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Mike has had a lot of time to reflect.
To think about his life and how he got to where he is. He does a lot of that thinking at the quarry.
It’s been ten years since El died. Everyone else has moved on. Lucas plays for the NBA, and he and Max are expecting their first child in a month. Dustin is a big shot scientest in NASA. He and Suzie reconnected, too. Their wedding is next fall.
Nancy and Jothan are back together and stronger than before after a few years apart. Steve became a teacher in addition to his coaching job. He and Robin share an apartment and are still closer than siblings.
Even his parents had moved on. His mom didn’t want Holly to live in a house where so much evil and hurt had torn their family aprt so they bought a place a few blocks over. They sold Mike the house.
Then there was his closest friend.
Will.
Will has lived in New York for a long time. He’s a successful artist now. He could be a millionaire, but he always donates more than he makes to queer charities. He has a boyfriend, Carlton, a nice house, a dog, and more confidence than ever.
Mike kept in touch with everyone, phone calls, letters, and emails when they became a thing. They are his bestfriends so of course he did. But he hasn’t actually seen them in years. The last time was Max and Lucas’s wedding, and that was almost four years ago.
Because Mike is right where they left him, in the dark, cold basement he grew up in.
Mike had tried. He had tried to move on and live like El had wanted him to, but he couldn’t. There was something off about all of them. Their hair would be too long, or their nose would be too short. They would talk too much or too little. They would be too smart and not smart enough. They just wouldn’t be right.
He couldn’t figure out what was wrong until he went out with Meredith Clearwaters.
Mike had met Meridth in his senior year of college. He’d been sitting in the library revising his last short story for creative writing, the tale of a vampire who could only stomach blood from one specific human, when she’d dropped her bag next to him and asked if he would mind letting her draw him. Mike had looked up and found a brunette girl who was a few inches shorter than him, smiling shyly at him. Her face was round, she had brown eyes, and she was wearing a red plaid skirt with a black sweater.
At first, he hadn’t thought anything about it, just shrugged and gave her the okay before turning back to his typewriter. She was pretty, and Mike was more interested in her than he usually would be, but it wasn’t until a few months after they graduated and he’d finally asked her on a date that he made a connection.
She’d shown up to the restaurant with her brunette hair cut into a short bob, a brown khaki skirt, a form fitting teal polo shirt, brown heels, and a mismatched brown and blue jacket.
She looked like the female version of Will Byers.
Mike had stared at her for so long that she almost called 911. He shook himself out of the daze and made some corny joke about her looking like an angle but he’d been unable to focus for the rest of the night because suddenly it all made sense.
Why Mike hadn’t liked any of the girls he dated.
Why he was always more excited to hear from Will than everyone else.
Why he hated hearing about Will's boyfriend, despite having known about his sexuality for years.
Why he he had to scratch out love mike on every letter he’d sent Will back in '86.
Why he could never say it to El and mean it. Not the way she did.
Because it was Will. It was always Will. It would always be Will.
Mike never called Meredith back. He never called any of the girls back. The realization that he wasn’t straight, that he’d been in love with his best friend for a long time, was a lot to deal with. He withdrew from his friends for a few months after. For six months, actually. Max had beaten his door down in concern disguised as annoyance.
“Wheeler! Where the hell have you been? Nobody's heard from you for months, and if I have to hear Lucas whine about it one more time, I will tear my hair out.”
Mike blinked slowly, trying to understand what she just said. He’s been down in the basement frantically working on his debut novel in an attempt to ignore the restless feelings in his veins. Max squints at him.
“Mike?”
Max and he have never been close, but she’s still his friend, and friends listen when another friend's perception of themselves has been irreparably damaged, right?
“Michael Wheeler-”
“Do you want to come in?”
“...sure?”
Mike leads her in, gets her a glass of water because Hwakins heat has only gotten worse over the years, sits her on the couch, and waits until she’s drained at least half the glass before speaking.
“I’m gay.”
Max’s eyes widen before she slowly sets the glass on the table. “Okay. Is that why you turned into the invisible man?”
Mike shakes his head and keeps his eyes locked on the glass, twisting his hands in a nervous tic he thought he’d outgrown years ago.
“I’m in love with Will. I think I’ve been in love with Will for a very, very long time, Max.”
Max doesn’t say anything for a long, suffocating moment.
“Are you going to tell him?”
