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It hurts.
That's the first thing Damon realises. That sting when a fist connects with something else, it's so vivid. Something he'd never grasped the idea of, not really.
You see it in TV shows and comic books all the time; characters being slapped so hard that a big SMACK in bold letters appears on the page, or the scene in a movie goes silent as it focuses solely on the sound of the character being hit. Damon only assumed it was all exaggerated for the sake of storytelling or plot, that it didn't actually hold any semblance to what it was like in the real world.
He was wrong – wrong again – about that though. It had hurt, badly, and it felt like the entire world had stopped for a fraction of a second. A tingling, burning sensation that slowly trickled down and spread across his face. His head spun as he grew dizzy, something warm and sticky dripping out of his nostrils, and then choking on it as he tried to suck in a breath through his nose. He cupped his cheek weakly, barely, before he recoiled in pain and instead wiped at his nose with his arm which stained his shirt sleeves – staining white with red. Blood. He subconsciously traced his tongue along his teeth, checking that they were all still there in his mouth and hadn't come loose. His gums ached on the left side, but his teeth seemed fine. His fingertips, he noticed as he had raised his hand, also had faint traces of blood on them and he realised that his cheek – the one that was hit – was littered with cuts that were slowly but surely oozing blood, too. Where did the cuts come from? Well, rings, for it was Kai who had punched him.
Damon had become dazed after he was hit, but zoning back into reality, the pain was sharp and he hissed as the world came back into focus. “S-Shit…” He grumbled as he clutched his bloody nose, trying to stop it from leaking all over the floor as his brain started working again. “Why… Why the hell did you hit me?!” He raised his voice, much to the dismay of his own growing headache, and raised his gaze to meet Kai's, expecting a deer in the headlights look. He couldn't have been more off. Kai's fist was still partially raised and he was breathing heavily, like a person who was trying to calm or control themself, but his eyes sported a look that Damon hadn't ever seen on the guy's face up until this point.
Rage. Nothing but a deep, bubbling rage.
Even when they had found Cara, even when they had that stupid mock trial and he whined and whined about everything and anything, even when the dumb killing game was announced, even when he was paired up to be Damon's roommate, even when they had found Wolfgang, even when Diana was backed into a corner and he started screaming betrayal, even when Eva's plan and true colours were revealed to everyone.
No, even then, Kai hadn't looked this angry, this furious. His pupils had shrunk and his eyes themselves were wide as they glared at Damon with contempt. His hair was a little disheveled – pink stray ends poking out in different directions – along with his shirt collar and, of course, his fist was bloody and beginning to bruise along with the faint scratches on his knuckles from the impact.
What fascinated Damon, in a weird and sick kind of way, was just how silent his rage was. Kai'd punched him suddenly without any kind of warning or preamble, a reason why Damon had been so baffled, and still as he stands there he's said nothing. It was borderline unnerving. If the person this behaviour was coming from wasn't the Ultimate Influencer, Damon might've even found himself intimidated.
Still, the question remained. If his shout hadn't made it obvious, Damon had absolutely no idea what evoked such a reaction from the pink-haired man. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to stick around to find out either. Damon has only ever been hit a handful of times, and never to the face, nor has it ever really been a punch so to speak, but even he could tell that Kai's punch was strong – a mean right hook. If the sensation of cotton growing in his mouth was anything to go by, the entire left half of his face was beginning to grow numb with pain.
And the tense silence stretching on between them now wasn't helping either. Damon groaned and rolled his eyes. “Damnit, I need to stop the bleeding…” He trailed off as he scrambled over to the bathroom, quickly ripping some toilet paper before shoving some into his nose. He leaned his head back, before quickly sitting up right as he remembered you are not supposed to do that, and sighed as he perched on the side of the bathtub. His mind was still reeling, so he wasn't exactly thinking clearly.
Fuck, had he done something? He didn't exactly have a good track record when it came to saying the right thing to his classmates, so he wouldn't be surprised. Though, he couldn't really recall anything too terrible, at least, not according to his own standards.
Not that his mind was particularly clear these past few days, well no, few is inaccurate. It's been exactly three days since Eva's… Trial, not too long but not too short of a time frame either. Honestly, Damon was surprised that nothing had happened up until now, no altercations occurred or anything. He was mostly just surprised that he was involved in it this time, and so directly too.
