Archive of Our Own ^beta

After so long apart, after so much had happened, after years of howling silence…

They were partners again.

Due to some twist of fate, Berdly had gotten sick on the day Ms. Alphys decided the class had to pick their partners for the group project.

"You want to be partners. With me." Catti barely gave Noelle a passing glance, her paws tapping away on her phone. "No. I have Jockington. It's for the best we don't do this again."

Noelle tried not to show how her smile strained, tried not to show how her soul cracked. She knew Catti didn't hate her. She knew that. But it felt like she had lost someone. Again.

(Am I cursed? Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I seem to keep anyone close?)

Noelle sat back at her desk with a sigh. She knew she should have asked someone else to be her partner. She knew there was someone else she could ask. But the thought of them shaking their head silently, the mere possibility of it, nearly broke Noelle's soul into pieces. She couldn't take another rejection. Not after Catti.

There was no one else to ask. Snowy and Kid would partner up as they always did, a happy team that never broke. Temmie would simply be her own partner and Noelle wouldn't question that. There was no one else. No other possibility.

As the class quietly rumbled with bouts of conversation and questions and inspiration, Noelle simply sat by herself. Dreading.

"O-okay class! Has e-everyone gotten a partner?" Ms. Alphys asked.

Everything went quiet. It was as if the world had expected her to speak up. It was as if they demanded Noelle say, 'No one wants to be my partner.' It was cruel. Too cruel.

Noelle clutched her skirt under her desk, hoping desperately no one would notice.

"O-oh. K-kris?" Ms. Alphys eyes fell to the back of the classroom. "Did you say y-you don't have a partner?"

(What?)

Noelle tried not to openly stare, tried not to bring attention to herself. She didn't want to make anything worse, didn't want to make a scene. But, somehow, against everything she thought she knew, she saw Kris' hand raised in the air. They shook their head in response.

(Kris…?)

"Does anyone else need a partner?" Miss Alphys had asked, almost pleading.

Suddenly, her soul didn't feel so brittle.

Noelle raised her hand not too eagerly, she hoped. "U-um! I could be Kris' partner!"

"N-Noelle?" Miss Alphys' seemed almost surprised. Noelle must have looked too eager after all. She turned her head to Kris. "Is that o-okay, Kris? Would you like to be partners with Noelle?"

(They're going to shake their head, aren't they? They don't want to be partners with me, do they? This is a prank isn't it, a prank to hurt me—)

Kris nodded.

Noelle's fur bristled. She hoped her tail didn't give anything away. It felt almost unreal.

It shouldn't have been such a shock. Noelle knew Kris for her whole life, it wasn't unreasonable that they'd be okay with being partners again.

Right?

When school ended, Noelle was left to herself.

Kris' hunch form, head buried in their arms, hair blanketing their face softly. She had stood beside them for a few minutes after class. No one was left. It was just them. Kris' shoulders slumped, their back sighing in a soothing rhythmic motion.

It reminded her of a puppy.

When Kris was asleep, they weren't so scary. When Kris was asleep, they were almost… cute.

Kris had always been an incredibly heavy sleeper. Sometimes it felt like they were a different person when they slept. Noelle remembered when they were younger.

Noelle felt herself getting trapped in memory upon memory upon memory, a maze of memories that she could not traverse.

When Kris was young, they were even more like a puppy. A terribly trained puppy, a puppy prone to hyperactive spurts of excitement and selfishness, but a puppy, nonetheless. Harmless. And when Kris fell asleep as they often did, they would curl into themself just like in the present. In those moments, they suddenly appeared so fragile, so delicate, so warm.

Sometimes. Sometimes.

Noelle would touch them when they slept. Just a tiny touch. A brush of their hair, a graze against their shoulders, a gentle push against their back. And Kris, oh Kris, they made the most wonderful sounds. 'Nn…' They would sigh, eyebrows furrowed in sleepy annoyance. 'Mm… nn…' Even unconsciously, they seemed to try to tell her, ‘No.' Their body always reflexively stretched out against her touch, would turn away from her with the cutest whine.

It was Noelle's little secret. Kris never seemed to notice. And when they did wake up, Noelle witnessed something so rare, like a shooting star in her living room.

Groggy red eyes. Slowly opening. For the briefest of moments, Noelle could see into them. And in those tiny glances, she always thought she saw it. Kris' soul. Soft. Tender. Comfortable. Maybe in those moments, Noelle thought she saw them happy. Maybe in those moments, Noelle imagined she saw a smile.

But those times were gone.

Noelle reached out to Kris' shoulder as they slept atop their desk. Would they still make their sweet little whine? So imperceptible that it made Noelle's ears flick, as if they had heard wrong? Would they still turn away? Would they wake up? Would it be possible to see Kris happy for just a moment again?

And she had pulled her hand away.

(No. I shouldn't. They won't like it. They'll think I'm gross. I need to give them space.)

So that's what she did. Like she had for years.

(I just need to give them space.) How often had that same thought gone through her head? How often did she feel that lonely pang in her soul? Eventually, it didn't bother her as much. Eventually, she had numbed herself to the pain, just like everything else. Kris must have done the same.

With a breath, Noelle was back in the present. She sighed against her couch, cushions creaking against her clothes, against her fur. The silence highlighted the emptiness of her home. Carol wasn't here. Dad wasn't here. Dess wasn't

(Should I have tried to walk home with Kris? Maybe I would have just annoyed them.)

It could be so difficult to focus at home. Sometimes, she thought, perhaps she hated it. Hated her home. How was she meant to ever think of anything else? How was she meant to feel anything else? In her mind, she heard their voices. She heard her father, she heard her mother, she heard Ms. Toriel, and Asriel and Dess, and even sometimes Kris.

(I should have gone to the library to work.)

Noelle hadn't begun their group project, knowing Kris probably wouldn't be much help. Kris was probably just glad to have someone do the work for them. At least Berdly helped. Somewhat. Not really. He mostly just squawked and preened himself, yapping about something or other. It helped Noelle think, surprisingly. It took away the silence of her home.

(This is for the best.) She shook her head. (No it isn't! I hate this!) She sighed. (I don't know what to do.)

Knock knock knock!

Noelle's ears went haywire, flicking every which way. She startled upwards, tail and fur following suit. "J-just one second…!" she called out reflexively. She pressed her skirt down, trying to smooth out the wrinkles and—

(Wait! Who could even be knocking?! We have a gate!)

Knock knock.

(It couldn't be…)

Noelle scampered over, nearly tripping on nothing as she made her way to the front door. She steeled herself, readied her soul, prepared herself for disappointment. She probably just left the gate open on accident, and it was Mr. Dreemurr coming to let her know. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and—

Knock!

"Eep!" Noelle jolted, body shivering with adrenaline. It was as if the person did that just to startle her. Some part of her instinctively grew irritated, like a little puppy had gotten slobber on her face while she was trying to focus. Without thinking, she threw open the door and said, "Kris! You…!"

And just like that.

It was Kris.

Who else could it have been?

They stood before her without so much as a smirk. Their face remained stony, impossible to read. Their arms laid limply at their side, as if they had never knocked in the first place. But that was Kris. Most people didn't understand. When Kris was too perfect or too impassive, it meant they had certainly just done something annoying.

The most amazing part? Somehow, Noelle found the edges of her lips threatening to smile. It was as if Kris' perfect poker face made Noelle lose her own composure.

"Kris! Faha!" Noelle threw a hand over her mouth, trying to hide her strange laugh. She knew she was acting childish. She cleared her throat, trying to stifle herself. "I, um, I didn't expect you to come."

Kris stared, as if to say, ‘Well. I'm here.’

"I should have known it was you," Noelle said sheepishly. "You're the only one who gets past our gate like that."

Kris nodded.

Noelle stood holding the door open, Fall’s arid yet drafty breeze threatening to carry away the AC. Kris looked completely the same, yet completely different. Their hair had grown much longer, sweeping past their face in messy brown strands. They had grown since Noelle had last seen them on her doorstep, but not by much. It felt so strange to tilt her gaze down to speak to them, to see them. They made no motion but perhaps tilted their head to see her.

(What am I doing? Expecting Kris to make small talk with me?)

"Um! C-come in. Come in." Noelle moved to the side and held the door open to her guest, just like Carol had taught her. Kris skulked inside as they had so many times before.

Noelle's nose, the horrible thing, sniffed as Kris moved by. She took in the scent of their hair. (Still apples…) She closed her eyes. Sweet. Sickeningly sweet. It seemed nothing like the Kris she knew, that everyone knew, but that sweet scent had always been Kris. Noelle suspected they simply used the same shampoo out of habit more than anything else.

(I hope they didn't notice. I need to stop being so weird!)

"A-ah, um, w-welcome to my ho-ho-home…" Noelle tried to say pleasantly. It came out all wrong. Carol would certainly have made a face if she heard.

