down.
“You Brendon?” He asked, his voice calm as he’s done this countless times before. Once Brendon’s vision focused, he looked at the older in awe, his eyes tracing his features before he nervously spoke up.
“Aha- fuck- yeah.” He sputtered, averting his eyes as he tried to make conversation, but he was more focused on his hands trembling in his coat pockets. “And you are…?”
“Ryan. This is your first time, right?” He huffed, hand reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small bag. His eyes didn’t leave Brendon, which made him feel more intimidated than he already was.
“Yeah. Hey, weren’t we in the same college class?”
Ryan stiffened, clearing his throat as he studied the younger boy. His eyes widened with realisation as he choked on his words before chuckling. “Mh, yeah. I remember seeing you a few times, but I dropped out, was never in class anyway.”
Brendon smiled softly, chuckling back to make the exchange feel less awkward than it already was. He reached for his wallet, pulling out a few ten dollar bills and handing them to Ryan. “Is this enough?” He muttered, the winter chill making his hands shake more.
“Rookie.” Ryan muttered under his breath before looking at Brendon, handing him a few bills back as well as the bag. “It’s more than enough. Plus, you get a discount. First time.”
Brendon assessed what he was given, the bag of weed, a couple crumpled dollar bills, and a scrap piece of paper with a number scribbled on it. He studied it before speaking up, watching Ryan start to walk away.
“Hey! What’s this for?” He yelled out, watching the older boy turn around to face him briefly.
“In case you can’t handle your high, I’m a message away.”
And that was it. Ryan walked away and blended into the shadows, leaving Brendon without much more of an answer than he wished for. He stood glaring at his hands before shoving his earnings in his pocket, taking a deep breath before he braved the cold on his way back home.