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Robert exhales sharply as he puts the last box down on Aaron’s dining table.
“That’s everything.” Robert says.
Aaron smiles up at him from where he’s sat cross-legged in front of the TV, setting his Playstation up. He’s got priorities.
“Thanks. I’ve put beers in the freezer, they should be cold enough now.”
Robert opens the freezer and uncaps the bottles, bringing two over. He sits down next to Aaron and hands him one.
“Cheers.”
“Need any help?”
“Not with this. You can just sit there and look pretty for now.”
Robert laughs,
“My specialty.”
Aaron had needed to find a new place to live, everything was getting too suffocating at the pub with his mum. He and Robert had been to viewing after viewing and managed to find this place. It’s on the outskirts of Hotten so he’s closer to work and it’s a bit pokey and in an undesirable location but it’s Aaron’s. There’s a kebab shop just down the road that he and Adam and Mackenzie can become regulars at after big nights out and it’s still only a twenty-minute drive back to visit his mum.
A man-in-a-van had been round to drop off his furniture a few days before and Aaron had asked Cain to get it all in because he couldn’t get out of work. Cain had surprised him by fixing it all together and getting it all into place which means all Aaron and Robert had left to do is get his stuff transported from the pub to the flat. He needs to buy Cain a pint next time they’re both in the Woolpack.
The last thing Aaron makes sure to unpack on day one is his framed picture of him and Robert that Vic gifted him for Christmas last year. It was from their first double date, laser tag which Robert and Aaron had won and been presented with little plastic medals. Vic had insisted they get a picture and Robert had unthinkingly thrown his arm around Aaron’s shoulders and held his medal up with a cheesy grin. Aaron had mirrored him and knew right then that this was forever. He’d never find someone he wants more than Robert Sugden.
He puts it carefully on the shelf in the living room and doesn’t startle when arms wrap around his waist.
“Sap,” Robert teases.
“Whatever. Wouldn’t need it if you’d actually agreed to move in with me, would I?”
Robert buries his face in Aaron’s neck,
“I’ve told you why I can’t move in.”
Aaron desperately wants to push the conversation. Being too far away from work feels like a cop-out reason when he usually works from home anyway. He maybe had a point with the fact that they haven’t even been together a year yet but Aaron’s ready. He’s ready for everything with Robert.
After Jackson, Aaron had thought that was it. He’d had his chance at love and he’d squandered it. It had taken a long time for Aaron to stop being the mess he’d become post-Jackson. His mum and Paddy helped him find a therapist who worked for him and he’d been two months clean of self-harm when he’d tentatively dipped a toe back into the dating scene, and he and Adam had started discussing future plans because all of a sudden Aaron had a future. The go-kart track in Hotten had come up for sale so Aaron and Adam had jacked in the garage and the farm, respectively, to take it over.
Robert had been on a stag-do with some of his colleagues that started with karting and he’d been black-flagged after less than ten minutes for driving beyond his ability. Being told to sit quietly in Aaron’s office while his mates had fun was apparently a massive turn-on and he’d flirted non-stop with Aaron who was trying to do paperwork. Aaron had been prepared to write Robert off as an over-excited customer who he could laugh about with Adam in the pub until the group was about to leave and Robert, suddenly come over all shy, asked for his number.
Aaron had accepted and the rest, as they say,
“You’re staying tonight, though, yeah?” Aaron asks, dropping his voice low. He reaches up and scratches his fingers into Robert’s scalp, “Gotta help me christen the new bedroom.”
“Mm,” Robert kisses at Aaron’s neck, “wouldn’t miss it.”
Robert is needed in the office in Leeds for two weeks so Aaron is really disappointed when he wakes up and he’s already gone. He checks his phone - once, a long time ago, Robert had taken off without letting him know that he had to be at work early. That had been an ugly fight when Robert had arrived that evening with a bag of Chinese food and no idea that Aaron had been in a state of anxiety all day wondering what he’d done wrong. Since then, Robert always texts when he leaves - and sure enough, sees a message waiting:
Robert: gone to work. i’ll text when i can x
Aaron sighs and forces himself up and into the shower. He’s also got work to get to. He knows, from unfortunate experience, that contact will be sporadic for some time. Robert stays at the office until nine or ten PM sometimes so they text for an hour before both have to go to sleep for work. Aaron’s putting up with it because when Robert gets to work from home, from Aaron’s home, life is ideal.
☆
Ten days later, Aaron’s had a long day of junior cup races that made him later home than usual. He thinks about picking up food on the way home but the knowledge of the carrots he bought going brown in the bottom drawer of his fridge convinces him otherwise.
Unlocking his door, he curses to himself when he sees he’s left the lights on all day. His electric bill is going to be insane at the end of the month if he keeps doing stuff like that. Worrying about bills wasn’t really his responsibility at the pub. He unlaces his boots to leave them in the hallway - he’s not going to get mud in his carpets when he’s only had the place for a matter of days - and goes in search of a beer.
What he finds instead is Robert, four days early, standing in his kitchen with his back to the doorway, apron tied around his waist and whistling merrily as he cooks something with Aaron’s pans.
“Evening, dear,” Robert grins at him over his shoulder,
“What are you doing here?” Aaron asks, shrugging his coat off and going to check what’s cooking.
