Work Text:
"—Among the cold and harsh waves
I need your heat, you are my volcano"
Jisung reaches out a trembling hand, stopping the track. Ever since his voice started coming out of the speakers, he's been trying to make himself smaller and smaller, almost curling into a ball in the studio chair. His chin is now tucked into his chest, so that all he can see are his knees and scuffed sneakers, instead of the others’ reactions.
The silence is deafening. He clenches his freezing hands into fists, and waits.
Writing Volcano had been so painful. Heartbreaking from the very start. He spent entire days locked away in his room, then locked in his private studio, never letting anyone in. Jisung knew the tears constantly streaming down his face would’ve been a dead giveaway for how he was feeling, and the last thing he wanted was to give the others even more reasons to be concerned about him.
He already gave them plenty lately.
No matter how much he pretended he didn't, he saw Felix's face fall every time Jisung refused movie nights at his dorm. Saw Jeongin's barely concealed horror and distress whenever he found Jisung crying in the bathroom during their dance practice breaks. Chan and Changbin had already reached out, offering help. Support. Advice. Anything they could give him, and Jisung knew they would move mountains for him. Just to see him smile again. And Minho… well, that was a thought better left buried.
For years, Minho had been a constant presence in Jisung's life. His best friend in the world, his rock, his hyung. His. Minho was a hyung to many people, but they all knew the unspoken rule. He was Jisung's first. Jisung came first. Minho would be there for him no matter how small or earth-shattering his problems were. He would be strong and steady and fix everything before Jisung would even have a chance to panic about it.
But then Jisung had to ruin it. He had to go and stupidly fall in love with his favorite hyung, because he was needy and greedy and couldn't leave things well enough alone. Instead of taking what he was given, which was already more than he deserved, he foolishly yearned for more.
Which ruined everything between them.
So after the first lyrics came to him during a sleepless night—while waiting for Minho to come home for their movie night only to realize he was stood up—he started working on the song alone. Giving more and more of himself until he couldn't even recognize the man that was left. Just a hollow body, which had once housed so much happiness and joy. Sunshine twins, they used to call him and Felix. But that was before.
Now he could only keep writing, his only companions a broken heart and even more broken sobs. He kept reaching deeper within himself, uprooting all his poisonous feelings and turning them into something… beautiful. Something precious to him. The only good thing that could ever come out of this.
He never intended to share the song with anyone else.
But Chan had insisted, like a good hyung, wanting to share with everyone what he thought would be Jisung's enthusiasm for another completed project. A song Jisung should be proud of, after working so hard. And he is. He just wishes he could’ve kept it closer to his heart.
“This is wonderful, Jisungie,” Felix whispers after the quiet has stretched on for too long, like he knows this moment shouldn’t be disturbed, but can't bear the silence. Jisung slowly raises his head, eyes flitting to where he's sitting tucked into Jeongin's side, who is furiously nodding. Felix's eyes are full of tears, and the look on his face is far too knowing for Jisung's liking.
With a sob lodged in his throat, Jisung gives him a tight smile that doesn't reach his eyes and lets them roam over the small room.
Chan and Changbin are exchanging worried glances, and then suddenly they're looking at him like they're seeing Jisung for the first time. It terrifies him, feeling so seen, but his hyungs are nothing but kind. Chan quickly jumps in, “Oh—oh, wow. This is very beautiful, Sung-ah, you put so much emotion into it. Amazing job, as always.” Chan is proud. Changbin too, reaching out to pat his head gently. They always are, and it makes Jisung feel even worse about what he's feeling. What he’s hiding from everyone. What he hopes no one asks—
“Who is it about?”
Hyunjin's voice is incredibly soft, but that doesn’t soften the blow. He can’t—he could never tell them.
Jisung has always been sensitive. His brother used to make fun of him for that when they were younger, and Hyunjin did too, for a while. Until Minho's threats to stuff him full of tissues became a bit too real. But what Jisung is feeling now is not that, he's not just sensitive. He feels stripped raw, completely exposed, like someone peeled off his skin and muscle and bone until all that was left for them to see is his weary little heart, all beaten up and… aching.
He huffs a pitiful laugh and hopes no one notices the tears threatening to fall as he looks back to his laptop, pulling at his sleeves and fiddling with the controls. “No one, silly. Just… STAY, you know,” he manages to choke out, shoulders raising in what he hopes is a nonchalant shrug.
