Chapter Text
You can't go back and change the beginning, but, you can start where you are and change the ending.
—C.S Lewis
°•°•
Seonghyeon did not want to be perfect.
No, not anymore he has had enough. From as young as he could remember, he had been trying to be everything that he was not. Born into a family where no matter what you do, it would never be enough, was not for the weak. That is what Seonghyeon feels right now—that was what he had always felt ever since he was little.
The story of his life, whoever was writing it should let the damn pen go. His parents got divorced when he was a kid and his mother was the one who had brought him up. In the process of raising him however, she had tried to mould him into something he was not. His mother had always wanted a daughter to continue her legacy but when he was born it was as if her wish had become tainted.
Half of her life his mother had dedicated to playing the cello and performing infront of hundreds of pristined guests. She did not want that though, it was her mother's dream that she was fulfilling. Looks like everything comes around at some point. You become the very thing you once despised . Now she was the one living her dreams of the perfect childhood that she never had, through Seonghyeon.
It was ironic because Seonghyeon's life was anything but, perfect. He has everything rehearsed into his body cell by cell. Dress neat and proper, smile politely but not too politely–you do not want the audience to think that you're unprofessional. Take the cello and play it. Play it with everything you got. Play it even if you do not understand it, stroke the strings with passion even if you don't feel anything. It does not matter what you feel. It only matters what the audience feels. The numerous people watching you whom you do not recognise since they are all strangers.
But there is only very little time left before the water finally spills.
This evening his mother was drunk out of her mind, which was not unusual. He was used to her episodes. He was also used to her blabbering about the regrets of her life and blaming it all on him.
"You think I am a fool huh?"
Her speech was messy and jumbled due to drinking, which meant that there was no point of replying. Seonghyeon knew it was best to just finish dinner quietly and head upstairs.
"Now you are ignoring me? What? Think you are all grown up?"
No answer.
The glass of liquor slammed on the table with a thud.
He did not flinch.
"You stopped playing the cello. Thought I wouldn't notice? I called your teacher this morning and she told me that you have not been attending her classes since last month. Said to her that you are not well. Who the fuck are you trying to fool?"
She lifted the glass and swallowed the entire thing.
"Did not even bother to inform me even once. Do you realise how bad that is for my reputation?"
He should have kept his mouth shut, but his tongue itched to counter her.
"That's all that matters to you. Your reputation."
That seemed to add fuel to the fire.
"How can you say this?Only when I thought you couldn't stoop lower but you're a disappointment. Its my fault that I gave birth to you."
Something broke. He did not understand if it was the chopsticks in his hands or his heart.
"It is your fault. I never asked to be born in this world, I never asked for this shitty life you've given me."
He could not stop the words—all pent up from the years of tolerance started to spill out.
"Have you ever thought about what I think? What I want? Even now there is no point in talking cause you're drunk out of your mind. You know what, fuck this."
The chair scraped on the floor as he got up and stormed off upstairs, he had lost his appetite. Shutting the door to his room made a loud noise, but he could care less. Hurt and filled with rage, he pulled out his suitcase and packed whatever he could get his hands on. He felt like a kid again, throwing tantrums and packing his bag to leave the house. But the difference was, this time he was no more a kid throwing tantrums–it was a need and he will leave this time for good. The wheels of the suitcase cluttered against the stairs as he came down.
Intoxicated but still his mom managed to hurry over towards him. The indifference previously on her face seemed to have cracked a little.
Her voice pitched as she almost shouted, "What what is all this? Where are you going this late at night."
Seonghyeon hoarsed out as he finished tying his shoelace, "Why do you care?""
A slap.
His cheek stung and he felt his left ear ring as an after effect. She lifted her hand again, but this time he stopped it, slightly pushing her in the process. That caused her to tumble a few steps back. Before he could feel guilty, he walked straight out into the night.