Robert nudges him with his hip,
“No need to sound so thrilled. The carrots were going off so we’re having them with sausage and mash.”
Aaron kisses his cheek,
“Your favourite, then,” He teases, “I’ll go grab a shower, if I’ve got time.”
“Plenty. Be about twenty minutes.”
They sit opposite each other with their home-cooked meal that Robert makes more appreciative moaning noises at than he does in bed.
“How did you manage to get here today?”
“Magic, aren’t I?”
“Pretty fit for a wizard.”
“Mhm, you can see my wand later.”
Aaron laughs so suddenly that he accidentally sends a carrot flying across the table.
“Lovely,” Robert says, picking it up and chucking it back at him. “I thought you’d be excited I’m back to watch the race with you, I didn’t think you’d start asking questions.”
Aaron hadn’t even thought about that. One of the first things he made sure Robert understood when they started dating was that he’d have to start watching F1 every weekend it’s on, whether he was at Aaron’s or not. It’s the duty of the boyfriend, Aaron told him, to not only listen to the rants about it, but actively participate. Robert had taken it very seriously and hadn’t missed a race for the remainder of the 2014 calendar, or 2015 so far.
“It’s Silverstone as well.”
Robert looks at him like he thinks he’s stupid,
“Why do you think I rushed through three days worth of work today?” Aaron grins at him, his heart pumping harder at the idea. “We should go to Silverstone next year,”
“Great idea, I’ll let you know when I start shitting money.”
He receives the you’re stupid look again,
“I’ll pay for it, obviously,” he says, then rushes on so Aaron won’t protest, “How was work?”
Aaron narrows his eyes at him but accepts the change in topic; he’ll pick the fight next time.
“Good. We had one of the leagues in all day.”
“Any crashes?”
“They’re kids, Robert, you shouldn’t sound so eager. But yes, three of them went off on the fifth corner and we had to red flag it.”
“Shame.”
Robert’s got a big grin on his face that belies his true feelings. He’ll text Adam for the CCTV footage as soon as Aaron’s back is turned.
“We’ve got bikes tomorrow. Some foreign teams that Adam arranged. I was going to go with him back to Emmerdale after work to see Vic and mum, if you don’t have anything else planned?”
“No, sounds good.” Robert smiles at him, shoving another forkful into his mouth.
☆
The Woolpack hasn’t changed since Aaron was last there. Vic and Adam are waiting for them with four pints already going flat on their usual table.
“Here they are!” Adam shouts as soon as he claps eyes on them, “Get held up, did you, boys?”
He’s got his usual cheeky grin on his face.
“Yeah, because Robert had to mousse his hair.”
Robert slides into the booth and Aaron follows after, picking up his pint and taking a sip.
“It wasn’t mousse, Aaron. And you’re one to talk, you go through a tub of gel in about a week.”
“I thought you weren’t back ‘round here until Monday,” Vic says to her brother,
“Yeah, well, I’m back early. Not happy to see me or sommat, Victoria?”
“Nah, mate, we just wanna make sure you’re working hard to keep our boy in the lap of luxury,” Adam giggles.
“Don’t worry, he’s my lady of leisure.”
Robert slides his arm in the space between the booth and Aaron’s waist. Aaron wriggles, not overly appreciating the comment,
“Alright.”
“How’s the new flat, Aaron?” Victoria thankfully swoops in to change the subject.
“Really great. I love having my own space, finally. And means this one never has to put on clothes.”
He gestures to Robert with his head and feels immense satisfaction at the poke he gets in the side. If he can make a comment about Aaron, Aaron will do the same right back. Serves him right.
“Never going to get that image out of my head, thanks Az,” Vic complains, taking a long drink of her gin and lemonade to try and cleanse her mind.
“Ready for ya whenever, is he?” Adam is sometimes slightly too overly enthusiastic in supporting Aaron. His grin is wide but no one else’s is anymore. He was there for all the Bad Stuff that Aaron doesn’t think about anymore so sometimes he finds himself overcompensating to try and make Aaron feel accepted even now. It’s sweet, if he ignores the overwhelming inappropriateness of the comment.
“And where was my invite?” A familiar Scottish accent. They all turn to look up at Mackenzie, standing with his hands on his hips.
“Couples only, innit, mate. Come back when you’re not the loneliest man in the village.” Adam says,
“Don’t talk to your uncle like that,” Mackenzie fetches a chair from another table to make himself comfortable at the end of the booth, “and go fetch me a pint or I’ll tell your mum.”
Adam rolls his eyes but drags himself back over to the bar.
“So scared of his mummy,” Vic laughs, watching her husband with soft eyes.
“How did your date go the other night?” Aaron asks.
Mackenzie shrugs,
“It was underwhelming. No thrill in it. Not like when me and you sneak around behind his back.” He delivers a big, overexaggerated wink in Aaron’s direction. Robert’s reaction is simply a soft laugh. They’re all used to Mackenzie’s antics by now.
“Here you go, ‘Kenzie. You owe me three-pound-twenty.” Adam places a pint in front of him, then looks at Robert, “Since I’m standing, fancy a game of darts, mate?”