Mike thinks about the last time he saw Will. The bright grin he had when he was introducing Carlton. The smaller, more genuine one when Mike had pulled him aside later that night to ask if he was happy.
“No. I think I’ve done enough without dragging him into this.”
“You do know you were the one he talked about, right? That day in WSQK?”
Mike nods. He did know that. He’d thought about it so much and replayed every moment of the conversation over in his mind so many times that he had almost convinced himself to go for it.
“He’s happy, Max. Moved on. Even if he might still have those feelings for me, I can’t ask him to throw away what he’s found.”
Max suddenly slings an arm around Mike's shoulder with a loud fond sigh.
“Look at you, Wheeler. All grown up.”
Max had been the only person he told. She never brought it up again either, but she always made sure to check in on him when she felt it had been too long. But then Lucas’s career took off, and it got kind of hard for her to come around.
Mike turned to his writing to help deal with the grief and guilt. He based all his main characters on Will and El. On the two people he had failed the most.
In 1993, he self published his most popular book, The Secrets of Ewefell. The book got him cut from his publishing company, officially tipped him over into millionaire status, and was the closest thing he had to a coming out.
An exiled knight falling for the main party's cleric. While the knight never confessed to the snarky and kindhearted cleric, he does end up joining the party and swearing an oath to protect the cleric, effectively making him a paladin.
The dedication of the book was what he was most worried about, afraid that Will might connect the dots.
To my soul. I wish our ending were different.
Will had called him and congratulated him on going independent through a mess of tears. He thanked Mike for taking a risk and told him how much all of the friends he’d made in New York loved the book. Made sure Mike knew he was always available to talk.
He didn’t mention the dedication.
Max did.
“Playing with fire, Wheeler.” she said across the phone line.
“I know.”
“Do I need to be worried about you?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I just…. had to get the words on paper. That's all.”
“If you say so, Mike.”
“I do.”
“......Your soul, huh?”
“Shut up, Mayfield."
Mike had lied.
He started going to the quarry more often. Not because he regretted publishing the book, but because he realized it could have been that easy. With all the fan mail he’s received, he was bound to get a few people coming out to him, and he did. Teenagers, young adults, old people, just people. Sending in their stories and sometimes, if they’re really brave, a photo of them with their partner. Mike read them all, he kept them in shoe boxes at the very back of his closet. They all talked about how hard it is, but how worth it the love was. Mike knows that if he had understood himself a little bit earlier it could have been like that for him and Will.
Mike hasn’t talked to Will in almost a year.
He hasn’t spoken to the rest of the party in ten months.
Mike is standing at the edge of the quarry, just like he had all those years ago, and wonders why the people he loves drift away from him. Why he isn’t enough for them all to stay.
There are letters. He sent them out two days ago. The ones for Steve, Robin, and his family are on his kitchen table.
Mike is tired.
Mike is lonely.
Mike has been grieving a friend who never really got to be his friend for ten years.
Mike has been grieving a lover who never got to be his lover for so, so much longer.
He’s still stuck in the same place he always is, and he can’t take it anymore. The pain, the anger, the sadness. It’s too much.
He takes one shaky step forward.
His glasses slide down the length of his nose as he stares down at freedom.
“Mike!”
No. Not now. Please not now.
Another step forward.
“Mike, get the fuck away from that cliff!”
Mike takes a deep, surprisingly calm breath.
“Go home, Will.”
“Like hell I will! What the fuck are you doing!”
Will’s breathing is uneven, probably from the running he did, and his voice sounds panicked. What is Mike doing? He wishes he knew.
“Nothing Will. It’s nothing. Go home, I’m sure Carlton’s looking for you.”
“Wha-fuck Carlton! Mike. Mike, please, I need you to take a step back and talk to me, okay? I need you to tell me what's going on.” Will pleads, and Mike feels bad because he wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to see this.
“Why are you here, Will? The letter shouldn’t have gotten to you that quickly.”
Mike hears Will swallow and take a hesitant step forward. “Max called. She found hers and Lucas’s on the bed in their hotel room, but she couldn’t get a flight here in time. Everyone else is on the way, so just come here, please.”
Ah, that’s right. They’re in Ohio for a tournament right now, aren’t they? The postal service has gotten a lot faster than I expected. But-
“And she called you instead of my mom or Nancy?” Both of whom were much closer.
