Archive of Our Own

For the past week, something about Iris had been…off.

Not even in a negative way. Well…sometimes in a negative way. But in some kind of nice ways too. But easier to summarize as “off.”

There were far too many recent major events to pinpoint what exactly caused this shift in his temperament. The attacks on the Valley. A resident of the town trying to kill him. His severe back injuries (from his stupid wings made out of his OWN FLESH which he didn’t tell ANYONE ABOUT ahem anyway). The two of them finally…talking again. Iris finally being at home. Their home.

Maybe Iris had just changed that much since they were last on speaking terms. But that dismissive conclusion didn’t bring Lillium much closure.

Lillium had woken up just before sunrise and was contemplating all of this one morning, unable to fall back to sleep. But then his reveries were abruptly cut off by a “Hey!” and a sudden weight on his chest, and big, dark-chocolate eyes staring into his.

Lillium yelped. “Iris, what the hell!” He didn’t even hear him climb up to the loft. He was getting far too relaxed these days.

“You’re usually up by now, I came to check on you,” Iris said. “But you are awake already, so, good morning!”

Lillium rubbed his forehead. That was one thing that was different: Iris was suddenly much more inclined towards invading his personal space. He hadn’t decided yet if that was a good thing or not. But if Iris didn’t get off of him soon, Lillium was going to have…other problems and then it would almost definitely be a bad thing. Probably.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Iris asked.

“Nothing,” Lillium said shortly, sitting up and nudging Iris off of him. “Alright, I’m up, I’m up… You’re just up here because you want me to feed you anyway.”

Iris grinned. “How’d you guess?”

“You’re as bad as a dog, that’s how. Pouncing on me at the crack of dawn and begging for food.”

Iris laughed, his infectious laughter ringing like little bells. Lillium couldn’t help smiling back. Well, whatever it was that changed, maybe he should just let it go and enjoy whatever this was.

So, he made them breakfast, just some easy waffles and sausages and some scrambled eggs. They chatted and joked around and laughed more while eating. It was…nice? But Lillium felt like Iris’s cheery demeanor was a little forced. It wasn’t exactly strange that after all they had been through, they were getting emotionally and even physically closer, even if that threw Lillium off constantly. It was how much of it felt like a put-on. There was something Iris was trying to hide in those eyes of his, which Lillium could never study for long because Iris couldn’t seem to maintain eye contact with him for more than two seconds these days before looking away, distracted by something or other.

“Well, I gotta go back to the workshop,” Iris said with a sigh as he stood from the table at the end of their meal. “I probably won’t be back until late.”

“Okay,” Lillium replied. “Try to be home for dinner though, I’ll make you whatever you want.”

“Ohhh.” Iris’s eyes shone. “What about that, um… cow… ka-chow…peep…thing…”

“Cacio e pepe?” Lillium droned, the culinary master in him dying a little.

“Yeah, that! It was really good last time,” Iris said eagerly.

“Alright, sure, I can make it again.”

Iris leaned over the back of Lillium’s chair and hugged him. “Thanks!”

Lillium swallowed. That was another thing he couldn’t get used to: the casual hugs. “It’s whatever.”

“It’s not whatever, I appreciate it.” He scratched his head gently. “Okay, I’m outta here. Later, bro.”

“Uh, l-later.” Bro??? Since when has Iris said bro?

If he wanted to question it (which he didn’t, not really), it was already too late because Iris was out the door.

Lillium put his head in his hands as the door swung shut. “What the fuck is going on…” he mumbled to himself.

Iris was home again around 7, and Lillium made them dinner. The time spent with each other was enjoyable but still a little uncanny. After they ate, they watched TV for a bit (Lillium didn’t feel inclined to expose Iris to another horror movie; he didn’t think he could handle Iris getting any clingier), and then they started getting ready for bed.

Lillium climbed up to his loft and began undressing so he could put on something more comfortable to sleep in and then cursed as his pant leg got snagged.

“What’s up?” Iris asked, overhearing the swearing.

“Nothing, just…clothes have been getting caught on one of my legs recently,” Lillium admitted slowly.

