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I.
Things are a little bit of a blur after Kieran is handcuffed and dragged away by the Lakewood Police Force. The metal restraints Kieran closed way too tightly with malice and hate against her wrists chafe against her skin, reminding her that this is all real and finally over. She can’t believe it’s finally over. Maybe now she has some chance of repenting for her sins. Of washing the blood off of her hands. Audrey slumps against Emma, tilting her face into her neck and allows herself a small moment to just act like a teenage girl being comforted by her crush. Emma’s lips brush against her scalp and her fingers dance across Audrey’s neck as they watch police mill around them. It feels so nice to be comforted, to not have to be the strong one right now. At some point Acosta, with a guilty hand rubbing at his neck, approaches them with a voice recorder to take their statements. At first he suggests that they separate and Audrey can’t help but stiffen in panic and clutch closer to Emma, terrified of ever letting the girl out of her sight ever again, but the arm that was resting on her neck slides around her shoulder and tightens, and the steely look Emma gives the detective is enough for him to renege on his idea. They tell him everything, the whole messy story starting with Emma’s “abandoning” of Audrey, the consequential letters to piper, all the way to Kieran’s confession. They work well together, filling in the bits for each other when memories are weak or unforgiving. Eventually he leaves them alone and Audrey recovers enough from the adrenaline and the drugs to gently manoeuvre Emma towards someone who will be able to clean and dress the nasty cuts she’s gathered like so many trophies. They hold hands the entire time, terrified of letting go. When Eli’s body, wrapped in a bloody shroud, is wheeled past them it is Emma’s turn to hide her face in Audrey’s neck. Her deep sobbing heats Audrey’s skin and salt droplets catch on her collarbone but she just holds Emma as tightly as she can.
-
Maggie picks them up from the orphanage, insisting that Audrey come home with them.
“I’ve already called your father, Audrey, but he can’t leave his conference and I don’t want you in that large house by yourself” She explains and what starts as a small rumbling chuckle in the back of her throat develops into a full blown laughing fit because of course she thinks. Of course he can’t leave . He’s probably disappointed that his delinquent daughter wasn’t killed along with the rest of them.
“Audrey… Are you okay?” Emma asks quietly, as Maggie periodically checks her rear view mirror with a worried expression on her face. Emma’s hand is suddenly warm and soft in Audrey’s and she hesitantly laces her fingers in between the spaces in Emma's, marvelling at how at home they feel there.
“Yeah” she says.
“So long as I have you, I’m on top of the world . So long as you’re here, I’m always okay” is what she means.
-
When they get back to Emma’s house, Maggie sends them straight upstairs to get ready for bed and nerves creep like a vine up the walls of Audrey’s stomach and into her throat at the thought of sharing a bed with Emma, which is absurd. They’ve just risked their lives for each other, she can handle this.
“Here.” Emma hands her a singlet and some shorts to get changed into with a tired smile before she turns and heads towards the shower. Audrey lingers on the spot, uncertain, but the realisation that she’s still wearing the clothes that Kieran forced her unconscious body into is enough to spur her into removing clothing. She’s removed her shirt as well when she hears a horrified shriek from the bathroom. Without thought she races towards the noise, a frightened “Emma!?” Falling from her lips as she bursts into the room.
“What happened!?” Emma is half dressed and it’s only worry that stops Audrey’s face from burning a bright crimson as she drops to her knees and wraps her arms around Emma, not wanting to be suffocating but not knowing how else to alleviate some of the pain. Emma’s hands clutch tightly at her own head as she cries and leans into the warmth of Audrey’s embrace. The numbness of the shock and horror of the situation is lifting and has brought with it an intense, wordless grief. Maggie appears at the doorway, her mouth open to speak, however when she sees the two girls in such a vulnerable position she almost feels as though she’s trespassing and leaves them to it. She supposes she can hover in concern from afar.
“Hey, hey, I’m here.” Audrey rubs her thumb in a soothing motion across Emma’s skin and whispers softly, which seems to have the comforting effect she desires. Emma’s breathing slowly stops coming in short bursts and gasps, evening out as Audrey begins to feel a prickling heat start creeping up the back of her neck.
“Can...Can you help me?,” Emma begins, sounding for all the world as though she’d rather be saying anything but this right now, “I can’t...I…” Emma mumbles against her skin and the resulting blush is red and hot under the surface of her cheeks. She doesn’t even think about saying no.
