Chapter Text
“Wait up..!” Abbot called after him. He hurried to put his prosthetic back on. “Michael, hang on.” He walked over to him with a bit of a limp, and Robby laughed. It did not sound joyful.
“You sure it’s on right?”
“No…” Jack grumbled.
Robby held out his arm for Abbot to hold on to while he fixed his leg.
“Planning on coming to my place?”
“Yeah, I figured we could have a drink together.”
Robby wasn’t buying it, and he moved his head in a way that told Abbot exactly that.
“Come on man, we barely hang out.”
Oh sure. This was about hanging out. Not at all about the fact that he had just been on the roof. He sighed and gestured in front of them. “Let’s go.”
Robby wasn’t entirely happy about the man in his apartment, though the company wasn’t unwelcome. He was just so, so tired.
Abbot was looking at him. He must have said something, but he had not registered it. “Huh?”
“You need therapy.” He repeated, “doesn’t have to be my guy… but…” He sighed. “…and I know you think it won’t help, but just try it. Just… please.”
Robby thought about what to say. He’d rather say nothing, but he knew Jack would just continue to bother him about it. “What if I go and it just gets worse?” He decided to be honest, but he couldn’t look at him.
Jack grabbed his shoulder. “Just try. Just try, and that’s all I need.”
Robby took in a deep breath and slowly let it seep out. “Where would I even begin looking?”
“I’ll help you. Or we can ask doctor Jefferson... or someone you don't know... whatever you need.”
“….okay,” he whispered.
Wait. Was he actually agreeing? Jack couldn’t help but hurry into his arms. He was so relieved. Robby rolled his eyes but decided to hug him back properly. He could use a good hug.
Jack sank into him further with a soft sigh. He loved it when Robby hugged him, but he was very worried.
They sat like that for long enough that Robby was starting to fall asleep. He was just so exhausted. A twelve-hour shift was already tiring, let alone fifteen...
“Let’s get you to bed, huh?”
“Hm? Oh yeah… good…” The man was half-asleep already.
Robby actually hated going to bed. Jack lingering on him as he got ready had been great, but now that he was in bed… Abbot was just standing there, hands in his pockets. The bed was cold, and his arms suddenly felt so… empty…
He lay there, more awake than he had been on the couch in Abbot’s arms. He could hear Jack doing the dishes in the kitchen. The temptation to yell for him to stop was strong; he would do them in the morning. But he was afraid that would just lead to Jack leaving.
After a couple more minutes, he could hear Jack walking; he was coming closer. He thought about closing his eyes and pretending to be asleep, but the door was gently opening before he could do it.
“Hey, I’m going home. Got some things to do.”
“Not tired yet?” Robby decided that if he said yes he would ask him to lie down with him.
“Nah. I slept during your shift.”
Ah. right. Of course. He plastered on a smile. Jack didn't need to know how disappointed he was.
“See you.”
“Sleep well.”
The next morning, Jack showed up at his door. They both had the day off, and he was going to help the man find a therapist right now, or he'd just back out again. He started out by setting him up with Doctor Caleb Jefferson. Not as his actual therapist, the man didn't have time for that, but moreso as his mediator. He could give him a list of good therapists and also be the one to force him to actually go. Plus, they worked the same hours, so if Robby decided to flee or try to get out of it, Caleb could just roll right over and give him a talking to.
“He can help you find someone who fits,” Abbot promised him.
“They have to fit?” He hadn’t thought of it like that.
“Yeah, you know, similar minds and such.”
Robby grumbled. He didn’t feel like he’d ever be in the mood for a search like that.
“You got this, brother.” Jack bumped his fist into his shoulder.
“Fine…”
“Proud of you, my friend.”
“Yeah yeah..” Robby waved him away as he dialled the number. He had to make an appointment first... and then he’d actually have to show up… and then he’d actually have to open up… many hurdles still in the way.
