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Dimitri says, “I love you,” and Felix has tears in his eyes.
Unfortunately, they are not a result of the confession.
Dimitri's been acting strange recently. Not in a way that makes Felix suspect a relapse, but it has him on edge all the same. He doesn't like not being able to predict Dimitri's actions, though he's trying to get over that. There's plenty that he will never quite understand about Dimitri. He needs to accept that. It's wholly possible that everything is fine, and Felix is just overreacting. It's likely, even. That's definitely what's happening.
“Is it just me, or has Dimitri been acting weird lately?”
A flood of relief sweeps through Felix, though he tries not to show it. “What makes you say that.”
Claude raises an eyebrow and takes another sip of his milkshake, clearly not buying the act. “Oh, he's just seemed a bit jumpy. Have you noticed anything?”
Felix stabs at his salad with a scowl. It doesn't really deserve to be the target of his resentment, but it's his best option at the moment.
Somehow, Claude’s gone from one of Dimitri's random coworkers to a person Felix meets up with every other weekend. Sometimes they go for a jog in the park around the duck pond. When the weather sucks too much to go anywhere, they watch shitty reality TV and Felix bitches about the contestants, while Claude plays devil's advocate because he's an asshole. It took Felix longer than he'd like to admit to realize that Claude was baiting him. He might have only realized this after Dimitri pointed it out. He feels completely normal about how fond Dimitri had looked when he did so.
Once, they went to a local museum that had a temporary exhibit on historical weaponry. Felix took Dimitri to see it the next day, armed with trivia and knowledge of what displays were worth wading through a crowd to see. It was nice.
Usually they meet at this diner, and Claude pries conversation out of him for an hour or two for reasons Felix can't fathom. Felix isn't really a diner food person, but Claude seems enchanted with the place, and at least it's less greasy than most. He's pretty sure Leonie's talked about it before, but he can't quite remember. Maybe she worked here during school?
Whatever. That's not important. As usual, Claude's trying to pry out Felix’s thoughts without having to admit to a damn thing himself. It's extremely annoying. Especially when it's helpful.
“He's been gone more than usual.” Which is fine. Dimitri is allowed to have a life. It's good that he doesn't spend all his free time moping in their apartment. Felix doesn't care that they've barely shared any meals together recently. It's not a big deal that they've only watched Merlin a handful of times in the past moon instead of three times a week, the way they have since before they even moved in together.
Claude hums. “Any idea where he's been going?”
“Hanging out with Mercedes.” Felix shrugs. That part isn't particularly strange, even if it's been more frequent. “And Lysithea.”
That's the really odd bit. It’s surprising enough that Lysithea and Mercedes get along. Sylvain says it's because Mercedes has massive tits. Felix doesn't know why Sylvain is fine with someone else being into his girlfriend like that, but it's also not his problem, so he doesn't actually care.
That doesn't explain why Lysithea would willingly spend time around Dimitri. Sure, Dimitri has a very broad chest, but even though Felix and Lysithea have never talked about what they find attractive in a person (and if the universe has any kindness whatsoever, they never will), Felix is confident that Dimitri isn't Lysithea's type.
“Huh. Isn’t that interesting.” Claude takes a bite of his sandwich and chews thoughtfully. He does this almost every time. Implies that he has information, then pauses to eat, because Felix despises when people talk with their mouth full. He’s keeping Felix on the edge of his seat for fun. Felix wants to hate him for it, but somewhere between the third time Claude bought him lunch and the fifth time Claude let him know that Dimitri was overworking himself (again), Felix started thinking of Claude as a friend.
Which, for the record, doesn’t make Claude any less irritating to deal with.
“What.” Felix grits out, holding his fork so tightly that it starts to bend. “Is interesting. About that.”
Claude widens his eyes, as though there’s a single person in this whole diner who would fall for his innocent act. “I’m just curious about what Dimitri and Lysithea have in common. But then I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised that she’s found a new pet project. That’s how you two became friends, right? She tried to fix you?”
“She tried to bully me into liking sweets.” Felix narrows his eyes at Claude, who just smiles pleasantly. What a dick. “Dimitri can’t even taste. Why would Lysithea waste her time like that?”
Claude laughs and puts up his hands. “My friend, I wouldn’t dare presume I know Lysithea’s mind like that. Your guess is as good as mine.”
Liar. Claude’s guesses are always far better than almost anyone’s. He’s freakishly good at reading people, and his memory is absurdly accurate. It’s really fucking weird sometimes, but he also always brings pine needle tea when Felix is having a bad day, even though he shouldn’t have any way to tell before they even meet up. Felix figures that’s just part of being friends with Claude, and he’s happier not trying to make sense of the details.
”So you do have a guess.” Felix crosses his arms and leans back in his seat. Pure stubbornness doesn’t always work with Claude, but it’s the only option Felix has.