“Oh no! Jeez, I’m such a jerk, I haven’t done maintenance on your legs in weeks, hang on…” Iris started rummaging around for his tools.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, it’s not a big deal…”

“Nope, I won’t take no for an answer,” Iris said, climbing up to him and setting down a toolbox. “Okay, let me see.”

Iris unsnagged his pant leg from where it had gotten caught and pulled his pants off the rest of the way as if this was a totally normal and not awkwardly sensual thing to do all of the sudden.

“I-Iris, what…” Lillium stammered. His face heated up so quickly that he felt lightheaded.

“What?” Iris asked, looking up from his work, then noticed how red he had gotten. “Oh, don’t make it weird,” he told him, although it looked like he couldn’t help but blush a little, too. “We’re like brothers, right? It shouldn’t be weird to get undressed around each other.”

That statement broke Lillium for a second and his mind went completely blank. Meanwhile Iris set his foot in his lap and started making adjustments.

“Oh, this plate is coming a little loose,” Iris observed and started tightening some screws. “That’s easy enough to fix. Have you been using that metal polish I gave you?”

“Er…” With some struggle, Lillium managed to blink back to reality. “Yeah.”

“Every day?”

“Well…”

Iris sighed and shook his head. “Just make it part of your bedtime routine or something. So it becomes a daily habit. It helps prevent rust and keeps the joints bending smoothly.”

“Alright, alright.”

It only took a few minutes to finish the adjustments, after which Iris wanted to polish his legs, but Lillium insisted on doing it himself because that was just far more intimacy than he could handle right then.

“Don’t get lax on it!” Iris reminded him as he climbed down.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t nag me, god.”

So he polished his prosthetics. Then he laid his head on his pillow and stared at the dark ceiling.

Brothers.

…Oh.

Ohhh.

Lillium wanted to smack himself in the head but resisted. Goddamnit, he really was a moron, huh?

The memory flooded back to him, a week ago when he had taken Iris to visit his mother. Confided in him, told him about what he had lost, allowed himself to be vulnerable for once, because Iris deserved that. But it wasn’t just because he deserved to know, Lillium wanted him to know. Wanted to draw him in closer. He craved more of the quiet, gentle, sweet intimacy Iris rewarded him with while listening to and comforting Iris after his back injury. “Who’s the softie now?” Yeah, it was definitely Lillium. Iris had chemically altered his brain forever, like a drug, and now he was addicted. But he didn’t want to admit he wanted this and justified it as owing it to him, somehow.

On their way back from the cemetery, Iris said his name, and shyly clasped his hand in his own. Lillium turned sharply to look at him. His cheeks and nose were a little pink from the cold. But his hand was so warm, despite the winter air. He simultaneously relished this small, gentle touch and feared it.

“I just…” Iris said, struggling for the right words. When he couldn’t find them, he pulled Lillium into a hug.

Lillium couldn’t help flinching, but then willed his body to relax, and very slowly allowed himself to have this…and hold him back.

“You’ve lost so much,” Iris murmured into his chest.

Lillium laid a hand on his head. “So have you.”

Iris looked up at him and smiled, a bittersweet smile. His pink nose reminded Lillium of a strawberry and he had the sudden intrusive urge to nip it, but immediately shoved that thought into the back of his brain.

“At least we have each other, right?” Iris said.

Lillium opened his mouth to say something and then froze up. What could he say to that? Because what he wanted to say was…too truthful. Too raw. And what he wanted to do was too much. He was going to lose Iris again if he took it too far. And that would be more than he could bear.

“Yeah,” Lillium finally said, forcing a smile. “You’re like the little brother I never had.”

That was it. That’s when that look first appeared in Iris’s eyes, that he had been struggling to hide from him ever since.

And, as it would be in every following occurrence of eye contact between them, Iris couldn’t look at him for more than two seconds before turning his gaze downward. “A brother, huh?” he said, and in retrospect Lillium recognized that small smile as pained. “I’ve never had a sibling before.”

“We’re practically family at this point, right?” Lillium rubbed his head. “I’ll always look out for you.”

Iris looked back up, continuing to smile. “Yeah. Me too.”

After recalling all of this, present day Lillium dragged his fingers down his face. What the fuck. Alright. Hold up.

What does this actually mean? Other than…what he wanted it to mean. Surely not that, right?

