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The leaves crunched under Illi’s feet, scattering into the wind as she stomped into the woods. Her breaths came out in huffs, partly from her frantic pace, partly from her anger.
She hated those fucking jocks. How did they get away with all the shit they pulled? How was it that she was the one who got in trouble for their antics? Her shoulder still stung from where she had been slammed into the lockers, and her bag still hung heavy with the detention slip she had gotten for “picking fights.”
The woods were nice, the woods were calm. As soon as Illi got out of detention, she ran straight for them. They were a place where she could disappear for a while, vanish without having to worry about being judged or perceived by anyone besides the squirrels and birds.
Once she thought she'd gone far enough, Illi’ slung her bag off of her shoulder and settled down under a tree. The branches were painted with elegant hues of gold and auburn, and the comforting colors made Illi feel at peace.
She unearthed her sketchbook from her bag, the pages worn and crinkled from months of use. From her pocket, she produced a pencil, and she began to sketch. Random lines at first, but soon they began to depict a drawing of her.
Well.
Almost her.
Because this Illi was everything she wanted to be. This Illi had a skirt and a chest and no bulge in her pants. This Illi had long hair that was clean and didn’t hang limply to her shoulders.
She stared wistfully at the drawing, wishing, praying that one day she would look like that. One day she would be able to immediately be thought of as a girl without having to give a long explanation first.
As she stared, a large drop of water suddenly splashed down on the page, soaking the drawing.
“Fuck!” Illi cried, closing the sketchbook and staring up at the sky. The last time she had seen the sky, it had been an electric blue, spotted with fluffy clouds, but now those same clouds had darkened and thickened.
More raindrops began to fall, and she shoved her sketchbook and pencil back into her bag. She stood, brushing off her pants, and swung the bag over her shoulder. Illi set off at a brisk pace, wanting to avoid the worst of the rain, but still enjoying how the cool drops felt on her warm skin.
The air danced with the fresh smell of rain, and she took a deep breath, stopping and tilting her head towards the sky so she could truly savor the sensation.
Illi never understood how people hated the rain. It was such a beautiful part of nature, it didn’t deserve to be hated like it was. There was nothing like a cozy spring day awash with a shower from the skies, in Illi’s opinion.
Her hair stuck in strands to her wet cheeks, and she grinned, twirling in a circle as the raindrops continued to fall.
CRASH!!
The first burst of thunder came suddenly, and Illi jolted forwards in shock, stopping her spinning. For the first time since the rain started, she felt a spark of worry flare in her heart.
She continued on the path, faster this time, the gentle rain from earlier now cruel. Unforgiving. It beat down on her skin, thick pellets that soaked her to the bone. The rain was coming down in sheets, and she could barely see in front of her.
The world suddenly lit up with a burst of lightning, and she shrieked, her breath coming quickly as she began to panic. The thunder came a few seconds later, blasting into her ears.
She couldn’t see.
She couldn’t hear anything besides the fucking rain and thunder.
Illi’s body was trembling, her cold breath visible in the air. She thought she was crying, but she couldn’t tell as her tears mingled with the water coming from the sky.
Her heart jumped into her throat as she felt her heel slip in the mud that had gathered on the ground and she fell, sliding down the slight incline into weeds and bushes and sticks. She felt the woods tearing at her pants, clawing at her exposed skin, and she tried desperately to push against the ground with her palms as she fell.
Eventually she settled to a stop, teeth chattering loudly as her arms and stung from the cold. She stood, trying to regain her footing, and winced as a sharp pain shot through her leg.
Her fucking ankle was hurt.
She looked around, clutching the straps of her bag like they were her only hope, but she couldn’t see the trail she had fallen away from. Even if she could see it, would she be able to get back up there with all the mud and branches and plants blocking her path?
Should she leave and wander, maybe finding her way out of the forest on some half-chance? Or should she stay in the same spot, where she knew she was close to the trail, and freeze to death?
Illi opted for the first option.
She limped heavily around, finally finding solid ground and following the new path. It seemed to be an official trail, so she hoped that if she kept following it, she would somehow be able to escape the hellscape that was these woods.
Illi could hear her sobs now, loud broken sounds that only just reached her ears over the din of the winds and thunder and fucking rain.
Of course she had decided to stop. To twirl around and laugh and stand in the storm that would be her doom. Maybe if she had just moved, run out of those woods as fast as her legs would take her, she wouldn’t be trapped now. She wouldn’t be trying to desperately find a way out of these endless woods with an injured ankle and her blood slowly turning to ice in her veins.
Illi was scared.
