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“Supes, who in the League would you want to date your sister?” Oliver turned the phone camera on Superman who was diligently working away at a stack of papers organized into neat stacks in front of his seat at the conference table.
Superman looked up with a confused but pleasant smile. “I don’t have a sister, Green Arrow.”
“That’s… not…” Oliver huffed. “That’s not the point.”
Superman shrugged because of course the point didn’t really matter to him in the face of an honest answer. “Well it would be hard to choose without knowing my sister, and I don’t have one so…”
Oliver spun his chair away from the conference table and determined to find more interesting company, and an answer to his question.
“Wonder Woman,” Oliver leaned into the sleeping quarters Diana had claimed for her week-long duty on the Watchtower. She was reviewing some reports at her desk and didn’t acknowledge when Oliver knocked or stuck his head in. “If you had a sister, who in the League would you want her to date?”
Oliver kept the camera pointed up at himself, only catching Diana’s audio. He told himself it was because it would be rude to film where someone slept. Even though deep down it was probably because he knew he’d be blown off.
Diana didn’t look up from the desk. “I have many sisters in arms on Themyscira. They live on an island without men and rarely leave it willingly. The majority of them prefer the company of each other and their fellow women. Therefore, none of you would qualify.”
The images that particular response conjured up in Oliver’s head didn’t answer his question any more than Superman had, but they were far far more pleasant to think about. Oliver wandered off, not so much to find an answer as to find a cold shower.
“Hey pal! Got a quick question for you!” J’onn looked up as Oliver slid into the sitting room he was currently working in. He already looked unamused, nevertheless Oliver persisted.
“If you had a sister and she wanted to date someone in the League, who would you want it to be?”
J’onn stared pointedly at Oliver, eyes flitting down to the phone in his hand. “I believe your camera being on in the Watchtower violates Subsection—“
Oliver rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He knew all of Batman’s rules cover to cover. He also knew which ones Batma actually cared about him breaking. “I’m only sending it to Canary. And I haven’t caught anyone out of suit or used any names. Just answer the question.”
J’onn seemed to mull over whether or not the camera phone was an issue worth fighting before he simply decided to answer and be done with it.
“I had a sister on Mars before the invasion. She was happily married with children. I would not wish to part her from them if she returned by some miracle, and I don’t believe she would want to either.”
Or, more accurately, not answer.
Oliver tried not to roll his eyes as he walked away.
Oliver marched into the mess hall and hit the jackpot when he saw Flash and GL at a table by themselves in the corner.
“Flash!” Oliver propped his phone up on the table facing them and sat down with the two heroes, “if you had a sister and she was going to date someone in the League, who would you want her to date?”
Flash scarfed down the rest of his grilled cheese in what was probably record time, not that any stopwatch would be able to tell.
“Mmm I don’t know. Tough to choose without knowing everyone’s real identity ya know? Bats might really be a vampire. Superman might have some weird old-man hobby collection like empty cans or something. GL is GL.”
“Hey!” Green Lantern looked mortally offended, and it brought a gleefully mischievous smile to Flash’s face.
“Fine!” Oliver threw a hand up to impede the oncoming bickering. “GL, if you had a sister and she had to date someone in the League, who would you want it to be?”
Lantern practically pouted, shoving his own plate and sandwich away so he could cross his arms over his chest and glower at the Flash. “Well I was gonna say someone, but now I don’t think I will.”
Lantern sniffed and turned his head away sharply. “None of you assholes are worthy.”
Flash snorted and pointed at the phone then back up at Oliver. “Who’d you say, Arrow?”
“That’s not how this works.” Oliver raised his hands in a mock surrender, as if he’d ever been innocent a day in his life. “You can’t turn the question back on me! I’m busy doing hard-hitting journalism about League dynamics here.”
Flash scoffed dramatically, “You’re avoiding doing Batman’s post-mission report by asking everyone dumb questions one of your kids sent you from TikTok.”
That was exactly what he was doing.
“Oh yeah?” Oliver raised an eyebrow. “Like you two are so perfect. Where’s your report? Everyone else is working on them.”
“Superspeed, Robin Hood. I finished mine in like two seconds.”
“And I always copy his answers.”
“Hey Bats,” it was poking the bear (the bat) a bit, but anything was better than working on mission reports. And part of Oliver was genuinely curious. “if you had a sister and she had to date someone in the League, who would you want—“
“The Flash.” Bats didn’t even look up, just continued flipping through the stack of papers propped against the Hub computer.
“Now turn off the camera, and get to work. Your report was due two hours ago.”