Archive of Our Own ^beta

Four days before Alhaitham's birthday, Kaveh packs his bags. Alhaitham watches over the edge of a book as Kaveh drags an overstuffed backpack to the front door. Mehrak sits herself atop it like a throne, patiently awaiting Kaveh's command. 

"Going somewhere?" He asks after a moment of watching Kaveh putz around. He's muttering under his breath, going over a mental checklist of supplies. 

"Hm? Ah, yes! I almost forgot to tell you — this is your birthday gift!" 

Alhaitham glances at the bags, then at Kaveh. He himself has not packed. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Not we. I'm going out on a trip for a few days for your birthday."

Alhaitham pauses, mostly to give Kaveh a chance to elaborate. When no explanation comes, he quirks a brow. "It seems I've misunderstood how birthday gifts work. Care to explain how you taking time off work to go on a trip for yourself in any way gift for me?"

Kaveh has the audacity to roll his eyes, like Alhaitham is the unreasonable one here. "You're always complaining about how people cause too much fuss for birthdays. You always try to wriggle out of any plans I make, so I decided this year, I'm giving you what you always ask for: peace and quiet."

The words give Alhaitham pause. He re-directs his gaze back down to his book, staring at the words without really seeing them. "I see," he says evenly. 

Kaveh's smugness deflates a little. "That's it?"

"What more do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I suppose I just expected you to be a little more excited," he mumbles before quickly shaking his head at the absurdity of his own words. "What am I saying? It's not like you'd jump for joy even if you were excited. Still, some thanks would be nice."

Alhaitham can't help the tinge of sarcasm when he says, "Thank you, senior, for being so thoughtful as to gift yourself a vacation on my behalf."

Kaveh's face reddens. "You–! Don't say it like that!"

"Like what? Exactly how it is?"

"You're so insincere," Kaveh complains. Much as he'll deny it later, he's stomping as he paces back and forth. "I already told you, I'm giving you a few days of having the house to yourself so you can read or whatever it is you do when I'm not around — not that my presence has ever stopped you from doing what you want anyway."

"Are insults part of the present too? How generous of you, senior."

He steals a glance at Kaveh, who stands there with his hands on his hips, ruddy-cheeked and indignant.

"You know what?" Kaveh huffs, "I'm not going to let you needle me into an argument. It may be a few days early, but this is for your birthday, after all."

It's level-headed enough to throw Alhaitham off for a moment, but only for a moment. It's not like he wants to argue with Kaveh either, not necessarily, but there is a frustration welling within him. There's a glaring irrationality present in Kaveh's logic and he won't relax until he's dissected it thoroughly. 

"Where will you be going?"

"Liyue! It's a holiday season over there around now, and after hearing the traveler's descriptions of Lantern Rite, I'm rather looking forward to seeing it myself. It must be beautiful in Liyue Harbor this time of year."

Alhaitham's frustration blossoms, bearing fruit that overripens in an instant. His mouth tastes sour. Some of its juices coat his next words.

"I'm surprised you can afford such a trip right now, given how late you were with your rent payment this month."

Genuine hurt flashes across Kaveh's face, and dread sinks in Alhaitham's gut like a stone. Why did he say that? 

Kaveh's already straightening his back, eyes and voice hard as steel to cover up what Alhaitham has already seen, already knows. "I explained it to you already. I said I was good for the money, and that I was just waiting on payment from the client. You told me you understood."

"I—"

"I see now that that was just a lie meant to placate me until you could fling the incident back in my face later."

Alhaitham closes his book and sets it aside, halfway rising from his seat. "That's not what I'm doing."

Except what is he doing? Even Alhaitham doesn't quite have an explanation. Kaveh knows this, too, because he recognizes the shape of the jagged edges that cut him once before. He knows Alhaitham's flaws like the back of his hands because he wears the scars of Alhaitham's everything — his good and bad, his cruelty and his care— on those very hands. 

Kaveh too is kind enough, cruel enough, to let the silence ring. He gives Alhaitham an opportunity to amend his words. Alhaitham's mind races, but can't settle on the correct combination of words for this situation. All he can do is hold his tongue so he doesn't make the situation worse. 

In the end, all it earns him is a scoff from Kaveh as he gathers up his bags. "...Right. Figures."

Kaveh tosses a bitter, "Happy birthday, Alhaitham" over his shoulder and then he's gone. 

Alhaitham sits there for a while, just running the pad of his thumb over the ridges encasing his hardcover until the sky darkens. He can't stop himself from thinking, but he's keenly aware of how fruitless the endeavor is at the moment; he's too close to the argument to see things clearly. At this rate, he'll just keep running himself in circles wondering what went wrong and where and why—

It's dinner time. That thought is clear, and simple. Alhaitham acts on it. 

Cooking is soothing, and he takes comfort in the fact that without Kaveh around to complain, he can season the meat to his own liking. The heavy spice is another kind of comfort, aromatic and distracting, but warm and nostalgic. He makes enough for two.