Kris straightened and went still. They did not look back, but Noelle imagined them glaring at her from their shadowed face. They didn't seem to like that.

(They never liked it when I said that to them, did they? I remember. Dess told me once. It was because I was treating them like a stranger. Ah. I also used to do it when I wanted to annoy them or when I was mad at them.)

"S-sorry." Noelle's apology sounded like a hiss. "Force of habit. You know."

Kris nodded.

They settled in the living room couch where Noelle had already taken out a few textbooks and reference materials. Kris took their spot at the corner of the couch as they often had in the past, trying to make themself as small as possible in the cushion. If Kris took in their surroundings, if Kris felt nostalgia or disgust at the lack of change, Noelle did not know. She did not know.

It killed her. Not knowing. Sometimes. It killed her. Just a little bit.

"S-so, um." Noelle took a seat in the middle of the couch and Kris seemed to almost flinch. "I-I figured we could make our project about Monster History?" Noelle realized her hands were clenched, so she held them out in an awkward motion. Then, she saw her fingers trembling and quickly pulled them back into herself. She preferred to let her hands fiddle with her sweater vest if they had to be nervous. "I, um. I know you, um. Kind of know about Monster History."

Kris nodded. They either didn't notice her trembling or ignored it. For her sake? Maybe.

"I-I haven't really gotten an outline ready yet." Noelle smiled sheepishly. She knew it was a fake smile. She knew it was strained. Why couldn't she just act normal with Kris? "S-sorry. I, um. I'll try to look into it."

Kris' mouth opened. 'Monster War. 19XX,' they said, deadpan. In reality, it sounded more like, "…nster… war… nineteen…" but Noelle found she was still apt at filling in the blanks. Somehow, their voice slowed the rapid beating of her soul.

"Oh!" Noelle said, her stutters vanishing. "Are you, um, sure you want to do that? That's the one where the humans…"

Kris nodded. Noelle knew better than to doubt them. When Kris made a decision, which was rare, that meant they were determined to stick with it. Stubbornly so.

"Okay." Noelle smiled. She smiled! It didn't feel strained. "We can do that, Kris! It's a pretty interesting subject, but I think a lot of the other monsters don't like discussing it for… obvious reasons." Kris nodded. Each response, no matter how little, seemed to fill Noelle's soul with light. "I need to research it a bit more before I can start an outline, but maybe you could show me in the text books the parts you think are important?"

Kris shook their head. It did not seem unkind, but Noelle had trouble parsing it. It had been so long.

"Oh. Um. Do you want me to research myself?" Noelle asked, her smile cracking. Kris shook their head. Noelle blinked, her Kris translator working slowly. They were looking in Noelle's direction. Their attention on Noelle. "Do you mean… you don't want us to do it right now?"

Kris nodded. They opened their mouth. 'Relax.'

"Ah, but, um, Carol—I mean, Mom, will um. Ask about it and—"

'Let me.'

Noelle's ears flicked. Had she heard that wrong? Was Kris offering to talk to Carol? For whatever strange reason, Kris seemed to hold some strange sway over Carol. It never made sense to Noelle. When Kris wasn't around, she often only talked badly of Kris, often sighed and pinched her fingers at the fur between her eyes. It was as if Carol refused to say anything negative to Kris' face.

Noelle never understood why that was. Perhaps she simply didn't do it in Noelle's presence. Carol and Kris sometimes had 'chats,’ alone. They would often ‘chat’ away from everyone, under a streetlamp, outside of school, near her office. It was unclear why they did this. Neither Carol nor Kris would speak of it, but Noelle knew. It was strange. That wasn't normal. Noelle didn't like it.

She shook her head. Kris asked her to relax. Had they noticed? Had they noticed that Noelle hadn't been… feeling. Great.

There was no way to sugar coat it. Noelle often found herself at the end of her rope. Lately there wasn’t much to look forward to. There wasn’t much that excited her. She didn’t have much for company. Catti was more distant than ever. And Dad…

It had hit her so much harder than she could have imagined. And what did Carol do? 'Focus on your studies, Noelle. That is all you need to do.' Cold. So incredibly cold. So very very cold.

There had been times. Times Noelle thought her soul would simply shatter on its own. Times where she thought, maybe—just maybe—she might turn to dust, and drift away. But she knew she was just being dramatic. It wasn't that bad. She had everything, didn't she? A nice home, a good education, a family—friends—someone. Someone loved her. Didn't they? Wouldn't they? Dad certainly did, but…

'Noelle.' Kris' tiny voice shook her out of her melancholy with a start. It was like she had forgotten they were there, like they had simply vanished from her mind. Were they trying to comfort her? But Noelle made sure to always smile at school! She always hid her thoughts so well! Berdly never noticed! Ms. Alphys never noticed!

(Of course they could see through me.)

"S-sorry! Got a little lost in thought. Thinking about the, um, project," Noelle lied. Kris said nothing, but she felt their gaze behind that mess of brown hair. They wouldn't pry. They always knew better than to pry. "What do you, um, want to do then, Kris?"

At that, Kris appeared lost. They said nothing, made no motion towards anything. Maybe they didn't know how to relax. Maybe they didn't know how to enjoy themselves either. (Or maybe I'm just projecting.)

Noelle took a breath. She closed her eyes. She said the first thing she wanted. Something she'd been too afraid to even think. (If they're trying to help me. Then I want to try to help them.) She said, "Have you played the newest Dragon Blazers? It's like a year old now, but…"

Kris shook their head, hair swaying prettily in the motion.

"Oh, you haven't?!" Noelle found herself scooching closer, unable to contain her excitement. "I actually really like it! I, um, I don't think it's as good as 2 but I've been enjoying it! I haven't, um, had much of a chance to play it lately." The last part was a lie. She simply didn't have the motivation to play it. A dull chilly mist had plagued her soul for so long. "D-do you want to see it?"

Her soul pounded again, but this time, it was in anticipation.

Kris nodded.

"T-that's…! That's great!" Noelle said, unable to contain her toothy smile. Carol had always admonished her for it, said it was much too childish, much too full of teeth. Dess said it was perfect. "Let's, um, go up to my room! I-if that's okay!"

And Kris nodded.

Noelle nearly leapt off the sofa. Her tail was wagging. She must have looked so stupid, but…! It had been so long since then…! "Great! Come on, faha!"

"You're sure you don't want me to start a new game? I don't mind! It's been a while, and I—You're fine? You just want me to tell you the details?" Noelle blinked, controller nearly falling out of her hands.

She sat cross-legged on the floor before her TV with Kris lounging on the couch behind her. She could sit on the couch if she wanted, but she always preferred to sit on the floor for games, to be closer to the screen. It let her hunch her back, let her be a mess, let her splay herself around any way she felt.

"So, um, since you said you don't mind…" Noelle said, flashing a grin back at Kris. They nodded once more. "I'll just continue my file!" For the first time in a long time, she felt truly excited to play. For the first time in a long time, it felt like she didn't have to force a smile.

"One thing I'll bet you noticed is the new art style!" Noelle pointed out. She didn't feel like she needed to look back at Kris at this point. They were watching. They were listening. That was good enough. "If you're like Berdly, you'll probably say, 'Yuck, this new art direction is a travesty! They have ruined a once pristine game!'" She did the voice as best as she could. She imagined Kris smirking behind her. It made her giggle. "Well, I admit, I like the old best, too, but I think this style is interesting and charming in its own way."

Noelle pointed at the screen, way more excited than she should have been, looking back at Kris' impassive face. "So, see, look! It's still sprites for the characters! But the environment is 3D! It's kinda cute, right? Faha."

Kris nodded. Noelle's soul soared at this for some reason she couldn't possibly explain. Her tail was wagging uselessly against the carpet.

"Oh, Kris! And see this character? That's the daughter of the Knight from the previous game! She's actually the main character now! I, um, gosh, I really love her. I think I actually like her more than the Knight? He was cool, don't get me wrong, but she's so feisty, you know? She's really passionate and gets angry and she's a little stupid but I love that and…" She stopped herself. "Sorry, I'm not even playing the game! I'm just rambling, faha." She turned to Kris.

They shook their head. They opened their mouth. 'I like it.' Did Kris really say that? Usually, they would have teased her by now for rambling. But there it was, the most imperceptible of movements to all but a professional Krisologist like her. The tiniest of smiles. The light sigh. They stretched their fingers out, a rare show of comfort for Kris.

So Noelle continued to play and continued to ramble. Whenever a new character to Kris showed up in a cutscene, Noelle would point and explain: "That's Blahblah. They're a distant second cousin of the Frostmancer from the first game! But you can see some similarities in their art here, and, gosh, isn't this cool…?"

It must have sounded like nonsense to Kris. But they didn't tell her to stop. Didn't tell her she was annoying. Didn't interrupt her to tell her why that character was bad actually. They just sighed, nodding occasionally to Noelle to signal to her to keep going.