A lie. A bold faced, blatant lie, and he can see on their faces they don’t believe him. Worst of all, he can see their pity, too.
Because they know. And no matter how clueless Jisung can be at times, he does as well.
He has noticed them, because how could he not, when all he sees is Minho? He noticed the shared looks, the soft, intimate touches—a tired head resting on a bony shoulder, a steady hand clutching a trembling one. The way Minho spends less and less time at home, and more time at Seungmin and Felix's apartment. How Seungmin sometimes seems to have something to say to Jisung, just to turn around and leave at the last moment. How Minho doesn’t call him jagi anymore.
Jisung wrote the song about Minho. He bared his soul and put all his love into it, hoping it would reach some corner of Minho's heart that still held some affection for him. And he can’t tell them that, because Minho and Seungmin are right there, sitting side by side on Jisung's small couch. Neither of them has said a single word since he played the song.
And Jisung can’t pretend for much longer that it doesn’t break his heart in a thousand pieces.
Minho's face is expressionless, jaw clenched and eyes stuck to a spot on the floor next to Jisung's chair. His hands are tightly clasped in his lap, his countenance giving nothing away. Like he didn't even listen to the song. Seungmin, however, is watching Jisung so attentively that he needs to look away. He might do something stupid if he doesn't, and he can't afford that. Could not bear losing them all.
Jisung leaves soon after, lying once again—about a made up doctor’s appointment this time. They all know. Felix still wishes him good luck.
He breaks down as soon as he gets home, knowing he’ll be alone for the next few hours. He's always alone here lately, but the worst part is that he’s just so fucking lonely. He falls to his knees before even reaching his bed and violent, painful sobs wrack his body. Feelings too big to be kept inside his heart for so long are begging to be let out. He clutches his chest tightly with one hand, wrapping the other around his torso, and lets himself cry.
He loves Minho. He needs him, needs his warmth, his arms around Jisung, telling him everything will be okay. And still, Minho will never choose him.
🌋
They don't talk about it.
Changbin tries, in his own way, dragging Jisung to the gym way too early in the morning and giving him The Look while he spots him. He never pushes, just looks at him with soft eyes and waits for Jisung to come clean. To tell him what they all already know.
But Jisung can't do it. He's too exhausted, and his heart hurts so bad he can't even bring himself to say the words. Not without sobbing and causing a scene. What good would it do anyway? Changbin would hug him and tell him everything will be alright, and Jisung would have to pretend he believes it.
It's better this way.
The others don't try to make him talk, but somehow that's even worse. They all walk on eggshells around him now, like even the smallest mention of Minho might send him into a full breakdown.
Which is ridiculous, when Minho is always right there. In the studio, in the dance practice room, in their apartment.
Except… he's not, not really.
Minho doesn't record his lines with Jisung anymore. There's always an excuse—someone else can go first, he might be late and can just record with Chan, his mom calls as soon as Jisung walks into the studio. The third time Jisung bursts into tears as soon as Minho leaves the room again, Chan steps in. They don't run into each other at the studio anymore after that.
Minho doesn't help Jisung with his dance either. He can't just leave practice, of course, but whenever Jisung makes a mistake or can't get the steps right, Minho just… pretends he didn't see it. Felix and Hyunjin are always there to help, jumping in before Jisung can realize he's being ignored. Which he does. Because it's Minho.
Jeongin now walks with him to the bathroom and waits outside until he stops crying, silently handing him bottles of water or little snacks Jisung knows he stole from Hyunjin.
Being at home is the worst. Minho is barely there, but even when he is, it's so painful, so cold, Jisung would rather be alone. Long gone are their movie nights, or sleeping in the same bed because they can't stop talking about the stupidest things. Like the top 10 cutest bugs. Minho always said Jisung takes the top spot.
Jisung used to be his first choice, always. But not anymore.
They're eating together for once, Minho's delicious kimchi-jjigae slowly warming Jisung from the inside. He missed this. Missed his hyung.
Minho was already cooking when Jisung got home from another grueling studio session, and it felt so normal Jisung forgot for a moment where they stand. So when he shyly asked if there was some for him as well, Minho just blinked way too many times and nodded.