He shouldn't have brought up the rent; that much he knows for certainty. It had been unnecessarily cruel, especially when Kaveh had been acting with such genuine intention. That thought makes something odd twist in his chest though. He makes a mental note to use some of his newfound downtime to examine the feeling at length when everything is a little less… tender. 

The leftovers, and his feelings, get tucked away for tomorrow. 

That first night Kaveh is gone, Alhaitham falls asleep to the din of his own racing thoughts. 

—

Kaveh is ashamed to admit that he spends the better part of an hour ranting to the Traveler and Paimon about their argument. They're some of the few people who know about his living situation, so it's a rare kind of liberating to be able to vent to them. 

"That Alhaitham can be a real jerk sometimes," Paimon crows, suitably indignant on Kaveh's behalf. "You should give him an ugly nickname for that." 

"Ugh, no, I won't stoop down to his level."

The Traveler chuckles, amused. They don't seem the slightest bit out of breath by the commute so far, a leisurely walk turned hike once they left the city limits. "Does he really give people nicknames?"

"Well, no," he admits, "but you should hear the way he calls me senior! It's supposed to be a sign of respect, but coming from him? Ha! It's never felt more condescending."

"Paimon doesn't get it. We know Alhaitham is a good guy and all, but he can be so mean sometimes! You're his—" Paimon pauses, apparently caught on how best to describe the dynamic between Alhaitham and Kaveh. Welcome to the club. 

"What Paimon means is he's, y'know… Uhm, well… you guys live together! So he should be extra nice to you!" 

"You would think so, but no. And I know he's perfectly capable of it. He just chooses to antagonize me at the worst times."

As if on cue, a group of aggressive fungi jump onto the path, rushing towards them. It only takes a few minutes to clear them out, but it's enough to distract Kaveh from his irritation. When they continue hiking, he falls quiet, lost in thought. 

Why had Alhaitham antagonized him? As much as he enjoys needling Kaveh, it's rare for him to say something genuinely hurtful without cause. Alhaitham would only say something because he truly believed it or believed it would lead to a desired outcome. He voices as much to his companions, hoping a different perspective will help.

"Could it be he just didn't want to talk about his birthday?" the Traveler suggests after mulling it over. "Maybe it's a touchy subject for him."

Kaveh immediately dismisses the idea. "No, Alhaitham may not particularly care for his birthday, but neither is he sensitive about it. He treats it like any other day. He's never gotten this upset before, even when we've tried throwing him parties."

That had always been the case, even back at the Akademiya, though admittedly a young Alhaitham had been more amenable to the idea of celebrating than the older, more stubborn man he's become. On the other hand, younger Alhaitham had been even less interested in making friends, so their little celebration had consisted of taking a break from studying to split a homemade dessert between them. 

It hadn't been much, but it still managed to put a smile on Alhaitham's face. So no, it couldn't be that Alhaitham hated his birthday. 

"Paimon can't believe Paimon's even going to say this, but maybe… he was sad he'd be all alone on his birthday?"

For literally anyone else, Kaveh might be able to accept that as a viable reason, but Alhaitham? "He's always complaining about how much noise I make around the house, and how much it's slowed down his reading. Not to mention, he's always trying to slip out of any birthday plans anyone makes for him anyway. Me disappearing for a week sounds like exactly something he should like."

"Okay, okay! It was just a thought." 

A thought that tucks its way into the back of Kaveh's mind, as much as he wants to dismiss it.

"Well, I suggest you save your breath for now," the Traveler teases, one hand on their hip as they gesture to the rocky terrain springing up on the horizon before them. "We have quite a bit of climbing to do." 

Kaveh tries not to groan. Maybe this trip wasn't such a good idea after all. 

—

The silence that reigns when Kaveh is away is not unfamiliar to Alhaitham. The architect frequently goes on business trips for things land surveys, build site excursions, or client meetings. Then, of course, there was the B.C. era (Before Cohabitation), when it was just Alhaitham living on his own in a former research center newly turned house but not yet turned home. 

In theory, both silences should be the same. An empty house is simply an empty house, and Alhaitham knows what his own house sounds like. He knows intimately the groan of old wood in the middle of the night and the muted tap of his own house slippers on the rug. These sounds have not changed with Kaveh's arrival, nor has the way the walls protect him from the noise of passersby. But it would be disingenuous to say the silence isn't different. It's a slight difference, to be sure, but one Alhaitham feels keenly nonetheless. The time before Kaveh had felt like a period. A silence with finality. Ostensibly endless, final quietude. Nowadays, the silence that Kaveh leaves behind in his brief absences feel like commas; lulls that pass like a breath before promised sound returns.

He could write an entire paper about it, but his energies can be directed towards better past-times. 

The morning is spent on independent research, delving into projects he hasn't been able to pursue as of late. After a couple of hours hunched over tomes, he takes a break to exercise. The stretches are rote to him, an easy warmup just to loosen his muscles and promote circulation. As he eases into his next set of stretches, a familiar snarky comment pops into his head. 

Kaveh's back wouldn't ache so often if he took the time to stretch.

The name comes as an unpleasant reminder— not unwelcome, nothing about Kaveh is ever unwelcome, but uncomfortable nevertheless. He can't force Kaveh to take a break with him today because Kaveh is already on vacation. Off to see the Lantern Rite with the Traveler and Paimon. 