Damon wasn't the most social person out there and he knew that perfectly well, but he assumed that getting boxed in the face by your classmate wasn't something that happens all that often. On that same note, he wouldn't be surprised if he broke some invisible social etiquette or imaginary rules that Kai made up and was now offended. He tried to think back over the last three days, but to no avail, his thoughts were all blurry and muffled.
Or was it because he didn't do something? Damon grimaced. He hated that kind of logic and reasoning, when you're expected to do something but never actually told what it is you're ‘meant’ to be doing. He wasn't exactly a mind reader – though that'd make his life so much easier if he was – and it frustrated him to no end when people would get so stupidly riled up over the dumbest things. Especially something as miniscule as a missed social cue in passing conversations, they were meaningless in the grand scheme of things so he found it rather–
The feeling of something trickling out of the corner of his mouth made his eyes widen, but even more so when his tongue brushed up against his tooth and he could feel it move. A hand flew to Damon's mouth as he quickly hunched over the sink with a gag. He spat into the basin as he coughed, blood splattering all over and the sound of ceramic clinking made his stomach drop. A tooth – his tooth – laying in the sink amidst the blood and remnants of saliva. One had come loose after all? Shit.
“Fuck!” He shouted as he kicked the cabinet, the wooden press door clattering against itself as Damon pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to drown out the anger bubbling up inside of him. It was a futile effort. He was never the best at regulating his emotions, hence why he resorted to simply never feeling them. ‘Better to ignore what you can't control,’ was something his parents always told him. It didn't matter if it was unhealthy, it worked for him and that's all that mattered.
But was it, truly? Damon dropped his hands as he pressed his forehead against the mirror, blood slowly dripping from his mouth. Was that really all that mattered? Now, in this godforsaken murderous game where nothing made sense and the people around him were borderline psychos? Like Diana, who did she think she was? Acting so high and mighty, boasting, like people hadn't died. Like he couldn't still feel the heat when he closed his eyes, or that awful, pungent smell residing in his lungs – and after he'd risked his already sorry reputation just to defend her.
Was it really all that mattered? No. It wasn't.
Because Kai fucking Monteago had knocked out his tooth. A whole ass fucking tooth by that guy? And for what, he still didn't know. The bathroom light flickered and Damon opened his eyes. Maybe he should just swallow his pride and ask. He watched himself in the mirror as blood continued dripping from his mouth and into the sink. Maybe.
Something clicked inside of him as he shifted into gear, turning on the tap and washing away the blood. He opened up the cabinet and pulled out the first aid kit, grimacing as he popped it open and saw there were only a select few items inside – gauze, half-used bandages, and tiny fabric scissors. He knew he shouldn't have expected much from the kidnappers at this point, but this just felt like they were really rubbing it in.
Stopping himself from spiralling into another pointless monologue, he plucked a piece of the gauze and lightly wetted it before feeling around his mouth with his tongue and sticking it into place. It felt uncomfortable, but it would have to do. Damon momentarily questioned if the wound would get infected like this, but found that he didn't really have the supplies for it anyway, and he couldn't care less at this stage.
He closed up the medkit and left it on the sink as he glanced at himself in the mirror again. His cheek was starting to swell up and the cuts were still red, but they'd stopped bleeding. Funnily, the pain didn't bother him. It felt more like an inconvenience. Was he losing it already? Maybe his mind wasn't as resilient as he thought he was.
Taking one last feel sigh, Damon exited the bathroom slowly. He turned his head to find that Kai had left his dorm, but for some reason he didn't feel relief. He should've, by all means, but didn't. Instead, he felt this weird anxiety – this feeling of an impending doom, similar to when he felt compelled to go to the boiler room and he found…
…
The gauze felt heavy in his mouth. He had to awkwardly suck in the saliva that was threatening to spill out from his mouth, the gauze forcing him to manually breathe through his mouth. It was uncomfortable, but again, not painful. Damon moved, sluggish, to sit down on Kai's bed. It was still soft. There was no reason for that to have changed, but it still felt… Good, for it to have stayed the same. The comforter was especially thick, making it all nice and warm. The first time he and Kai shared his bed, he remembered just how much the influencer had emphasized that the comforter was the only thing he wasn't sharing with Damon. They still ended up tangled in it in the morning, but neither of them said anything about it – precisely because the first time they shared the bed, they were late to that stupid tournament.