So Jisung tries. Maybe there's still a chance for them.
"How was your day, hyung?" he asks softly, afraid of breaking the months-long silence.
Minho still flinches. He schools his expression as soon as he realizes it, but it's too late. Another crack in Jisung's already wrecked heart.
"Oh—uhm, good, yeah." It sounds final, like those are all the words he's willing to spare for Jisung. He can't even look at him, pushing his food around in the bowl instead. He doesn't ask Jisung about his day.
And Jisung knows he should stop, leave it there, leave him alone.
But he's also selfish. He wants to hear more of Minho's voice, to get more of his attention, even if unwillingly. He doesn't know when his next chance will be.
His voice shakes and he cringes at himself for even asking, but this is the best he can do right now. "Did you do anything fun?"
Minho's eyes slowly rise from his bowl, brows furrowing. He simply stares at Jisung for a painfully long minute, searching for something in his eyes that Jisung doesn't know how to show. Or hide.
"I went to the gym this morning." He hesitates for a second, and then, "And I tried this new cat cafe that just opened nearby."
Jisung's heart drops. He knows about the cafe, knows because Felix sent him a post about it and said "I bet Minho-hyung would love to go." This was weeks ago. Jisung was too much of a coward to ask Minho to go with him.
"Oh, did you take Felix with you? I think he mentioned something about it."
Now Minho is definitely avoiding his eyes, suddenly standing up and busying himself with gathering the dirty dishes.
"No, I—I went with Seungmin this time."
Oh.
Oh.
They went on a date, of course they did. Because Minho loves Seungmin and Seungmin loves him back and Jisung is nothing but a fool.
He excuses himself, tripping over his feet and mumbling something about some lyrics he needs to finish. He thinks he hears his name being called right before closing his bedroom door, but like everything else, it's probably just wishful thinking.
He cries himself to sleep that night, too overwhelmed by the pain to remember to keep quiet.
By the time he wakes up the next morning, Minho is already gone.
A few days later, Seungmin approaches him after dance practice. Almost everyone else has left already, but Jisung needs to get these steps right. He can't count on Minho to help him at home anymore. Felix is the only one left with them, playing some game on his phone, probably waiting for his roommate. Minho is nowhere to be seen.
“Jisung, hey. Do you have a minute?"
No no no no no…
"Yeah, of course. I'll probably be here all night at this rate anyway, I can't get this stupid transition," he laughs, and if Seungmin realizes it's fake, he's kind enough to ignore it.
"I just wanted to tell you how much I loved Volcano when you played it for us the other day." Seungmin says, a small smile on his face. "I think it’s one of your best songs by far.”
High praise from someone as talented as Seungmin. Sometimes Jisung wishes he could hate him. And every single time he does, he gets sick from the guilt.
“T-thank you, Minnie. That means a lot coming from you," he says with a real smile this time, because it does. Because no matter how much Seungmin is taking from him, he will always love him. Just like he loves them all.
Just like he used to love Minho, before his feelings turned into something ugly, twisted and unwanted, something that made Minho pull away from him.
He half expects Seungmin to say something sarcastic or slightly mean now that he’s been so nice, to tease him like he does with all the others. But he only levels Jisung with a thoughtful look before taking a deep breath and saying, “I would like to buy it from you.”
Jisung feels his breath catch, every inhale getting harder, like his lungs are suddenly filling with water. Every exhale a struggle, too.
“No… I'm sorry, but—”
“Just hear me out, Jisung, please.”
“I said no!” His voice is louder than he expected, breaking on the last word and attracting Felix’s attention. He locks his phone and starts getting up, unsure if he should intervene. “Not this one, I'm sorry,” he adds, softer this time.
Not the song about Minho, never this one. Jisung doesn’t think Seungmin is cruel, doesn’t think he has it in him, but right now it feels like he’s being mocked.
Like the universe is telling him, "You don't deserve to have this".
Seungmin is still calm, raising his hands in a placating gesture. “I see. That's okay, Jisung. Minho-hyung told me—”
Jisung is not proud of himself for this, but he flees. Doesn’t stay around to find out that Minho himself told Seungmin to ask for the song.
His song about Minho.
He must want to hear Seungmin sing it, imagine that he's the one who wrote it.