Clearly Iris was upset about having their relationship described as brotherly. So much so that it was still bothering him a week later. But also he took it as an invitation to close the distance between them, as much as he could seemingly get away with.

Lillium racked his brain to think of some reason besides the obvious, because it couldn’t be the obvious, because that would be too perfect.

…Could it?

He rubbed his eyes, refusing to believe the answer right in front of him. Alright. Well. Fine. Two could play this game. If Iris wanted to keep emphasizing that they’re like brothers and keep getting unusually close to him, let’s see how far Lillium could push that boundary.

Before he could talk himself out of the stupidest plan to woo someone ever, Lillium climbed down from the loft. He walked through their home and entered the bedroom, where Iris was in pajamas and sprawled across the bed, reading a book by lamp light, completely unaware of him. Lillium smirked and then flopped down next to him on the bed, causing him to yelp.

“Lillium! What the heck, you scared the crap out of me…” Iris complained.

Revenge, he thought, but what he actually said was, “Sorry,” and grinned.

Iris smiled and flicked his forehead. “You’re totally not sorry.”

He waved his hand away as if it were an annoying fly. “Yeah, well… I was kinda thinking that I want my bed back. For a night or two at least.”

“O-oh? Okay?”

“Sleeping in the loft is starting to hurt my back,” he lied.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Iris said with a nod, buying it immediately. He sat up. “Wanna swap?”

“Nah, just stay here,” said Lillium. “The bed is big enough for two people.”

Now it was Iris’s turn to blush furiously. “U-um, b-but…”

“Don’t make it weird,” Lillium quoted him from earlier and pinched his cheek. “We’re like brothers now, right? Sharing a bed isn’t weird for brothers.”

Iris looked like he was having a hard time reconciling these ideas. Lillium smiled, enjoying seeing Iris be the one who was flustered for once.

“…Oh! You know what I’ve always wanted to do at a sleepover?” Iris said suddenly. He set his book aside and turned off the lamp. “Shadow puppets!”

“What.”

“I’ve only been able to do this with Penny before,” he added. “Come on, turn your eye flashlights on!”

“I am not using my eyes for that. How old are you, five?”

“God, you’re no fun,” Iris whined. He turned the lamp back on, whipped out his sketchbook, made a quick drawing of a flashlight, then turned the lamp back off and the flashlight on. “Ha!”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Okay, so, look!” Iris set the flashlight on his pillow and folded his hands together between the light and the wall. “It’s a dog!”

“Iris, I am this close to going back to the loft.”

“And if you fold your hands a little bit like this, it’s a cat!”

“Okay, I’m leaving.”

“No, no, stay!” Iris begged, laughing and grabbing his arm.

“Let go of me, you dork!” Lillium said and struggled against him, but he was laughing, too.

“No, never!” He wrapped both arms around him and refused to let go. “Come oooon, stay with me!”

Lillium squirmed in vain. “Why are you so strong these days? Goddamn.” But he was only putting about half his strength into trying to break out of Iris’s hold. He could definitely overpower him if he was using all his strength. Probably. “Okay, okay, I’ll stay, just let go of me, jeez.”

“Heheh.” Iris was now hovering over him after all the flailing they had done on the bed. He grinned down at him, maybe the most genuine smile he had seen on his face in months, and Lillium knew at that moment he would do anything to make him smile like that all the time.

The next morning was…a little awkward, but worth it. Lillium woke up first, as he usually did, but this time he had a warm weight on him with a head of fluffy black hair. Iris had claimed his chest as his pillow and was snoozing there peacefully as if he belonged there, as if this was where he was meant to be his whole life, which…maybe it was. Without thinking, Lillium placed a hand on his head and stroked his hair, which was impossibly soft, like petting a bunny. His heart began beating so hard he worried it might wake Iris up.

Somehow Lillium managed to sneak out of bed without waking Iris, tucking a pillow under his head in the process. Iris was definitely out cold. They had stayed up kind of late, just talking and goofing around and making each other laugh.

By the time Iris was up, Lillium had not only made them omelets but also made Iris a box lunch for the day.

Iris was comically tired, rubbing his eyes and yawning and dragging his feet. “Morning…”

“Morning, sleepy head.”