“Why not?” Robert shoos Aaron out of the booth so he can get out and, before he steps away, Aaron grabs him and kisses him a tad too explicitly for his family’s pub at half past six.
Once Robert’s out of earshot, slightly light-headed from the kiss; he’s going to play proper shit darts, Aaron sighs and turns to Vic,
“I love your brother.”
“I know. I know too much.”
“No, like,” Aaron pulls his sleeves down over his hands and glances between Mack and Vic then says in a low voice, “I think I want to marry him.”
Vic squeals and Aaron shushes her frantically. She’s drawing attention to them!
“I’m happy for ya, mate,” Mack says, patting him on the back. He’s ended up sitting in the booth beside him.
“Oh my god, Aaron, are you going to propose?”
Aaron’s smile is unavoidable, he couldn’t fight it if he tried and he doesn’t want to try. He’s happy.
“I haven’t got a ring or anything. But our anniversary is soon and… I’m thinkin’ fancy meal, moonlit walk, and down on one knee.”
“If this is you asking for my blessing, you have it a thousand times over!”
He wasn’t, hadn’t even thought about doing that to be honest, but it loosens something in his stomach anyway.
“Mine as well.”
Aaron laughs,
“Cheers, Mackenzie. Top secret, though, yeah?” They swear silence to him with solemn expressions and Aaron is satisfied, “I better go tell me mum and Paddy. Mum’s going to love wedding planning for me.”
“Do you hear yourself, Az?” Vic sounds all choked up, “Wedding planning. If your eighteen-year-old self could see you-” Her voice cracks,
“It’s all down to Robert, Vic. He’s- He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
As if he can sense they’re talking about him, or perhaps it’s Vic’s distress in a psychic big-brother way, Robert looks over at them. Well, he looks to Aaron to ask silently if everything’s okay. Aaron reassures him with only his facial expressions and Robert hits a 180 with his next dart, making Adam yell loud enough that Edna, on the other side of the room, jumps and her hat almost falls off.
☆
Aaron is standing in a jewellers with Vic three weeks later. Robert’s back at work, staying at his own place for a couple of weeks so it’s the perfect time for ring shopping. Vic’s sneakily managed to get Robert's ring size so now it’s just a case of finding one he can see sitting on Robert’s finger for the rest of their days. Adam and Mackenzie have been sent away to look around in GAME because their complaining was starting to fray at both their nerves.
“What about this one?” Vic points out a slim gold band that has small white jewels embedded in the metal, catching the light and glinting enticingly.
Aaron hums, unimpressed,
“I don’t like gold. Do you have anything black?” He asks the shop assistant.
She smiles at him and says she’ll bring some black options back in a moment.
“She hates me.” Aaron says,
“She’s doing her job. Hoping to get a big commission out of you, probably.” Vic comforts, rubbing a hand up and down his arm.
“I don’t want to get him one that doesn’t… feel right.”
“Here are our black options, sir.”
The woman, Tilly according to her nametag, lays out worryingly few boxes. She opens one and starts talking about the ring inside and the benefits of carbon fibre over tungsten but Aaron’s not listening. His eyes have been drawn to a box that looks too big for just one ring,
“Sorry, what’s in that one?”
It’s a set, it turns out, one black with a strip of silver inset in it and the other the opposite.
“They’re the ones.” Aaron decides, more sure about it than anything else he’s done in his life.
The black ring for Robert and the silver for him, each containing a sliver of the other. It’s perfect.
Adam gives him a hug and Mackenzie asks if he can be the ring bearer at the wedding when he shows them his purchase. Aaron tells him yes, feeling lighter than he ever has.
☆
The ring box is heavy in Aaron’s jacket pocket. He’s not planning to propose today but he likes carrying it around knowing he could. Robert’s assistant has told him that he’s currently out of the office but should be back in half an hour or so and he’s welcome to sit and wait. So sitting and waiting Aaron is; in an uncomfortable light purple chair that matches the company logo with no armrests. A little boy is sitting next to him, kicking his legs with nothing else to do. He’s in a school uniform and there’s a backpack on the floor in front of them that’s a blue and green dinosaur pattern that Aaron wouldn’t mind having in an adult size. Aaron doesn’t know how weird it would seem if he tries to strike up a conversation with a seven year old.
“My name’s Seb!”
The boy makes the decision for him.
“I’m Aaron.”
He’s not really used to kids, hasn’t been around them since he left Gordon’s house.
“I’m waiting for daddy!”
“Oh yeah? Does he work here?”
“Yeah. He’s the man in charge!”
“Ooh, important bloke then.” Seb nods, “I like your backpack. Dinosaurs are cool!”
Seb brightens up at the conversation topic, hauling his bag into his lap to point out his favourites,
“This one is a styracosaurus not a triceratops. But this one is a triceratops, his name is Seb but not because of me, because of my favourite racecar driver Sebastian Vettel! Then this t-rex is Kimi because he’s the coolest. The pterodactyls are both Nico because there’s two of them and these ones,” Seb turns his bag upward to show Aaron two brachiosauruses on the bottom, muddy and worn from where it’s been chucked on the ground, “are Felipe and Felipe. They suck.”
“Racecars and dinosaurs, kid, you’re speaking my language.”
Seb giggles,
“Daddy said we can go to see a race if I’m good!”