The session was long, discussing his issues and what he was hoping for in a therapist and all that took ages. He hated it the whole time. even if mentioning his secrets did make him feel lighter in a way… it also made him feel weak, and in turn heavier.
Back to square one, he thought to himself.
Afterward he drove straight to Jack’s apartment. He knew it was Abbot’s day off, and he didn’t want to bother him so much but… he needed company. His company.
“Can I just…” He started the moment Abbot opened the door. “…sit on your couch?”
“Of course..!” Abbot was a little bit confused. Surely he knew he was always welcome. “Drink?”
“Coffee? I’m tired.”
Jack looked at him for a moment longer. If he was so tired, why was he here? Robby wandered into his house like he lived there. Jack was glad he was so comfortable in his place. He quickly made two coffees and then struggled to hold them both as well as his crutch. Robby was too out of it to even notice.
“Hey Robinavitch. A hand would be nice.”
Robby awoke from his thoughts and then quickly hurried to his friend. “Shit. Sorry, got distracted.” He took both coffees and quickly brought them to the living area. “Do you want your chair?” He looked around to see where it was.
“Nah, man. I hadn’t planned on leaving the couch.”
“Oh. Right. I’m sorry.” He rubbed his hands over his beard. “I’ll be out of your hair soon.”
“Oh fuck off..!” Jack nudged him as he sat down. “You can stay in my hair for as long as you like.” He grabbed his mug from Robby’s hand and then clinked it against his theatrically.
They drank their coffee in silence, their arms pressed together because of how close Jack had sat down next to him. It was comfortable. Robby always was comfortable around Jack.
“So….” Jack started minutes later. “…what brings you here?”
“I uhh… had my first session today?” He hoped that was enough of an explanation because he felt too empty to talk about it.
Abbot took his mug from him and put them on the table without looking. He flung his arms around him and squeezed him tight. “Brother, I am so proud of you.”
“I don’t even remember half of what happened.” He grumbled. “It happened an hour ago..!”
“That’s normal, my friend. Lots to process.”
Robby grumbled again and folded his arms on his chest. He hated having memory issues. He hated them any day, and he especially hated them now. It had literally just happened..! and yet all he could remember was visual. Him pacing the room, sitting down when the man asked, then getting up again a minute later… he remembered the looks... and every single time he said something, the man started writing. What was he writing down, huh? That he was a fuck-up? That he should be able to handle his work better?
“Hey…” Jack brushed their shoulders together. “No getting lost in your head.” He moved his head into Robby’s vision to force eye contact. “It happens. Especially when you talk about a lot. The memories will come back.”
Robby was hesitant. “Do you get this?”
“Yes.” He said easily. “Even after all this time. If we discuss a lot or… bigger subjects… I only remember bits and pieces for at least a day. A nap usually helps, though.”
Robby chuckled dryly. “I feel like I need a 24-hour nap.”
Jack shrugged and looked toward his bedroom. “I do have a bed.”
“Jack… I’m not going to sleep in your bed. What would you do, huh? Sit here and try to watch tv through my snoring?” He wasn’t sure why he was coming up with reasons not to take a nap. He needed one desperately, and if he could take that nap with Abbot near…? That’d make it perfect.
Jack simply shrugged. “I could use a nap too.”
Robby looked at him with wide eyes. Oh, he was offering more than he thought he had.
Abbot felt awkward and uncertain upon seeing Robby’s surprise. He felt the need to backtrack. “We don’t have to… to cuddle or anything..!” He looked him over with a nervous laugh. “….although we could…” He shrugged, then hurried to grab his crutch. He stood up and sighed. Why was he being weird about this? They had been friends for ages. He had never once been awkward around this man, let alone towards him.
“Let's go.”
He walked to the bedroom, cracked a window, closed the curtains and moved the sheets. “Nap time.” He gestured to the bed as Robby lingered in the doorway. “Doctor’s orders.”
Robby finally laughed. “Fine, I’ll take a nap with you, Doctor.”
Abbot laughed with him, but his face felt a little flushed.
