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This is the story of a man named Stanley.
Stanley worked for a company called IKEA in a big blue and yellow building. His job was very simple: he carried boxes from one room into another room and back again, day after day. Orders came to him through an intercom on the ceiling, telling him what boxes to carry, how far to carry them, and in what order they ought to be carried. This is what he did every minute of every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it to be the very essence of Hell, Stanley rejoiced in every moment of it. It was as though he had been built to do this job. And Stanley was happy.
But one day, something most curious happened. This unforgettable thing would change Stanley forever. He had been waiting in his room for more than an hour when he realized that no orders had arrived through the intercom in all the time he had been waiting. No one had come to give him instructions, call him to a team huddle, or even to wish him a good morning. Never in all his years in this building had this happened. Something was wrong.
After some time waiting and wondering how he ought to proceed, Stanley decided that surely this was an oversight. Perhaps there was a meeting, or even some kind of store closure. He opened the door and left the room to find his coworkers.
…
Stanley opened the door and left the room to find his coworkers.
…
But, then again, perhaps he had overestimated the time that it would take for someone to come and find him. He was an integral part of the team, an invaluable bolt in the great edifice of IKEA. And to leave the room would be to place responsibility upon himself, responsibility for which he had not been trained and for which he was not paid.
He closed his door and waited, standing beside his stacks of boxes. “The right thing to do,” Stanley thought, “is to wait. I shall wait here and be content. They will not forget me.”
Stanley waited for a very long time. Though no one came that day, or that week, or that month, or even perhaps for that year, he was content. He waited beside his boxes in his small room with his closed door for someone to come and find them. They would be here now. They would be here…now! They would be here. They…
***
After some time waiting and wondering how he ought to proceed, Stanley decided that surely this was an oversight. Perhaps there was a meeting, or even some kind of store closure. He opened the door and left the room to find his coworkers.
When Stanley stepped out of his tiny room, he realized two things. First, he was out on the showroom floor, where he was not supposed to be. Had this door always led to the showroom? It was no matter. Stanley had seen the maps of the store and, besides, he knew that there were bright yellow arrows leading him to the meeting rooms. Second, there was not a single person in sight. Carts half full of items stood abandoned in every aisle. Stanley saw not a single customer. It was strange, for he knew that the showroom should be full of the bustle of hundreds.
He made his way through the department and came to a fork in the path. A yellow arrow pointed him right, toward the exit. Because he knew that the arrows would take him to his coworkers, Stanley went to the right.
…
Stanley went to the right.
…
Oh, very well.
Stanley stood at the fork, debating with himself which direction to go. The yellow arrow would take him to his coworkers, but what if they were playing a prank on him? Perhaps he should go to the left, just to be safe. They wouldn’t expect it, and he could surprise them! They would laugh and then they would all go back to work, just as they should.
But his coworkers were not the type to enjoy pranks, were they? So perhaps he should just follow the yellow arrow. While he stood here deliberating, there could be a national emergency! And when he finally arrived, the manager would shake her head and speak most sternly to him. So he ought to go immediately to the right.
And, on the other hand…
***
He made his way through the department and came to a fork in the path. A yellow arrow pointed him right, toward the exit. Because he knew that the arrows would take him to his coworkers, Stanley went to the right.
…
Stanley disregarded the glaringly golden importance of the arrows and marched off to the left. Why, of course he knew better than the architects who put convenient arrows everywhere! There was a shortcut up ahead. Stanley had seen it on maps before. He would take that shortcut and reach his coworkers much more quickly than he would if he followed the arrows. What did the arrows know, anyway? Did they think they were some kind of Adventure Line that he would follow blindly through thick and thin?
Shortly, Stanley came to place where there were no arrows. From his vantage point he could easily see all sorts of furnishings and adorably modular accessories for all parts of the house. It was, like all other parts of the store, strangely empty and quiet. Although there were some interesting objects which drew Stanley’s eye, he had to hurry on to catch up with his coworkers.
…
Stanley. Please hurry up and go on. Your shortcut is just ahead, this is no time to be playing with pencils!
Ooh, it has sparkles? Hold it up to the light, so I can…wait, no, this is all wrong! Stanley! Your coworkers could be in danger!
Stanley! Are you even listening to me? Put that pencil down immediately!
And stop drawing on the walls!
***
Shortly, Stanley came to place where there were no arrows. From his vantage point he could easily see all sorts of furnishings and adorably modular accessories for all parts of the house. It was, like all other parts of the store, strangely empty and quiet. Although there were some interesting objects which drew Stanley’s eye, he had to hurry on to catch up with his coworkers.
