Chapter Text
Subaru Natsuki is at his damn limit.
"Who are you to trample on my rights of how I decide to live out my life!? How uncouth of you two to interrupt a man and his bride's wedding day! But because of my generosity, I will forgive this transgression and give you two a quick death!" Yelled out a white-haired prick.
And the Archbishop of greed certainly isn't making anything better.
It all started when the Archbishops arrived in Priestella, for some reason every Archbishop GANKED HIS ASS AND HIS PRECIOUS BEAKO'S!
IT TOOK OVER A THOUSAND LOOPS TO GET OUT OF THAT SHITHOLE!
Maybe more, he just stopped counting honestly, and his sanity is at it's damned limit.
'Screw it, sorry Tella but I just need this one loop to vent this, just this once okay?'
"HEY REINHARD! I GOT THIS! WELL UH, NOT JUST ME BUT STILL!" Subaru Natsuki screams out to the Sword Saint.
"Subaru! This man is untouchable! With a single wave he can hurt even me! Please reconsider!" Reinhard whips his head around like a swivel to stare at Subaru.
"Subaru you dunderhead! Please don't get hurt doing something silly again!" Emilia spouts trying to deter Subaru.
"Just trust me!" Subaru tells them both, "because we actually got a plus one party member here that can whoop Regulus's ass!"
Regulus scoffs, appalled at this man's behavior, how dare he infringe on his rights! "How dare you, you brute! How would feel if I-"
Before Regulus finishes his rant Subaru screams out "SATELLAAAAAAA!!! KILL THIS MOTHER FUCKER NOW! KILL HIM AND MY LIFE IS YOURS! KILL HIM AND MY LIFE IS YOURS! MAKE HIM DIE!!!"
Emilia and Reinhard can only stop and stare at Subaru in shock, why in Od would he spout the Witch of Envy's name like she's a deity!?
"KILL HIM NOW, SATELLLAAAAAAA!!!"
"QUIT YOUR YAMMERING YOU PEASANT, YOU HAVE PESTERED ME FOR THE LAST TIM-" Regulus says before eating shit, as thanks to a certain half-elf's unseen hands.
"YEAH! WHOOP HIS ASS TELLA-TAN, YOU'RE ON TRACK TO BEING BEST GIRL AT THIS RATE!!!" Subaru starts cheering on what seems to be air putting Regulus in a chokehold.
"What." Even with his divine protection's Reinhard can't understand what's happening... Well he can, but why is the Witch of Envy... Fucking up one of her own Archbishops!?
"What." Emilia hated the Witch of Envy, how could she not? Being compared to a maniac that destroyed half the world was something she had to experience nigh daily until Subaru showed up, but... "What in tarnation?" Ignoring Subaru's teasing she hears in the distance as she still can't wrap her head around why, what she assumed to be the Witch of Envy, helping her Subaru.
"PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!" Regulus says before being kicked in the nuts making him squeal like a pig.
"YEAH!" Even seeing Satella perform the taboo move to men, he still cheers her on, yeah he's lost it.
And as Regulus Corneas gets his ass beat more and more he suddenly gets sling shot to the edge of the world as Satella dunks him in a way that would get her signed for the LA Lakers right into the abyss of the Great Waterfall.
"YEAH! GET FUCKED YOU WHITE HAIRED BASTARD! LOVE YOU FOREVER TELLA-TAN!"
As Subaru begins clapping and cheering for Satella both Emilia and Reinhard both silently agree to have an intervention with Subaru.