Work Text:
There are magnets beneath every person's skin. Fixed, balanced; crafted to draw close the others in their orbit. To fit together in the deepest embraces. Safe. Content.
His magnet was not fixed. It was not balanced. Sometimes it pulled people in with such intensity he feared he would never be content — he could hold them to him until they pulled and fought and they would not be free of his current. Sometimes it flipped poles — repelled where it should pull.
Those days were hardest. When every touch felt like burning. Like an embrace was a trap, a simple brush of his hand the deepest wound. He would fight the repelling force of his magnet, try with all his might to keep them close, but the urge would only grow stronger, to push with all his might until the feeling died.
It had grown easier, over time, to be fair to people. To not flinch away when a child ran too close. To not shove and snap when a stranger brushed past. To reach out an arm to someone who might need it more than he needed to stay away. To balance his magnets on a thin wire and hope the correct nodes connected.
On his worst days he could still feel the ice blistering his skin. Still flinched in anticipation of the crack of broken bones. Still felt the scar on his cheek tug when someone stood too close. On his worst days too many layers of clothing was never enough to shield him from the crawling under his skin.
On his worst days he shrunk away from his own lifemate. He felt her longing when she blessedly resisted the urge to hold his hand. He tasted blood in every stolen glance.
And God, he wanted her. He tried so loud to love her; wanted so unbearably to feel her close but the pain was deafening. Their magnets could not align on days like this, no matter how carefully she tried to bridge the gap. No matter how deeply he yearned, how often and deeply he prayed for the chance.
He was tempted, at times, to allow it regardless. To force it: let her burn him alive for the connection they both craved. Still, he knew to burn a magnet would only null its pull forever. Leave him cold to push and pull. He didn't want that for her. Couldn't bear to meet her fire with ice.
So they waited, and yearned. Brushed fingertips as they passed, lingered a little too long when passing an item between them. Hoped with a patience he did not deserve that today would be the day his poles flipped and they could meet again.