He's frankly surprised by Kaveh's "gift" on multiple levels. Alhaitham had honestly been thinking of suggesting they take a trip of their own ever since Tighnari and Cyno returned with tales and photos of last year's Lantern Rite. He had assumed, apparently wrongly, that Kaveh would never agree. Or maybe it's just the thought of traveling with Alhaitham that he finds objectionable?

No, Alhaitham immediately rebuts, moving through familiar poses while he argues with himself internally. He's always saying he'd much rather split the travel costs when I go to the desert alone. 

Unfortunately, that's what a lot of things trace back to with Kaveh —- financial burden. That's why Alhaitham had been willing to wait until his financial situation had stabilized a little more before suggesting a trip abroad. 

And yet, he had felt secure enough to go with the Traveler. Was the Traveler fronting some of the cost? 

He's content to put everything on my tab around the city, but I bet he would have kicked up a fuss if I said I'd pay for the costs of our stay. 

Frustrated, Alhaitham throws redoubles his exercise, throwing himself into the task until his muscles burn with a pleasant ache and his mind is relatively clear. It's a nice way to kill time. The afternoon passes with a shower and a light lunch, followed by a few more hours of reading. Fresh and clear-headed, he makes a remarkable amount of progress before dinner. 

Alhaitham takes the darkening light of dusk as a sign. He packs up his book and heads to Lambad's, sliding onto a stool at the bar. 

"Evening, Alhaitham," Lambad greets warmly. He's one of the few people that has seen him often enough to not be bothered by his "Here for your usual?"

Alhaitham hums. 

"Drinking tonight?"

He pauses, fingers trapped between the pages of his book. He tips his head. "Yes, I think I will. Got anything good lately?"

The owner's eyes twinkle in the dim lights. He's always excited to show off a new dish or imported liquor. "You bet. I'll get ya set up in just a few, my friend."

"Thanks."

With his headphones on, the din of the tavern fades into an acceptable background noise. Contrary to popular understanding, Alhaitham doesn't hate being around other people; he just hates when he can't tune them out. This level of socialization, being able to tune in and out of nearby conversations at his leisure, is ideal. Well, nearly. It would be perfect if—

"Here ya go."

A steaming hot shawarma wrap is set down in front of him, along with a cup of amber liquid. He reaches for the cup first, swirling the liquid gentle before taking a sip. 

It's sweet. Not quite as dry or full-bodied as a wine, but not as carbonated as beer. It was sweet and easy on the tongue. "It's good," he muses, much to Lambad's delight. "What is it?"

"Nice, right? It's called Aphid Mead. You'll never guess where it's from!"

If he remembers correctly, aphids are indigenous to... "Natlan?"

"Okay, guess that one's on me for expecting you of all people to get it wrong. But yes, it's imported from Natlan. Can you belive it? I hear normally it's only available in some special vacation spot, but I managed to get a couple of crates shipped in."

He'll have to look into that sometime. For now, he enjoys this taste of Natlanese fun. "If you have any to spare, I'll take a few bottles to go later." 

Lambad's laughs. His laughter always comes right from the gut, a hearty belly laugh like Dehya after a few drinks. "Of course! I had a feeling Kaveh would like this one, so I set some aside for you guys. Speaking of, where is he?"

"On a trip." Alhaitham downs more of the mead instead of elaborating. It isn't unusual for Kaveh to travel for work. 

Sure enough, Lambad accepts the answer at face value and turns to service other customers who have just walked in, leaving Alhaitham to his meal in peace. He tries to continue reading his book, but by the time his wrap is finished, he's only managed a few pages. By the time he's on his second glass of mead, he realizes he's just staring blankly at the words while his thoughts retread worn paths. 

Inebriation is not a state of being Alhaitham particularly enjoys. He indulges in wine now and then, occasionally helps himself to Kaveh's beer just because he can, but very rarely does he get drunk. He hates losing control of his faculties. Getting a nice buzz going, on the other hand, can be pleasant. Sometimes just a bit of alcohol is enough to dampen the excess noise so he can hone in on the root of what's troubling him. 

By the third glass, Alhaitham has narrowed it down to this: Does Kaveh not know him anymore?

It isn't that the gift is bad. He dislikes it, yes, but he can understand the thought process behind it. For anyone who thought they knew Alhaitham, it made perfect sense, and indeed, coming from anyone else, such quietude would be a blessing.

But Kaveh of all people should know better. 

Or at least, that's what Alhaitham had believed. Perhaps it was too naive to believe that after everything they had been through, Kaveh would be the same stubborn senior who insisted on celebrating his birthday together. But it seemed a part of him had truly believed after their reconciliation that some things would always be true. 

He thought Kaveh would always be his mirror, his equal, his other half. He thought Kaveh would always insist on celebrating birthdays together because birthdays made one think of family, and for a period of time, that word meant each other. He thought these things would never change because Kaveh, despite everything life threw at him, remained steadfast in his beliefs. 