Kai had been so panicked, so keen on them both making it to that game tournament. Damon only wondered what would've happened if they missed it entirely. Would they have woken up in the middle of the black out? Or would it have even happened at all, if they weren't there to play the first round? A stupid thought, obviously it would've happened. He was the one who explained over and over the lengths Eva had gone to execute her plan. She wouldn't have stopped it just because they weren't there.
I was going to die, she had said. Trembling.
… What was he doing again?... The comforter. The comforter… Was cold in his grip.
… Cold.
Damon didn't know how long he'd sat there, but it was long enough that Kai had come back. He shivered, the air from outside the room felt even colder than it was in here. The door shut carefully and Damon couldn't tell if it was because Kai was over it or simply trying to act that way.
“... Get off my bed.” Kai was many things, but confident wasn't usually one of those things from what Damon had seen of the other. He would argue punching didn't seem like it had been one either, but here we were. Yet Kai's voice was as steady as Damon's had been during the trial. Smooth, calculated, cold. It didn't suit him. It didn't suit Kai at all.
Footsteps approached and soon Kai's shoes were in Damon's peripheral, but he kept blankly staring at the floorboards. “Get off my bed, Damon. I'm not asking again, man.” Kai let out an exasperated sigh, and even though he couldn't see his face, Damon was willing to bet his brows were furrowed and he was pouting.
“... And if I don't?” Damon was exhausted, but he couldn't help arguing. It was second nature, it was his talent. Even if he was slurring his words, even if he wanted to be anywhere but here, he still argued. “Will you scream bloody fucking murder?”
“... Are you mocking me?” Kai's inflection made Damon's hair stand on end and he had a sudden urge to hit something. It was annoying as hell, all pitchy and whiny. Damon took it all back, nothing about Kai was smooth or calculated or cold. Just pure irritation wrapped up with a hideous pink bow.
“What does it fucking sound like, genius?” He spat.
“I was just asking. Christ.” Kai dropped his hands, Damon noticed his knuckles were covered in plasters. He absently wondered if that's why he left the dorm room, or if he left to cool down and happened across them by accident. “You're such a fucking asshole.”
“Is that why you hit me?” Damon finally looked up, but he didn't raise his head, which seemed to be the right call as it made Kai stiffen in fear. Good.
“S-Shut up! Don't try to guilt me, you dick! You fucking deserved it!” Despite it having paled mere moments ago, Kai's face grew hotter as he pointed accusingly at the peeved blonde. His eyes, usually full of doubt and self-conscious worry, were now blazing with a pure rage. Similar to the one that was present when he'd hit Damon.
“I did, did I? You knocked out my tooth!” Damon couldn't help it, he rose to the bait and shouted back. He defiantly didn't get up from the bed though.
“You're so! UGH!” Kai shouted, and Damon couldn't help wincing. He wasn't scared or anything, it was just so loud and sudden and… Okay, maybe he was a bit unnerved. Can you blame him? He was in a killing game, he was allowed to be on edge when one of his classmates seemed to be losing their shit.
“You're unbearable! Fucking UNBEARABLE!” Kai was screaming now. “I try, so fucking hard, to be on your side! I try to be nice to you because I know that stupid mathlete meant something to you! I try literally everything, Damon!” His hands were shaking as he gestured wildly.
And Damon, he scoffed and replied simply. “I never asked you to do that.” Damon would say he's never made many mistakes in his life, he was a perfect student after all. A flawless ultimate with an equally flawless talent. And while he knew mistakes are a natural part of life, it didn't mean he was delighted to make them. Again, he's not made many – if any – mistakes in his life, but this might just be the worst thing he's ever done. Kai's eyes widened more than they already had, his body went still and about a million thoughts seemed to go through his head.
It all happened in the blink of an eye but it felt like slow motion. Despite that, Damon didn't even react when Kai tackled him onto the bed. He only snapped out of his shock when Kai grabbed his wrists to pin him down. He tried breaking out of his grip, successfully freeing one hand as he grabbed a fistful of Kai's hair and pulled harshly.