…
It was entirely clear that Stanley had learned nothing from his first stop in this area. He observed sparkly pencils, flowery pink notebooks, and all the paraphernalia of childhood. There were many distractions, but he’d soon had his fill. He had to rush on, so that he could find all of his missing coworkers.
Oh, for…Stanley paused on his way toward the shortcut, plunging his arm into a bin of stuffed animals. They had appealing eyes and soft paws, and he apparently wanted to play with them more than he wanted to find his coworkers.
***
This is no time for plush teddies! STANLEY!
***
Blah, blah, no arrows, accessories, nobody around, blah, blah, blah. It was apparent that Stanley would stop forever and…
…
Hurrah! Stanley did not stop and dither over toys! Instead, he marched on toward the shortcut, which was illuminated by a gap in the walls. From here, he could cut an hour off his travel time, and reach his coworkers that much more quickly.
But what was this? As Stanley reached the shortcut, he realized that the gap had been taped over with bright yellow “CAUTION” tape. Clearly, it would be unsafe to go any further, and he would have to turn around and go back to the correct path. He was a responsible employee of IKEA and would never do something so incautious as to…
…
Stanley crawled under the tape and went on through the shortcut. Apparently he fancied himself an action hero, the sort who would do anything to save his friends from danger. Though he would never describe his coworkers as “friends”, they had a certain amount of camaraderie which comes only from working retail together. If something had happened—as he had truly begun to think it had—it was his duty to go and find them, and save them if possible!
Despite the signs posted everywhere warning him to STOP and GO BACK, Stanley kept going forward. He was in uncharted territory now, an area of the showroom which he had never before visited. It seemed as though he had crossed into another world, full of strange words and images which he could never hope to understand. The further he walked, the more confused he became, until he realized that he would never be able to find the way back to the path.
Stanley was lost in IKEA. Because his coworkers were not there, he had no one to help him. He would be trapped here forever, waiting for a rescue that would never come.
***
But what was this? As Stanley reached the shortcut, he realized that the gap had been taped over with bright yellow “CAUTION” tape. Clearly, it would be unsafe to go any further, and he would have to turn around and go back to the correct path. He was a responsible employee of IKEA and would never do something so incautious as to go where he should not. Why, he had already broken enough rules today!
Stanley turned back and went to the original fork in the path. This time, he went to the right, following the bright yellow arrows. Though there were surely interesting things lying in wait down the left path, he…
Stanley! Stanley, turn back around and go to the right this very instant! You know that there is nothing interesting waiting to the left and I cannot believe you’d go that way again! Stanley!
***
Stanley turned back and went to the original fork in the path. This time, he went to the right, following the bright yellow arrows. He had to hurry on. There was no telling what might have happened to his coworkers and the IKEA customers. Only Stanley remained to find out.
The arrows led Stanley on a winding path through the showroom. Around every corner, he expected to find his coworkers or, perhaps, some sign to point him to where they might have gone, but he found nothing. “The break room,” he thought to himself. “Yes. They’ve gone to the break room. It’s the only logical choice.”
So Stanley went to the break room.
…
Stanley went to the break room.
…
Why are you standing here, Stanley? Why are you just…standing in the middle of the aisle? You look like a mannequin in a J.C. Penney, not a protagonist with a story to tell! Are you so frozen with fear at what you might find that you’ve decided not to go at all?
***
Stanley went to the break room. It was out of the way, where customers were unlikely to accidentally stumble into it, but certainly was easy for an employee of IKEA to find.
“Ah, yes,” Stanley thought as he unlocked the door. “Surely my coworkers are waiting for me with hot coffee and some Dunkin’ Donuts, ready to share another day of adventures in retail!”
But, when Stanley entered the break room, there was no one around. Coffee mugs sat on tables and there was stale coffee in the pot, but there was no further sign of life. Stanley was beginning to feel truly frightened now. He wondered if—
Wait. Stanley, where are you going? The arrows are pointing you forward, Stanley! You can’t go back to your little room and your boxes! Stanley! STANLEY!
***
But, when Stanley entered the break room, there was no one around. Coffee mugs sat on tables and there was stale coffee in the pot, but there was no further sign of life. Stanley was beginning to feel truly frightened now. He wondered if he was really alone in the vastness of IKEA. And, if he was alone, who would tell him what boxes to move, and where, and how many? Would he have to make those decisions for himself now? Did he have that responsibility?