And yet, here he was, drinking alone in a bar two days before his birthday because Kaveh thought, like anyone else would, that the best gift he could give Alhaitham was his absence. 

He almost wishes the mead was stronger, that it would burn going down. Physical pain might be a satisfactory distraction from his grief. And the second he has that thought, it all clicks into place for him. 

He isn't sad or lonely or bored. He's grieving. 

Alhaitham settles his bill. Lambad is kind enough to give him a box for the half dozen bottles of aphid mead he's carrying home, and they clink against each other as he walks. 

A Kaveh who doesn't stubbornly persist, a Kaveh who doesn't push his way into Alhaitham's life and expand his worldview far beyond his own reaches, a Kaveh who sees Alhaitham the way everyone else in his life sees him… is that even his Kaveh anymore?

For some reason, the loss feels more final than the destruction of their thesis. At least back then he could still hope. Now, he's forced to accept the reality that Kaveh does not know him, nor care to know him, as well as he used to.

The rattle of glass on glass is mocking. Six bottles set aside just for a them that doesn't exist, perhaps never existed at all. Given enough time, perhaps Kaveh can get through them all himself. Or maybe he'll go out with friends and share it with them. He sets them in the pantry with one final ti-tink! that echoes in the empty kitchen.

There's nothing but silence to accompany him as he readies for bed. Yet when he's finally in bed staring up at the ceiling, it's the sound of those bottles that rings in his ears. 

---

Kaveh hasn't had the opportunity to travel beyond Sumeru's borders before, so his excitement as Liyue's beautiful landscape unfurls over the horizon is expected. What isn't expected is the knot of anxiety that tightens with every step they take. 

"If we keep up the pace, we can definitely reach Liyue Harbor by evening," the Traveler says, holding up a hand to block the sun out of their eyes. They squint towards the eastern horizon. The Harbor is still too far to make out from this distance, but the Traveler nods anyway like they see something Kaveh can't. "A lot of stalls will be open late for Lantern Rite, so we can take a look around when we get there."

"That's good," he says, frowning a little when it doesn't feel like he means it. 

Kaveh is no stranger to his own emotions. The dread weighing him down now wears a face more familiar than any other: guilt, his steadfast companion in life. He had thought it gone, or at least at peace, after the events of the Interdarshan Championship, but ever since he had left Sumeru, he's felt it creeping up on his again. Where it once lay dormant in his shadow, it now crept cold, inky tendrils up his calves and over his spine before gripping him at the nape with fingers long enough to span the entirety of his throat. He feels the pressure of it when he tries to swallow. 

Kaveh dabs at his brow, clammy despite the breeze. He calls for a break, despite it being only 20 minutes after the last one. Paimon hovers around him while he catches his breath.

"Are you sure you're alright, Kaveh?" she frets, kicking her little legs in the air. 

"I'm fine." Except he hasn't been fine since he left home— since he left Alhaitham to stew in the silence of their fight in a big empty house. Serves him right, he thinks bitterly. 

"There's no rush," the Traveler says kindly. "Paimon and I will go scope out the area ahead for any threats, clear out the hilichurl camps. Take some time to rest."

The polite thing to do would be to push back, offer to help clear the path, but all that Kaveh can manage is a resigned sigh. "Thank you."

He activates Mehrak once they're gone, just to have another set of eyes on lookout for him while he directs his attention elsewhere. Before him lay the ruins of Qingxu Pool, perched delicately on tall, craggy rocks jutting straight out from the water. The sight is a prime example of how history in the form of well-designed architecture manages to endure the erosion of time, and it speaks to the artistic part of Kaveh's soul. He takes out his notebook to sketch, but all he manages are a few half-hearted lines before trying his kamera instead. 

The composition framed in the viewfinder, posed like massive chess pieces set down precisely by gods of yore. He knows the ruins date back to before the Archon war, but he can't recall much beyond that. Maybe Alhaitham has a book he can borrow. 

Kaveh lowers the kamera. The hike through the Chasm yesterday had been laborious enough to distract him from thoughts of Alhaitham, but now even the view of one of Liyue's stunning historic sites isn't enough to keep him oblivious. Every second away from Sumeru has just felt off, like each step was just a little part of one grand misstep. 

If he's really honest with himself, everything has felt wrong from the moment he left. 

It had been a joke of a suggestion at first; somebody, Cyno maybe, had brought up the idea of giving Alhaitham the gift of silence for his birthday, and Kaveh had resented the very concept. Despite all his anti-social tendencies, Alhaitham wouldn't actually like that for his birthday, he had insisted, because nobody deserves to be alone on their birthday anyway. Everyone had laughed and Kaveh had dismissed them all for it because what did they know about Alhaitham anyway? No one knew him as well as he did. 

But the conversation must have planted a seed. And Alhaitham had watered it with snarky replies to Kaveh's prodding about birthday presents in the weeks leading up to the present:

How about a night without you hammering away while I'm trying to sleep?

Rather than worrying about presents, I'd rather you pay your rent on time. 

I don't need more books. What I need is time to finish the ones I already have.