When they were lying in bed, it all started to come lose and Robby started to shake. Jack pulled him into his arms without questioning it for even a second. He held him tightly and comforted him through his sobs.
“Don’t even know why I’m crying.”
“Because you’ve been bottling shit up and now it’s all coming out whether you like it or not.” He ran his hand over his hair and breathed a kiss onto his forehead. “Just let it happen. I’ve got you.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“Oh please, I’m the exact right amount of good to you.”
He held him close and let him shake and cry and sob. No coherent word about the session came out, but somehow it still helped.
“I thought you said no cuddling.” Robby attempted to joke when the tears had finally stopped.
“I changed my mind,” Jack said easily.
Robby tried to relax, tried to let the man hold him, but it was a struggle. Allowing himself the things he needed was difficult, especially with this man. It was easier to let a woman hold him and calm him. Somehow that felt more… homely… more normal… But Jack Abbot was anything but normal. He was something else entirely to him, and he was not yet ready to admit what that was.
He stayed awake, unmoving and rigid, until Jack started breathing deeply. He had actually fallen asleep. With his face in his hair no less.
Finally, Robby allowed himself to sleep too.
When they woke up a couple of hours later, Robby stayed still a moment longer, taking in the warmth and the fact that Abbot’s arms were still around him. He could barely admit to himself that he wanted to stay there. And so, he untangled his limbs from Jack’s and got out of bed.
He didn’t hear the sigh Jack let out. He had been hoping the man would stay. Just to enjoy it for a moment. He had been. Maybe next time. If there would be a next time.
Robby decided he did not want to talk about the session anymore. He was feeling better now, no point in getting dragged down again.
Jack understood.
“So, have you been staying up to date with basketball lately?”
Robby chuckled. “Can’t say that I have.”
“Okay great. Sit down.” He gestured next to himself and then started rambling.
Robby tried to pay attention, but he didn’t know all these names. He didn’t even know all the teams. He was, however, happy to be distracted, even if Jack loved to talk a little too much.
“Hey, you want to stay for dinner?” Abbot cut himself off after a few minutes. “I was going to order something from the restaurant downstairs.” He wasn’t necessarily trying to convince him to stay; he was free to do what he wanted, but well, he knew Robby loved their food, so pointing that out would certainly help him make a decision.
Robby’s eyes started to shine. “fuck, yes, I’m starving.”
“Starving? Are you saying I’m a bad host?”
“Yes.” He joked
Jack needed a moment. He wanted to punch him, shove him and pull him into his arms all at the same time. “You know damn well you’re free to take whatever is in this house.”
“Whatever? Are you saying I can just take your couch? Your crutches?”
Jack shoved him. “You are the worst friend.” But then he quickly pulled him into a hug too. It was quick, barely long enough to even call a hug, but it caught Robby off guard nonetheless.
Abbot stood up, theatrically pulling his crutches away from his friend and moved to look for his phone.
When later he hung up and turned around, he found Robby in his wheelchair.
“Anything, right?” He asked with a big, cheeky grin.
“Michael Robinavitch, you'd better get out of my chair right now.”
“Or what?” He taunted. The nap had helped a lot. He was feeling a whole lot lighter now.
“Or I’m sitting down on top of you.”
Robby leant back with a snort. “You wouldn’t.”
Abbot made his way over to him and tried to sit down, but Robby kept rolling away. After three tries, he jammed his crutch into the wheel and quickly parked his ass on top of his friend. He took the crutch out and threw it into the hall. “Now what, huh?”
Robby was so taken aback by the fact that he actually did it that he had no idea how to respond. He didn’t even realize that his arms were snaking around his waist and holding on.
Jack needed a moment just the same, completely surprised by Robby’s move. And then he leant back fully, going completely limp.
“Shit, Jack!” He exclaimed, and Jack grinned widely. He’d like to see how strong he still was.