Claude laughs. “You know that’s just a figure of speech, right?”
Felix taps his finger against his bicep and doesn’t say a word.
Silence reigns over the table. Claude takes another bite of his sandwich. Chews. Swallows. Takes a sip of milkshake. When it looks like he’s going to just keep eating, Felix can feel his eye actually twitch, and Claude grins. Bastard.
“Alright, so I figure it’s got to be about something Mercedes and Lysithea have in common, right?” Claude drops his sandwich and spreads his hands. Felix lets himself relax now that they’ve moved on to the actual explaining portion of this whole miserable charade. “As we’ve established, Lysithea and Dimitri have nothing obvious in common, but both of them like hanging out with Mercedes. I know that Mercedes sometimes tutors Dimitri in, ah, let’s say homemaking skills. Like sewing. Or, say, making sweet treats.”
Felix barely manages to curb his impulse to get up and walk out of the diner. “You think that the reason Dimitri has been acting weird is because Lysithea is taste testing his baking.”
“Well, that’s not exactly what I said, but I imagine that would stress anyone out.” Claude picks up his stupid fucking sandwich again. “Anyway, you’re probably right. It’s ridiculous. I bet I’m completely off base.”
Felix picks up his (bent) fork, stabs a piece of lettuce, and seethes.
When Felix gets home, the first thing he notices is that Dimitri’s shoes are already lined up by the door. He tries not to feel a pang of fond warmth and fails miserably. He kicks off his own shoes and wanders into the kitchen, barely managing not to smile when he sees Dimitri.
“Felix!” Dimitri fumbles with a box in his hands, nearly dropping it. It’s thin and nicely wrapped, with a teal ribbon that Felix supposes is rather pretty. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home so soon. How was your lunch?”
Felix blinks. He was gone for the same amount of time he always is. One of Claude’s least irritating traits is his consistency. “Annoying, obviously. What do you expect? It was with Claude.”
Some of the nerves melt from Dimitri’s expression, and he laughs lightly. “You gripe, but I know that you must enjoy his company. He is a surprisingly easy person to be around, wouldn’t you say?”
Felix isn’t sure whether he would say that, and even if he would, he’s certainly not going to do so out loud. He cuts his gaze away, which just makes Dimitri laugh again, because he’s known Felix for long enough to understand exactly what he’s thinking. Ugh.
“What’s in the box.” Felix gestures to the thing Dimitri’s holding, which once again nearly meets its doom on the floor. “Saints, you’re a mess. Here, just let me hold it.”
Dimitri surrenders the box easily, though Felix can see his fingers trembling. “It’s for you, actually. I know I’ve been absent quite a lot lately, and I want to apologize for that.”
Felix raises his eyebrows. “You don’t have to get me a gift because you’ve been out of the apartment a bit more often.”
More than just a bit, but Felix is being generous. He can be a good and patient friend. He can do anything he puts his mind to.
Except fall out of love with Dimitri, but he’s never really tried terribly hard to do that.
”That isn’t exactly what this is,” Dimitri says, twisting his hands together. What could possibly have him this nervous? “Though once again, I am sorry. I hope you have not felt that I’m avoiding you. I never want to give you the impression that I am any less than thrilled to live with you and be in your company so often.”
He’ll go on like this forever if no one stops him. It shouldn’t be endearing. It is anyway.
”Dimitri.” Felix says flatly. “I know you like me. We’re friends. Just get to the point.”
Dimitri nods, taking a deep breath. He clears his throat and starts coughing, which is just so very Dimitri of him. Felix rolls his eyes and sets the box on the counter, then fills a glass with water and hands it to Dimitri. He fiddles with the ribbon while he waits for Dimitri to finish drinking, absently fond of this ridiculous man.
”Thank you.” Dimitri says at last, setting the glass down next to the sink. “I suppose I am rather nervous. You’re welcome to open it, if you like. It’s…well, I imagine you will find it rather silly, but I thought the idea of doing something traditional sounded nice.”
Felix pulls off the ribbon, setting it aside carefully. He slides the top off, and looks down at a dozen perfect, shiny, heart-shaped chocolates. “What.”
”I know you dislike sweets, but Mercedes said something with dark chocolate and spice might still be appealing. She also pointed out that Lysithea knows your taste rather well, and thankfully she was willing to assist us. She could not meet with us today, but her help has been invaluable.”
Felix is going to lose his mind. Claude is never allowed to find out about this. He’ll be more insufferable than ever, and Felix does not want to learn what that looks like.
”Why did you make me chocolates.” Felix looks back up. “More importantly, why did it take an entire moon to do it?”