“Wow, you’re lucky aren’t you?”
Seb’s dad must be making some good money if he can afford that.
“We went to the Natural History Museum last year and saw the real dinosaurs! And we got to stay overnight and make dinosaurs out of paper using o-ri-ga-mi.” Seb sounds out each syllable so he doesn’t get it wrong,
“That’s very cool. What dinosaur did you make?”
“I made three! A t-rex, a triceratops, and a stegosaurus. Daddy made a dimetrodon but he dropped it in a puddle.”
“Silly daddy.”
“I can teach you how to make one too, I’ve made some for all my friends now! And my Auntie Angela, she takes care of me sometimes when daddy goes away.”
“That’s nice of you. I don’t have any paper to make one with.”
“You can come round to my house, daddy bought me loads!”
“Aw,” Aaron chuckles awkwardly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, “maybe some other time. I’m meeting a friend.”
Aaron doesn’t know why he says friend instead of boyfriend. He doesn’t think this kid is going to hate-crime him. But, rich father in a big company, you never know how they’ve been raised.
The lift dings to indicate it’s arrived on their floor and Aaron perks up, hoping Robert is going to step through the doors when they slide open.
Lo and behold, there he is in all his glory. A burgundy blazer and bright white shirt, holding a bunch of paperwork in his hand. He is on auto-pilot, Aaron can tell, completely focused on work and meetings and what’s waiting for him in his office. He goes over to his assistant and hands her some forms, talking quickly about the client he’s spent over two hours schmoozing. She nods and seems to know what to do. A well-oiled machine, Robert had once described his office as, and Aaron can’t believe this is the first time he’s seeing it in action. The assistant says something, points over to Aaron and Seb, Robert nods and turns,
“Sebastian.”
Aaron is halfway out of his seat but drops back into the purple when he realises Robert hasn’t noticed him yet,
“Daddy!”
Seb jumps up and bounces over to Robert, getting lifted off his feet and held by those arms that Aaron loves to be cradled in. Robert kisses his freckly cheek,
“Sorry I took so long, munchkin.”
“Is okay, daddy. I talked to Aaron.”
Seb points his innocent finger over to his conversation partner and Robert follows his direction. Aaron leans back in his seat, arms folded and one eyebrow cocked. His boyfriend puts his son back on the ground,
“Seb,” he says without taking his eyes off Aaron, “go and sit in my office for a minute. Kat, could you go and watch him?”
His assistant looks warily between Robert and Aaron, then decides to ask no questions and escorts Seb into the office.
“Aaron-”
“A son. You have a son?”
Robert looks like an idiot with his mouth opening and closing without saying anything,
“How could you not tell me?”
Still no reply.
“It’s our anniversary in a week, Robert. A full year, and you didn’t think to mention Oh yeah, I actually have a kid. Hope that’s not a dealbreaker.”
“Is it?” Robert says weakly, he’s gone pale as a sheet like he’s going to pass out at any minute.
“Of course not.”
Aaron stands and goes to help Robert to sit down before his legs give out. Robert grips onto his sleeve and doesn’t let go when Aaron tries to take a step back. Aaron chuckles at him and kisses his forehead, then his cheek, then his lips.
“I’m a bit mad at you. Does Vic know she has a nephew?”
Robert shakes his head,
“Rob! She’ll be thrilled, you know she will. Why hide him?”
Robert has the shine of tears in his eyes. He pushes his face into Aaron’s chest,
“I didn’t want anyone to be mad at me.”
Aaron laughs at him again.
“I came to surprise you with dinner, you dolt. If you had told me-”
“I’m sorry.”
“We can go somewhere with him as well, can’t we?”
Robert pulls away and studies his face for a long moment. Aaron keeps his expression steady, hoping he finds only true sincerity there.
“Alright. He loves Pizza Hut.”
“Pizza Hut it is. Then cinema? Has he seen Inside Out yet?”
“I’ve been meaning to take him.”
“That’s a plan then, yeah?”
Robert nods, and tugs Aaron down to kiss him again,
“I don’t deserve you.”
☆
Proposal officially postponed.
Aaron still fully intends to use the rings he paid a pretty penny for but not just yet. He’s got a whole new part of Robert’s life to adjust to, although safe to say it hasn’t been a hardship. Sebastian is a charming young boy who took to Aaron like a duck to water. Aaron finds himself looking forward to race weekends more and more because it means he gets a visit from Robert and Seb to watch Formula One and his flat is full of noise and love and happiness.
Seb had found Aaron’s fossils fascinating and they both cheer on Ferrari while traitorous Robert supports Mercedes.
“Daddy only likes Mercedes because they’re winning, you know?” Aaron said to Seb, “Last year he was a Red Bull fan.”
Seb giggled and yelled Forza Ferrari in his father’s face, leading to him being tickled until his flailing legs accidentally kicked over Robert’s drink.
Robert has a few rules when it comes to his son. He and Aaron are strictly ‘friends’ in front of the boy (Aaron’s been assured this won’t always be the case but he wants Seb to get used to them before telling him), and Aaron can’t tell Vic, or anyone but particularly Victoria, about Seb’s existence.
