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you believed me

Summary:

All the pack carries shadows, a darkness in their minds that never goes away completely. It's something they've learned to accept, and they have each other to find their way out of sadness when it hits. Each of them has a way to cope, but Derek's was the hardest to find, until Stiles figured it out.

Notes:

Written for the Full Moon Ficlet challenge on Livejournal - prompt #159: reasons

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It’s not all that unusual to see Derek withdraw and fall back to feeling guilty, even though it’s been a long time since someone genuinely blamed him for anything major. Sure, Stiles still points his finger at Derek when they run out of milk in the fridge, or when he catches a cold because Derek kicked off the blankets in the middle of December. Sometimes the Sheriff gives him a pointed look when the other deputies look crestfallen at the lack of donuts on days when Derek isn’t on shift. Erica grumbles over her assignments and midterms, mumbling about how bringing her back from the Alpha Pack is why she has to suffer college. Scott whines about having to attend “werewolf conventions” to keep up the contacts that the Hales had once upon a time.

But none of those are serious grievances, and Derek knows that. They’re not the reason for his occasional mood slumps. Stiles is aware of how much damage everything in Derek’s life caused, and he knows how lucky they all are to not be way worse off emotionally. Still, if there’s one thing he never wants to see, it’s Derek reverting back to the grumpy, mono-syllabic, drowning in guilt and anger person that he was when they first met.

With each pack member the methods to pull them out of a mood slump is different. Some of them need to talk to a specific person, others need a round of drinks -- they finally can and even figured out a suitable drink that works for werewolves -- or a night out dancing. Stiles mostly needs a night of decent sleep and some time with his Dad, while Lydia’s mood improves with two things: shopping or a math project. They’re all predictable enough, and it didn’t take too long to figure them all out, so now when one of them hits a bad spot, someone is there to supply a pick-me-up.

Derek, though, Derek was harder to figure out. For a long time, Stiles thought that Derek needed space, or that he needed to shift -- especially once he figured out the full wolf one -- and go for a run. When that seemed to work for Derek’s anger but not for the deep-seated sadness. Stiles went through a myriad of mood lifting things, starting at hugs and pack puppy piles, ending at alcohol. It was only by accident that he worked out what gets Derek’s mood back up.

Erica was the first, when she whispered during one sleepover-slash-cuddle pile that she credited Derek for her strength. She didn’t mean the physical one alone, though her confession was prompted by her being able to throw off Jackson when he decided to flop down on top of everyone. Stiles noticed immediately how Derek’s face brightened at her words. When Scott said a few days later to a member of a friendly pack at a dinner that Derek was the reason behind Scott’s great control, the flicker of happiness didn’t get missed by Stiles either. After that, it was a matter of experimentation which the rest of the pack got talked into.

Now, they all know what they need to do, and when Derek’s eyes darken in one specific way, Stiles knows to walk around with the glass jar they have in the loft for exactly that reason. It always only takes a few hours -- depending on where the pack is at the time -- to fill it up with bright-colored notes.

It’s thanks to you that I feel like I’m going to get through my exams, is the note from Erica, referencing study sessions with Derek who once had the same major as she does.

You’re why I didn’t screw up the meeting with Satomi, Scott scribbles down after a particularly tense territory line discussion.

We’re family, and that’s reason enough to keep coming back, Cora emails, and Stiles adds the printout in the jar.

No one else listens the way you do, is Isaac’s contribution that repeats, and is always referring to a different event that only him and Derek know about.

You’ve always believed me, Stiles writes down, leaving that note on top even if there is another one from him already in the jar.

Each pack member needs something different to feel better, and Derek, Derek only ever brightens up when reading everyone else’s reasons to want him around, reasons why they need him, reasons why they care. And whenever it’s necessary, he gets a jar full of those to read.

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