That last comment had been the nail in the coffin. In hindsight, Kaveh wonders if he might have overreacted— with Alhaitham's sense of humor, he had probably been literal in asking for more time, knowing full well it was outside of Kaveh's control. He was being cheeky. 

And Kaveh had taken it to heart. 

He groans, frustrated with himself. "What kind of person leaves their…" Paimon's awkward expression floats into his mind. "...ahem, alone on their birthday?"

Will he ever find a word that captures the totality of his relationship with Alhaitham? Once, he might have dared to use 'family' but he had torn apart the proof of their family with his own two hands. Nowadays, he isn't quite sure… roommate is the most neutral, but not a term he can use in public. 

It doesn't matter what I call it, I still shouldn't have left him all alone. 

He gazes out at Qingxu Pool again. Despite marveling at the view, he can't bring himself to snap a photo. He turns, slowly taking in his surroundings. He's still too far to see the Harbor, which is a shame. He would have liked to see the Jade Chamber too if he had the chance. 

"Kaaaveh, we're baaaack! Are you feeling better?"

Better? Not quite. But his head feels clearer. "I think so. Thank you for giving me some time to breathe."

"Of course. That's what friends are for!" 

Kaveh smiles. "I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but—"

"You're going back to Sumeru, aren't you?" the Traveler interjects, wearing a smile that reminds him of Lesser Lord Kusanali's — wise beyond their apparent youth. 

"I am. I'll have to hurry if I hope to make it back in time."

"What?!" Paimon squawks. The Traveler shoots her a smile, amused. 

"What, you didn't see this coming? Anyway, Kaveh, do you want us to escort you back?"

He shakes his head. "No, no, I couldn't impose. I already feel terrible that I'm flaking on you last minute like this."

Recovering from her shock, Paimon wags a disapproving finger in Kaveh's direction. "Didn't the Traveler already tell you? This sort of thing is nothing for friends! Getting you back home safe and sound is way more important. Besides, Lantern Rite will last for a few more days. We have plenty of time to get back before they light up this year's Mingxiao lantern."

Perhaps sensing Kaveh's rebuttal, the Traveler adds, "Let us at least escort you back through the Chasm. I trust you can get back to the city from there."

Kaveh deflates. He's still rather sore from yesterday's climb, so he really could use the assistance. "Thank you both. I'll try not to slow you down too much."

"Don't worry. Now, let's get you back to Sumeru. Ready for round 2 with The Chasm?"

He spares one last despairing glance for the beautiful scenery of Liyue and sighs. Another time, perhaps, preferably with Alhaitham in tow. "As ready as I'll ever be. Let's go."

---

Alhaitham has no alarm set on his birthday, so when he eventually awakens, it is to the warmth of sunlight sneaking in through his cracked window. It's an indulgence he grants himself every year, and this year is no different. He takes his time making his coffee and though it's too cold to sit outside with it, he contents himself with sitting by the window and listening to the birdsong.

Outside, Sumeru City is already bustling, lively. He knows that if he were to step foot outside, he'd be greeted with the lamentations of stressed students and the call of merchants hawking their wares. Alhaitham briefly entertains the idea of going out for lunch later, or perhaps doing some shopping, but given that silence is all Kaveh has left for him, he decides he may as well cherish the gift, poorly thought out though it may be. 

He peruses his shelves, looking for a title that piques his interest. In this moment, they all feel terribly dull. 

There's a knock at the door. Alhaitham scowls, considers ignoring the nuisance, but the knock is quickly followed by a second brisk set of a knocks. Sighing, he pulls a book at random from the shelf and goes to answer the door. 

"You understand I'm no longer Acting Grand Sage, General Mahamatra? So what business could possibly bring you here to my home on my day off?"

Cyno stands on his doorstep, the late morning sun partially blocked by his signature jackal helmet. He's carrying a few bags, looking like he's been caught in the middle of running errands. 

"I'm not here in my capacity as General Mahamatra, nor am I looking for the Scribe. I'm looking for Alhaitham," he drawls, looking the man up and down with an unimpressed glance. "Is he in?"

"No," Alhaitham says, and shuts the door in his face. Cyno kicks out a foot to block it.

"What's got you so cranky? Did I wake you?"

"I'm not cranky," he protests. Really, that should be that, but for some reason he finds himself adding, "I just had trouble falling asleep last night."

That gives Cyno pause. "Really? I thought you'd be sleeping like a baby without Kaveh around."

His brow twitches. "I suppose I must have gotten used to his racket at night."

"Hmm… then it must be true what they say," Cyno muses, looking contemplative. 

"What?"

"You need a noisy environment to get a really sound sleep."

Alhaitham redoubles the force he puts into trying to close the door. Cyno fights back, bracing an arm against the flat of it. They remain locked in this stalemate for a few beats, the door trembling between their opposing efforts. With a 'tsk' Alhaitham backs off, opening the door wider but still physically blocking the doorway with his body. 

"What do you want?"

"Relax, I'm not staying long," Cyno huffs. He holds up the bag he's been holding. "I just came to drop off your gifts."

Wary, Alhaitham accepts the bag and begins rifling through it. He reaches for a sack of what smells like coffee beans, though not any blend with which he's familiar. 