It was wonderful. Truly, wonderful. She never had this much fun playing the new Dragon Blazers. She had played some with her dad in the hospital, and it was so very fun with him, but… it was hard to be comfortable. As he coughed. And coughed. And coughed.

At some point, Noelle felt a tap on her shoulder. Kris must have moved over to the other side of the couch. She looked over to them and asked, "Hm? Kris, what is—" only to find they weren't there. When she turned her head to the other side of her shoulder, she found Kris sitting on the same edge of the couch they had been on all day, like they'd never moved. Once again, their expression betrayed nothing. But Noelle knew. "Kris! Faha! That's barely a prank for you. You can do better than that." She winked at them and added, "Can't you?"

At that, Kris' fingers stiffened. They clutched their pants just so, their skin flushing with the tiniest pink. They turned away, trying to hide their face even more.

(I've never seen them react like that before. That was… cute.)

The next day, Noelle waited again after class. Just like the day before, Kris was sleeping at their desk, even after everyone left. She stood before them, staring just like she had when they were younger. Had anything changed? Kris' head was in their arms, the subtle motion of breathing let her know they hadn't died. They were still Kris, even after their time yesterday.

In truth, it felt almost like a dream. Playing games, talking with Kris, just relaxing with them like they had suggested… it was one of the best days she'd had in such a long time.

(That's… sad. Isn't it?)

Her soul dropped into her stomach, but she shook that thought away. Luckily, Kris was still here. Even if nothing changed, Kris was still here.

And just like yesterday, her hand began reaching out towards that sugary scent, to that little sleepy puppy she remembered all those years ago. She wanted to touch them, to feel them, to pet them. Would they still feel the same? Would they still make the same little whines? Would they open their eyes and see her and maybe, just maybe… smile?

She couldn't resist. Even as her hands flinched back, as if Kris would snap awake and bite her fingers, she still reached forward.

Her fingertips brushed against that soft brunette hair. Her breath hitched, eyes widening, fur bristling. (Soft. They're still so… so soft.) She knew she should pull her hand away, knew she was being weird, but somehow, someway, she couldn't. Her fingers brushed deeper against their hair, feeling the incredibly silky texture. It was always a bit messy, yes, but it was so soft. She could run her fingers through it like water.

Kris stirred. Noelle's soul skipped a beat, but she couldn't bear to stop petting. They turned their head to the side, Noelle's hands flowing through their hair in the motion. They sighed, eyes closed so peacefully, if not slightly upset. Their mouth formed a light frown, slightly open as they breathed. In their sleep, they couldn't hide their expression.

(They're so… so…)

Noelle stroked them openly now, completely entranced, hypnotized by their unconscious movements. She passed her hand over Kris' unruly lock of hair, noting how even if she pressed it down, it still seemed to try and stand back up in the air, as if it had a mind of its own.

(Cute…)

Kris shifted in their sleep once more, a quiet hiss between their teeth, their eyebrows upturned, their eyelids flinching. 'Nn… nn…' they sighed, as if suffering a dream.

(It's okay… it's okay…)

She only mouthed the words. Never spoke them. She continued to stroke their hair, continued to marvel at their reactions. Is this what Kris felt back then? As they teased her, as they poked and prodded her until she had gotten so angry that she stamped her hooves. Was this the same? Was it truly bothering Kris? Yet, somehow, she only wanted to comfort them more, despite being the cause of their discomfort.

It wasn't the same. It couldn't have been the same. But, oh, how she wanted to poke their cheeks…

Kris stirred once more, but this time their back seemed to tremble with motion, seemed to tell of their awakening. Noelle, breathless, knew she should have pulled her hand away, but she couldn't. She couldn't. Kris' eyelids fluttered, consciousness returning to them so slowly.

Red eyes opened. Sweet candy apple red. Noelle was the first thing they must have seen. Groggy and confused, a tiny groan at their lips, their eyes finally looked up at Noelle.

"Good morning," she said with a smile. She still pet them gently, still stroked at the little locks of hair that wouldn't press down.

Kris seemed to stare openly. It was never like this when they were kids. Their eyes even widened, revealing their sweet red irises, shining with sugar. For just a moment, there was a fuzzy recognition. A splash of matching red colored their cheeks.

Noelle giggled. That sound seemed to bring them into consciousness. Their eyes hid behind chocolate hair, their frown suddenly becoming impassive. They did not break away from her touch, but they no longer gave any reaction to it.

(Aw…)

Noelle knew she wouldn't win this. But maybe. Maybe someday she would. She pulled her hand away, unable to keep her smile contained. Kris stared, perhaps at her hand, perhaps at her smile. Noelle wasn't sure.

She said, "Do you, um, want to walk home with me?" She wasn't sure why she was getting nervous again. Whatever bravery she found seemed to have vanished. "If you, um, were going to come over and help with the project." She found herself fiddling with her hands again. Kris stared. "We, um, might as well walk together? Right? To, um, save some, um… we just… um… might as well?"

Kris considered this silently.

"Y-you don't have to," Noelle's mouth suddenly blurted out. "If you don't want to."

Kris considered this. Noelle tried to wait patiently. It was so strange. Kris seemed like the same Kris she had always known, but… that wasn't true, was it? They used to make quicker decisions. They used to be more opinionated. But now, it seemed they never wanted to make a choice for themself, for anyone.

Noelle understood. After what happened with Dess. She couldn't think about that.

(If that's the case… if making decisions is so hard for them…)

"Kris," Noelle said, taking in a gasping breath. "Let's go."

Kris stared silently. Their head tilted microscopically.

(… It must have been so hard for them. To come to me yesterday. I… I need to show the same effort.)

She closed her eyes. No one was around. No one could hear. She inhaled and exhaled slowly. She opened her eyes. Noelle's smile returned. Her soul pounded in her chest. She said, "C'mon, Kris! You wanna go walkies? Huh? Wanna go for some walkies?" She patted at her skirt like she would to get a dog's attention.

Kris perked up. It was impossible to deny the little surge of energy that had infected their body. They stood, staring up at Noelle.

"C-c'mon, Kris! Walkies time! Yeah! You wanna go on some walkies, don't you?" Noelle's nose shone bright, red bleeding onto her cheek fur. But she couldn't stop smiling. Even Kris couldn't hide the flush at their cheeks, yet they nodded to Noelle all the same, taking their place at her side. "Good Kris! Good! I-if you keep being good, um…" She held up a finger, giggling breathlessly. "I-I'll give you a treat! Do you like that?"

Kris nodded excitedly. Excited! They were excited! Noelle was certain they were just as embarrassed by this, felt just as awkward and nervous, but she loved it. She loved it.

"B-be, um…" Noelle gulped, choosing her words carefully. She remembered how Kris used to respond to it when they were younger, when they were more excitable. It wasn't the same. It would never be the same. But maybe it didn't need to be. Maybe this was better. Even if she felt like dying from embarrassment.

"Be a good doggy and follow me, okay?"

Kris didn't make a noise in response, but they nodded again, taking their place by her side almost obediently. Noelle felt heat rising behind her forehead, felt a strange sensation building in her chest.

(I should really be careful with this power…)

When they made it home and Noelle shut the door behind them, Noelle sighed with a light smile. "It's, um…" She said, looking over her home that was much too big for her, much too empty, much too lifeless. She turned to Kris who stood by her side, passive as ever. "It's nice coming home and having someone else here." Her soul felt warm in her chest.

Kris stared. They stared. And they stared. They seemed happy, in their own Kris way. But there was something else. Want? Desire…?

"Oh!" Noelle's ears perked up. "Treat! You want a treat, don't you?"

Kris nodded, a flush at their cheeks, as if ashamed by their excitement.

"Weeelll," Noelle held up a finger, giggling. "You have been such a good doggy lately. I suppose you deserve one treat!"

(Ah… am I teasing them too much? I want to give them plenty of treats…)

When they went into the kitchen, Noelle rifled through the cabinet for her secret stash of sweets that she and Dad hid from Carol. Kris seemed to remember it as well, their lips glimmering with a faint hint of drool, even if they tried to hide it. With a little, 'Aha!' Noelle returned with a festive bag of sweets and plopped it on the counter. No one had broken into her stash in quite some time. Dad couldn't. And Noelle hadn't craved sweets in so long.

Kris gulped.

Noelle reached in and pulled out a candy, wrapped in pretty red foil, like a Christmas present. She held it out to Kris.

Kris stared.

"Oh! You want me to open it for you, don't you?" Noelle laughed. She quickly unwrapped it, revealing a beautiful bite-sized piece of chocolate, its dark brown sheen absorbing all light. "Hmm… but chocolate is bad for dogs…"

Kris whined.

!!!