Iris perked up at the sight of food. “Ooo, omelets. You’re the best.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They ate breakfast together, and maybe it was Lillium’s imagination, but things seemed a little less tense now? Even though nothing was really different. Iris seemed less like he was trying to fabricate a positive mood and more like he was actually relaxed and happy. Still couldn’t look at Lillium for more than a couple seconds though.

“I think I won’t be back until really late tonight,” Iris said as he was packing some things into a messenger bag, including the lunch. “Don’t wait up for me.”

“Oh, alright,” Lillium replied, rinsing dishes in the sink. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed, but it was what it was.

Iris gave him a surprise hug from behind, causing him to drop a mug in the sink. At least it wasn’t glass, he thought to himself.

Iris chuckled. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” he said, practically glowing.

Lillium glared at him over his shoulder. Then he turned suddenly and pulled him into an embrace so tight it made him wheeze and lifted him off the ground.

“L-Lillium!” Iris coughed.

“That’s what you get,” he teased.

“Okay, okay, sorry!” Iris laughed hoarsely. “I’ll give you more warning next time, let me go!”

Lillium set him down and loosened his grip so that Iris could breathe without struggling for air, but didn’t let go of him entirely, and…oh. Iris was looking at him with the most contented smile on his face, his dark eyes glittering. Also looking at him for more than two seconds. All of the sudden Lillium was feeling much too warm but still didn’t want to let him go. His heart raced.

Iris’s smile faded a little. “Uh, Lillium?”

Lillium wasn’t sure what possessed him at that moment. Well…he understood what came over him, but he wanted to lie to himself and pretend that he didn’t. Regardless of the reason, he leaned forward and gave Iris a quick kiss on his forehead. “Have a good day at work, dear,” he said with a smirk.

Iris made a sound that was akin what it might sound like to try to pronounce a keyboard smash out loud. His face was flaming red. He touched his forehead in disbelief. “U-u-u-umm…”

“Hey, what’s a small forehead kiss between family?” Lillium said, sounding much more confident than he felt. Oh god oh god oh god oh god what had he done. “Don’t make it weird,” he said to Iris, but also to himself.

Iris swallowed. “R-r-right, um… I gotta… I gotta go…”

“Okay, later.”

Iris went to put his messenger bag across his chest, but missed his shoulder, and it dropped to the ground around his feet. He tried to pull it back up and somehow entangled himself in it which honestly was kind of impressive.

“Um, okay, bye,” he said quickly when he managed to make sense of the bag strap, and he darted out the door.

As soon as the door closed, Lillium slid to the floor and covered his mouth, his face also turning a brilliant shade of red. He was horrified and enchanted at the same time. First off, what in the Sam Hill had he done? Are you crazy, Lillium White?! But also that reaction was adorable and part of him wanted to induce that sort of response again. But he had quite possibly…probably gone too far with this “brotherly love” thing and royally fucked up. Did he just manage to push Iris further away again? Oh god, oh fuck, why didn’t he have any self control? FUCK.

Lillium tried to do some chores around the house, and some shopping and errands around town, but was unsuccessful in distracting himself from his massive fuck up.

And then it did get very late that night and Iris still wasn’t back. Iris did say he would be back late and to not stay up waiting for him, even before Lillium went and fucked everything up. But 11-o-clock at night late? Was he avoiding him now? Was he going to start sleeping at his workshop again? Lillium didn’t think his heart could handle another several weeks of separation. He might die like one of those mourning doves that die when they lose their mate(???).

Lillium laid down in the loft, hands folded over his stomach, staring at the ceiling. Okay. Here’s the plan. If Iris wasn’t back by the time he woke up, he would just go to his workshop and apologize and ask him to come back. And then no more of this bullshit, because clearly he had taken things too far. He prayed it wasn’t too late to go back to a normal roommate relationship, because he didn’t know what he’d do if he lost him again.

“Lillium?”

He snapped awake and turned his head towards whatever said his name. Oh, just Iris, of course. He was peeking shyly over the edge of the loft.

“Hey,” Lillium said with a yawn and rubbed one eye. “Is something wrong? What time is it?”