"That's from Tighnari. It's mushroom coffee. Supposed to be good for your health. He said that if you and Kaveh are going to continue drinking so much coffee, you may as well get some added nutritional benefit out of it."

Alhaitham hums, giving the beans a curious sniff. "And the taste?"

Cyno shrugs. "He didn't say much about that, but I hear it's been pretty popular with the Forest Rangers lately."

"I'll give it a try sometime. Give him my thanks."

"The card mat is from me, of course. It rolls up so it won't take up too much space either. Oh, that one's from Collei. She made it herself," Cyno says as Alhaitham holds up a hand-sewn keychain in the shape of a little black bull. 

"Shall I take this to mean she's decided to enroll in Haravatat after all?"

Cyno barks out a laugh. "In your dreams."

Alhaitham reaches for his key, pausing for a moment when he spots a second one still in the dish. With an inaudible sigh, he adds the Haravatat bull to the lonely silver key before returning it to the dish. The bull and lion lean against each other, cozy as can be. Alhaitham has to swallow down his feelings before they get far enough up to show on his face. 

"Thank you all for the gifts." 

"You're welcome." Task accomplished, Cyno seems more relaxed now, shoulders rolled back and an easy smile on his face. It only makes Alhaitham all the more aware of the tension in his own body. The gifts are not unwelcome, but he can't help his upset at the interruption to his quiet day. 

For all his flaws, Cyno is not one to overstay his welcome. He wishes Alhaitham a happy birthday and excuses himself. Relieved, Alhaitham starts to close the door. 

"Oh, and Alhaitham?"

He pauses. "Yes?"

"Make sure to get some sleep. I would hate to have to come back because you're resisting a rest."

The door is, finally, slammed in his face. He hears Cyno's muffled laughter, then the sound of retreating footsteps. 

Alhaitham puts away the rest of his presents. They really are endearing, representative of the person who gifted him each one. Mushroom coffee from Tighnari. TCG mat from Cyno. A plush keychain from Collei. 

Silence and solitude from Kaveh.

He thinks of how differently today might have gone if not for Kaveh's absence. He would have dragged him out for an early breakfast together at Pupsa's, then likely would have enlisted someone's help in distracted Alhaitham for a few hours while Kaveh ran over to Lambad's to start decorating for a surprise party. 

Bringing people together, forcing Alhaitham to celebrate his birth even if he himself doesn't see the point… that is the kind of gift that Kaveh preferred to give. The gift of community and human connection. The gift of a space filled with companionship and laughter and joy. 

Had Alhaitham ruined things to such a degree that Kaveh no longer cared to do so anymore?

He's not even sure what he had done, at least, not recently. Things had been better lately, or so he had thought. Kaveh is the kind to wear his emotions on his sleeve, so he thinks he would have noticed if he had done something egregious these past few weeks. No matter how much he wracks his brain though, nothing comes to mind. 

Considering it from another angle, if things have been improving lately, then it stands to reason that Kaveh has gotten more comfortable around him lately. Perhaps he's gotten comfortable enough to finally stop pretending. Maybe he's felt this way for a long time and has only been trying so hard to get along with Alhaitham out of fear of losing Alhaitham's good will. 

Alhaitham scoffs at the very thought. It's foolish. Absurd. But Kaveh has the tendency to overthink, working himself up and down preposterous paths. 

Lest he himself follow down those terribly anxious paths of overthinking, Alhaitham tries to divert his attention with a book. The first few pages don't immediately grip him, but he persists, forcing himself to read more until the plot gets rolling. 

It's unknown how many hours he loses to his mediocre detective novel before there comes another knock at the door. It's a gentle little thing, not timid, but certainly lacking the authority with which the General Mahamatra knocked, so he knows it can't be Cyno.

When he opens the door, he has to look down to see his visitor. 

"Lesser Lord Kusanali," he greets. 

"Happy birthday, Alhaitham," she chirps, smiling ear to ear. She offers a covered plate to him and when he lifts the cloth, he's met with the smell of sugar and nuts.

"It's my special version of Candied Ajilenakh Nut."

The treat is beautiful, unfurling like a confectionary flower. Even the plate underneath seems to have been chosen with presentation in mind, the curved edges lining up perfectly with the sugary petals of the blossom. Alhaitham is not moved, but he can't help the thought that Kaveh would adore it. 

"You should share it with him. There's enough for two people." Nahida beams before suddenly realizing her mistake and covering her mouth with her hands. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to invade your privacy."

Alhaitham waves off her concern. Frankly, he should know better than to think about anything incriminating around a god who can read minds. 

"Too bad he isn't around to see it for himself. I'll save him a piece, but I'm sure I'll just get scolded for cutting into your hard work."

Nahida giggles. "Sweets are meant to be eaten after all, though I'd be happy to make it again when his birthday rolls around."

Good luck. Chances are he'll be in Inazuma then. The jab comes sharper than intended. He avoids Nahida's questioning gaze; if she wants an explanation, she'll have to ask for it. He stares blankly at the doorframe, counting the grooves in the wood. 