Noelle's soul skipped a beat, her breath stolen. (That was… incredibly cute! I… I can't take that!)

"W-well! I-it's a good thing you're not a dog!" Noelle said, trying to calm herself down. She quickly threw her hand forward, offering it to Kris once more. She winced, as if trying to avert her gaze, but she simply couldn't look away. "G-go ahead!"

Kris reached forward.

Something strange took over Noelle then. Something she didn't expect from herself, something that had been buried deep away inside her.

She quickly pulled her hand away, wagging a finger at Kris. "Patient…! Wait…" Kris stiffened. They let their hand fall back to their side, now openly staring at the chocolate. "Wait…" Noelle cooed, amazed at her power, lost in a sugary haze. "Waaaait…" she teased once more, putting it closer and closer to Kris' face.

At this point, Kris looked like they wanted to explode. Was that even a bead of sweat?! Kris never wanted to eat anything! Now, suddenly, they looked like the hungriest Kris in the world.

(I'm teasing them too much!)

In a burst of energy, Noelle said, "Okay! Good Kris!!"

Their chains broken, Kris's mouth lunged for the chocolate, snapping it up in an instant. (Aaa…) Kris' lips had briefly, so incredibly briefly, brushed against the fur on Noelle's palm. She stood there a moment longer, frozen, pondering what to do with this feeling burning in her chest.

Meanwhile, Kris appeared completely content. The chocolate had been devoured. There was no trace of it, almost no sign that Kris even chewed it. They licked their lips, failing to find another taste.

"Gosh, Kris. You, um, make it look really good." Noelle took out a piece for herself. "I, um, guess I deserve a treat too, don't I?" She unwrapped it and placed it in the same hand, the same spot where Kris' lips had touched. She was not thinking about that. She popped it into her mouth, stuffing her palm against her face.

Dark chocolate. Kris' favorite. It was too bitter for Noelle's liking. But now that she was older, she could understand the appeal a bit more. There was an understated sweetness to it, a smoothness in its texture, a kind of interesting aftertaste that she couldn't put her finger on. Hoping Kris wasn't looking, she licked the spot on her fur where she had held the chocolate. Just in case there was any left over.

'Red,' Kris said in their tiny voice.

Noelle shrieked, taking flight before stumbling back onto her hooves. She glared at Kris; a smile curled on her lips. "W-why'd you say that, Kris?! I-I'm not red!"

Once more. Slightly louder. It couldn't be denied. "Red," they said clearly, perhaps with a smug grin.

"F-faha! I-I don't know why you're saying that!" Noelle attempted to cover her nose, the flush at her cheeks as clear as Santa's stockings. "B-bad Kris! N-no more treats!"

Kris let out a tiny whine, accompanied by what had to have been a cruel smile that Noelle would not look at.

(Gah! T-too cute…!)

"Fine! Just! Just take it! Fahaha!" Noelle shoved the bag at them, hoping it would take attention away from her.

They spent the rest of the day eating chocolate and getting tummy aches together.

The next day wasn't a school day.

Noelle woke up to the chill of her room and the Christmas jingles of her alarm clock. Carol always made her wake up much too early, even on her day off.

Knock knock knock.

The same three knocks. The same way. Every week. Carol said, "Noelle, have you gotten ready yet? You mustn't slack off."

"Almost ready!" Noelle lied cheerfully from her bed. She had not moved an inch under her blanket.

If she sold it well enough, Carol would say, "Hm. Good. I must be off. There is cereal in the pantry and exact change for a slice of that, erm, 'ice' pizza you seem so fond of. You have been working hard and deserve a reward."

When Carol said exact change, she meant exact. Noelle would not be able to buy a drink. Not that she liked anything at ICE-E's anymore, but that didn't stop Carol from giving her just the right amount of money for one slice every week, including taxes and price changes.

"Thanks, Mom!" Noelle said, hiding the strain in her voice.

"You are very welcome." Carol paused as she always did, as if this part was difficult. "I love you, Noelle. I will hopefully see you tonight." She never did.

"I love you too, Mom!" Noelle lied said.

Noelle listened as she did every week. Her ears flicked, tuning to the source of Carol's light-hoofed steps as she walked. (3… 2… 1…) The door closed. A breath. Click! (5… 4… 3… 2… 1…) The gate screeched open. It was at this point that Noelle's eyelids felt heavy. The gate closed with a comforting clatter.

She was safe.

Noelle closed her eyes. She let her smile fade. She wrapped herself completely in soft blankets, leaving only a crack for her snout to poke out so she could breathe comfortably. There was no reason to get up today.

She wanted to go back to sleep.

There was nothing to get up to. Kris had no reason to come over today. There was nothing.

There was no reason.

Her thoughts a chilly haze, of darkness, of nothing, Noelle drifted into numb slumber.

"Hey, Kris," a smoky voice said. "Did you make Elly cry again?"

"Not uh!" a mumbly voice responded, whining.

"Don't lie, you little shit. Sick of you making her upset."

"I didn't!"

"Elly." Her voice was so smooth. So distant. So comforting. "Did Kris do something? You can tell me."

"She won't tell you because I didn't do anything!"

"Shut it, twerp. Don't talk for Elly."

She tried to speak. Her throat had frozen over. Her lips had turned blue. Her lungs ached with frostbite. Tears clung to her fur, piercing into the flesh beneath her eyes. She would never speak again.

"Elly…? Elly, hey. Please. Speak to me. Are you afraid I'll get mad at Kris? I won't bonk them again if that's what you're afraid of."

"She's sad cuz you're gone."

She choked.

"You're one to talk. You left her too. I didn't have a choice."

They didn't respond.

"Oh. Got nothin' to say now, huh?"

"It's hard," they said. "To talk."

"Whose fault is it that I'm gone, Kris." Her tone was accusatory, darker, darker than it had ever been. Was it still her? Was it still them?

They didn't respond.

"Tell her what happened."

They didn't respond.

"Tell Elly what happened."

They didn't respond.

"TELL. HER."

They couldn't speak anymore. Perhaps they would never speak again. Just like Noelle.

"You make me sick," she said. That's not right. She would never say that. She would never have said that!

"I know," they said, barely above a whisper.

"Hiding because you feel guilty. Hiding because you're sad. What about her? What about Elly?! Now she has nothing. I was her sister. Not yours."

"I know."

"Self-absorbed brat. I wish you disappeared instead of me."

No! No! No! That's not true! That's not true! I don't think that! I don't…! That's not…!

"I know."

Stop saying that! Stop it! Stop thinking it! Stop it! This isn't fair! These aren't my thoughts!

"I miss you, Dess."

"I know."

Knock knock knock!

Noelle shot out of bed, chest heaving. She had kicked her blankets off in her sleep, leaving her fur open to the frigid air conditioning, yet somehow, she was sweating profusely at her neck. Remnants of her nightmare had shattered into pieces, leaving only her soul pounding and her fingers trembling. She did not know why, only that her soul ached anew, only that her soul had thawed. She wished it hadn't.

There was nothing for her today.

Knock knock knock!

(The door?! That wasn't part of the nightmare?!)

"C-coming!" Noelle screeched, tripping onto her face as her hooves fumbled through tangled blankets. "O-ow! Cheezus…!" How long had she been asleep?! What time was it? It didn't matter. She ignored those thoughts.

She sprinted out of her room, hooves banging against the steps, and she shot the door open before Kris could scare her with another sudden knock.

"Kris! What are you doing here?!" Noelle shouted, much louder than she meant to. "Don't you usually sleep in for the weekend?"

Kris appeared to gawk before her. Their expression was still unreadable, but it seemed to run through several different emotions all at once. "Church," was all they managed to say, perhaps out of breath.

"Huh…?" Noelle blinked. "Oh. That's… today. Isn't it? I, um, gosh, I forgot! Faha! Let me get ready and…!"

Kris rarely interrupted these days, but they said, "2:30."

"2:30…?" Noelle repeated dumbly, tilting her head. A strand of messy hair fell in front of her eyes. "W-wait. You don't mean like… P.M.?!" Noelle shrieked. The sun was high into the sky at this point.

Kris nodded, taking no joy in this. That was a lie. They were taking at least a little joy in this.

"Oh. I, um. Missed it." Noelle's muscles weakened. She wanted to fall to the floor and never get back up. "Oops! H-haha." She tried to give a ditzy smile.

Kris did not fall for it. They shook their head.

(At least Carol won't know I missed church. The doctors said Dad wouldn't be able to make it either.)

Kris pointed at her. Noelle flinched. Kris said, "Messy."

"H-huh?" Noelle looked down at herself. "Cheese and crackers!" she cursed. She was still in her pajamas! This late into the day! Gift-wrapped presents, Christmas trees, and Santa stockings patterned across her matching pajama top and bottoms. She ran a hand through her hair, noting how difficult it was to do that. It was a frizzy mess.