Jisung is sick before he even makes it to the bathroom this time. Felix finds him there minutes later, crying so hard his entire body hurts, shaking too much to keep himself up. Felix doesn't say anything, just quietly cleans him up as best as he can and takes him home. His home, not Jisung’s.
Seungmin is not there.
🌋
The next few days, Jisung is a ghost of himself. He doesn’t really eat, only drinks some water when he feels too close to fainting or when Felix physically forces him to. He knows he's hurting him, hurting them all since he has to pretend he's sick and can't go to any rehearsals, but a small part of him can't help but think why should I be the only one hurting?
He goes home eventually, because he has to, but he doesn’t linger too much outside of his bedroom. He can’t bear to see Minho’s concerned face for a second longer or he’ll do something they’ll both regret. Like confess to him.
Felix comes over often, sometimes bringing Hyunjin or Jeongin with him. They make him eat (he refuses) and drink (he tries) and watch trashy TV shows with them (he disassociates most of the time but quickly learns how to laugh when Felix does).
One evening—after Felix and Jeongin leave with promises of returning the next day for more episodes—Jisung is on one of his rare trips to the kitchen when he hears Minho faintly through the balcony door, speaking softly to someone on the phone.
“I can’t do this for much longer, Seungmin-ah. I know what you think about this, but I can’t keep living here, not when Jisung—”
Jisung is out the door before he even realizes it. His heart feels like lead, heavy in his chest, poisoning him from the inside out. He couldn’t stand there anymore, listening to Minho talk about leaving him, like it’s easy. Like Jisung is nothing more than a nuisance to him now. Something to be disposed of.
His feet lead him to the park him and Minho used to go to whenever the dorms felt like too much, too overwhelming. They always used to be in sync, feeling the need for solitude but wanting to be alone together. Jisung doesn't know when that changed so drastically. When exactly Minho realized the extent of Jisung's feelings and decided that dropping him even as a friend would be the wisest decision.
Minho has always been wise. Hyung knows best, he supposes.
Jisung can’t even be bothered to sit on a bench, so he just drops down on the wet grass, back propped on a tree and lets it all out. His sobs, his screams, the cursed feelings that made him lose his hyung.
Hyunjin made him read this story once, about a disease that made flowers grow in your lungs when the one you loved didn't love you back. Beautiful things, killing you slowly from the inside.
That's how Jisung feels now. Like all this love he has for Minho, having nowhere else to go, is just growing bigger and bigger inside him until it fills up his lungs and suffocates him.
He doesn’t know how much time has passed. He left his phone in his room, left everything at home and ran away in his pajamas and squirrel slippers. A sweet gift from Minho. A painful reminder.
Jisung doesn’t really register the cold anymore, or even the way his tears are freezing on his face. How the evening light has long since gone, darkness surrounding him like a blanket as he sits there, forehead pressed to his knees, never ending tears streaming down his face. He falls asleep like that, wishing not for the first time, that he never fell in love.
A soft voice wakes him up, and he feels a gentle hand shaking his shoulder. “Jisung-ah. Jisungie, please baby, can you hear me?”
He's suddenly surrounded by warmth, Jisung distantly notices. A jacket that smells way too familiar being draped over him. Strong arms, lifting him up, carrying him somewhere even warmer.
“Jisungie, wake up, please,” and he does, because how could he ever refuse his hyung anything he asks of him?
“Minho-hyung… why-what are you doing here?”
“Why—baby, you were gone. You left and didn’t take your phone or a jacket or shoes, and were gone for hours. I've been looking for you all night, do you even realize—” Minho cuts himself off with a heavy sigh, his grip on Jisung tightening.
They’re in a car, Jisung thinks. Minho called him baby. He's cold.
“I heard you. You were going to leave me.”
Minho’s eyes are wide and scared, shiny with tears. Minho never, ever cries.
“I wasn’t trying to leave you, Jisungie. It just… it hurts too much to be there when you aren't—aren't mine,” he exhales, voice breaking like confessing this took every ounce of strength he possesses.
Jisung must have died. Hypothermia is dangerous, and he was out there potentially for hours, dressed in his sleep clothes. He must have, because otherwise none of this makes any sense. And if he's not dead, his hearing at least must have been affected. He simply misheard Minho, that's all.