So, so fucking scared.
If she died, she’d never get to live her life. She’d never see her friends again, never finish all her drawings, never finally achieve being a girl like she had dreamed about for so long.
She’d just be the boy who thought he was a girl and then died in the woods.
They’d probably write “Gerard” on her grave.
Illi couldn’t feel her fingers. Or her toes. Her exposed flesh had stopped burning, and her eyelids began to droop.
No.
No!
I can’t fucking die like this.
I can’t die!
Please!
No!
She felt her ankle roll, a bolt of pain jolting up her leg. Illi barely registering her fall under her head thumped hard against the soft ground as the sky flashed overhead.
Her eyes began to drift again, and she felt a heavy fog settle over her mind. Her thoughts came slower and slower, and despite her desperation, there was nothing she could do.
Illi McMillin was going to die.
The world sank to black.
—
“Mikey, are you sure about this?” Ray asked, his tone apprehensive. “I mean, how do you know Illi went into these woods? Who’s to say she’s not just… I don’t know… hunkered down in the school after that freak thunderstorm?”
“Trust me,” Mikey said, continuing forwards to the treeline. “I know Illi. I know she loves these woods. And I know she sure as fuck wouldn’t stay at that school any longer than she’d have to.”
“C’mon, Ray, we have to look,” Frank said suddenly. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet, wringing his hands and keeping his eyes on the ground. It made sense why, as it was no secret he was dating Illi. “Even if there’s a slim chance she’s in the woods, we have to check. Nobody else is going to do it. Nobody else fucking cares.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Nobody even bothers to even call her Illi, you think anyone but us is going to care that she’s missing?”
“You know I care,” Ray said, trying to calm Frank down. “It’s just that the woods can be pretty dangerous, especially with all the rain that came down yesterday. It’ll be downright treacherous in there.”
“Exactly,” Mikey cut in, turning to them as they reached the first scattering of trees. “We’ll just walk along this trail for a while. If we don’t find anything then okay, we’ll leave. But that’s my sister, we gotta check.”
Ray nodded, hurrying up until he joined Mikey. Together, the three of them entered the woods.
Cool air washed over the group instantly, the cold from yesterday still insulated by the trees. Water dripped from the branches and onto their head, but they continued, moving forwards.
“Illi?” Frank called, but he was only met with the silence of the woods as they swallowed his voice. “Illi? Illi!”
He continued shouting their name as they kept walking, only stopping when they came to a small part of the path where the trail had collapsed, sloping downwards in a slide of mud.
Mud that had a pencil sticking out of it.
It took a moment for Mikey to realize what the object was, but the rain had washed the dirt off its surface, leaving the orange paint exposed.
“Guys…” he whispered, pointing to the object, and it didn’t take long for the others to notice the pencil. Ray gasped, and Frank raised a hand to his mouth.
“We have to go down there,” Frank said firmly. “And don’t give me any shit about this being a coincidence. If it is Illi down there, if she’s hurt, and we leave her there, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Mikey didn’t reply, simply beginning to climb down. He was soon joined by Frank and Ray, and they ever-so-carefully made their way to the bottom of the hill.
“Do you guys think those are footprints?” Ray inquired, pointing to some slight indents in the mud.
“It’s worth a short,” Mikey replied grimly. They turned in the direction that the footsteps pointed, and continued on.
“There’s something up ahead,” Frank pointed out, his voice tight. “Something in the path.”
“Shit, is it…” Mikey whispered, trailing off.
“I can’t tell.”
The group pressed faster, and soon the thing Frank saw in the distance took on a shape.
It was a person, curled up in the path.
Frank shoved ahead, sprinting, Ray and Mikey at his heels. He fell into the dirt, rolling the person over onto their back.
It was Illi. Her face was pale, lips white, and she was coated in a layer of mud that Frank gently wiped from the skin of her face with his shirt. He grabbed her hand, and it was freezing.
“Illi…” Mikey whispered, watching as Ray bent down and scooped her up into his arms. He was the tallest, the only one of the group who would be able to carry her far enough.
Illi’s head bobbed limply, and she didn’t move as Ray settled her into his arms.
“She’s so cold,” he gasped. “We need to get her to the hospital.”
“Wait,” Frank said, voice shaking. “Can I…” his voice trailed off as he reached his hand over to Illi’s neck, pressing two fingers against it and waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And falling
falling to the ground and sobbing and
and shaking and crying and
screaming and
Because there was no pulse underneath Illi’s skin.
She was dead.
And she was right.
They did write the name “Gerard” on her grave.