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The walls felt like they were pressing in, the air felt different, maybe it was. How long had it been? 5 minutes? 5 hours? 5 days? He could not tell anymore. Everything felt so big, larger than he could ever hope to be. The shouting was like a constant scream in his mind, plague his thoughts, increasing his anxiety.
“Stop breathing my air!”
“Quit yelling, you’ll waste more.”
“You stop breathing!”
Bang
“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Bang
And it all fades to black.
And Miles woke up. Drenched in sweat, heart racing, breaths shallow. Another bad dream. A terrifyingly bad dream. That confined space, the lack of oxygen, the yelling. The gunshot.
The gun he fired…
The scream of his father…
His father that he killed.
15 years ago, and it felt like yesterday.
December 28, 2001.
What a truly awful dream.
Was it even a dream? If he could not escape it when he was awake, it was more a reality than a dream. An inescapable truth, clinging to him permanently.
Even if he was proven innocent, it is hard to ignore what he’s believed for 15 years.
Night terrors were a persistent issue of Miles.’ Although they’d lessened since the truth was unveiled, that didn’t make them any more terrifying. The face of his dad, the sound of a gun, and the scream of pain were all burnt into the man’s mind.
Turning over, he sees Phoenix, asleep and blissfully unaware. He was probably dreaming of eating a hamburger with Maya and their cat, Mia. He’s holding Miles so close, but so casually. Like it wasn’t a necessity to have Miles nearby, but something he still deeply desired.
Sitting up, Miles’ eyes slowly adjust to the room, spotting the kitty in question snoozing on the end of the bed. Mia, a fluffy white ragdoll cat, laid curled up at Miles’ feet, probably also dreaming about eating hamburgers with Phoenix. What a simple life. And a cute cat
It was a comforting thought, a brief distraction. But brief is never permanent. While he had learnt to cope, to distract himself, nothing could cause Miles to ignore what he believed. What if Von Karma hadn’t truly killed his dad, and Phoenix got an innocent man arrested? What if Miles really was the true murder, now walking free and unburdened?
As much as he despised Von Karma, Miles still felt empathy for the man. Getting locked up for no reason, while Miles just flirted his way out of responsibility.
When he snapped back to reality, he was standing in the kitchen. The tiled floor felt cold under his feet, making them numb. His usually comfortable pyjamas felt suffocating, like they were trying to strangle him, and his nightcap was missing. Maybe he left it in bed, or it fell off somewhere in the hallway. Miles didn’t care either way.
He just stands in the kitchen, muttering to himself. A habit he gained as a kid, when Von Karma refused to comfort him late at night. Who would comfort a murderer anyways? No person in their right mind.
“Miles?” Phoenix’s sleepy voice echoes through the house, and then his footsteps follow. He’s rubbing the sleep from his eyes, trying to wake up. When he spots Miles standing in the kitchen, however, he immediately knows what to do.
“Miles I can’t sleep without you. Come to bed with me” he whined, playing the part of the pathetic boyfriend perfectly. “Me and Mia will freeze without your cuddles” he encouragingly pulls on Miles’ arm.
“I just need a moment” Miles refused.
“Then I’ll wait with you. But I don’t think Mia will be happy” Phoenix hugs Miles from behind, arms encircling the man’s waist. Miles doesn’t respond.
“I love you; you know that? You’re so perfect” he lightly kisses Miles on the neck, the touch gentle and warm. Comforting. “I’m so lucky to have you.”
“Phoenix. May I have a moment to myself?”
“You can be alone tomorrow. You’ll be all tired if you don’t go back to sleep” Phoenix counters, not letting up.
They stand in silence for a while, neither one daring to speak up. Miles was considering the offer, while Phoenix was worrying he’d pushed too far. The subtle nod he receives is all it takes for Phoenix to drag his boyfriend back to bed. Mia, despite Phoenix’s words, was still fast asleep, uncaring about the kitchen drama. The two men quickly crawl back into bed, getting comfortable. One of phoenix’s arms defaults to holding Miles, keeping his love close.
“I love you” He places a quick peck on Miles’ cheek, before leaning back. “And it’s not your fault.”
“What was that?” Miles turned to look at Phoenix properly, but he was already fast asleep.
Maybe it wasn’t Miles’ fault tonight.
And Phoenix definitely wasn’t in his right mind.
~~~~
“Phoenix. What was the matter with you last night?” Miles asked, preparing his morning cup of tea. Lemon tea, no sugar, no milk.
“What do you mean?” Phoenix opens a tin of cat food, pouring it into Mia’s bowl, much to the little kitties purring delight.
“Clinging to me like a buffoon, saying you love me, and calling me innocent? Do you remember none of that?” Miles recounts, pouring the boiled water into his cup.
“No clue. Maybe you dreamt it. Or I slept walked” Phoenix lied, picking up one of Mia’s toys. “I do love you though. We should get married.”
“Deflecting the question with your ridiculous thoughts” Miles scoffed. “6 months is far too soon to be getting married”
Maybe this question was better left unanswered after all.