"Hyung…"
"No, Jisungie, I'm sorry, but I have to say it. I don't want to leave," he laughs at that, and it's hollow and sad and all wrong. "I really don't, but I can't keep this to myself any longer either. It hurts."
Minho should never be in pain. Not if Jisung can help it.
"That's okay, Minho-hyung. I understand." He doesn't, but he will. He will do anything for his Minho, even leave his side so he can be happy with the person he truly loves. "I'll talk to Channie-hyung and Seungmin and I can switch apartments, it shouldn't be much of a change anyway…"
"What?"
Minho looks like he's just been punched, which is the exact opposite of what Jisung was aiming for. He takes a deep breath and tries to explain himself better, frozen brain and all. Minho's arms around him and sitting in his lap are certainly not helping. Jisung doesn't even know who's driving the car.
"You don't want to leave, so I will. That way Seungmin can live with you and I—"
He's interrupted again by Minho tightening his hold on him. "What the fuck does Seungmin have to do with anything?" he asks, voice low and incredulous. "You were crying about me leaving and now you're saying you'll leave—wait. I-is he the one?"
The pain in Minho's voice feels like a slap to Jisung's face. He's trying to keep up, trying to understand, but none of this makes any sense to him.
"The one? The one what?"
"The one you love, Jisung-ah," Minho whispers, and he sounds defeated. Jisung starts panicking, because this is the worst scenario he could think of—Minho believing him capable of something like that.
"No! Hyung, how could you think that? I know you and Seungmin are together, I would never, ever do that to you!" He's doing it to Seungmin, but he won't mention that.
Silence. Belatedly, Jisung realizes the car has stopped.
"Seungmin and I are what?"
"Hyung.” Jisung startles at the sound of Changbin's voice. So he was the one driving the car. That's mortifying to say the least, but Jisung can't deal with it right now. There will be plenty of time to feel embarrassed later, when he at least knows what the fuck is going on. "You should take Jisung inside, warm him up."
Minho is still looking at Jisung like he just told him cats are birds, but he quickly shakes himself out of it when Changbin clears his throat.
"Yeah, yeah, we're going. Thanks, Bin. Tell Chan-hyung not to worry."
Changbin snorts, "Sure. We'll talk tomorrow, Jisung-ah." And that's a conversation Jisung would give and arm and a leg not to have. He nods though, but doesn't get to say anything else as Minho is already out of the car, carrying Jisung like he weighs nothing.
"I can walk, hyung."
Minho shoots him a look but doesn't answer or put him down. The silence is suffocating by the time they're walking into their building, into the elevator, into their home.
But Jisung can't help but hold Minho closer, tighten the hold around his neck and rest his head on his shoulder, because no matter how confused he is right now, he knows one thing—this might be the last time Minho ever holds him like this.
Minho is still quiet by the time he puts Jisung down in the bathroom, making him sit on the closed toilet lid. He gently pries Jisung's hands off of him, squeezing them once before turning to the shower and fiddling with the knobs until the water temperature is perfect.
"You should take a shower, we need to get you warm," his voice is soft, but he's not looking at Jisung. His body is already turned towards the door, like he's about to bolt as soon as Jisung moves a muscle.
"Don't—don't leave, hyung. Please." Jisung knows he's pathetic, that begging won't do anything but make Minho see how desperate and frail he is, but there's nothing he wouldn't do right now for even five more minutes with him.
Minho sighs, but turns back to him. "I'm not going anywhere, Jisungie. We still need to talk," he almost whispers, like the words are too scary to be said out loud. "I'm just going to make some tea while you shower, okay? I'll bring you something warm to change into and wait for you in the living room."
Jisung nods, throat closing before he can say a word. He feels like crying again, which is ridiculous, considering he used up a lifetime's worth of tears in the park. But of course his body would just… make more for Minho. He would do anything for Minho.
He showers on autopilot, ears perked so he can hear the front door if Minho decides to leave. All he hears is some tinkering in the kitchen, and then silence. He's used to it by now, but the reminder of months filled with nothing but silence makes him want to throw up.
Freshly showered and dressed in comfortable clothes he's pretty sure are actually Minho's—which he refuses to think about right now—Jisung quietly pads over to the living room. He slowly approaches the couch where Minho is waiting for him, bitter relief coursing through his veins.