She nearly screamed. But Kris just looked on with nothing more than a hint of a smile at their lips. She gulped her scream away.

Noelle sighed. "You want to come in, right?" They nodded. "Come in." Her voice fell several octaves deeper as she stopped trying to be hospitable. (It's just Kris. They don't care. We've seen each other in worse.)

Closing the door behind them, Noelle made her way to the sofa and fell to it with a thud. Her mind was still reeling, still processing, still grieving something she had forgotten.

Kris placed a can onto the table, offering it to Noelle.

"H-huh…? For me?" Noelle asked dumbly, looking up at Kris like they were the Angel themself come down to save her. Kris nodded, expression stony. "Kris… thank you."

She read the can. “ICE-E’s “Spice-E” Extra Hot Iced Coff-“E””

"Kris!!" she shouted, practically throwing it back at them. "You know I hate these!!" With a laugh, she bapped Kris harmlessly against their head and shoulders. Kris seemed to chuckle, perhaps even showing a hint of teeth. "Agh! You're such a jerk! Fahaha!"

Noelle took the can regardless, noting how cold it was against her fur. She popped it open with a discerning hiss! that reminded her she really shouldn't drink these. "Whatever. I don't care!" she lied happily, tilting her head back and chugging a few gulps.

Sweet Angel it was awful! Disgusting! It tasted like cold acid, it tasted like stale soda, yet it burned against her throat! Crunch! Ugh! She had to actually chew the tiny ice cubes in there before she could even swallow! It forced the bitter taste to linger on her tongue even longer.

"Gah!!" Noelle gasped, wincing and sticking her tongue out. She waved her hand over her tongue like that would alleviate the spice. "I hate this!! I hate this so much! Gross! Why, Kris?! Fahaha!"

Kris had undeniably started to laugh at this point. Their body shivered with muted chuckles, a tightlipped smile on their mouth.

"You drink it too!" Noelle demanded, shoving the can back at them, unable to contain her giggles, even as her eyes watered. "If I have to suffer, so do you!"

Kris shrugged. They took it without hesitation. They seemed to stare at the can's mouth before Noelle realized what they must have been thinking of. (We shared drinks and food before. This isn’t strange. Right?)

Without much fanfare, Kris tilted their head back similarly to Noelle and took a huge gulp from their can of personal pain. They wiped their lips and shrugged as if it didn't bother them in the slightest.

"Oh yeah?" Noelle teased, her snout burning. "Then why's your face turning red?! Fahaha!"

Kris shook their head, but the accusation seemed to be all it took. A hint of red began to burn on their cheeks, at their nose. They breathed in through their teeth.

"Fahaha! Look! Now you're just like me!" Noelle teased, pointing at their red nose.

Kris stiffened, their mild embarrassment the relief Noelle desperately needed right now. They shook their head but still tried to cover their nose.

They took turns torturing themselves until the can was empty. It hurt, but it was a good hurt.

After a few glasses of milk, Noelle and Kris made their way upstairs. Her tongue still tingled with spice, but there was no denying how her soul beat, freed from the numbing chill of this frozen home.

Noelle looked at her pajamas. Splotches of milk and cookie crumbs stained them. Before they walked in, Noelle held up her hand. Kris instinctively stopped in place.

"Actually, can you give me a minute to change? I don't mind being a mess with you, but…" She felt the tangles in her hair. "I think, um, it'd help. If I changed." She smiled sheepishly, clumsily avoiding the obvious. (Because I'm depressed) she wanted to say. It didn't come out. It was for the best it didn't. Kris was dealing with their own things.

Kris nodded. They were surprisingly understanding. They took a step towards another door that shouldn't have been there.

"Just wait out here by… …" Noelle's soul skipped a beat. Her eyes widened. "Kris?! What are you doing?!"

They were reaching for the doorknob. The door to the room next to Noelle's. Dess' room.

Noelle slapped their hand away, gasping at herself. "K-Kris! We—you—you know…!"

They stared at their own hand. It was reddened. Perhaps bruised. Noelle was so much stronger than Kris now, wasn't she? And Kris… they only seemed to weaken as they grew older. They ignored the pain. They looked at that door.

The door Noelle had to so desperately try to forget. Every. Single. Day. Every. Single. Moment. The door that haunted her every waking second in this house, the door that made her want to stay inside her room all day or perhaps never go upstairs in the first place. It was a room that shouldn't have been there.

No. It shouldn't have been there. It was agonizingly cruel, wasn't it? For a door to her room to be right next to Noelle's? She was gone. Forever gone. No one would ever be inside this room.

Noelle held up her hands in apology. They were shaking. Trembling. Sweat formed at the back of her neck. She tried to smile. It came out wrong. "K-Kris. W-we can't… go in there. You know. It's… off-limits."

For whatever reason, Kris disobeyed. (Why now? Why about this? Anything but this. Anything!) Kris tried to reach their hand past Noelle to the door once more.

Something pounded in her ears. Noelle grabbed Kris' wrist. She said much too loudly, "Stop it, Kris! I told you, we can't go in!"

She could easily hold them back. Her hands held too tightly, gripped too hard. She saw the red forming at their wrist, and she yelped back in terror, her body banging against the door.

"J-just. Stop." Noelle repeated. She was shivering. Her hair had fallen in front of her face. She didn't want to be seen. She hated herself enough for hitting the door. "Stop it."

Kris opened their mouth. But nothing came out. 'Dess.'

Noelle's head shot up, her smile crooked, jagged, teeth clattering together. "W-what did you say?"

They pointed at the door. Their words were incomprehensible. They asked to see her room.

"No. I said no. No. No. No!" Noelle clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head. "Did you hear me? I said no, Kris. I can't say no! Remember, Kris? I can't say no! So when I say no, that means no! You can't. You won't."

They asked to see her room. They missed her.

"I-I-I," Noelle became a gibbering mess. "I think, Kris, I-I-I think you should leave."

Kris took a step back. They seemed hurt.

"Y-you shouldn't come back anymore," Noelle found herself saying, despite her soul crying out. "I don't—I don't think… we can't… we shouldn't talk. It's…" She tried to look at them. She tried to smile. "It's too hard."

Kris didn't respond.

The words wouldn't stop falling out. Everything was wrong. Everything was collapsing around her. Her soul should never have been thawed, she should have never gotten out of bed, she should never have let Kris inside. It was wrong. It was always wrong. It was better to sleep, it was better to be by herself, better to forget.

"You—you… I don't know?" Noelle's voice fell and rose in different pitches. "You can't… you're not… you're…" She smiled again. Why? "You're hurting me, Kris."

"Sorry."

Noelle felt a knife pierce her chest. "Sorry? F-for what? You didn't… you didn't do anything, Kris." (Did you?)

"Sorry."

"Kris. Kris." Noelle took a step forward, her legs shaking, her fingers trembling. "That's enough. Please."

"I'm sorry."

"Please stop saying that, Kris." Noelle's hands fell on their shoulders, clutching them desperately. She could hardly see. The world had gone blurry. "I don't know why you're saying that, Kris."

"I'm sorry, Noelle."

A sob escaped her throat. She tried to breathe but found she couldn't even do that correctly. "Please. Stop. I can't take it."

"I miss her too."

Something shattered. Noelle's body fell against Kris', pressing them into the railing. "You… you… You don't have to go! I'm sorry I said to leave. I'm sorry I said those things. I'll do whatever you want! Just, please. Stop. Stop."

Their mouth barely moved. It was nothing more than a whisper. A few words. Noelle couldn't hear them, but she put them together. She understood. She didn't want to understand.

"I wish it had been me."

It broke her.

Noelle pushed them, pushed them down to the carpet. Tears streamed down her face. She clutched their shirt. It smelled of cinnamon. Even as her nose barely worked. She could smell it. Asriel used to smell like cinnamon. Dess used to smell like cinnamon because of them.

She sobbed uncontrollably into their chest, into their shirt. She tried to scream, but her voice wouldn't come out as anything but a horridly pitched whine. She choked on her own sobs, hiding into Kris' familiar shirt, hoping somehow, hoping she would come back to yell at Kris. They made no motion. They simply lay flat against the ground; their brown hair splayed against the carpet like a bloodstain.

"Don't ever say that!" Noelle wailed, uselessly hitting them, uselessly clutching against them, uselessly hiding into their tiny frail body. "Don't ever say anything like that! Ever! Again! Don't ever say you wish it could have been you! Ever! Ever! Do you understand? Ever!"

Kris didn't respond.

"It hurts so much! It hurts all the time! And then—and then you—you—you say you wish you were gone, too?! I miss her so much, Kris! I miss her so much! And you think I should lose you on top of everything else?!"

Kris didn't respond.

"You're so stupid! You're so stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" Noelle wailed like a petulant child into their chest, unable to look them in the eye. "How could you ever say anything like that? How could you ever think anything like that? I—I don't want to lose you too, Kris!"

