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It felt almost impressive that the Empire hadn’t returned to Pabu after everything.
Phee had joked once that they got bored of chasing around rogue clones after the Tantiss incident, and maybe that was the truth of it. Maybe they really had just gotten sick of following a group of deserters around the galaxy on some hair brained scheme. It was always a possibility, but Tech had a hard time swallowing that logic.
Maybe it was some part of the brainwashing left in the back of his head, but he always kept holding his breath for their return.
His eyes would linger on the sky and expect to find a Star Destroyer up there. When someone would scream, from excitement or fear, he’d always flinched away from it. Though his head would turn in that direction and expect to find a Stormtrooper with their blaster pointed at him.
He preferred not to talk about those fears, though. It was the kind of thing best suited for quiet contemplation or late night talk with Phee.
He didn’t want any of his vods feeling the need to worry about him anymore than they had. They’d already put in so much effort as they helped him claw his way back from the Empire’s reprogramming.
They had so many late nights worrying about whether or not he was still himself over the last three years. They’d even had to endure an entire year of struggle with no proof that anything they were doing was working. They’d had enough worry for this lifetime, so why burden them with unnecessary concerns?
Still, he knew it didn’t go totally unnoticed how he tended to stare at the sky. There were always going to be eyes on him after all the pain that had preceded his return. It just depended on the member of his aliit to be able to recognize the fear he was displaying.
So, as he sat at one of the various cliff faces on Pabu, he couldn’t say he was surprised when Crosshair came up from behind him and sat down.
“What are you looking at?” He asked, his own eyes following the direction Tech’s were in.
“Nothing in particular, just checking the atmosphere.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Checking the atmosphere, looking at the sky, whatever you want to call it, your eyes are often up there.”
“Can you blame me when it is such a pretty sky? It so rarely turns gray. Even when it does, it has its own charm to it.”
“Funny, I didn’t take you for someone to notice something beautiful until it was staring you in the eyes.”
“I can notice the beauty in something.”
“Took you long enough with Phee.”
Tech shot Crosshair a harsh look with an upturned eyebrow.
“Based on what the kid told me.”
“I suppose, from a certain point of view, that is true.”
“Then tell me what you’re really looking for.”
Tech’s shoulders tensed up as his head slid backwards slightly, “The Empire.”
He heard Crosshair loudly exhale after the statement, and he couldn’t say that he was particularly surprised. His vods already knew how easy it was for him to overthink things with how often he was stuck in his own head, so it was an obvious conclusion to come to. Still, having confirmation is different than just making an assumption about someone.
“Two years is a long time.”
“Yes, it is.”
“With so many resources they’d be able to find us easily.”
“Correct, Phee even told me that they’d been here once before.”
“They did, yeah, which means that they could come here whenever they want.”
Tech balled his fists in the grass. The blades rubbed against his skin and made it prickle, but made it easier for him to swallow. His chest tightened up as the conversation went on. He hated how it always came over him like an inherent impulse to the mention of the Empire, but there it was. That sensation of a low, dull, panic that consistently followed him no matter where he went. Some days it was a near constant experience that made him want to get out of his own skin. He hated it, but it was just how things were.
“They don’t care, Tech. If they ever cared enough to come after us again that time has long since passed.”
“They still have the option.”
“They’ve had a lot of options. They chose some of the worst ones, but that’s to be expected. But they haven’t chosen any to show that they are interested in us anymore.”
“They could change their minds.”
“Anyone can change their mind. You all could have changed your mind about me and left me for dead. I could have changed my mind and tried to return to you all at any point. That option is always there, but that doesn’t mean everyone takes it.”
“Those aren’t good examples and you know it, Cross. After all the time and effort they put into–” he put one of his hands over his chest and started to lean closer toward the edge of the cliff. “Into me it doesn’t make sense that they would just forget about me. They took the time and effort to fix me. They gave me back my legs and gave me the resources to heal from the fall. They put in the Imperial credits to even have me be their puppet. All of that and they just abandon it?”
“They’ve abandoned a lot of things. I wouldn’t exactly describe the Empire as being good with money.”
Tech turned his head toward Crosshair and raised an eyebrow. “What is that in reference to, might I ask?”
“Well, from what I saw, I wouldn’t exactly argue it was the smartest choice to throw aside a stockpile of soldiers that they had at their disposal. Even if some of them were defecting, there were enough that were still loyal that it could be seen as a waste of resources.”
Tech slowly blinked at his vod before he turned his head away, but didn’t point it back up at the sky. He kept it squarely forced on the sea, “I suppose that’s fair.”
Crosshair let out another sigh, to his surprise, before he added, “If they cared about wasting resources then they wouldn’t have wasted me. How about that?”
“Were you wasted?”
He heard a chuckle follow the question. Again, it surprised him but simultaneously prompted him to smile. He missed that sound.
“If they wanted effective soldiers they could have tried to turn me into some kind of teacher, but they never wanted that. They wanted me to be a placeholder until they could get those civis ready for battle. Then they could see if I stayed loyal, or toss me to Tantiss.”
“And you ended up on Tantiss.”
“Yes, I did. Another soldier with certain skills trapped in that force forsaken facility just to be used as another slab of meat.”
“Not a good use of resources.”
“Right, not a good use of resources.”
The sea air stung as Tech felt air come into his throat easier and easier. His tight posture began to lean backwards once more, and he felt a sense of reassurance come over him.
“We were only ever resources to them.” He said, letting the words sink into him as he spoke them into the world.
“And they’re very good at wasting them.”
Tech noticed the sound of movement coming from Crosshair’s direction, but made no move to dissuade what he was doing. When he felt a hand on his left shoulder and another one around his stomach he wasn’t surprised, and he leaned into the touch.
“They’re not coming back, Tech.”
“I know, I know, but there’s still that part that worries.”
“Then we’re here to remind you that it’s okay.”
“That won’t quiet it.”
“Then I’ll just have to keep doing it until it quiets down.”
“Cross, that’ll take longer than breaking through the brainwashing.”
He felt his vod’s grip tighten against his back, “It won’t stop me.”
Tech couldn’t come up with a rebuttal to that, and instead just let a silence settle over them. It felt better to focus back on the sea and the experience of being held again.
Because the future was clearly uncertain, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to quiet the voices anytime soon, but there was still that moment with his vod and knowledge that he cared.
Crosshair was there, they all were there, and the future was wide and open before him.
Good or bad, they were going to deal with it together, no matter what.