That is how he ended up on a bench with his cello case beside him. Yes, apparently even in all that rage he had subconsciously taken the root cause of his problems along with him. It was laughable almost, how pathetic it was of him to bring along the thing he swore he hated the most. His mother kept calling him so he had decided to dump his phone in the bin. Now, he just imagines how stupid he looks sitting alone with just a suitcase and a cello beside him, this late at night.
It was all too real now, the previous anger and rage had subsided into loneliness. He pressed the heel of his palms to his eyes, already feeling hot tears on contact. Being alone, he could finally be vulnerable. So he cried, sobbed and screamed until he could not. Until his eyes dried out with no tears left to cry. It felt good to let it all out–to actually let himself feel, even if the feeling was painful.
But there was a shift. He did not notice of course due to his current agony but up in the sky the moon had split into two. The two orbs of light drifted apart gradually and then remained stagnant at a steady distance. The streetlamp over his head flickered and seemed to duplicate his shadow into two indistinct silhouettes.
It felt as if time slipped and everything around him suddenly turned into a blur. Seonghyeon tilted his head up as a faint glow entered his vision. In a distance, lied a store— perched on a cobblestone street. The banner lit up with lights bright enough to make him squint. Distinct letters 'Viva la Vida' was embedded on it. Something about the light radiating from the windows and blurring around itself made the view look unreal. It was enchanting to say the least and for some odd reason, Seonghyeon felt drawn to it.
He slung the cello case on his shoulder as he got up, his legs starting to walk ahead subconsciously. He could not explain to himself the sudden pull he felt, it was as if the store was casting a spell on him.
The bell chimed above him as the wooden door creaked open.
The fragrance of old vinyl, cedar and a faint scent of coffee hit him all together at once. As he settled further into the store he could see the shelves around him adorned with various antique show-pieces–each one possessing its own uniqueness. The diversity of the types of guitars hung throughout the store genuinely impressed him. It looked like whoever owned this enchanting shop was no less than a melomaniac.
"Good evening!"
Seonghyeon almost dropped his cello on hearing the voice. At the counter was standing a man probably in his late thirtees.Was he standing there all this while? Seonghyeon swears he did not feel his presence like five minutes ago.
Standing there stapled with no answer, he became conscious of how odd he looked. So, he walked over to the counter and cleared his throat.
"Good evening."
The man smiled, "So what brings you to my shop?"
oh right, he had not thought about that.
Suddenly the weight on his left shoulder became more prominent.
He slung the case off his shoulder and placed it on the polished slab between them.
"I came to sell this."
The man opened the case and glided his fingers onto its material with utmost care. As if it was the most precious gem in the world. Then, he looked up at Seonghyeon, looked back down and then looked at him again. Then, a grin plastered on the man's face.
"Are you sure? This....this is a very old piece, they have stopped making this model."
Seonghyeon scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "Yeah, it was passed down from my grandmother. Also, yes I'm sure of it."
"Very well then. Do you want to exchange it for some other instrument? I don't have cellos but if you want me to show you the guitar collection–"
"No, no, no. I don't want anything for it, you can keep it. "
The man looked at him a bit taken aback but the corner of his mouth was traced with slight amusement. He pushed the cello case aside and bent down to rummage for something under the counter. Soon, a small velvet box was placed infront of him.
Seonghyeon looked at the case blankly as he raised his brow in confusion.
"Consider it ehm–a gift. I don't like people leaving my store empty handed." After a pause he continued with a grin, "and here". He extended a paper receipt towards him, "You don't want to lose this."
Seonghyeon took the receipt from his hands. On the bottom of the slip 'Viva la Vida' was printed in cursive.
Something about the man's previous grin and demeanor did not sit right with him, it was infact unsettling. But he chose to ignore it since his brain could go on and on with overthinking. With that in mind, he grabbed the box and slipped it into the pocket of his jacket. Lastly he bowed his head to the man and started to drag his suitcase along as he made his way out of the store. When he was right infront of the door the man spoke up again.
"Have a safe trip and don't get lost on the way!"
Despite it sounding a bit weird he did not question it, as it was the man was pretty weird from the beginning. He nodded his head and pushed the door open.