“of course.” She whispers, helping Emma up and then wriggling out of her pants so that she’s left in just her boxers and sports bra. She steps into the shower and works the dials with familiarity, despite her estrangement from Emma. The water is warm and soothing against her bruised skin and aching bones. She sighs and holds out an encouraging hand to an underwear-clad Emma and waits. Emma steps under the water and grits her teeth a little as the sensitive skin of her wounds sting. Audrey grabs the washcloth and gently begins helping Emma clean herself, being extremely careful with her hands and making sure her eyes don’t wander. Thankfully, washing the blood and memories from the ordeal doesn't feel sensual or intimate at all and Audrey’s blush soon disappears with the grime. Washing Emma’s hair for her is an experience. It brings back all sorts of memories from Before™, but for once Audrey doesn't mind at all. Especially since the feeling of Emma's fingers rubbing shampoo into her scalp is so damn soothing. They both step out and Audrey turns the water off before accepting the towel from Emma, whose cheeks are dusted with a light red tinge that Audrey assumes is from the heat of the shower.
(it isn’t.)
The cold air worms its way insidiously into Audrey’s bones and she soon gets sick of the wet clothing plastered against her skin feeling but Emma is kind of staring at her and she feels as if she stuck to the floor.
“I, I'm, just gonna… Clothes.” She manages to awkwardly stammer out before wrapping the towel around herself and heading back to Emma’s room. Audrey quickly strips out of the soaked through underwear and drops them on top of her ruined, bloody clothing before picking up the shorts and singlet. They smell like Emma. Audrey blinks in surprise, feeling silly for not realising that of course they’d smell like Emma. They’re Emma's clothes. She lifts the clothing to her nose and inhales the calming scent before slipping the comfortable cotton against her skin and using the towel to dry her hair. Emma returns to the room not long afterward but they don't talk, reluctant to shatter the comfortable, tired silence. They climb under the covers, lying side-by-side with a lot of space between them. Audrey wants to say something about it, but doesn't want to feel rejected or as though she is pushing for something. Tension grows in her chest like weeds and she bites her lip as she debates on whether or not to open her mouth, when Emma breaks the silence.
“Audrey…” She hears and all of her insecurities melt away. Emma then moves closer to the middle of the bed and Audrey finds it so easy to just wrap her arms around the girl, pulling her close so that cheek meets collarbone and hip meets hand. She hears Emma sigh against her and begs whatever deity is listening to not let Emma hear how fast her treacherous heart is thumping.
“Audrey.” She hears again and her name coming from someone else's lips has never sounded sweeter.
“Yeah, Em?”
Audrey has never heard silence as loud as the one between them. The words, her feelings, are itching and clawing in her heart. Her skin feels as though it's trying to leach the words she wants to say from every pore. She squirms under Emma's gaze, unable to see those beautiful blue eyes in the dark, but able to feel them on her face.
“I’m glad you’re here.” She whispers against Audrey's neck, nuzzling close.
“Me too.”
The moment to speak passes and Audrey settles for rubbing her thumb soothingly against Emma's arm.
II.
"Did you mean it?” Emma asks two days later. She says it as though it’s been threatening to come off of her tongue for days and she can’t hold it back anymore, gently flinging it in Audrey’s direction but trying desperately hard to not let it sting when it hits. It stings anyway. Audrey stops searching the web for tips and tricks for surviving with PTSD and looks at her hands. Her wrists are still bandaged from where the cuffs chafed her raw. He deserves it. She can still feel the tightness of the chain in her hands as she pulled to close it tighter around Kieran’s windpipe, the itching in her fingers and snarl in her throat as she begged Emma to kill him. He deserves it . If she thinks about it, she can conjure up that contradictory jittery calmness that comes with having someone's life at your mercy. He deserves it. Tears prick at her eyes and she locks those feelings deep down inside of her. That’s something to talk about with the therapist.
And yet. And yet.
Emma is looking at her with eyes that implore the truth and she can’t lie to her again.
“Yes.” She breathes, ashamed and terrified of what she's become. “Does that scare you?” Do I scare you? Audrey is afraid to ask, afraid to know, afraid that the answer will be something she doesn’t want to hear. Emma stays silent and Audrey looks up from behind her fringe, wincing at the contemplation on the girl’s face. She had hoped… Whatever. Audrey goes back to what she was doing, the silence becomes deafening as she waits for Emma’s verdict.
“No, no, it doesn’t scare me.” Emma chews out thoughtfully, at long last, and Audrey’s heart isn’t sure whether to leap for joy because Emma isn’t scared of her or sink to the lowest depths of her stomach because this girl has been through so much she has to take time to decide whether Audrey’s thirst for blood even makes the list of terrifying things in her life.