“I don’t know, Mike, maybe it was because I was already on the way here, now come on-”
Mike hums noncommittally. It makes sense, he supposes. Especially considering what she knows about him. Maybe she thought Will would be enough.
Mike wishes he were.
But this isn’t just about his feelings for Will. It’s about the feelings he couldn’t muster up for El. About the looks his dad gives him every time he stops in for dinner now. About the years he spent being hunted by creatures from his D&D books. About the years of bullying.
About the loneliness.
“Mike?”
“It’s okay, Will. You won’t even notice.”
Will makes a wounded noise, and there are suddenly strong fingers wrapping around his wrist and yanking him back hard. Mike stumbles in surprise as he is forced to turn around and meet the tearful brown eyes of the love of his life.
“Two decades. We have been friends for two decades, Mike Wheeler, and there's a huge chunk of my life that only you understand. Not Carlton, not Jonathan, not mom, not the party. You. You are my best friend. You are more than my best friend. So do not tell me I wouldn’t notice you gone. I’ve noticed you gone for the last four years.”
Will's grip is like iron on his wrist, and he looks so angry with Mike that he’s afraid he might break it.
But he’s pretty. Christ alive, Will Byers is the prettiest thing to walk the earth.
Mike forgets his plans for a moment, lets the days, months, years of isolation wash away in the cold February air, and brings his free hand up to cup the side of Will's face. Will's angry expression melts, and he loosens his grip on Mike's wrist, allowing him to cup the otherside of his face. Mike takes in the tears still leaking from his eyes and uses his thumb to wipe them away softly.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers. Will sniffles and leans some of his weight on Mike's hands.
“Don’t aplogize Mike, just don’t do it.”
“I have to.”
Will scoffs. “Yeah? Why is that, huh?”
“I’m not….I’m not a good person, Will.”
“Oh bullshit-”
“It’s not bullshit, Will!”
Mike hears Will's words get stuck in his throat, and he reminds himself that he can’t leave with Will upset. He has to make sure Will knows this is okay.
“Will I spent years being such an awful friend that none of you can even stand talking to me some days. I’m exhausting to be around, a coward in more ways than one, and I’m a terrible person. I’m a bad person because you’re happy in New York, and the only thing I can ever think about is how I would be happier if you were here. I stole Els first and only relationship. She died thinking I loved her, but I didn’t Will. She was my friend, and I couldn’t give her what she needed, what she wanted, even as she saved us for the fifth fucking time. I’m stuck in this endless cycle of grief, and I can’t escape it just by talking about it, Will. I’m sorry, but you have to let me do this, okay? It’s gonna be good for all of us.”
The tears Mike managed wipe multiply tenfold. “How? How is you dying better for anyone but you, Mike?”
“Will….”
“No!” Will shouts, finally breaking away from Mike, apparently trying to rack his brain for anything that will talk him out of this. He doesn’t go far, still afraid that Mike will take the opportunity to jump, but he goes far enough to pace safely.
“You don’t get it, Mike. We need you, I need you! I know you think that learning about parts of yourself too late to fix things with El makes you bad, god trust me, I know, but it doesn’t! We were kids, Mike! Stupid kids living a real life nightmare. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe she would forgive you? Mike, you knew her! Do you really think she’d hold your feelings against you that way?”
Of course, he doesn’t. Even when they were fighting, El was the kindest and most forgiving person he’d ever known. It’s part of why he hates himself for taking advantage of that.
“It’s not about whether she would or not. She shouldn’t Will.”
“You can’t decide that for her, Mike!”
“But you can?”
Will makes a frustrated noise. The gentle air from before has turned harsh and unforgiving. Mike can hear the water below crashing against the rocks, and he can see the trees swaying dangerously toward his friend. Will doesn’t notice a thing.
“Yes, Mike, I can! You know why? Because she was my fucking sister! I was the one she went to every time she got a letter from you, and it said ‘From’. I was the one she told when she was thinking about leaving you for good. I was the one she told when you two fought, or made up, or even just looked at eachother and I listened! Even though it killed me, I listened because she was my sister, and she deserved to have the love you were struggling to give. So I encouraged you two to work through it, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I should have seen that's not what you needed, but she would forgive you, and she would want you to forgive yourself because the only thing she ever wanted for any of us was for us to be happy!”
A tree explodes somewhere in the background. Mike tries to warn Will, but he just keeps going.