The sun hit his eyes immediately, making him squint.
wait a minute.
wasn't it supposed to be night?
Seonghyeon closed the door as he stepped out completely to take in the full view. The streets were packed with busy pedestrians walking past him—except the streets were not familiar at all. This was not the Seoul he was in a few hours back. He looked around but stopped at something which made his eyes pop out. The store he just came out of—was no longer the antique guitar shop made of cedar wood. Instead in its place now, resided a local bookstore. 'Viva la Vida' was no where to be seen on its sign board. Panic started to finally creep up into his system. He almost ran towards the bookstore and grasped the handle of the door.
He was about to open it but his eyes drifted to his left, to the shop's bulletin board. There pinned on the board were a few a newspapers – date '1998' boldly printed on them with block letters.
He felt dizzy. No fucking way he time travelled his way back here. How was that even possible? No, no, no. This had to be a dream–a nightmare at its finest. Yes, Seonghyeon will pinch himself and wake up this instant. Yes.
He pinched the skin on his forearm.
hard.
Nothing. He was still standing in the middle of the busy street, still looking very much out of place.
Fuck.
He grasped the handle of the door tightly. Right. This door made him come here, so it should also be able to take him back to 2026. He turned the handle and pushed himself in.
Much to his demise, the previous fragrance of cedar did not hit him. Rather, the earthy smell of new books filled his nose.
This had to be some sort of sick joke.
Lost all of his sanity by now, he kept stepping in and out of the store—hoping somehow it turned into a portal which would take him back. The shop owner looked at him concerned, but he could care less. He had bigger fish to fry.
"Cool clothes."
He had just stepped out of the shop for the tenth time. Taken aback by the sudden voice, he looked up to see its source. Standing infront of him was a boy who looked around to be his age. His first attention went to the boy's height –he so was damn tall. His hair a shade dirty blonde was a bit disheveled by the wind. He looked to be in high school, given that he was currently in a uniform.
Then Seonghyeon registered what the guy had said. He in turn looked down at his own clothes. Nothing out of the ordinary, just straight A-cut jeans paired with a Grey polo shirt. He would not consider it to be 'cool' but whatever maybe in 1998 this was considered cool.
The guy started to awkwardly shift in his place. Shit he had forgotten to reply.
"Um thanks?", Seonghyeon said, tone a bit awkward. It was a given as the guy had literally approached him out of nowhere.
"Its nothing. Okay random question but do you play?"
Seonghyeon had no idea where this conversation was going. Nonetheless he indulged him, "Play what?"
"You know, instruments like guitar, drums blah-blah."
"I mean I can play a few strings on the bass I guess, not that good though. "
He did not mention about his history with cello. He wanted to bury that part of his past in the absolute back of his mind.
The boy infront beamed at that, "Okay perfect."
Before Seonghyeon could even ask what he meant by that he was getting dragged along the pavement by this obnoxiously tall stranger. Okay what the fuck?
"Dude what the hell–"
"Name's Martin by the way. And don't worry I'm not kidnapping you."
"Actually, that's exactly what it looks like! Let–"
Martin cut him off again, "Just hang on, it wont be long I promise."
Seonghyeon resisted, he really did. But Martin clearly outdid him in strength. So after some point, he just gave up and let himself get dragged along the road.
"Can you not drag me? I can walk just fine."
Martin looked at him like he had just uttered nonsense.
"Nah I ain't stupid, you're gonna flee."
oh my god, what had Seonghyeon gotten himself into.
After getting dragged for like ten minutes, Martin finally came to a stop. Thankfully, he let him go right after that. They were now inside a school campus. They both walked to a much more secluded part of the school and stopped infront of a small building.
"We're here. Let's go in come on."
They both climbed up the little amount of stairs present at the bottom and stood infront of the entrance. Martin was about to open it but stopped, as if he had forgotten something.
"Shit completely slipped off my mind, sorry. What's your name?", he asked a bit sheepishly.
Seonghyeon almost snorted at that.
"Seonghyeon."
He earned a 'thumbs up' from the tall guy. Then with both his hands he pushed the door open.