“It’s, uh, late,” Iris said sheepishly. “Or early! Depending on how you wanna look at it. Um. I’m rambling, sorry, you must be super tired.”

Lillium blinked slowly, maybe comprehending about half of what Iris just said. “Okay…?”

“I just…wanted to check on you…because! You, um… You weren’t in bed, but you said your back was hurting sleeping up here.”

Oh, right, he did say that. “It’s better now, I think I’m alright.”

“B-but still! You don’t want it to flare up immediately again, right? So I think…you should sleep in the bed.” Iris looked away and fidgeted. “At least one more night. To be on the safe side.”

“Er…” Lillium started to wake up more but still couldn’t make sense of what was going on. He had come up to sleep in the loft without thinking, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he didn’t want to impose himself on Iris any further and subconsciously avoided the bed. But now Iris was asking him to come back. Also, it was dark in their home, but Iris couldn’t hide that blush from Lillium’s night vision.

“…Okay, yeah, you’re probably right,” Lillium conceded at last.

Iris perked up. “Cool, okay, come down then. Sorry again for waking you up, um, but, I thought it’d be better than you waking up in the morning in pain.”

“Are you sure that was all?”

“U-um? What?”

Lillium shook his head. He must have still been half asleep. “Nothing. Let’s go, I’m tired.”

They both climbed down from the loft. The house was almost pitch black. Iris stumbled as they made their way to the bedroom. Lillium steadied him and then held his hand. “Come on.”

He led them to the bedroom, since he could still see perfectly fine. It didn’t dawn on him that he was still holding Iris’s hand until he sat at the edge of the bed. He looked up to see Iris was adorably red, his cheeks like small apples, and once again he was possessed with the urge to nip his face.

“Uh.” Lillium let go of his hand. He thought about apologizing for holding his hand for that long, but then he just…didn’t.

Iris rubbed the back of his neck with his newly released hand. “Well, scooch over, don’t hog the whole bed.”

Lillium quietly moved towards the wall. Iris laid down next to him, facing away, and then Lillium laid down as well.

Well. He was wide awake now. This atmosphere was definitely weird. But almost…electric? Like the humid summer air before a thunderstorm. Like putting your hand a fraction of an inch away from a balloon charged with static electricity, not quite close enough to shock you, but close enough to make the hair on your arm stand on end. Would the shock be painful? Or would it be, somehow, exhilarating to touch?

“Are you still awake?” Iris whispered, after they had been lying there for a few minutes.

“Yeah.”

Iris sat up. He placed a hand on the other side of Lillium’s head and leaned over him. “Hey…”

“H-hey,” Lillium stammered.

Iris leaned in a little closer. “Um… I was just thinking…” He bit his lip. “Do you think it’s okay…for brothers…to kiss…on the lips?”

What. The fuck. What the actual fuck was this question??

Lillium took a deep breath, steeling himself. “I… I don’t know. Maybe they do that in France or something?”

“I see,” Iris said, looking away shyly. Then he looked back at him again.

Iris leaned in more, and their noses touched. Lillium was petrified and couldn’t figure out why this was terrifying.

“Iris…?”

His hand moved on its own and caressed Iris’s cheek, eliciting a barely audible gasp. Then Iris closed his eyes, and closed the distance between them. Lillium’s heart skipped several beats, and his eyelids fluttered shut.

The kiss was so soft, and sweet, and over too quickly. Iris pulled back, his face redder than ever. Lillium felt like he was just given a tiny piece of chocolate that dissolved on his tongue in an instant and then denied any more. Who could stop at just one??

Iris was trembling. What the hell was he so afraid of? It was Lillium who was terrified, like this moment was made of glass and one wrong move might break it. He moved his thumb over Iris’s lower lip, and then Iris whined softly, piercing his heart like an arrow with that one tiny, cute sound, and Lillium immediately forgot all about treating this moment as if it were fragile. He was doomed.

Lillium held the back of his head with his other hand and pulled him in to kiss him again. A whimper escaped Iris’s throat that sounded like a plea, and Lillium parted his lips to swallow it up. Their tongues met, and Lillium couldn’t stop a moan from emerging in response. He pulled him over so that Iris was straddling him and kissed him with abandon. Iris shivered in his arms but also clung to him like a lifeline. Lillium didn’t think he would be able to let him go now even if he begged him. How could he release him when he fit in his arms so perfectly, like he was always meant to be there?