Nahida hums, but instead of the line of questioning he expects, she just reaches out for his free hand. Her palm is small, but she still pats the back of his hand with all the tenderness of a grandparent. When he glances down at her, startled, he's met with patient green eyes.

"I was about to go meet up with Hat Guy for lunch. Would you like to join us? You can bring the Halvamazd and we can eat it together."

"Your kindness is misplaced, Lesser Lord Kusanali," Alhaitham says slowly. His fingers twitch in her hold. "I'm content to stay at home reading."

"Nobody wishes others a 'content' birthday, Alhaitham. Will staying home alone make you happy?"

"A quiet day at home is a gift I have been so graciously given," he murmurs. His fingers twitch again, and this time Nahida lets him go. Her warmth lingers on his skin, but it only makes him more aware of how cold the rest of him feels. "I would hate to appear ungrateful."

"I never took you for one who cares how others view you, Alhaitham."

He isn't, typically. It irritates him how much of an exception Kaveh proves to be, even when he isn't around. 

Instead of replying, he gives her a respectful nod. "Thank you for the treat, Lesser Lord Kusanali. If you'll excuse me, I have a book to read."

She sighs, but doesn't fight him on it. "Have a happy day, Alhaitham."

He shuts the door for the second time today. Since when is he so popular? Most people don't dare visit him at home; he supposes if anyone had the audacity to do so, it would be the General Mahamatra and Lesser Lord Kusanali herself. Still, how ironic that the one year he's not being subjected to a "surprise" party is the year people show up at his doorstep, determined to ensure he isn't left undisturbed on his birthday. 

(How terribly rude of Kaveh to get him used to disturbances in his routine, only to do nothing with the privilege.)

Lunch is a simple affair. He helps himself to some of Nahida's dessert, just to be petty. If Kaveh wanted to see it looking pristine, then he should have been here himself. 

The evening trudges by after that, each minute lingering slow and sticky as though caught in the same syrup used to coat chopped Ajilenakh nuts. He finishes his mystery novel. It isn't very satisfying, but he starts the next in the series anyway.

The air in the house feels especially stilted, like a sentence left hanging. Or maybe it's just him that's been left hanging. He debates going to bed early and just sleeping the rest of his birthday away, but for some reason he stays up, keeping silent vigil. 

It reminds him of the birthdays right after their thesis fell apart— and before that, the birthdays after the death of his grandmother. He realizes belatedly, that the only times he's spent his birthday alone have been after the loss of those closest to him. The realization is chilling, as his past pain confirms the reality of his present grief. 

He recognizes loss. If only familiarity made it easier to bear. 

A glance at the clock reveals the late hour. Just a bit longer. He'll stay up just a bit longer to see the day off before turning in for the night. 

He closes his eyes and breathes in the quiet.

BANG BANG BANG!

His eyes fly open. The knocking continues, stubbornly loud despite the late hour. 

BANG BANG BANG!

Alhaitham's temper flares. Is he not even allowed this much? Can he not end his day in peace and reflection? He yanks on the front door, fighting back a snarl. 

"What could po—"

"Alhaitham!" 

He's almost knocked off his feet with the force of Kaveh's hug. This close, he can smell the tang of Kaveh's sweat. His chest heaves against Alhaitham's as he gasps for breath right by Alhaitham's ear. 

"Thank… Kusanali… I made it!" 

His hands descend from their awkward hover to settle on Kaveh's back. His clothes are disheveled, capelet caught halfway between them while the other half flows down over his shoulder like normal. When Alhaitham pulls back to get a better look at him, Kaveh's knees buckle and Alhaitham quickly adjusts his hold to support him. 

"What happened?" 

Kaveh groans. Alhaitham thankfully can't spot any visible injuries on him, so he seems more disgruntled than in any actual pain. 

"What didn't happen? As if having to traverse the Chasm twice in as many days wasn't bad enough, every slime, fungus, and hilichurl in Teyvat seemed to crawl out of the woodwork on our back to Sumeru! Thank goodness for the Traveler or else I really might not have made it in time."

In true Kaveh fashion, the rant seems to have invigorated him. He straightens up at last, dusting himself off and adjusting his clothes while continuing to ramble. With a wave of his hand, Mehrak floats in too, carrying his luggage. 

"And the cherry on top was that of course, I didn't have my key! If not for that, I wouldn't have had to cause such a— oh, what's this?"

Kaveh holds up their tangled key rings. The newly added bull dangles proudly off of Alhaitham's. With a gentle poke, the little plush goes spinning. 

"Where'd this little guy come from? I'm surprised you picked out something so cute without my help."

Alhaitham shuts the door behind them. "It's a gift from Collei."

"Oh? That's sweet. Her stitching gets better and better every day. This is so well made," Kaveh coos. "She could have chosen a better muse though."

"Nonsense. Haravatat would welcome her talents."

Kaveh snorts. "Is that what you got up to while I was gone? You tried to get into Collei's head about choosing your Darshan behind my back?"

"No, I didn't even see her. Cyno dropped it off on her behalf. I didn't even leave the house today."