"Look who I found boys!"
The room was pretty much cramped. The walls were filled with all sorts of posters of bands, artists, magazines, all too haphazardly. In the middle there were two guys. One on the drums, whose face was all soft and round, his features did not hold any sharp edges. He looked approachable. The other guy, not so much. He had black framed glass perched on his nose with hair cut very very short. Sort of a buzz cut. Damn they did buzz cuts at this time line as well? He was also the only one without a uniform, simply wore a graphic tee with jeans.
"Not again.", the one with the glasses let out an overdramatic sigh.
Martin ignored the uninterest of his friends and simply let out a laugh, then he slung one arm over Seonghyeon's shoulder, "Guys meet Seonghyeon our new bassist. "
That made him retract his body from Martin. He looked at him as if he'd grown two heads.
"Im sorry, what?"
Martin just gave him a menacing smile, "Said you can play the bass right? Might as well join our band."
The universe was definitely playing a joke on him. Just when he was about to give up on music, leave his past aside and move on, he's getting invited to join a fucking band?
"Look, I'm not that good at it."
"That's nothing bro, James can guide you. He plays electric now but he did play bass before. "
James, the one with the glasses still seemed a bit skeptical of him.
"You sure about him, Martin?"
"Never been more sure in my life."
Seonghyeon pretended those words did nothing, but deep down he felt recognised—for what he did not know.
The other guy on the drums was introduced as Juhoon. He remained neutral throughout the whole deal. Simply shrugged at Martin's words. Seonghyeon could feel his nonchalant aura from 6ft away.
James sighed and looked at Seonghyeon,
"Alright, I guess. Show us what you got boy."
Seonghyeon was weirded the fuck out. Ever since he stepped into that goddamn 'Viva la Vida' store, his life was going in unusual paths. Because tell him why was he currently carrying a box that weighed like 20 kgs as he walked down the lane carefully, so as to not trip. James mentioned prior that their previous bassist had left due to unknown reasons. Since then Martin being the front man of the band had been in a desperate search to find a new bassist for the them.
Back in the studio Martin had handed him a box, "Take this to Keonho's please? Our previous bassist. That dude left some of his stuff here. His halmeoni lives just a couple of blocks away."
Without waiting for a response he had beamed with a 'thank you' and walked away.
So now, with a very rough direction given by Martin, Seonghyeon tried to head towards his destination. The sky was turning a shade darker which meant that the sun would set in a few minutes. Seonghyeon started walking faster. His eyes caught on the stony path ahead and then on a figure crouched down beside a pole on the pavement. The boy pulled at his hair with his hands—as if desperately trying to separate the strands from its scalp. He thought it was best to ignore it.
As he walked by the pole however, the figure seemed to hault in his action. The guy wearing plaid shirt and loose jeans got up quickly and stopped infront of Seonghyeon, blocking his way.
Then, fiddling with his hands awkwardly he spoke up in a desperate voice, "Uh..uhm sorry but this year...is it 1998?"
How ironic because maybe the people here were just as clueless as Seonghyeon.
"Uh..yes?"
The guy looked at him like he had just announced his favorite character had died a tragic death.
"Fuck."
Cursing he stormed off to god knew where. Seonghyeon could not give less of a shit honestly. He equally had his own share of dilemmas that were fogging up his brain and this massive fucking box of the Keonho guy. Fuck that guy honestly, because why does Seonghyeon have to carry all of his shit.
After what felt like forever he finally stopped in the sight of 'The Ahn's' nameplate. Heaving a sigh he knocked on the small door. Within just seconds the door creaked open, revealing an elderly woman on the other side. He guessed it to be Keonho's grandmother.
He bowed his head in respect, "Martin told me to bring this to you."
The woman looked down at the box and instantly realisation dawned upon her face. She ushered him inside and closed the door. He placed the box on top of the raised step in the courtyard.
"The box looked heavy, sit sit I'll get you some water."
He was about to protest, say that there's no need but he decided otherwise. That walk had made him thirsty. Tired, he sat down on the step.