Minho is not doing anything, not scrolling on his phone or even pretending to watch something on the TV. He just sits there quietly, head in his hands, and Jisung's heart breaks for the millionth time tonight.
"Minho-hyung…"
He doesn't know what else to say, but Minho's head snaps up and Jisung's brain resets anyway. Minho's eyes are red. "Are-are you crying?"
Minho doesn't answer, but they both know he doesn't need to. Tears still cling to his cheeks, one even resting on his plush upper lip. Jisung can't tear his eyes away, not until Minho clears his throat and scoots over a bit, making room for him.
"We should talk, Jisung-ah. Come, sit. Are you feeling any better?" His voice is wrecked, like he's still holding waves of tears back, but still thinks of Jisung first. "I can bring another blanket from my room if you're cold."
"I'm fine, hyung." He's not. Jisung swallows harshly and sits down, leaving enough room between them that it makes his chest ache. "You didn't have to—nothing happened to me. I'm fine," he repeats, drilling the words into his own brain, hoping the stupid thing will catch on.
He needs to be fine for this conversation. Can't let his emotions get the best of him, can't let Minho be influenced by his tears this time. This should be a clean break, for both their sakes.
Or at least for Minho's. Nothing about this will be clean for him.
"Nothing happened?" Minho is incredulous, eyes so big he'd look almost funny if this were any other conversation. "You were gone, Jisung. For hours, I didn't know…" He takes a deep breath, like he needs to calm himself down, and Jisung shrinks, shoulders curving inwards. "Everyone was looking for you, Felix was crying. We were scared, b—," Minho stops himself abruptly, almost choking on his words.
Jisung's hands are cold. He's shaking and tries to play it off by fiddling with the hoodie's—Minho's hoodie's—strings, but nothing helps. He never wanted to be even more of a burden on his friends. On Minho.
"I'm sorry. I just needed some time to—"
Minho interrupts him, staring at Jisung so intently he can't help but flick his eyes away, looking at a suspicious stain on their carpet. "Why did you run?"
"I told you, hyung, I heard you," he says softly. It's the last thing he wants to do, but this confession has been a long time coming. Weighing on him like a boulder every single day for months on end. He can't bear it anymore, even if it means losing even more of Minho. "You were talking about leaving."
He looks back at Minho—kind, lovely, selfless Minho. Even now, he's worried about Jisung. Even knowing about Jisung's stupid feelings, he tries to be kind to him. He's just that good. "I know it must be hard being away from Seungmin, and knowing how I feel, but you should've talked to me, hyung," he sniffles, only now aware that he started crying again. Damn it.
"Jisung…"
"No, hyung, let me say it. Please." Jisung knows he's a coward. Knows he'll lose his nerve if he doesn't say it right now, just like he lost it every other time he thought of confessing. Minho nods, so Jisung continues.
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for running away and I'm sorry for feeling this way about you and ruining everything. I tried to stop, I swear." He's still freezing, shaking so hard his teeth almost clatter, but he goes on. He must. "I'm sorry you're stuck here with me, I'm sorry I'm not him, I'm sorry I wrote the song about you and didn't want to give it to Seungmin. I'm so sorry for everything, hyung."
Jisung is full on sobbing now, hugging his knees to his chest like that could help holding him together. There's nothing to hold together now anyway. His heart is gone, willingly given to the man in front of him.
He waits for Minho to stomp on it.
"You… you wrote the song about me?" Minho's voice is small, so much so that Jisung almost doesn't hear him over the blood rushing in his ears. He feels the ghost of a touch on his arm, but Minho's hands are in his lap when he raises his head.
"…What?"
That's all he got from Jisung's apology? He glances over at Minho looking for answers because none of this makes any sense, but the look on the his face is devastating. Minho looks so sad, lips trembling and eyes shining, but there's something else there. Something too similar to hope, yet Jisung can't let himself dwell on it. There's no hope for him.
"Volcano. You-you wrote that about me?"
"Hyung," he whines. Why is Minho being cruel to him now? "You know I did, how could you not know? Didn't you send Seungmin to ask if he could buy it from me?"
"What are you talking about?" Minho sounds genuinely confused. "And what does Seungmin have to do with all this, Jisung-ah? Why do you keep bringing him up?"
Now Jisung is confused too. He blinks one, two, three times. A few more. A cute habit he picked up from spending so much time with Minho… before.
