Chapter Text
Queers of the Realm iMessage group, Edwina’s iPhone
Edwina:
I need you all to pay attention
Bestie:
Okay I’m here but it’s 11pm and I just finished feeding the girls so I could pass out at any moment
Ace:
Yeah Pen is probably asleep
Loml:
Can’t win em all
Phillip are you awake
Phallus:
Yes but I still hope this is important
The People’s Consort:
How is your holiday? How is Vienna?
Edwina:
It’s amazing, we’ve done a different museum everyday
Ace:
Nerds
Bestie:
She said enviously
Now I wanna sleep what are we all paying attention to
Loml:
Oh that
Edwina:
You mean this?
Ace:
Is that a fucking ENGAGEMENT RING
Phallus:
It’s on the wrong finger
Loml:
This is the only finger it properly fits on, we’ll get it resized when we get back
The People’s Consort:
Did you need to pay for an extra bag on the plane that thing is fucking huge
Edwina:
Four carat vivid pink sapphire, lab grown of course
Loml:
It’s perfect I’m obsessed with it
Ace:
It’s very Cressida
Bestie:
I can’t believe you’re engaged it feels surreal
Loml:
You’re telling me
Phallus:
It’s taken fifteen years to get here will you even be married in the next decade
Edwina:
It’s only been 13.5 thank you very much
Loml:
And by not getting married in our 20’s we statistically avoided our first divorce
Bestie:
Alright then 😐
Ace:
Why you wanted Phillip here for this is beyond me, all he does is bully you
Loml:
About this, which he can’t anymore
And as a reminder that he’s still single
Phallus:
Am not! I went on two dates last month!
The People’s Consort:
With the same person?
Phallus:
No 😒
Bestie:
I’m so happy for you two, I can’t wait for the wedding, but I have approximately 90 minutes before the twins want another feed so I’m going to sleep
Edwina:
Thank you, glad we could share this with you. Sleep well
The People’s Consort:
It’s 50/50, we might
Loml:
If we have the patience to wait they could be flower girls 🥹
Ace:
You’ll have to beat Pen with a stick to stop her from inserting Elsie into it
iMessages to The Royal Didi, Edwina’s iPhone
Edwina:
So you know how you love me very much and appreciate that as your little sister I never went through a rebellious teenage phase
The Royal Didi:
I’m really worried about this
Edwina:
I would just like to borrow you for approximately 48 hours, maybe less
The Royal Didi:
More questions than answers
Edwina:
Actually Cressida and I together would like to borrow you
The Royal Didi:
Tomorrow? When’s her birthday?
Edwina:
In four days, but that’s unrelated
The Royal Didi:
Edwina Aaliyah Sharma
Edwina:
Kathani Grace Sharma Wales
The Royal Didi:
I’m going to bed
Edwina:
No you can sleep on the plane
The Royal Didi:
I can what on the what
Edwina:
If I send you a place to meet us tomorrow will you be there
Pleaseeee
The Royal Didi:
I am the princess of wales, I cannot simply jet set on an impulsive holiday
Edwina:
You’re telling me you can’t get a jet and two security guards ready in ten hours? Fine, I’ll ask Anthony
The Royal Didi:
When will I find out where we’re going
Edwina:
When we get there, if you like the mystery
The Royal Didi:
I don’t
Edwina:
Okay fine I’ll email you the details and Cress and I will meet you at Heathrow in the morning
The Royal Didi:
I will have breakfast with my children tomorrow and dinner with them the day after, that’s how long you’ve got
Edwina:
Perfect thank you that’s all we need