When the glass was handed to him he gulped it down in one second. The woman now sat beside him.
"Are you Keonho's friend? I have never seen you around before."
oh no. he had to come up with something.
Clearing his throat he replied, "No uhm I actually moved here recently."
"Ah so that's why. "
Even though he had never met her before, still he could recognise the faint exhaustion on her face.
"That boy he left so suddenly, his mom and dad are worried sick."
"He..left?"
"Yes, I swear that boy is as stubborn as his dad. Said he wanted to pursue music, not go to college. His dad refused, so as stubborn as he is he left."
Seonghyeon felt bad for her. But he could understand how that guy had probably felt. He's been there too—not taken seriously, refused on decisions he made for himself. In a way that is how he ended up here. During their conversation — where the talking was mostly done by her, he just simply kept nodding in acknowledgement. Soon after he bid goodbye to her and told her to take care and that not to worry too much, her grandson would surely return soon.
The door rattled shut behind him as he stepped out on the pavement. The street lights had been put on by now as the sun had settled down the horizon. Yet, the sky was adored with an orange hue.
He was about to walk away when he noticed something move in his peripheral vision. He whipped his head and saw a mop of hair immediately sheild itself behind a lamp post. Without thinking he started speed walking towards the lamp post.
On reaching he braced himself for seeing who ever the fuck was stalking him. Still he was not prepared. Because standing infront of him, cornered to a wall was that exact boy he had seen crouched down an hour back. The boy's eyes widened, caught in the act he provided a sheepish smile.
"Hi..uh again."
Seonghyeon was not having it.
"Were you following me?"
"No?"
Seonghyeon glared at him skeptically, as if he could feel the boy lying through his teeth.
"Okay fine, yes."
"Why the fu–"
"It's not what you think! I'm not a creep I swear. It's actually a long story so um I can't really explain."
The boy went on and on in panic his hands hovering infront of him defensively.
Seonghyeon could feel his energy only drain further. He massaged his temples and sighed for the sixth time today.
The boy scratched the back of his neck, "Thanks for answering me earlier by the way, when you know I was loosing my mind."
After a beat.
"Keonho."
"What?"
"That's my name."
"I didn't ask?"
Keonho eyes turned into crescents as he laughed. The sound was the first thing since today that did not cause a migraine in Seonghyeon's head. Instead it somehow was soothing in a way. He kind of lost himself for a bit, the mellow light from the lamp above casted a soft glow on Keonho's face. He could not find himself to look away.
pause.
did he just say Keonho??!!
Realisation dawned upon Seonghyeon a fraction too late. Taken aback he asked, "Wait, wait, wait. Keonho as in Ahn Keonho?."
Keonho's eyes enlarged comically.
"Oh my god. How did you know–"
"You play the bass?"
"No way dude! Are you a psychic? That's scary actually –"
"What the fuck do you think you're doing here outside?"
"Eh–sorry what?"
Seonghyeon could feel his final ounce of patience slipping away. Frustrated he said, "Your parents are worried sick, your grandma is mourning herself everyday to sleep and here you are! Fooling around. Aren't you supposed to be out of town?"
Keonho was about to speak but Seonghyeon beat him to it, "Actually, I had to carry your shit which weighed like 20kg all the way here. You literally saw me and you didn't even say anything."
Keonho looked like he did not know what to say. All of these as if were new information to him.
Seonghyeon yanked his shoulders and started pushing him ahead, "Atleast go in and talk to her if you won't talk to your parents. She cares about you."
Defeated Keonho raised his arms in surrender, "Fine! fine! I'll go in, stop pushing me dude."
That he did. Still, instead of going in, Keonho turned around—facing him.
Seonghyeon raised a brow frustrated, "What are you waiting for? Go in."
"You never told me your name?"
this kid.
"Seonghyeon, now go."
"Good night, Seonghyeon. "
Keonho's gave him a smile which was way too bright. Then, doing a tiny wave he went inside— door shutting close.
Seonghyeon had not signed up for this, oh my god.