“I’m glad.” Is what Audrey says, her hand lingering slowly over the laptop keys as she quickly debates holding Emma’s hand and confessing everything.
“I couldn’t bear it if you were scared of me.” Is what she means.
III.
“Let’s go to the lake.” Audrey says, a month after the incident. Both girls have been making good progress; healing slowly, and Audrey is eternally grateful that she and Emma are back on good terms. She’s just, sick of being cooped up and sick of her dad's lingering looks and so sick of being terrified of a body of water.
“What!?”
“Yeah, right now,” Audrey demands defiantly, grabbing two pairs of shorts and T-shirts from Emma's drawers. "I'll call the guys, we should all go together.” Emma looks at her as if she's grown an extra head or something and she is certain that Emma is going to laugh at her so she cocks her head to the side and does the best puppy dog expression she can muster.
Emma crumples faster than a wet paper bag.
"I suppose making happy memories there might help with our therapy. "She smiles, rolling her eyes when Audrey pulls a shit eating grin and chucks the shorts and shirt at her face.
"I'll call Noah, you call Brooke.”
-
They all meet at the dock where all of the stuff they've been through started with Brendan James. Audrey and Emma supply the picnic (with thanks to Maggie) and even though it is a little daunting at first, eventually all five teenagers begin to relax and let themselves forget the horrible events that have transpired there. It was Audrey's idea to come to the lake, so she's the one who takes the plunge first, gritting her teeth against the cold. Brooke and Stavo soon join her and begin splashing each other, being as cute and adorable as ever. Audrey gestures to Emma to come join them, floating on her back a little and suddenly feeling a little guilty for forgetting Noah’s history with the lake. She watches his actions in anticipation, making sure that he’s okay, but he merely pours out some of his slightly adult beverage onto the sand before he stands up and removes his shirt as he walks to the water's edge. The angry looking purple welt that Kieran stabbed into his skin is a small reminder of the horrors they’ve been through and Audrey avoids looking at it, opting for standing in the waist deep water and ruffling his hair.
“Atta boy, Foster!” She grins and then looks at Emma,raising an eyebrow. She’s unable to decipher the enigma that is Emma Duval at that moment, but for once it doesn’t irk her. There’s no rush to figure out the puzzle. She can leave it be, and she’s sure the solution will come to her.
“Get your bony butt in here, Duval!” Brooke calls out, the smile evident in her voice as Stavo’s arms encircle her shoulders and he places a kiss on her cheek. Emma smiles and Audrey is relieved to see her getting up from her perch on the sand. She wanders down to them slowly, seemingly content to just meander and think, and she’s a couple of paces from Audrey when her foot catches on a branch that is stuck into the sand. She shrieks and fully expects to go face first into the water, much to the enthusiasm of the rest of her friends. What she doesn’t expect is to land in the warm and slightly damp arms of Audrey Jensen. Audrey gulps slightly, Emma’s face is incredibly close to hers and their eye contact has probably gone on for far too long to be considered friendly and Emma’s arms have unconsciously flown around her shoulders and-
“Careful.” She whispers, with a smile so soft she feels like puking because honestly how sappy is Emma Duval going to make her? She sets Emma upright and awkwardly coughs a little, shooting Noah a glare when he whoops in laughter.
“Thanks.” Emma grins and splashes water at her, the tension easing slowly out of the space between them as the afternoon sun dips a little in the sky. Its rays shine off the surface of the lake and Audrey’s breath catches in her chest as she watches Emma, carefree and laughing with her friends, turn to look at her with the sweetest smile Audrey has ever seen.
“Are you okay?” Emma tilts her head and it’s adorable and Audrey wants, more than anything, to kiss that stupid smile off her face. She swallows her feelings, all too comfortable with the lump in her throat.
“I’m great, actually, yeah.” Audrey says with a loving smile, as Noah beckons her to be his partner in a game of chicken fight with Stavo and Brooke. It’s the first time she genuinely means it.
IV.
It’s been almost two months since the arrest and Audrey can’t believe a tiny piece of paper has set her back so much. She’s been healing really well, therapy seems to be working and her friends keep her as sane as possible considering what they all went through. Yet here she is, looking drawn out, thin, and pale in her favourite leather jacket after a weekend of nausea and doubt as she stares at the two day old letter with the feeling of stony dread nestling deep into her stomach. According to the witness summons from the Supreme Court, the murdering asshole has plead not guilty (because of course he would) and she’s barely eaten or slept since Friday night. She doesn't want to dredge up the past.