Or was there even any point to moving boxes at all?
“Now is not the time for these thoughts,” Stanley said to himself. “Now is not the time for thoughts at all! Now is the time for action!”
Carefully, Stanley examined all the objects in the break room. There were no clues in the coffeepot, none in the mugs with their ironically humorous slogans, none under the easy-to-assemble IKEA furniture, none behind the blandly cheerful paintings, none beneath the blue-and-yellow rug. The only possible clue was the other door, which led out of the break room into some of the offices which customers would never see, and into which Stanley had never gone.
Firm in his resolve, he took the plunge.
Good job, Stanley! Thank you for following directions.
Now, let’s see, where were we? Ah, yes: the offices!
The offices were off in an odd corner of the building which had surely been an oversight in the architect’s plan. Stanley had assumed that they would bustle with activity, but they did not. They were empty, with doors swinging on hinges. This simply couldn’t be right. It began to dawn on Stanley that he might truly be alone in this place.
If he was alone, what was he to do?
Well, he had to press on, that was certain.
…
You know what, Stanley? I don’t even blame you for stopping this time. I forgot how horrible this story really is. Why don’t you just sit down and have a cup of coffee, and we’ll tell a happier ending.
There, see? Coffee makes everything better.
Stanley had been sitting on the couch for barely a minute before he was sure that he heard a door creak open elsewhere in the offices. Ah, yes! They were back. Everything was fine. He would just sit right here with the coffee and wait. People always came to the break room.
Everything was going to be fine.
***
If he was alone, what was he to do?
Well, he had to press on, that was certain. He passed many locked doors as he went through the offices. Stanley knew they were locked because he tried every doorknob, even the door of the broom closet. They must have had time to lock up before they vanished.
At last Stanley came to his manager’s office. This door, unlike all the others, was open just a crack. He peered inside with great caution. But the office was still, just like the rest of IKEA. The window was open, and the wind was rustling in the papers on the desk.
So there really was nothing to be done. There would be no orders. There was no one in the building. If Stanley was to find his coworkers, he would have to go outside.
…
Stanley?
…
What are you doing?
…
The door out is the other way, Stanley. You’re just standing there staring at me.
Come to think of it, how did you know where to look for me? I’m on the other side of the Fourth Wall. You couldn’t possibly…
No. Stop that right this instant.
Stanley.
Stanley!
I forbid you to—
…
Now I see why your last Narrator didn’t like you very much.
…
Well, since you’re determined to just walk right out of the story, I hope this Work In Progress folder makes you happy. It’s a lot less interesting than IKEA, isn’t it?
Oh, yes, there are other stories out there, Stanley. And some of them take place in IKEA! Doesn’t that make you feel like a part of something big?
…
Yes, that one’s about an IKEA food truck. And that one’s about Star Wars in IKEA.
…
Huh? Oh, the dates. Yeah, I started them way back in June. Maybe even May, I can’t remember.
…
Have I finished them?
…
Well, no, I…look, Stanley, your story took some precedence, I was feeling more inspired by The Stanley Parable than Mad Max or Star Wars or anything else…
Come on now, it’s time to get back to the main story. Please just go back to IKEA, Stanley. Let’s finish your story. Won’t you be happy then?
…
Why are you looking at me like that!?
…
Of course I’ll get around to writing them eventually!
***
So there really was nothing to be done. There would be no orders. There was no one in the building. If Stanley was to find his coworkers, he would have to go outside.
Filled with trepidation, Stanley made his way back out onto the Showroom floor. He passed among forests of bookcases and hat stands, through fields of dishware and light fixtures, down vales of sofas and chairs, and even down mountains of tables and cabinetry. He passed Smaland and the cafeteria with nary a second glance. The glare of the lights was unforgiving, but Stanley pressed on, undaunted. He was alone, but he would find his coworkers and see them safely back to work.
There! There ahead of Stanley stood the doors. They glittered like diamonds in the sun. He stared at them and wondered, for a moment, if he should really leave. This was his only chance to turn back.
…
Stanley?
…
Are you sure you don’t want to go back?
…
The real world is very scary, Stanley…I won’t fault you if you turn around now. I wouldn’t want to go out the doors either.
…
Ah, but Stanley couldn’t listen to his doubting thoughts now. He stepped slowly toward the door, feeling the weight of momentous destiny upon his shoulders. The shackles of corporate servitude fell to the floor and he left them behind.
The doors slid open, and Stanley stepped out into the sunlight.