Their chest heaved under her. "Sorry."

"You should be! You should!" She sniffled, gasping into their chest, unable to do anything else. "Promise me, Kris! Promise me! Promise me you'll never say anything like that ever again! That you'll never think that ever again!"

They didn't respond.

"Please!" Noelle begged, shaking her head into them, pulling them and holding them. "Please, Kris! Don't…" Her throat felt raw, felt tight. Her voice came out in a miserable whisper. "Don't make me hate you. I don't want to. I don't want to…"

Kris took a breath, their inhale lifting Noelle's head. They said, "Okay."

Noelle gulped. It hurt to even do that. She finally tore her face away from Kris' shirt to look them in the eye. Their red irises had gone dull, but they stared back at her, even if it appeared they wanted to look at anything else. "Promise me," she repeated. She pulled herself closer to their face, desperate. "Promise me!"

Kris' eyes widened briefly. They paused. They said, looking directly at her, "I promise."

Somehow, someway, it only made Noelle cry again. She hid her face in their shoulder now, sobbing, heaving, broken.

But this time, Kris put their arms around her. They hugged her as she cried. They said nothing. Their embrace was weak, terribly so, but Noelle still found herself trying to hug back, even as they both lay in a heap on the floor.

She didn't say anything anymore. She couldn't say anything. She didn't need to say anything. It still hurt, she still missed Dess, but…

At least Kris understood.

Noelle sniffled. "I, um, I'm sorry I ruined your shirt, Kris." She had taken them into her room again. She still hadn't changed. Still hadn't fixed her hair. She was worse off than before, tear stains in the fur under her eyes, revealing darker bags from nights long ago.

Kris shook their head. They didn't mind.

"Faha," Noelle laughed between sniffles. "I'm a complete mess, aren't I?"

Kris shook their head, a glimmer of red shining behind chocolate locks.

"You don't think so? You…" Noelle sniffed, still trying to wipe the tears away. "You like that I'm a mess?"

Kris nodded almost enthusiastically.

"I bet it's just 'cause you can relate," Noelle said with a funny smile, filled with leftover tears and sniffles.

Kris nodded.

Noelle let out a cool sigh. It felt as if she'd exhaled a dark cloud that had grown in her chest. She said, "Well, I still don't like that I used you as a personal hanky. It's, um, gross." Kris nodded at this with a faint snicker. "Why don't we get you changed?"

She didn't let them answer this time. Their reaction said it all. The way their limp fingers went stiff, the way their back straightened, and their gaze bounced off the floor—that was all Noelle needed. She opened her wardrobe without a second thought.

"So, um, Kris," Noelle started, shuffling through her clothes. At the back, she spied a pair of incredibly worn wings from a time she could hardly bare to remember. She tried not to think about it. "You wear the same thing a lot, don't you?" Kris didn't need to respond. She knew the answer. "You want to, um… try something new." She gulped. "Don't you?"

Kris said nothing. Noelle stole a glance back at them. Their cheeks went red like an apple.

"You do." Noelle sighed, tension slowly leaving her chest. "I know you do." As her hangers clacked gently, as she pushed aside more Christmas sweaters and Christmas dresses and Christmas shirts, her eyes fell on something else she had hidden away in the back. Where Carol wouldn't see. Where Noelle wouldn't remember.

She turned to them. "Nod to me if you—if you…" She tried to fix the shaking in her voice. "If you want to try something different. I want to—I want to, um, help."

Kris clearly fought against a flinch, fought against the urge to shake their head, to back away, to leave for the door. But Noelle's gaze did not falter. She knew. Kris nodded slowly, their fingers twitching as they clearly longed to grab their own arm, to hold themself in this moment.

(So cute. So sweet.)

"So, um." Noelle steeled herself. She looked at the back of her closet once more. It was still neatly folded after all these years, still perfectly preserved. She was going to say it. She needed to say it. She didn't want her name to be some unspeakable curse anymore. "Dess, she—she, um, she gave me some clothes." Noelle shut her eyes tight, tears welling in the corners. She shook her head, took another breath, and continued. "They don't fit me anymore. I grew too fast. I—I was…" She sighed. "I was too afraid to ever try them on. Especially after…"

Her words drifted away. To a world before she had numbed herself to it all. To a time she had been completely and utterly broken beyond repair.

"Noelle," Kris whispered, dragging her back to the present, to a different world, where she was perhaps not so broken.

"Ah! Sorry." Noelle sniffled, but her smile returned easier than she expected. "I meant to say. I think they'd fit you now. They're kind of, um…" She scratched the fur at her cheeks nervously. "They're kind of more like Catti's style of clothes. But, um. I always sorta liked? That kind of thing?" She laughed strangely, a little hitch in her voice. "And, um. I thought maybe. You seemed like, maybe, um. You might like it, too."

Kris said nothing, but they continued to stare, continued to listen.

Noelle tilted her head, strands of messy hair falling all over her like a dirty blonde waterfall. "It's, um. A bit more feminine? But…" She turned to Kris. At this, her voice did not falter. "You don't mind that kind of thing. Do you?"

Kris gulped. They shook their head. They stretched their fingers out, curled them into a light fist, then relaxed. They breathed easy.

(Okay, Noelle. You can do this. For yourself. For Kris. For Dess.)

She grabbed the pile of neatly folded black clothes. They felt so smooth, so slick, so dark. Her soul began to pound just at the touch, at the thought. She couldn't wear these. She would never be able to wear these. But they wouldn't go to waste now.

"Um. Here. Kris." Noelle placed everything on the couch, neatly separated, neatly prepared, easy to understand. She began to fiddle with her fingers, unsure what to do with herself. "It's, um. More than just a new shirt, faha, I know. But, um. You can, um, put on as much as you'd like? Or you can just wear the shirt. I—I don't mind. And…"

Kris began to lift their shirt, revealing their incredibly soft skin underneath.

Noelle screamed, dashing over to Kris, grabbing them by the wrist again. They had nearly already pulled their shirt over their head and Noelle had nearly died at the prospect. "K-Kris! You can't just—you…! Clothes stay on in front of me now!" She laughed, but she couldn't hide the blaring red alarm of her nose, the heat in her cheeks. "U-um. Maybe … later… you could… though…?"

(Cheezus, what am I saying? Down girl!)

Taken over by the spirit of pure embarrassment, Noelle began pulling Kris out of her room.

"G-go on! Good Kris! That's right! Change in the bathroom! Uh-huh! Wow! You're so good at this! Yeah!" She pat them on the head as she shoved them gently out of her room and towards the bathroom down the hall. Maybe this would help them forget whatever insane thing she said.

Kris stared at her limply from the pristine white of the bathroom, almost confused, but not unhappy. Noelle shoved the clothes into their chest, forcing them it harder than she meant to. The pets, the touch, the clothes, everything seemed to have left them in a calm daze.

"I-if you need anything! Just yell!" Noelle tried to say politely. It mostly just came out loud and a little aggressive. Before Kris could begin to strip in front of her again, she slammed the door shut.

(Phew! Phew. I've seen them without a shirt on when we were kids. I know what it looks like. But. Gosh. Why does it make me feel so nervous to think of it now?)

She pressed her back against the wall and slid down to the carpet, sitting in a mess of overheating fur. She waved herself off. It was as if she had taken a huge gulp of that spicy ICE-E coffee again.

When the bathroom door creaked open, Noelle's eyes fluttered awake. She hadn't fallen asleep, but she had been lulled by the silence of another, by the sounds of shuffling clothes, the sounds of life that weren't her. She went to get up, to make sure Kris was okay, but they beat her to it, standing before her in laced black boots.

Kris put everything on. Even the things Noelle didn't expect they would.

They stood over her in a black skirt, a small aesthetic chain jingling at their hip. The black shirt was simple enough, but it was clearly designed to expose a single shoulder. Noelle gasped, witnessing the lone strap of a bra on their shoulder. (T-they even put that on??) — (Why did I give them that…?) The shirt read simply, 'BLOOD CRUSHERS' in extremely sharp text, to the point it was difficult to read, but Noelle would never forget. Dess had always known what Noelle liked.

Kris stared down at them, impassive as ever. A cute black bow bobbed on their head, making them look more like a Halloween gift than a Christmas one.

"K-Kris! You…" Noelle stuttered, looking them up and down. She realized she was ogling and ogling was rude. She looked up to Kris' sugary sweet red eyes and found it was hard to look there too. "You put everything on."

Kris made a shrugging motion as if to say, 'What else was I supposed to do?'

"Y-you didn't have to!" Noelle said, noticing that Kris was standing much too close. Their big laced boot had been planted firmly between Noelle's legs, dangerously so, as if they could straddle her at a moment's notice. (T-too weird! Too weird, Noelle! Don't think that!)