Alhaitham says it casually. Kaveh doesn't need to know the depths of his grief; he shoulders enough guilt without Alhaitham adding to it. 

And yet, that's exactly what Alhaitham sees brimming in those red eyes right now. Guilt. Regret.

"I'm glad I made it in time," Kaveh says softly. No matter how much he gentles his voice though, it cuts smoothly through the quiet, like striking a match in a pitch-black room. 

"You keep saying that. Why did you come back?"

"Because I shouldn't have left in the first place."

Alhaitham sucks in a breath. It feels horribly loud. "...I thought that was your gift to me. Are you taking it back?"

"Yes." Something stronger replaces the regret in Kaveh's eyes now: resolve. "And I don't care what you have to say about it. If you want space, Alhaitham, I'll grant you that on any other day of the year, but not today. Birthdays are for… companionship. Everyone deserves that much."

It's like Kaveh has taken that match and gone around lighting candles, word by word, until the house feels illuminated with his presence. Alhaitham lets out a breathless laugh. 

"Since when have I been like everyone else?"

"That may be," Kaveh concedes. He steps forward with confidence, crowding Alhaitham's space like it's his to claim— and it is. It always has been. "But neither have you ever been so different as to not be human, Alhaitham. Birthdays always get me thinking about family, and you, well…"

Alhaitham waits, something humming beneath his skin. Maybe that feeling is also Kaveh's voice, sluicing through his veins like that space, too, belongs to him. 

"For a long time, neither of us has had that. Family, I mean. But we've sort of found that for ourselves, now, haven't we? Cyno, Tighnari, and Collei. All of our friends."

"Family," Alhaitham rasps. 

"Yes. Or well—" Kaveh cuts himself off with a groan, flushing. His hair is still a mess from his travels, but he looks so beautiful here in the warm yellow light of their living room. "Even you have to admit it! You and I— we're- we're something to each other, Alhaitham. Don't you dare act like we aren't."

Alhaitham laughs again, louder this time. It sounds like relief. "I wouldn't dream of denying it."

Kaveh eyes him like he still doesn't quite believe him. But he doesn't pull away when Alhaitham's next step closes the distance between them. 

"Dare I say, Kaveh," he whispers, feeling the words dance like sparks between them, "that you are more than just something?"

Kaveh's hands alight on his shoulders, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt. "Family?"

"Mm, yes, but also."

"Also?" Kaveh swallows. "Friends?"

"But also."

"...Roommates?"

"But also." 

"What in Teyvat are you talking about, Alhaitham?" Kaveh cries, so close that his frustration buzzes against Alhaitham's lips. "Colleagues? Peers? What more is there?"

"Everything. Family, friends, colleagues, equals. You alone, Kaveh, are everything to me."

Emotion wells in Kaveh's eyes. Alhaitham stares, rapt, one thumb brushing his cheek as though preparing to catch the tears when they fall. 

He doesn't get to for in the next moment Kaveh closes his eyes and kisses him. 

Alhaitham has never felt more keenly the inadequacies of spoken language than now. Kissing Kaveh feels like an expression of everything he's ever wanted to say, everything he's dreamt of hearing. The words feel trapped now in his chest, fluttering around like butterflies — oh, that's where that phrase comes from — until they threaten to burst right out of him. He channels that feeling into motion instead, drawing Kaveh in closer and licking into his mouth until they're both gasping for air. 

They kiss each other a few more times, short, fond pecks that pop the quiet night in giddy little bursts. 

"You owe me a present," Alhaitham murmurs. 

"I know. I might need some time to figure something else out," Kaveh admits. He licks his lips, a little bashful, and all Alhaitham can think is that his tongue was just there too. "Have you thought of something you want?"

Everything.

"Take me with you next year to see the Lantern Rite."

"Of course," Kaveh says without hesitation. Like he had already come to the same idea. And yes, perhaps it was obvious, but Alhaitham finds he rather likes when their thoughts are so aligned.

"But that's next year, Alhaitham. What about this year?"

"Lambad gave me some Natlanese mead. You should try it with me."

"That's it?" Kaveh chuckles. "That feels too easy. Hardly a gift, I'd say."

"I'm not finished. Tighnari also gave me some coffee. Nahida dropped off some sweets that might pair well with it."

"It's a bit late for coffee—"

"We'll try it in the morning," Alhaitham interrupts. "But I want to sleep in, so you can't leave bed until I'm ready to get up."

"Are you asking me to spend the night with you?"

Alhaitham shakes his head. "I'm a creature of habit, Kaveh. I don't want to change my routine for a single night."

There's laughter in Kaveh's eyes when he looks at him. The sound of it bounces around them, bright and carefree. Alhaitham has never found it so delightful to be seen. 

"We certainly can't have that," he remarks with a shake of his head. "Only you would have the audacity to ask for such a longstanding gift."

"Will you indulge me, senior?"

Kaveh snorts. "Don't I always?"

On the night of his birthday, Alhaitham falls asleep to the sound of crickets outside his window, the echo of warm laughter and kisses that pop like sparkling mead, and his beloved's gentle snores right by his ear. It's the best sleep he's ever gotten.