The guilt of hiding such a big secret from one of his best friends is starting to grate on Aaron. He doesn’t understand why he’s doing it, either. Robert won’t give him a clear answer when he asks. Seb’s already become so well integrated into Aaron’s life that the spare room has become Seb’s room in his head yet the two of them go to Emmerdale and they never mention him, he’s omitted from every funny story and Aaron has to be careful to filter his words. It makes him weirdly impressed with how there’s never been the barest hint from Robert about having a son in the years he’s known him.
☆
Robert gets to his flat at nearly ten at night. Aaron’s slobbing on the sofa in his underwear watching ad breaks that’s sometimes interrupted by Fatal Attraction on channel 5. It’s a riveting dog food advert that he manages to unglue his eyes from to look at Robert,
“You look exhausted,”
“Thanks.”
Robert’s voice is gruff which means, yes he is and probably shouldn’t have been driving.
“Come ‘ere.”
Robert strips down to his underwear so they match and crawls into Aaron’s arms.
“Seb is sick. Was sick. He isn’t anymore. He’s at Angela’s.”
The custody arrangement is something Aaron isn’t asking questions about. Robert will tell him details when he’s ready.
“Poor boy,”
“He’s fine, something he picked up at school. He gets clingy when he’s ill, is the problem.”
“Takes after his daddy, does he?”
“Shut up,” Robert mutters, embarrassed even though it’s just the two of them.
They’d only been together a few months when Robert got unwell. He arrived on the pub doorstep, looking like death but determined not to cancel their plans. Aaron had fixed him some soup and forced him into comfy clothes and Robert hadn’t let go of him for three days until he was feeling better; if he wasn’t holding him around the waist or shoulders like a monkey, he had Aaron’s hand caught in his clammy grip.
“You know it was cute,” Aaron gives him a poke in the side for good measure that Robert barely reacts to, “You really are tired, aren’t ya?”
“Mm,” is all he gets back.
“Let’s go to bed,”
“Yeah?” Robert’s sultry, seductive tone makes an appearance,
“To sleep, stupid. You couldn’t get it up right now if you wanted to.”
“Watch me.”
Aaron guides him to the bedroom with a hand around his wrist because Robert’s eyes aren’t even open anymore.
“Sit. Bed behind you,” Aaron instructs.
When Robert’s bum finds the mattress, Aaron tries to go to find some pyjamas for him in his drawer but he’s stopped by Robert grabbing hold of both his hands,
“Aaron,”
He’s looking at him, eyelids fighting gravity as hard as they can.
“Robert,”
“I’m really grateful for you, you know that, yeah?”
Aaron laughs nervously,
“Yeah, sure.”
“Don’t shrug it off. I am. You’re the-” Robert’s voice thickens so he tries again, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I’ll tell Seb that when he’s older,”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, tied with the birth of my son. Stop trying to make it a joke.”
“Okay. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me as well. You know that.”
Robert nods, eyes closing without his permission. Aaron laughs and presses a quick kiss to his mouth,
“Come on, sleepyhead, you don’t need pyjamas.”
Robert’s asleep before his head hits the pillow. Aaron can’t stop smiling around his toothbrush in the bathroom. He gets some splatters on the mirror but he’s deliriously happy and barely notices.
☆
“We’re going to London!” Seb claps his hands, bouncing in his car seat.
Aaron and Robert exchange an amused look. They are indeed on their way to London on the second of January because they’re mental and because Robert’s Christmas present to Aaron was tickets to the Arsenal - Newcastle United match starting at 3pm plus a long enough stay that he’ll be spending his birthday in London with the love of his life and his son. (They couldn’t spend New Year’s together because of something that Aaron forgot as soon as Robert told him, so he thinks this gift is overcompensating a bit but he’s not going to complain).
The radio is on quietly but they’ve mostly been entertained by Seb’s babbling. He’s read out loud some snippets from the Horrible Histories books he’s brought with him - Christmas presents from Aaron - and made them play I Spy when he felt nauseous from looking at the pages for too long.
They’re almost there now.
Aaron’s got his Ramsey gunner t-shirt on - it’s funny because they’re both named Aaron - and Robert’s got himself and Seb kitted out in red. Aaron’s never been more attracted to the man in the adjacent seat but jumping him would be not only dangerous but scarring for Seb in the backseat.
“Daddy, we’ve been to London before!”
“We have.”
“This time is better,”
“We’re not even there yet!”
“This time we have Aaron too!”
And yeah, Aaron’s not going to make it to Wednesday without crying or melting into a puddle.
The stadium is packed with loud, rowdy football fans. Robert is leading, forcing a path through the throngs of people and Aaron is herding Seb in his wake. The boy’s footing is unsure and Aaron wills no one to accidentally bump into him.
They reach their entrance point and Robert stops.
“Do you need to go to the toilet, Seb?”
Seb shakes his head,
“You sure?”
“Yes, daddy,” he says with all the exasperation of an old man.
Aaron ruffles his hair,
“It’s a long time ‘til half-time.”
“Don’t you start,” Seb says, a line ripped straight from Robert’s mouth.
Aaron and Robert both laugh at his attitude,
“Can you take him to the seats, then, and I’ll go get you a beer,” Robert says,
“You don’t have to.”
“I want you to have the best day ever.”