Kris tilted their head. 'Did you not want me to?' They still hadn't said a word. Noelle understood completely.

Noelle turned her head away, knowing her nose would start glowing red if she didn't. She grabbed a lock of her messy hair, spinning it in her fingers. "I—I did want you to! I guess! I just, um, wasn't sure if you would actually want to. You, um, did want to, right? I didn't, um, force you to wear something you're uncomfortable with. Right?"

Something cold, something smooth suddenly touched her face. Kris' hand…?! They turned Noelle by the snout to face her, to force her to look at them. Afterall, how could they communicate without their subtle body language?

But…

(Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh…) Noelle's soul pounded in her chest like a drum set. (T-they touched my face! Their hands are so cold, so… so smooth…! That was…) Noelle stared up at them with wide doe eyes. (That was so hot!!! Aaaah!!!)

Kris nodded.

Steam was hissing out of her ears, even as they laid flat at her head. Red light bled onto their skirt as Noelle's nose lit up. Teeth chattering, hands clasped tight together to try and still her shivering, Noelle said, "H-h-huh? W-what were you nodding about again…?"

Kris appeared to raise an eyebrow. They made a motion to the skirt, the shirt, the boots.

Noelle's chin pointed upwards as if she had been struck by a lovely uppercut. "G-gah! R-right! If you're c-comfortable! Y-yeah! T-that's… That's g-great!"

Kris made another vague motion with their arms. It seemed to be saying, 'Does it look okay?' There was even somehow a hint of shyness in their movements, a subtle dip of their arms behind their hips, a tremble in their fingers.

(Cheezus! I didn't even say anything yet! They're probably so nervous!)

"You look good!" Noelle blurted out, unable to find the volume control on her voice box. "Like, um, really good. Like, gosh, it probably looks better on you than it would have on me! A-and, um, the skirt! Is so pretty! And, um, I'm not good at wearing boots anyway, so I'm glad they still fit you somehow, because they're like, um, super hot on you!" Noelle froze, her expression was one of mild terror. A tiny whine screeched out of her open mouth.

Kris took a step back, making sure not to step on Noelle's hooves.

Noelle held up her hands, words spewing out of her mouth at a rate she thought impossible. "I didn't mean hot—I meant like good! Or like—I meant hot as in temperature?? Like you could wear it like on a hot day! Or wait, no, all that black would make the sun absorb into it and make you even hotter! Temperature wise! Uh, um, um…!"

Kris' mouth opened. “Thank you.”

Noelle snapped her mouth shut so hard, her teeth clacked together. She winced, but then said, "Y-you're welcome!" too loudly.

Kris held out a hand. They were offering to help her up.

Ba-dump! Ba-dump!

Noelle reached forward, fingers trembling. (It's been so long… since we held hands.)

In a flash, they slapped another can of ICE-E's brand coffee in her palm. Noelle went, 'Buh?' as she realized what happened. She looked at that awful can, noting it was unopened. "Kris!!" she shouted, those nervous feelings completely disintegrated. "You're so weird!! Did you really get a second can?! Fahaha!"

For the first time, Kris openly smiled now. Nearly a grin, even, full of mischievous white teeth. They laughed a hissing laugh and Noelle noted how incredibly beautiful they looked when they laughed like this. There was confidence in their motions, in their expression, that Noelle hadn't seen in years. It was only a moment, but Noelle cherished it, held it close to her soul, and refused to ever let it go.

Kris held up a hand to her for real this time. She took it.

They were so cold. So very cold. Were humans meant to feel this way? But their skin, oh, their skin was so smooth. It felt so wonderful against her fur, against her own hands, to the point she wanted to rub Kris' hands until they warmed up. Their grip was weak, frankly, unhelpful in their attempt to help Noelle up, but she loved it all the same.

Noelle rose to her feet, tilting her gaze down at Kris in all their goth glory. Somehow the difference in height seemed to embarrass them, seemed to make them nervous. She felt the tremble in their clammy hands. (Cute…)

"Faha! C'mon!" Noelle laughed, her soul shining. She pulled a confused Kris back into her room and shut the door. She knew it was unnecessary. She knew no one would see them; no one would hear them. But somehow…

(I want to keep them all to myself) she thought selfishly, admiring Kris once again. They were blushing. Their stance was ever so slightly off. They wanted so terribly to hide themself away but also refused. (I need them to know. I need them to know how much I like it. How much I like them.)

What happened that made Kris so meek so suddenly? That made them so shy? It only made Noelle want to grab them, to hold them tight, to squeeze them and never let them go. (Standing over them like this… it makes them nervous, doesn't it? They're still not used to me being taller.)

"Kris," Noelle said, her voice strange in her own ears. She took a step forward. "You look so pretty."

Kris looked away. Their hand clutched at the hem of their black shirt. Their chocolate hair only looked sweeter with that black bow. When they realized what they were doing, they unclenched their hand again, but they still couldn't maintain eye contact with Noelle.

"I want to…" Noelle found herself saying, found herself wishing into the air. "I want to kiss you. I think." Her soul was pounding in her ears. But she didn't flinch away. Didn't take her words away. It was sudden, she knew. But she wouldn’t run from the truth.

At this, Kris nearly stumbled, their cute skirt fluttering in the motion. They even moved their shirt to cover their bare shoulder in this moment, but it simply slid back down again. They looked to the bed. They looked to the window. They looked to the door. And finally. Looked to Noelle.

'Why?'

Noelle pressed a palm to her chest. She closed her eyes. "I've been such a mess." She smiled sheepishly. "To tell you the truth? I don't know. I don't know why I want to kiss you. I just want to. I said horrible things to you today. I cried on you. I've done nothing but mess everything up between us today."

Kris clenched their jaw. They shook their head. They strengthened their resolve and stepped forward as well.

Noelle still smiled, a sad little thing. "I have. I know I have. I know you think you've done everything wrong. I know you think you're the horrible person." Her vision went blurry. She was crying again, ever so slightly. "But if you are… then so am I."

Kris' eyes widened. They shook their head harder, hair swaying forcefully in the motion. Their mouth opened. "No!"

Noelle smiled, even as she sniffled, even as a small tear slid down her cheek fur. She wasn't sobbing at least. "These feelings of mine… they're horrible, aren't they?" Noelle asked. "I see you in my clothes. In clothes Dess gave to me. And… I want to kiss you. Isn't that…" She shook her head. "Isn't that awful? Isn't that strange."

Kris shook their head with resolve. "No."

"Doesn't it hurt still?" Noelle asked, clutching her chest, nails scraping against the fabric, into her fur. "I'm just using you."

Kris gritted their teeth. "Stop."

"And the worst part?" Noelle sniffled. "I just. I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand. What am I doing with you, Kris? Is this wrong? Is it wrong to want to kiss you? Before, when we were kids, our parents expected it. They practically pushed us together, practically forced it on us."

Kris said nothing.

"I hate the thought of Carol thinking she was ever right." Noelle shut her eyes tight, stopping the tears with her anger. "I hate the idea of gaining her approval." She sighed.

Kris's head tilted slowly. They held the fabric of the skirt between their fingers.

Noelle's smile returned, sad and small. "I guess that's true. She wouldn't like that, would she?" She sighed, a deep and horrible sigh. "And there are other things that I… I… I am afraid of."

Kris did not move.

"Dess," she said her name once more, even if it felt like taking a hammer and smashing her chest into pieces every time she said it. "There are things I don't know—about Dess—that I'm afraid of." Barely above a whisper, barely audible, she said, "With you."

Kris said, “I know.”

For a moment, they stood in silence. They were only a few feet apart, but it felt like they were light years away. It was impossible to close the distance. It was impossible to reach the other. Maybe it was better they were so far away. Maybe it was better that way.

And she felt the numb creeping in. Felt the chill at her chest. Felt the gray, felt the nothingness returning. (I can't. I can't go back to that.)

"I don't care." Noelle stamped across, closed the distance between them. She grabbed their hand, forced it into hers and held it tight. She could have broken their hand if she squeezed hard enough. Kris would let her do it too. But she didn't want that. "Right now, I don't want to care. I still—I still want to kiss you. I still want to feel you. I still want to—I want to be with you. In some way. I don't care if I can't put it into words. I don't care if it’s horrible later. I don't care if you hate me later."

Kris didn't pull away. They simply sunk into her touch, simply gave her control.

"Kris," Noelle said firmly. "I want to know. Despite all of that, despite everything…" She took in a deep breath. "Do you want to kiss me, too? Not to give me what I want. Not because you're guilty. Not because you feel you have to. Right now. Do you—do you want to kiss me?"

Kris needed to think. Noelle knew. She understood too well. She felt their cold hand seem to writhe in her palm, felt their fingers tug and push, as if one part of them wished to stay and another wished to go.