“Thhh–!” Kai hissed, plunging his fist into the other's stomach and knocking the wind out of him. Damon choked on bits of the gauze as pieces of it had come loose during the impact. They started writhing on the bed awkwardly, both trying to one up the other. Damon wriggled his other wrist out of Kai's grasp and hit him in the nose, scratching parts of his face in the process with his nails.
“GAH! Ow– You fucking jerk!” Kai cried out as he dug his knee into Damon's thigh and smacked him upside the head. The other coughed as blood from his missing tooth started dribbling into his throat. In an attempt to not choke on the blood and gauze, Damon turned his head to the side which ended up being a mistake as Kai drove his fist into the side of his head again. Blood splattered onto the pink comforter and Damon gasped for air as he sputtered. It hurt, or at least it was supposed to. He couldn't tell anymore with how numb his face felt. Everything was cold yet so warm.
A shuddery, thin breath wrangled its way out of Damon's throat. “M…” He whispered, almost silently, with tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes. “... Mom…” And everything was suddenly quiet. Peaceful even, if he forgot where he was right now. He didn't know why he was mumbling for his mother, a subconscious cry – maybe some form of survival kicking in, he didn't know. All he did know was that it stopped their tussle from going any further.
Weak and unmoving, he opened his slowly bruising eyes to gaze at Kai. His fist was frozen mid-air as a weird look of pity mixed with concern and clarity welled up in his amber eyes. It was annoying.
Damon tried to scoff, but it only came out as a breathless cough. “What are you… Waiting for? Hit me.”
Kai huffed, not saying anything. He lowered his fist and hung his head as he sat back on his haunches, straddling Damon's hips. All he could focus on was how warm Kai was on his cold body. “... I… I can't.”
Idiot. “You already did… Twice.” Damon grumbled as the pain suddenly started to sting. He tried not to hiss, not wanting to come off as some pussy or crybaby.
Kai kissed his teeth. “You– You moron, I can't hit you after you go and say some shit like that…” He ran a hand through his hair before staring down at his hands for a moment, then he glanced back at Damon below him. “I… Uhm, does it hurt?”
Yeah. “No.” It does.
Kai huffed. “You don't have to lie, dude. I knocked your tooth out.” That weird look came back, and Kai chewed on his lip. “I- Holy shit, I totally knocked your tooth out. Oh my God, uh… I-I'm so sorry, I didn't… I mean, I was just, so mad and then, when you said–”
Damon cut his panicked ramblings short, already getting a headache. “It's fine.” He was practically whispering at this point, but it was so quiet in the room – and they were so close – that Kai heard him perfectly.
“... Is it? I messed you up pretty badly, man.”
Damon turned his head to the side. “... I think… I needed that.”
“Uh… Don't you mean, deserved that?”
Damon frowned. The blood was pooling in his mouth again, but he didn't spit it out. He just swallowed it, shuddering at the coppery taste left on his tongue. “No… It– It felt kind of… Good.”
There was a short silence as Kai gawked. “Dude… Are you a masochist?”
Damon's cheeks erupted with a red hue, but not because of the injury this time. “Y-You– Why would you even suggest–”
“I-I dunno, man! You're the one who…!” Kai trailed off as his eyes looked Damon up and down slowly, taking in their position. Slowly, meticulously, Kai climbed off of Damon's lap and sat on the edge of the bed as he cleared his throat. “... What, uh, did you mean?”
Damon sat up slowly, wincing as a tingling pain akin to nerve pain struck the side of his head. His hand reflexively flew to his cheek as he cradled it. “I… I don't know.” Kai gave him a look, so he elaborated albeit reluctantly. “It just, I didn't hate it when you hit me. It hurt, obviously, but I wasn't mad for some reason.”
Kai let out a deep groan as he leaned his head back. “Oh God, I am not mentally equipped for this… This is giving some weird self-harm territory, man…”
Damon stiffened. “The hell are you saying? I'm not… I would never–”
Kai raised his hands. “... ‘m just saying. You liked the pain, isn't that like… Self-harm 101?”
“... I think you mean mental illness 101.”
“Whatever! That's not the point!” Kai jostled Damon's shoulder with a seriousness in his eyes that was welcome, but at the same time felt out of character for the influencer. Damon didn't know people like Kai could be this serious without an incentive. “You… Are a fucking catastrophe.”
“Woah, big words for you.”