Iris pulled back a little. Only a little. “U-um…”

Both of them were panting. Lillium was waging a battle inside himself between letting Iris say what he wanted to say and tackling him to the bed to kiss him more.

“I, um…” Iris continued hesitantly. “…I don’t think brothers do this.”

“Hm…yeah, you’re probably right.”

Iris giggled. It was getting more difficult to not attack him every passing second.

“I panicked,” Lillium said quickly.

“Uh, what?”

“I panicked when I said you’re like a brother to me,” he explained. “There’s… There’s no chance I can think of you like that. There’s no way I can even think of you as just a roommate anymore.”

Iris flushed more deeply. He swallowed; Lillium watched his Adam’s apple bob, barely restraining his desire. Iris’s eyes darted around a bit, then settled on his.

“I…thought I could be okay with it,” Iris said sheepishly. “Being special to you in…that way…”

“You clearly were not.”

Iris covered his face. “Was it that obvious?”

“Kind of, yeah.” Even if it took him a while to figure out.

Iris peeked at him between his fingers. “Then…what are we?” he asked hesitantly.

Lillium sighed, his breath uneven. He pulled Iris’s head close again and placed his mouth near his ear.

“Iris,” he breathed, his lips brushing his earlobe. “Be my lover…please?”

Iris gasped and shivered. Lillium ran out of patience and flipped them over, pinning Iris beneath him, and kissed him desperately, overcome by the aching want deep inside him. Iris whined more insistently; Lillium began to worry that he took things too far this time, but when he tried to pull back, Iris wrapped his arms around him to yank him back in and kissed him feverishly, licking the inside of his mouth, kissing and biting and sucking on his lips until they were swollen and wet. Oh, fuck. Definitely doomed.

“Okay,” Iris said breathlessly after a minute or two of abusing his mouth.

Lillium was dazed with lovesickness. “Huh? Okay what?”

Iris snickered. “Did you already forget what you asked me?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

Iris laughed more, his eyes glittering even though there was no light in the room. “I want us to…be lovers…” he said shyly, looking at him through half-lidded eyes.

Hell. Lillium pressed his lips against his again, kissing him over and over, then moved on to kissing and sucking on every bit of his neck that he could reach around his collar, making Iris shudder and gasp.

“Good,” Lillium murmured against his throat. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

Iris made a sound that was halfway between a gasp and a laugh. “You sure love throwing my words back in my face, don’t you?”

“Nah, I just lo—” Lillium stopped himself suddenly. Oops. It was probably too soon to be saying that, right?

He felt Iris tense up. Iris cupped his face in his hands and coaxed him into coming closer.

“You just…what?” he asked slowly.

Lillium swallowed. Well. Fuck it. “I just…love you…”

Iris breathed in sharply, and then rewarded him with a kiss, deep and long, and sweet as an entire box of chocolates.

“I love you, too…”

The next morning was similar to the prior morning, with a few differences. First of all, it was not morning; it was definitely afternoon and both Lillium and Iris had grossly overslept.

Secondly, they had both lost their shirts, um, at some point.

But, like the morning before, Lillium was awake first. And Iris was using his chest as a pillow again, sleeping away without a care in the world.

They should probably get up. But…it was the weekend, so who cares. Lillium wrapped one arm around Iris and used his other hand to stroke his hair. Iris stirred slightly and nuzzled his head against his chest without opening his eyes.

“How’s your back…” Iris mumbled.

“Oh, uh, that was a lie to get into bed with you.”

“Of course it was,” Iris grumbled and tapped his fist on his chest. “You’re an ass…”

Lillium laughed softly. “Well, it worked, didn’t it? Also, you used the same excuse to get me back into bed with you. You didn’t need to wake me up in the middle of the night for that and you know it.”

Iris didn’t respond, and then Lillium could tell by how the rhythm of his breathing changed that he had fallen back to sleep. He bit his lip, trying to not shake with laughter and wake Iris up again.

Well, the rest of the day could wait. They deserved to have at least one lazy day. And, without meaning to, but overcome with coziness, Lillium fell back to sleep, too.