“That’s probably exactly why he’s done it.” She snarls to herself, angry for letting him haunt her the way he is. Angry that this is mostly all her fault. Her fingers twitch at the phantom feeling of that chain in her fingers and, not for the first time, she wonders if things wouldn’t have been easier if they’d killed him. She bites her tongue roughly at the thought and shoves it from her mind, leaving her guilt and worry behind as she heads out to school.
“Did you get one, too?” Emma demands of her, without so much as a hello or how was your weekend, when she finally gets to her locker. Audrey doesn’t even have to answer, the grimace on her face is enough of a confirmation. Emma looks wrecked. Eventually they find out that whilst most people who knew Kieran have been asked for a written statement, “The Lakewood Five” all got the summons to brave the witness stand. Even Stavo. Emma slumps heavily against Audrey’s shoulder and she tries to be the girl’s rock.
(It’s getting harder and harder to hold herself together these days.)
-
They manage to get through the day by holding each other up, well versed at ignoring the stares their peers throw their way but Audrey can see that Emma is shattering on the inside so she shoulders as much of that pain as she can and locks her own troubles away into her breaking heart.
-
The weeks leading up the the court date are torture. Audrey barely eats, and when her friends can get her to force something down her stomach roils so much she can’t keep it down half of the time. Her body is eating itself alive and her sleepless nights are waging war on her immune system. The day she finds herself with the sniffles she’s equal parts annoyed and hopeful; maybe if she’s sick she won’t have to face the court. Face her past. Face him. Her friends are worried, she can see it, (she hates it) so she puts on a brave face and takes as much comfort as she can from the fact that she’s not the only one who’s going into that court-room. She’s not alone.
-
Testifying is difficult, she finds. Emma has been given a pardon, allowed to give a taped witness statement so that she wouldn’t be traumatised by seeing Kieran again. Audrey isn’t so lucky. She’s been forced into “respectable” clothing to fit the lawyer’s narrative, already feeling incredibly vulnerable and uncomfortable without the armour of sharp edges that is eyeliner and leather jacket, but sitting in the courtroom and telling all of the gory details of her part in bringing murderers to Lakewood with Kieran’s smug grin focused on her is almost too much to bear. She grits her teeth. She can do this.
-
Emma is there, waiting for her, when she leaves the courthouse. She feels shakey and sick to her stomach, as if she could puke at a moments notice and she probably needs food, or sleep, or both; Something Maggie seconds, when she sees how much weight Audrey has lost recently. Emma is there, though, holding out her hand for Audrey to take and that’s enough for her to pull her remaining strength together; because if Emma can stand to be so close to the man who took everything from her then Audrey can refrain from breaking down. She’s lead to the car and can’t help but feel a little disappointed when Emma’s fingers slip from the spaces in between hers. She clenches her fist a little to rid herself of the phantom feeling and clambers into the passenger seat, humming along to the familiar music on the radio. She’d forgotten how at home she feels in this car.
“You up for eating?” Emma asks her softly and Audrey takes a minute to assess how she’s feeling before nodding confidently. She feels much better now that the court thing is over and done with.
“I could murder a burger and fries.” She smiles at Emma’s snorting response to her stupid pun and she’s glad that they can joke about this now. She’s uncertain that she’d have been able to do that a month ago.
“A burger and fries it is, then!” Emma’s grin is all teeth and Audrey can’t help but fall a little harder for her friend. Today’s not the day to be making sweeping declarations of love, though, so she just smiles away the words that are on the tip of her tongue and air drums her way through Bohemian Rhapsody .
V.
“Do you want to go to the movies with me?” Emma asks her one morning and Audrey all but slams her face into the depths of her locker in order to hide the rapid blush that fills her cheeks. Emma, like Noah and Brooke, hasn’t been back to the movie theater since that night so Audrey knows that this is kind of a big deal right now. It also doesn’t help that each beat of her heart suddenly sounds like Is this a date? Is this a date? Is this a date?
“You buy the tickets, I’ll buy the snacks?” Audrey smiles, finally turning to look at Emma when her face is finally blush free. Emma nods.
“I’ll pick you up at seven!”
-
Audrey is a wreck that night, her heart still asking that same question. She’s dragged Noah to her house and he’s being incredibly smug and impressively unhelpful as she tries to choose an outfit.
“Look, Auds, you’ve known Emma since you were little. Just wear something casual.” He’s grinning and Audrey can’t take it, so she throws a flannel shirt at him.
“Yeah but what is this is a date, Foster??? I don’t want to royally screw this up.” She admits, flinging herself dramatically onto her bed.
“You’re not. Now make sure to pick a shirt that shows off the guns.”
She hits him with a pillow.