Aaron’s lips curl into a smile without any conscious effort from him and he’d have pulled Robert into a kiss by the front of his t-shirt if Seb wasn’t with them.
Robert comes back with a plastic cup of beer for Aaron and an Arsenal scarf for Seb. They’re both spoilt, really.
Arsenal win 1-0 and Seb takes hold of Aaron’s hand to lead him safely back to the tube and Aaron’s walking on air for the rest of the trip.
☆
Aaron calls up Robert’s office, knowing his extension now, to clarify dinner plans later. It makes him feel like he’s in the nineties, calling the office rather than his mobile.
“Robert Sugden’s office, Kat speaking.”
“Hi Kat, it’s Aaron.”
“Aaron! How are you?”
Kat has been nothing but lovely to Aaron since she met him. They got talking about Aaron’s work and she’s been with her friends to kart a few times. She brings him a Red Bull or a chocolate bar every time which has been the only thing that stops him from punching a difficult customer’s lights out more than once. She always seems to know when he’s having a shit day, maybe Robert tells her.
“Good, thanks. How about you?”
“Wonderful now I’m hearing your voice, love. Robert’s not in, though.”
“Ah, okay. Any idea where he’s gone?”
“He and his wife have taken Seb out.”
Aaron goes cold. Kat’s voice goes staticky in his ear as she says something about should be back soon, is there a message you want to leave? Aaron? Aaron, are you still there?
Aaron wishes he wasn’t.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll- I’ll try his mobile.”
Aaron’s drunk-crying at Jackson’s grave. He isn’t going home tonight where everything reminds him of Robert. Robert Sugden: the lying, cheating scumbag leading a double life.
“Az?”
Victoria’s found him. Victoria, who Robert has also been lying to for years.
“You stink. Let’s get you somewhere warmer.”
With surprising strength in her small stature, Vic helps him to his feet and steadies him when he puts most of his weight on her shoulders.
She takes him to Keepers and not the pub which he’s grateful for. He couldn’t deal with his mum’s well-meaning but invasive questioning right now. Diane is there but her fussing is different. Vic makes him a coffee and sits next to him, putting a hand on his back,
“It’s not the anniversary.”
Aaron shakes his head, staring into his mug.
“Why were you at Jackson’s grave, then?”
“Robert’s cheating.”
Diane gasps melodramatically,
“What? With who?” Vic exclaims,
“With me,” Aaron laughs on a sob, “He’s married, Vic. Married with a kid.”
Fuck Robert wanting to keep Seb a secret. He’s lost his right to secrecy when he failed to mention the wife he has hidden away in his flat that Aaron’s not allowed to visit. God, it’s all so obvious in hindsight.
“No, he wouldn’t.”
“Well, he is. Okay? I called his office and they told me he’s out with his wife and his boy.” Aaron wipes his cheeks. He’s angry, why is he crying? “And- I know he has a son, I just never thought to ask questions about his mum.”
“He has a son? You’ve met his son but I haven’t?”
“He told me I couldn’t tell you. I don’t know why.”
“I do.” Diane says; Aaron had forgotten she was even in the room. “It’s because of me.”
“What?”
“Robert came back once, years ago. He was all panicked because he’d gotten his boss’ daughter pregnant. He wanted someone to tell him that everything would be okay. I didn’t do that. I said he was a silly boy who needed to reevaluate his life. When he came back and started dating you, Aaron, I assumed he’d convinced her to get rid of it.”
“So he thought if Vic knew, she’d tell you and he’d be found out. He’s such a piece of shit.”
Aaron can’t believe he fell for all Robert’s lies. Robert had told him himself, he’s cheated in every relationship he’s ever been in. The village made him conniving and scheming and dishonest and Aaron had stayed with him anyway. Convinced himself that he was the exception. That their love meant more to Robert than any of the others and he’d be loyal to him. What makes Aaron so special? Nothing, clearly.
It makes Aaron sick, thinking about the day they first met, Robert having a wife at home trusting him on a stag-do while he picked up the owner of the kart track. Aaron trusted him implicitly, assumed Seb’s mum was dead or disappeared and never pushed for answers. He wonders what excuses he gives her every time he stays over at Aaron’s, every time he brings Seb. Does she know Aaron’s name, but presented as his friend the same way Kat and Seb know him?
He’s a clever man and that’s the worst part about it. If Robert was thick he never would have gotten away with it.
Adam and Mackenzie are either side of him like bodyguards flanking a celebrity. They’re watching him play Red Dead Redemption (for the third time) when Aaron’s phone lights up on the coffee table. He glances at it and sees it’s a text,
Robert: hey where are you? x
Aaron clenches his jaw and ignores it.
Robert: aaron? i’m at yours
Robert: didn’t we have plans tonight?
Adam reads the message and snorts,
“He’s so brazen. Don’t answer him.”
“I’m not,” Aaron snaps, mashing the X button too hard.
Next thing, his phone is vibrating with a call. He yells in frustration and throws the remote down, getting to his feet to start pacing.
“Hey! Don’t take it out on my PS3!” Adam rescues his remote from the floor and cradles it like a baby.
“Aaron, maybe you should tell him you don’t want to talk to him, at least.” Mackenzie suggests.