But in the next instant, they seemed to reach a decision. Kris' fingers interlaced with Noelle's. They nodded.

She refused to wait any longer. Noelle said nothing else. She took Kris with ease, with greed, with selfish desire, still in her pajamas, still frizzy and messy and full of tears. When they kissed, her soul sparkled like a star in the night sky, like the spark of a fire in a cold forest.

They tasted like chocolate. Their breath smelled of cinnamon. It entered her mouth, it carried her to times long gone, to times with Asriel, Kris, and Dess. Their lips were cold, wet, and struggled to move against hers properly.

"Nn—nn…" they whined delicately into her lips. Such incredible sounds. Like when she touched them in their sleep. But this time, it was more, this time their whines reverberated against her hungry lips and danced along her taste buds. She wanted more. So much more.

Noelle kissed harder, pressed into them harder, and they fell backwards with another tiny, surprised grunt. They landed on Noelle's bed, their chocolate hair splayed in sweet rivulets across the blanket, their candied red eyes wide and sparkling with sugar. Their mouth remained pursed open, their arms bunched together at their chest where they had tried to hold Noelle.

"So cute…" Noelle cooed as she climbed on top of Kris, as her knee pressed between their legs, right under their skirt. They still had their laced boots on, but Noelle didn't want them to take it off. Kris watched in nearly red-faced horror, it seemed, as Noelle's golden hair fell onto their face, as their hair mixed into an soft serve of swirled chocolate and blonde.

Noelle leaned down by their lips, exhaling deeply as she held herself back. "Kris. You need to kiss me back."

They let out a tiny gasp, cold and sweet. They moved like their body was foreign to them, shivering with tiny jolts of energy. She made it easy for them. She knew how Kris struggled. It wasn't their fault. It was so hard for them. Her lips stayed close, so horribly close to Kris, but she did not let them touch, despite her incredible desire. "Kiss me, Kris. Please." Her breath tickled against Kris' lips, only making it harder to wait.

They winced with effort. They leaned their head up, lips pursed, and kissed her back. Trembling, meek, weak, but still so incredibly sweet, so purely Kris. She felt their want, felt the guilty need in their kiss, the shameful desire as they tried to kiss her deeper, as they tried to get more.

"Good Kris…" Noelle whispered, using a free hand to pet their head, to run a hand through their hair just around the bow. Kris inhaled sharply through their nose and kissed Noelle deeper, a moment of excitable energy returning to them. Noelle had to reward them even more, didn't she?

So she kissed back, kissed harder. She let Kris' head fall back down to her cozy comforter, let them rest their neck. She tilted her head just so, just enough to change the motion of their lips. She felt something clutching at her side. It was Kris' little hand, holding tightly at her pajamas for dear life, as if they were on a scary rollercoaster. (So… cute…)

And who could blame Noelle for wanting more? Who could stop at just a taste of the sweetest dessert in the world? She knew it was wrong to lick the cookie batter off the whisk, knew the raw dough was bad for her, but oh, didn't it taste so nice? Wasn't it exhilarating? Wasn't it fun?

So when her tongue slipped out, when her tongue licked against Kris' sweet lips, would they hate it? Kris was never one to do the right thing, was never someone who cared what was good for them. They used to lick the whisk without fear, without permission, even if a young Noelle had scrunched her face up and told them they weren't supposed to do that.

They gasped. Their legs writhed between Noelle's knees, but they seemed to melt against her tongue, seemed to fall apart at her unabashed desire. That was enough.

Her tongue slipped through Kris' lips, exploring their breath, their taste, their tongue. Their tongue seemed to have a mind of its own, despite Kris' weak protests. When Noelle's hit theirs, it seemed to shoot to life, as if in a sugar high, licking her up like it had been dipped in honey.

"A-ah!" Noelle bleated, breath stolen away from that reaction. But, oh, it seemed she had released a little imp from its cage. Kris leaned up and licked her lips again, kissing more passionately than Noelle had ever expected, their tongue hungry and demanding. It was almost overwhelming, somehow, even if their kisses were weak.

Noelle felt something patting at her side, as if trying to get her attention. In a haze of caramels and chocolates, Noelle found that it was Kris' hand trying to push her side, trying to…

"O-oh!" Noelle realized. "You want to switch spots?" She looked down at Kris.

They nodded. They couldn't push Noelle anymore, couldn't take her without permission like they used to, and a part of Noelle mourned the loss of that power. But… another part of her absolutely adored this new 'forced-to-be-polite' Kris that had bloomed underneath her.

"Faha," she laughed into their lips. "Okay." Without much fanfare, she fell beside Kris, chest heaving with breathless excitement.

As Kris shuffled into a sitting position, their chest also rising and falling with such frantic energy, they looked over to Noelle.

She held open her arms for Kris, an open invitation to embrace. "Come here, Kris!" She giggled. They nodded, practically panting as they shakily moved atop her, positioning themself over the doe carefully. (So cute… so cute…!!) She couldn't take it anymore. Her arms fell closed over Kris' body, pulling them into a tight embrace, stuffing their head into her chest as she rocked them from side to side, squeezing them like one might squeeze a fluffy dog.

Kris whined.

"Ahahaha!" Noelle laughed, letting Kris escape from her hug, their frizzy brown hair looking only cuter as they stared at her with mild annoyance. "Sorry!" she said not very apologetically. Kris didn't seem to accept her apology, but she didn't mind. She stuck her tongue out at them.

Kris blinked. Hit by a sudden sugar rush, they dove into Noelle's mouth, kissing and licking and panting into her. Their tongue pressed into Noelle's, forcing awful little noises to eke out between their kisses. "Mm… ah!… mm…" Kris only seemed to revel in these reactions, filling with power at each silly noise that Noelle found herself making.

She arched her back, nearly bucking into Kris with their greedy energy. She wasn't sure what to do with her hands, but like Kris, she found them roving in places they shouldn't be. Her fingertips grazed against Kris' smooth, bare tummy, noting how frighteningly thin they were. (They need more treats…) she thought in a strange sad fog. Kris gasped into her at the touch but did not stop.

Her fingers went up Kris' shirt, across their back, tracing the lines of their little muscles, of their spine, of their shoulder blades, of their new bra. They were fascinating. Their body, so smooth, so squishy in a way, yet so bony and fragile. There was an understated warmth in their skin, blood constantly coursing just underneath their flesh, and Noelle found herself marveling at them.

Kris, oh sweet Kris, they whined into her mouth at the touches. They were so lovely. So lovely. They weren't the same Kris that Noelle knew, but they weren't horribly alien either. They were comfort. They were the past. The present. The future. Or, at least, she hoped they were the future.

It didn't take long for Kris to tire, to be forced to stop licking and kissing and tasting their sweet treat. Noelle didn't mind. She was growing exhausted, too. With another kiss, another playful lick, she sighed into them.

Kris’ arms and legs appeared to give out. They flopped on top of Noelle like a rag doll, panting from exertion. Noelle wrapped her arms around Kris and squeezed tightly. She kissed their head, taking in the sweet scent of their apple shampoo as she did so.

(They probably need a break.)

One more kiss. One more. Oh. Just one more taste. A final kiss. She would give them a break. She promised. Just after one more kiss. How could she stop? How could she pull away?

"Nn-Noelle…" Kris whined.

"W-whoops!" Noelle flung her arms open, letting Kris escape. "Sorry, faha! Got a little carried away…" Kris slid off her body, falling to her side like a corpse. "Are you okay?"

Kris closed their eyes. Their sickly skin had stayed red as apples for far too long around their cheeks. They took a deep breath and managed a tiny nod. They splayed their body out, taking up most of Noelle's bed as if to show her they still had the power to be annoying if they wanted.

Noelle gently shuffled to her side, pulling Kris into a comfortable hug as if they were just a big sleepy doggy. She pet their head absentmindedly, listening to Kris' panting breaths turn into slow sighs and quiet breaths.

"We, um, we…" Noelle sighed into Kris' hair, nuzzling her snout into their apple scented scalp. "We went through a lot today, didn't we?"

"Mm," Kris answered.

"Are you sleepy?" she asked, feeling their chest rising and falling so slowly, so evenly.

"Mm."

"I thought so." She giggled quietly into them, her eyelids growing heavy. "I am too. Do you want to sleep? Can we… can we sleep like this?"

Kris didn't respond.

"Kris?"

Kris didn't respond.

"Kris are you—"

They let out a deep sigh. They had already fallen sleep in her arms, relaxed beyond words. Noelle allowed herself to snuggle deeper into them, to hug them tighter, to make sure never to let them go.

As she drifted away into sleep, drifted into dreamless slumber, she hoped she'd be able to keep Kris at her side. Forever. She wished that this wouldn't be the last time. They still had the school project. So maybe it wasn't the end. Maybe she could hold them tight and maybe they'd allow themself to be captured.

She'd love that.