-
The movie goes well. They indulge in their traditional Magic Mix popcorn, which Audrey must admit she’s missed, and when they’re strolling through the parking lot back to Emma’s car, their hands keep bumping together ever so slightly. Emma even walks Audrey to her front door and Audrey’s heart is trying to convince her that yes, this is definitely a date.
“Thank you for tonight, I’m glad we’re friends again.” Emma tells her, as they reach the doorstep, and the declarations of love wither in Audrey’s chest. Friends. Yes. Good. Audrey forces a smile and hands Emma the half full box of candy.
“I am too. I really missed you, Em.” She opts for a small confession, testing the waters. Emma’s beam is definitely worth it.
“Same here.” The admission is accompanied by a small peck to Audrey’s cheek and then she’s watching Emma retreat to her car as the skin where Emma’s lips touched burns in the most delicious way.
“Yeah.” She breathes, before waving Emma off and letting herself into her empty house.
I.
What started as a mock argument about prom, and whether Audrey is going to attend, has turned into a full blown row that is kind of making Emma and Audrey insufferable to be around right now. The arguing has been going on for three days and if Audrey weren’t so stubborn, she’d have given in days ago. However, giving in feels like losing and she’s decided that she’s lost enough when it comes to her feelings for Emma.
“Can you two just sort out your little lovers spat, please?” Brooke asks Emma in exasperation at lunch one day, in between kisses with Stavo, and receives the sharpest daggers that Emma’s eyes can muster. Lesser people would probably have flinched, but Brooke just smiles sweetly and shuts up when Noah and Audrey appear.
“-way you have to be there, because I demand a cheesy best friend dance.” Noah takes a strong bite from his chip, as if that concludes the matter. Audrey goes to argue but she’s cut off with a warning glare from Brooke and shuts up.
“We’ll talk about this later.” Emma whispers in her ear and Audrey suppresses a shudder.
-
“Look, I just don’t know why it’s such a big deal that I go!” Audrey starts as she’s following Emma up the stairs to her room. Emma’s painted since the Kieran thing, influenced by her therapist. Audrey likes the new blue walls, it feels very calming.
“It’s just important, okay?” Audrey can see how tense Emma’s jaw is, meaning she’s trying to keep her cool right now. A part of her wants to give in and just let her friends drag her to the useless event. Another part of her wants to keep pushing Emma’s buttons to see what happens.
“Why? Why is it important that I go to some antiquated std cautionary tale?” She wants the answer that Emma isn’t giving her. She can see something, right there behind her rib cage, and Audrey’s had enough. She needs to know what Emma's hiding. So she pushes.
“Because it is!” Emma throws her hands up in anger and turns her back on Audrey’s raised eyebrow. Audrey stands steadfast, her silence breaking down Emma’s walls.
“Why!?”
“Because I love you!”
Silence creeps between them, soft and daunting like an encroaching blanket of snow. Audrey thinks maybe she’s dreaming, but no, Emma’s hands fly to her mouth for a second as though she can’t believe it betrayed her and then she fixes Audrey with a look she can’t describe.
“I want you there because I love you. I want to dance with the girl I like at prom and feel normal for the first time in forever, okay?” Her voice is shakey and she’s begging Audrey with her eyes to say something but Audrey can’t move, can’t speak. Her heart is pounding to the beat of she loves me, she loves me, loves m e, loves me, loves me and she can’t believe she hasn’t said anything yet. She was always eloquent when Emma finally admitted her feelings, in her fantasies, and now she can’t find a single thing to say because Emma loves her.
“I?” She starts to stammer, her face is burning with the force of the blush in her cheeks and why can’t she make her mouth work? Emma steps closer, easing herself into Audrey’s personal space and rather than make her tense up, it helps her to relax enough to pull her thoughts together.
“I’m in love with you,” She gasps out, finally finding her voice. She intends to carry on with a perfectly crafted speech that’s been written on her heart since she was twelve years old, but Emma’s lips are soft and warm and desperate against hers and she knows it’s cliche but the rest of the world goddamn disappears when the great and epic love of her life is finally, finally , kissing her. Emma’s hands slide into her hair, mussing it up as Audrey’s hands come to rest on her waist. They break apart at the same time and Emma rests her forehead on Audrey’s. Emma's smile reaches her eyes, and Audrey melts.
“I’m in love with you.” She repeats, kissing Emma firmly just because she can. Emma smiles.
-
Audrey ends up going to Prom, as Emma’s date and girlfriend no less. It doesn’t feel like she’s lost the battle, surrounded by her friends with Kieran in jail and her girlfriend on her arm.
Rather, it very much feels like happiness.