It’s a sensible idea because Robert is known to be relentless, especially when it comes to Aaron. He rejects the call.
“I can’t right now. I’m going for a wazz.”
There’s a knock at the front door of Keepers and a guilty look on Vic’s face.
“If that’s him–”
“Aaron, you have to talk to him.”
“He doesn’t owe him anything!” Adam, so quick to defend him no matter how unreasonable he’s being.
Vic’s opened the door already so any protests they have were useless. Robert comes in and his eyes immediately, obviously, land on Aaron,
“What’s going on?”
“You’re a wanker, that’s what’s going on!”
“Adam,” Mackenzie jumps in before Aaron can, “that’s not helpful. We should leave them to it.”
Robert looks so good it’s painful; he’s got his date night jeans on that hug his arse in all the right places. Aaron can hardly bring himself to look at him.
Mackenzie shuts the door behind them with a gentle,
“We won’t go far,” to Aaron.
Robert is staring at Aaron, bewildered,
“Care to catch me up?” he says.
Aaron sighs with his whole body and digs the box out of his pocket. He holds it out to Robert, whose hand is shaking when he takes it and Aaron swears he stops breathing when he opens it and sees the ring nestled comfortably in its cushion inside.
“Aaron, what–”
“I’ve had that for six months, trying to find the right moment to ask you to marry me. Even if I’d got it right, you wouldn’t have been able to say yes, would ya?”
Robert at least has the decency to look ashamed,
“It’s not what you think,”
“What? You’re not already married to some woman? To Seb’s mum?”
“Technically–”
“There’s no technically, Robert!” Aaron shouts, on his feet with the force of it, “You’re married! That’s it! Conversation over!”
Aaron takes the back door out of Keepers and hides out at Paddy’s for the night.
☆
Aaron endures a week of calls from Robert that he leaves unanswered, and Adam has to threaten to call the police to get him to leave the karting track on Saturday while Aaron hides in the office. He’s been staying at the pub - his mum was ecstatic to make up his old room - and he’s dreading the day when he has to answer one of Robert’s calls to get his key for the flat back. Then, he’ll block his number and have nothing else to do with him; at least that’s what he promises himself in the mirror every morning.
It’s Monday when Vic corners him as he’s trying to head through to meet Adam for a drink. She’s in her chef whites and intimidates him despite how she’s a head and a half shorter than him. Aaron knows what she’s going to say,
“I’m not talking to him.”
“You don’t have the full story. At least hear him out,”
“The full story? Vic, there is no scenario in which I’m going to suddenly be okay with him being married.”
“Give him a chance!”
Aaron’s pushed past her already, and makes Adam go into Hotten with him so he doesn’t have to see Vic’s hard stare every time she brings someone’s food out.
☆
Aaron almost gets run over by Adam’s car as he brings it to a stop in front of him. The passenger side window rolls down,
“Get in,” Vic says,
“I’m going to–”
“Get in, Aaron. Before I call in Cain to put you in the boot.”
Aaron rolls his eyes and, although he doesn’t believe she actually would put him in the boot, he pulls open the back door and succumbs to his fate.
“I don’t want to see him.”
“Aaron,” and that’s Adam, he’s meant to be on Aaron’s side, the traitor, “just go with it.”
Aaron puts on a miserable face and keeps quiet for the rest of the journey.
He’s confused when they approach a big white building with a sign outside declaring it to be Leeds Neurodisability Care Home. He’s determined not to say anything to stick it to Vic, though, so he doesn’t ask any questions.
Vic marches him inside and heads up to the front desk with all the confidence that Aaron no longer has in him. He feels out of his depth.
“Hiya, my name’s Victoria Sugden. Here to see Rebecca White.”
They’re each given visitor passes and Victoria leads them to Room 306.
A woman is the occupant of the room, she’s blonde and pretty if you’re into that sort of thing. She looks from Vic to Adam to Aaron and back with no recognition in her face.
“Hi, Becs! It’s Vic, I came to see you last week, do you remember?”
The woman - Becs - makes an almost cartoon expression of shock and flips through the pages of a notebook resting in her lap.
“Yes!” she says eventually, “You came in with Robert and Seb. He’s getting so big.” Her eyes stay on the page, like she’s reading the recollection verbatim from whatever’s scribbled on it.
“That’s right!” Vic says, bright and encouraging. “This is my husband, Adam, and his best friend, Aaron.”
Becs nods, then picks up a pen and starts writing in her little notebook.
“Is that A-A-R-O-N?” she asks, eyes on Aaron.
He’s starting to piece together what’s happening and can only nod dumbly in response. She gives them all a blinding smile,
“It’s lovely to meet you!”
“How have you been then, Becs?” Vic asks, taking a seat next to her,
“Good, thank you. We did painting earlier so I did something for Seb,”
“That’s nice,”
“It’s on the drying rack. Tell me about you and Adam, was the wedding beautiful?”
The three of them talk civilly with each other, with Rebecca writing intermittently in her notebook, while Aaron watches from the sidelines for twenty minutes. That’s when Rebecca’s face goes blank and her eyes go distant. Vic asks her a question and she shakes herself off and looks over,
“Sorry, I- Where’s my son?”
“He’s at school, Becs,” Vic says gently, “Robert’s going to pick him up later.”