"He's—you're—what do you mean?" He stumbles over his words. "He's your boyfriend."
Minho's eyebrows shoot up so high Jisung can barely even see them anymore. He's starting to feel like he's missing a crucial piece of information, but can't quite figure out what it is.
"Jisungie… no offense, baby, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Baby. Baby. Baby.
Jisung splutters, scrambling to get on his knees on the couch and almost reaching out to grab Minho's shoulders and shake him. What the fuck.
"It's not! I saw you! You're always together, always hanging out just the two of you and going on dates, you even told him you can't keep living here with me. You sent him to ask for my song!"
He's getting worked up now, but there's a fire in his veins that wasn't there before. He needs to understand.
Minho looks at him like he just grew another head. "I didn't. I specifically told him not to, actually. Did he say that to you?"
Well.
Jisung thinks back to that day and realizes that he didn't really wait around for Seungmin to tell him what exactly had Minho said to him.
"No, but… why else would he—"
"He liked it. Said he was going to try and buy it from you and I told him not to. It felt too personal, I assumed you wrote it for someone special to you," he says, almost bashful. His ears are all red, a sign he's more flustered than he lets on.
It's Jisung's turn to watch him incredulously.
"I…did…" he trails off. "Wait, you thought there was someone else?"
He almost laughs. It feels ridiculous, how could Minho think there would ever be someone else for him? He almost believes he's messing with him, but Minho's shy demeanor and now extremely red ears tell him that's not the case. Jisung feels dizzy. Maybe he should drink some tea.
"You've been avoiding me for months, Jisung-ah. We never spent time together anymore, and then you wrote that song and I figured… you were in love." Minho is fully turned to him now, eyes full of an emotion Jisung refuses to name. Yet. "Seungmin figured out how I feel about you a long time ago, so I've been hanging out with him more because he… understands. I was giving you space."
Jisung thinks he might pass out. Or away. The air he inhales doesn't fully reach his lungs before he expels it. Is he hyperventilating?
"Hyung, you… I thought—I was trying to give you space! I thought you figured out my feelings and didn't return them and that I ruined everything between us and I was a burden and you hated me and—"
A hand cradling his cheek stops his rambling. He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to keep the air inside this time. Tears are still streaming down his face, but now Minho's hands are there to catch and wipe them away.
Minho, who is looking at him so fondly, so tenderly he almost can't bear it. He didn't know being so close to getting everything you've ever wanted could feel so terrifying.
"My silly Jisungie," Minho whispers, moving closer and closer until their thighs are pressed together. "How could you think I didn't return your feelings? You're everything to me. I've been in love with you since our first sushi date."
Jisung is burning from the inside. Minho's smile is blinding, so beautiful it takes his breath away again. Love.
"You… love me?" he asks dazedly.
Minho laughs softly. "So much. That's why I told Seungmin I couldn't live here anymore, jagi. It hurt too much thinking you were someone else's."
"Hyung, I—I'm sorry I made you think that. There was never anyone else." Jisung whispers, heart lodged in his throat, threatening to jump out and grovel at Minho's feet. "I've always been yours."
The hands holding his face tighten, and Jisung can see Minho's eyes filling with tears once more. "Say it again. Please, baby." He's so close now, close enough that their breaths mingle and Jisung can almost taste it. Heaven.
"I'm yours, hyung. Always have been. You're the only one for me." Minho closes his eyes and Jisung decides it's time to stop being a coward. "I love you, darling," he murmurs, and captures Minho's lips in a kiss he's been yearning for ever since he first laid eyes on Minho.
The kiss is soft at first, tender and careful and Minho holds him so gently Jisung thinks he never wants to leave his arms again. When they come up for air, Minho whispers sweet praises in his ear, touching him so softly—a gentle caress of his cheeks, tucking his hair behind his ear and letting his hand linger there, making Jisung feel safe and loved and warm.
Foreheads pressed together, Minho huffs a bittersweet laugh. "We've been so silly, jagi. I'm so sorry hyung hurt you, I'm sorry it took me so long to do this." He presses another sweet kiss to his lips. And another. “I love you.”
So much warmth, Jisung could melt from a single touch. "It's okay, hyungie. I have you now."
🌋
"You were so warm when you hugged me tight
I guess I teared up for a moment, because it was the first time"