Turned out he was still very strong. He was holding onto him just fine. In fact, he was laughing. Soon Jack joined in, and for minutes all they could do was laugh.
When they were all done laughing, Jack tried to push himself back up to a seated position. Robby hoisted him up by his waist, where he was still holding him, and then suddenly his face was pressed against Jack’s back, and he was crying.
Jack stiffened. “Mike?” He tried to turn around, but Robby was shaking his head.
“Don’t.”
“But- I can’t help like this.”
“Don’t need help.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Okay, well… can I at least lean back?”
Robby shook his head again and held onto his waist a little tighter. He did not want to be seen like this.
“Need me to get up?”
“Will you just- shut up.” He sighed. Just let me hold you. He thought. He just couldn’t say that.
They sat there for minutes, until the doorbell rang.
Robby had been breathing in Jack’s scent. Not obviously enough that Jack would notice, but he had been. He breathed in deeply one more time, helped Jack stand and then put him back into his chair. He hurried to the door, patting his pants for his wallet.
“Thank you.” He tossed a big tip at the old lady and tried to close the door.
The lady put her foot out. “Mister Abbot?” She called into the house.
“I’m here..!” Jack quickly rolled over to show himself. “When are you going to start calling me Jack?”
“When you are going to stop tipping me so big.” She showed the bill Robby had given her.
“That’s his doing this time.” He pointed over his shoulder where Robby was moving toward the kitchen.
The old lady leant in. “Is he okay?” She whispered.
“Tough day at the hospital.” He lied easily.
“Oh, he is a doctor too..! Next time you eat together, you tell me, yeah? I’ll put in extra dumplings.” She winked at him.
“You spoil me.” He grinned. “See you next time.”
Instead of rolling into the kitchen, he rolled into the bedroom. He wanted his prosthetic on.
Robby looked at him confused, when he walked into the kitchen. “You put your leg on to eat?”
Jack didn’t respond with words. Instead, he took the boxes Robby was holding from him and placed them on the counter before forcing himself into his grip. He held on real tight and closed his eyes. “You didn’t even let me hug you back.”
He moved away to look at him, and Robby looked anywhere but at his eyes.
“Want to talk about it?”
Robby moved his head jerkily. “Just… hadn’t laughed like that in a while.” He shrugged several times. “A long while.”
Jack quickly hugged him again.
“Jack…” Robby sighed with such a tone that Jack knew he was rolling his eyes.
“Right. Sorry. I’m done hugging now. I mean, I’m not. You know me…” He shrugged. “…but I’ll stop.”
They talked about other things while eating. Anything but therapy or Robby’s tears. And after dinner, Robby decided it was time to go home.
“Well, anyway… I’ll get out of your hair now.” He gestured to the door.
Jack was tempted to give his earlier reply again, but instead he moved in for another hug.
Robby hugged back with a chuckle. He would never admit that he cherished each and every hug Jack granted him.
“When’s your next session?”
“In a week.”
“On my day off?”
Robby thought for a moment. He hadn’t meant to plan it like that.
“That’s good.” Abbot cut off his thoughts. “Come here again, after?”
Robby looked away, touched his beard, then nodded. “Sure.”
The next session wasn’t as intense as the first. Robby had been nervous and stressed about it, though. So much so that doctor Caleb could tell within the first 10 seconds of seeing him. He told him off for it, since he wasn’t going to be his actual therapist; he was just helping him find the right one.
They talked a little more about his wishes, and then Caleb gave him three options. He explained their expertise and the way they preferred to go about their sessions, and then Robby picked the one that sounded the best.
Caleb had already known Robby for a while, and so he knew that for him to make that first appointment, he’d have to do it immediately. So he dialed the number and handed over the phone as it was already going off.
“What the shit, Caleb!”
Caleb just shrugged. He didn’t feel guilty at all.
When the appointment was made, Robby finally relaxed. Unfortunately, that did not last long, since Caleb used his newly relaxed state to ask him a personal question. “So, do you think you’re worth helping?”