Dimitri flushes red. Felix wants to bite him. He settles for picking up one of the chocolates instead. “I wanted to be sure I got them right. As for why I made them in the first place…Felix, there is something very important that I must tell you, and I need you to know beforehand that I will not be upset, no matter your answer. I have kept it back for so long, but I find it is more difficult each day not to simply blurt it out.”
”Just say it.” Felix is trembling. There’s hope stuck in his throat, and his heart is somewhere around his knees. He takes a bite of the chocolate, more for the sake of something to do besides just stand here and wait for the person he’s loved since before either of them could speak to either break his heart or—
Fuck.
“I love you,” Dimitri says, and Felix forces himself to swallow, despite the tears in his eyes. The damned chocolate burns all the way down his throat. “I have loved you so deeply and for so—Felix, are you alright?”
Felix shoves past him to the fridge, pulling out the milk. He grabs the glass Dimitri just used and downs as much as he can in a single gulp. He pauses, tries to speak, and chokes on another burst of spice. It takes another full glass of milk before he can actually talk. “What the hell did you put in those things?!”
“The original recipe had cayenne, but we agreed that habanero was more appropriate.” Dimitri’s eye is comically wide. He reaches out a hand and pats Felix’s back when another bit of spice makes itself known. “Mercedes found something called a chocolate habanero and we used it for this last batch. Is it too much?”
Felix yanks out his phone to confirm his vague memory from the last time he and Ingrid argued over spiciness. When he finds what he’s looking for, he grits his teeth. “Dimitri. Chocolate habaneros are twice as hot as regular ones. They aren’t called that because they go in chocolate. They’re just a dark brown color.”
”Oh.” Dimitri pulls his hand away, which is not remotely what Felix wants. “I see. Perhaps I should have done my own research instead of deferring to Mercedes.”
Felix sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Mercedes is an excellent baker, but she’s a terrible cook. You should ask Ashe about it sometime. I love her, but she should never be trusted with spices.”
Never. And this just proves it. Ashe will be so disappointed. Or maybe he’ll just look forward to giving her another cooking lesson. Felix doesn’t get it, and he doesn’t have to.
“Perhaps I will.” Dimitri fidgets. “If I may ask…that is, if you are recovered. Do you feel for me as you do for Mercedes?”
Felix stares at him in abject horror. “Absolutely not. How could you even get that idea?”
”Foolish hope, I suppose.” Dimitri tries to smile in that awful way he does when he’s deeply sad but doesn’t want to make it anyone else’s problem. “You said that you love her, and I am selfish enough to want that to apply to me. Of course I understand that it does not. I swear, I will not trouble you further.”
”Shut up. Stop talking.” Felix grabs Dimitri’s arms and refuses to let him walk away. “You’re an idiot. No, that’s not what I mean. Fuck. Obviously I don’t love you like I love Mercedes. She literally calls herself my older sister. I should hope you wouldn’t call me your little brother.”
Dimitri’s face twists up. “I see your point.” He seems to realize the implications of what Felix is saying, and stares down at him with an agonizing sort of hope. “Does that mean…”
Felix tugs Dimitri down to his level and kisses him, unsure how to balance the vicious tenderness in his heart. He bites Dimitri’s lip, then soothes it with his tongue. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Going by the way Dimitri’s hands creep up to hold him close, he’s doing well enough. He only pulls away once he starts to feel the strain of craning his neck.
“You’re too tall.” Felix hops up to sit on the counter, dragging Dimitri along with him until he’s settled between Felix’s legs. His thighs fit neatly on Dimitri’s hips, and some of the painful warmth starts to drift downwards. Or maybe that’s just the chocolate making its way through his system. “I wish you could taste, just so I could stick my tongue in your mouth and make you suffer with me.”
”I don’t think I could ever consider kissing you to be a form of suffering,” Dimitri says, looking dazed and impossibly happy. It’s far too much for Felix to handle. He wants more. He is so greedy for this. He will scoop up Dimitri’s happiness in great big handfuls for the rest of his damned life if he has anything to say about it. “Felix. Please, does this mean that you return my feelings? I know you get embarrassed, but if you could indulge me, hearing it in plain words would mean…goddess, it would mean everything to me.”
Felix closes his eyes for just long enough to take a deep, centering breath. He opens them again and looks Dimitri straight in the face. He can be brave. For Dimitri, he can be everything.
”I love you.” Felix says, ignoring the tears at the corners of his eyes. “And while I appreciate the thought, this is the first and last time you are ever making me chocolates.”
Dimitri laughs and leans in to press their foreheads together. Felix tilts his head so their lips brush, and Dimitri’s still laughing just a little, so it’s less of a kiss than shared breathing. Felix started laughing too at some point, and both of their cheeks are wet, and—
And Dimitri loves him.
Claude is going to be so fucking annoying about this. Felix can’t bring himself to care.