Rebecca nods, accepting the answer,
“We’re going to Australia,” she says, her voice ungrounded. Then a tightness overcomes her expression, “Not Robert, he wasn’t meant to know. He’s- Has he got my son?”
Rebecca works herself up to the point that Vic has to press the panic button and two nurses enter the room. Adam, Aaron, and Vic are sent out and Aaron follows them back to the car, not understanding anything.
☆
Victoria doesn’t push him anymore; she’s made her point. Aaron takes a day to stare at the wall, trying to process everything with only two sides of a three-sided story. Then he takes a day to catch up on paperwork. Then he texts Robert.
Aaron: I don’t want you to reply to this. Come over at 7 tonight.
Aaron knows Robert’s still got his key but he knocks anyway. He lets him in with an awkward smile and heads back to the living room, throwing over his shoulder,
“Want a beer?”
“Sure.”
Robert takes his shoes off and sits right on the edge of Aaron’s sofa, a clear sign he’s feeling unsure as well.
Aaron gets them a bottle each and starts scratching at the label on his rather than drink it. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak but Robert gets there first,
“I’m sorry,”
Aaron’s mouth snaps closed.
“I realise I’ve done this completely wrong and ruined everything between us. It’s just that I love you so much and I didn’t want to-“
“Robble,” Aaron interrupts softly, “Vic took me to meet Rebecca. And I want to… I want to get it. I want to be okay with it. That means you’re going to have to tell me what happened. The truth.”
Robert takes a desperate swig of his beer,
“Are you going to break up with me after?”
“Probably not,” Aaron says honestly.
He’s missed him. Missed being able to reach out and have him be right there. They’ve both had to experience life without each other and neither of them have handled it well. If Robert had a harem of wives, Aaron thinks he’d stay with him anyway.
“Becs got pregnant when we were twenty-two.” Robert dives right in, “Her dad was my boss at the time and we’d started messing around because it was fun and I hated her dad so any opportunity to piss him off I took. I tried to make her get an abortion or say it was her boyfriend-at-the-time’s kid but she wouldn’t. We did a paternity test so we know Seb definitely isn’t the other bloke’s. As soon as Lawrence got wind that she was knocked up, he told me to marry her or he’d make sure my son would never be able to meet me. I talked to Diane about it at the time and she basically told me I’d managed to surpass myself and make dad’s very low expectations of me seem like impossible standards. So I married her.”
Robert startles like a stray dog when Aaron puts a hand on his leg. He looks at Aaron imploringly,
“I’m not in love with her, I never was.”
Aaron nods,
“I believe you.”
“We got along fine as parents. I knew she was probably off cheating on me when she left me alone with Seb but if I ignored it then I could pretend it wasn’t happening. It wasn’t a good marriage but we were okay for Seb’s sake. Until Lawrence turned against me, which is a long story that I’ll tell you some other time, and they plotted to run away to the other side of the world with my son. I had to do something, I couldn’t let them take him. There was a car crash, their car not mine, and Rebecca’s sister, dad, and nephew were all dead on arrival. She was in a coma for a while and woke up with some kind of amnesia, I forget the details. I haven’t so much as hugged her for four or five years but… I can’t divorce her.”
It’s a revelation that there is, in fact, a scenario where Aaron is suddenly okay with him being married. He’s a bloke who was dealt a bad hand and has been trying to win anyway.
“I get it,” he says, “She’s had a rough go of it and you don’t want to add to that.”
“I’m not expecting you to forgive me–”
“I do, though. I forgive you. As long as you promise to never lie to me about something like that again.”
Robert’s shaking his head before Aaron has finished his sentence,
“Never. I was loyal to her, you know? Even after the crash, I took care of Seb and didn’t look at anyone else. Then I met you and, well, you kinda ruined that.” There is smug satisfaction in knowing that. Robert found Aaron Dingle so irresistible that he finally broke and cheated on his wife. “I know I should have told you but by the time I realised we were serious, it felt like it was too late and I- Well, I didn’t want to lose you, as selfish as that is.”
“You haven’t lost me,” Aaron assures him softly,
“Only ‘cause Vic intervened,”
“Lucky to have her. We both are. One more thing… can we tell her, Rebecca that is, or Seb at least? I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”
Robert laughs on an exhale,
“We can definitely explain it to Seb. I’ll talk to Becs’ doctors and see if there’s a feasible way we can tell her without it freaking her out.”
Aaron nods,
“Thank you.”
“And,” Robert looks away for a second, nervous, but bravely meets Aaron’s eyes to say, “if you want to use that ring at some point, I wouldn’t be opposed.”
Aaron knocks his leg into Robert’s,
“Hold your horses, mate, I haven’t even asked,”
“That’s why I said if,”
“It’s not going to be before we’ve worked out something with Seb and Rebecca and fuckin’ Angela.”
“Angela’s alright, really,” Robert jokes,
“Wouldn’t know, would I? Seriously, Robert, if you lie to me again about anything, we’re done.”
Robert nods seriously,
“Noted.” He hesitates, “We’re okay though? We’re back together?”
Aaron puts a hand on the back of his neck to pull him into an answering kiss.
Yeah, Aaron thinks, we’re gonna be just fine.