“Okay, jackass.” Kai dropped his hand. “I'm trying to help you.”
“You hit me. I lost a tooth. I think I'm allowed to be a bit bitter.” Damon drawled.
“You said you liked it.”
“Yeah, the pain, not the fucking tooth getting knocked out, you twat.” He snapped.
“Twat? Ew, are you eighty?” Kai rolled his eyes. “And don't get me started, you fucking deserved it.”
“So you keep saying, yet I still don't know why you hit me.”
Kai paused and his eyes widened in what seemed like disbelief, and then anger, and then disbelief again. “You're… You're serious.” When Damon said nothing and sheepishly glanced the other way, Kai gaped. “Oh my fucking God. I knew you were a socially challenged nerd, but jeez…”
“I'm not socially challenged. I just choose not to engage with people, there's a difference.” Damon knocked his tongue against the gauze in his mouth, his body involuntarily convulsing as he could feel it peeling away from the dried blood.
“Yeah, and both are sad as fuck.” Kai stared for a moment longer. “... Jesus.” He pinched his nose, his rings shining in the light.
“... So?”
“What?”
“What did I do, genius? Do you have the memory of a goldfish?”
“Do you have the patience of a pent-up virgin? Shut your trap for one second.” Kai spat back and there was silence for a moment. Damon didn't want to admit he'd been caught off guard by that snappy comeback. “My rings.”
“What about your hundreds of rings?” Damon was over this already.
Kai narrowed his eyes. “You made a comment. An inappropriate one, so I hit you.”
Damon raised a brow. “Seriously? They're pieces of metal.”
“They’re special.” Kai doubled down, but so did Damon because he didn't know when to quit.
“And? I don't care if the shit you wear is special or something you found in the trash.” Damon raised his voice, gesturing to the rings on Kai's hand and then to the trash can in the corner of the room. He rolled his eyes when all Kai did was stand stiffly. “Besides, the people here practically copied our outfits to a T like ten times, I'm sure there's more than enough copies of those rings.” Seriously, they're pieces of metal. So what if they were special, like he said? In this killing game, it didn't matter.
“Because it was a gift from someone who's fucking dead, Damon.” Kai's voice broke as he stared at the other, eyes wide and brows furrowed. He took in a shaky breath. “She gave this to me. And… Now she's dead.” He broke eye contact as he fiddled with the ring in question, twirling it back and forth on his finger.
If the room was tense before, it was beyond suffocating now. Damon's lips pressed into a thin line as his body ran cold and he hesitated before deciding to ultimately not say anything. The pain in his face subsided, and instead there was a heavier pain all over his body: guilt, soon followed by shame.
Quietly, Damon stood up and walked over to Kai, who flinched and started breathing in all shallow. “W-What do you w–”
“Hit me again.”
Kai blinked. “H-Huh?” It clicked after a second and his posture loosened. “Dude, what? I'm not going to–”
“Hit me again. Kai, I deserve it.”
Kai hesitated, moving his tongue around in his mouth and over his teeth as he mulled over an answer in his head. “Whatever this.. This self-punishing shit you're trying out is, leave me out of it.” He waved Damon off. “I'm not hitting you again, so forget about it.”
“... But–” Damon started, yet he cut himself off. But what? He didn't really have anything clever to say, which made him feel a little ashamed for another reason. Did he seriously just want Kai to punch him again?
“But… What?” Kai continued spinning the ring on his finger and Damon zeroed in on it for a second.
“... Didn't it… Feel good for you?”
Kai blanched. “Excuse me?” Good going, Damon.
“I-I mean,” he fumbled his words, face quickly growing red, “didn't it feel, uh, empowering or something when you hit me? Uh, what's the word…?”
Whatever he was doing seemed to cheer the influencer up because Kai huffed out half a laugh, smirking. “Flustered?”
“Shut up, you know what I'm trying to say.”
Kai was grinning now. “Do I?” Maybe I should punch him, Damon thought. “Can't hear you over all that gauze in your mouth.”
“I'm not…” Damon swallowed as he poked at the mentioned gauze, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “It's not that hard to hear me, is it?”
Kai paused, then chuckled. “No, I… God, don't tell me–” Damon interrupted him with a light smack to the arm. “Ow! Hey!”
Glad he's over that.