“You aren’t the only one grieving her, Mike! You think just because we all look okay that we don’t miss her every damn day? Well we do! I do! She was….. She was incredible, and there was nothing I could do to save her.”
Will stops pacing, and the erratic weather calms down. Mike takes a hesitant step towards Will.
This is going so wrong, he just wanted to disappear quietly.
“Will?”
“‘To my Soul.’”
Mike freezes. Will’s looking at him again in a way that Mike can’t decipher in this state of mind.
“Your most popular and controversial book is dedicated to your soul. I thought it was about El. I thought the decision to make the cleric a guy was a one off decision. One that’s changed the course of queer history, sure, but one off nonetheless. But I went back and re-read every single one of your books recently, and I found something interesting. It’s the reason I was on the way here, actually.”
Shit. Shit shit shit-
“Wi-”
“Mike, are you in love with me?”
Mike’s first instinct is to lie. But what would be the point? They’re already standing on the edge of oblivion, so now or never, he guesses.
“Yes.”
The rocks at their feet start levitating.
“Were you going to tell me?”
“I didn’t think there was a reason to.”
A rock flies past his head, just barely missing his ear.
“No reason?”
Mike takes a few slow steps forward until he can grab Will's hands. Long fingers, rough from drawing, link with his and Mike brings one hand up to press a soft, reverent kiss to the back of it.
“You waited for me for so long, Will. I know you did, but I was too slow. By the time I figured it out, you had moved on, found someone else. I wasn’t going to ask you to give it up just because I was a little lonely.”
“Mike.” Will whispers desperately. “Look at where we are. Does this look a little lonely to you?” Mike doesn’t answer, just trails a kiss to Will's wrist.
“I dumped Carlton.”
Mike's eyes fly open.
“What?”
“Well, okay, more like he dumped me? But it doesn’t matter because I was going to leave him anyway. He said that he can’t be with me when my heart is somewhere else.”
“Somewhere….?”
“Come on, Mike, are you gonna make me say it? You. You're my heart. So, can we please go home?”
Mike, for the first time since Will called out to him in a desperately angry voice, cries.
“I’m not okay, Will. You don’t want to deal with me. I’m exhusting.”
“I would rather be exhausted than you be dead, Mike. Let me take care of you. Let us help you.”
And Mike……..
Mike is really tired of fighting.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
The hopeful, relieved breath Will lets out on the word makes Mike's chest ache.
“Yeah. Okay. Let's go home.”
_________________________________________________
It takes a really long time for Mike to be okay.
Lucas and Dustin have a long conversation with him about calling when he’s feeling lonely, they make him promise to call bi-weekly, and in turn, they promise to visit at least four times a year.
Max stormed in and slapped him across the face.
“Max-!”
“Holy shit-”
“Baby, what-!?”
“If you ever make me worry about you like that agin Wheeler, I will drag you by the teeth to New York. Do you understand me? When I ask if I need to be worried about you, and the answer is yes, don’t fucking lie about it. I can’t…. Fuck I can’t lose any else, okay? That includes you, dumbass.”
Max looks like she's been up for days, and Mike has a feeling it has nothing to do with the baby in her stomach. He reaches out and carefully pulls her into a hug.
“Sorry. I’m working on it, okay?” She sniffles and hugs him back without another word.
Nobody else finds out. Mike hid the rest of the letters in a drawer that he would forget about as time moved on. They would be found and burned by Will a year later when he’s cleaning the house out for Mike's move to New York.
“Are you sure you want me to live with you?”
“I’m sure, Mike.”
Mike would go on to write several more books about the cleric and the knight. Will would be the one to bring them to life with his art.
Mike and Will would eventually confirm their dating status 2 years after the quarry.
Mike would be able to think about El for the first time with no guilt four years after the quarry.
In the summer of 2015, gay marrige woud be legalized.
In the fall of 2015, Mike would propose.
In the spring of 2016, Mike Wheeler became Mike Wheeler-Byers.
In the winter of 2018, a little girl will be abandoned at a nearby shelter. She will not have a name. Mike and Will will adopt her and name her Jane ‘El’ Wheeler-Byers.
But in the spring of 2000, before any of that happens, Mike Wheerler will drive five hours to a private therapist in washington DC and come out for the third time.
It takes a long time.
But when he comes home from the appointment to a cautiously hopeful Will, he knows it’s worth it.