Chapter Text
JULY 2017
On the drive home from Shane’s parents house, Ilya got quiet. At first, Shane didn’t think anything of it. It had been a long afternoon, starting with Shane’s dad catching them kissing at the cottage. His parents ultimately took it well, and after a long conversation, things between the four really seemed to be good.
Yuna and David were going to come over for dinner later that week, and as they got into the car, Shane felt a sense of relief that he hadn’t had in a long time.
But by the time they got back to the cottage, he could tell something was wrong. There was a sense of sadness on Ilya’s face that hadn’t been there all week. The tension in his shoulders was noticeable, his whole body just seemed unsettled.
Shane sat him down on the couch, stretching his arm out for Ilya to curl into, and hoped once he settled, he could get Ilya to talk. They had both agreed at the beginning of the week to be honest with each other, and Ilya promised he would try.
“What’s wrong?” Shane asked quietly.
Ilya shook his head. “Is nothing” he replied, trying to brush it off. But Shane knew he wasn’t telling the truth.
“Please talk to me. You’ve been off ever since we left my parents house.” Ilya remained quiet though, and Shane wasn’t completely sure what to do, so he decided to just wait.
It took more than ten minutes. Ten minutes of silence, ten minutes of Shane listening to Ilya’s breathing, ten minutes of running his fingers through his curls to calm him before he finally spoke.
“Am scared.” The words were barely loud enough for Shane to hear.
“Of what?” Shane had a bad feeling about what was coming next.
“Getting caught. Getting outed” He sighed. “Would be very bad.”
Oh.
In the past week, they had finally admitted their feelings for each other and agreed they wanted to be together. They had even begun discussing how to make it happen and what it may look like, but they both knew it would likely take years for everything to play out the way they wanted.
But then Shane’s dad had shown up at the cottage unexpectedly and caught them kissing. Shane was the one who panicked in the moment, feeling like his worst nightmare had come true. Ilya calmed him, talked him through it, and stood by his side when they got to his parents house. He was the one who helped Shane through a panic attack in the middle of dinner.
Ilya had been completely calm and collected through all of it. It made sense that now it was his turn to panic.
He was right though, it would be very bad if they were caught. They didn’t know what it could do to their careers or their reputations. Even though Scott Hunter had come out publicly only a few months earlier and everyone had taken it relatively well, Shane and Ilya’s situation was much different.
“We will figure it out.” Shane tried to reassure him. “If it happens, we will figure it out. We have each other. It will be ok.”
But Ilya shook his head. “If I lose my visa…” his voice trailed off. “Russia is not safe for me.”
Fuck. Shane remembered the conversation they had after the All-Star game in Tampa a few months earlier. When Shane finally admitted he had feelings for Ilya, and Ilya said they could never be anything because of Russia. Shane asked what would happen, and Ilya told him he didn’t want to find out.
It was all theoretical then. They weren’t anything. It didn’t really matter. But now, now it did matter. They wanted to be together, they wanted a real relationship. There were risks to that, many more for Ilya than for Shane. And many more for Ilya than Shane had ever realized.
If Ilya got fired from the league because of their relationship, he would be sent back to Russia. Shane didn’t want to think about the possibilities.
He couldn’t take that chance. He couldn’t take the chance of losing Ilya after finally having him for real.
“Marry me.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, before he could really think about what he was saying.
“What?” Ilya picked his head up from Shane’s shoulder and looked at him.
“Marry me.” Shane repeated. “If we get married, I can protect you if something happens. You can live here in Canada with me. You would be safe here.”
He knew it was completely irrational, it was too fast… but Ilya would be protected. And that was all that mattered.
“It doesn’t have to be real. But if something happens, it would be my fault, and I would never forgive myself. Even if…this” Shane waved his hands between them, “doesn’t work out, I don’t want to lose you as a player, as my competition.”
Their plan was when Ilya’s contract was up in Boston, he would try to get signed by Ottawa. But he still had two more years on his contract, and even then, there was no guarantee Ottawa or any Canadian team, would take him.
He had talked about it a few days ago, how he wished he didn’t have a Russian passport. He suggested marrying Svetlana to get American citizenship, even though he didn’t love her like that. That was when he admitted to Shane that he couldn’t stop thinking about Shane, and what ultimately made Shane suggest the idea of Ottawa.
Now he was suggesting another option, a quicker one. A more permanent solution.
“Are you sure?” Ilya asked nervously.
“Yes.” Shane confirmed.
Ilya was still uneasy with the situation, but Shane’s proposal seemed to settle him.
They spent the rest of the evening doing research, working out the details, figuring out what they needed to do to get married, and ultimately what it would take to get Ilya Canadian citizenship.
They next day, they filled out the paperwork and made an appointment at the courthouse.
“We are really doing this?” Ilya asked as Shane pushed the button to confirm their application.
“We are really doing this.” Ilya smiled and wrapped his arms around Shane, pulling him into a hug. “But you are going to help me explain this to my parents at dinner tonight.”
“Fuck” Ilya hissed. “They will hate me.”
“No, they won’t.” Shane sighed. “I think they will understand.”
Now Ilya was nervous again.
Yuna and David arrived at 5pm, right on time.
Dinner the previous night had actually gone rather smoothly, once the initial shock wore off. Ilya actually thought they may even kind of like him, or at least be willing to accept him with their son. But now, he was afraid tonight’s news was going to ruin everything.
They waited until everyone had sat down to eat before bringing it up. Shane opened a bottle of wine and poured three glasses. Ilya tried to get him to have some also, but he insisted on sticking to his ginger ale. Maybe it was better though if Shane was thinking completely clearly when they had this conversation.
“We wanted to talk to you about something.” Shane spilled halfway through their meal.
“What’s wrong?” Yuna immediately asked, turning her full attention to him. Both of Shane’s parents were incredibly attentive, doting over their only son. It was clear to Ilya from the first moment he met them that they truly loved Shane unconditionally.
“Nothing’s wrong” Shane immediately spit out. “It’s not like that.” He did not want to panic them. “It’s just… well, we were talking last night about everything, and decided that…” Shane paused and turned to Ilya.
He wanted reassurance, he wanted to make sure that Ilya was still ok, still on board with this. Ilya finished the sentence for him. “We want to get married.”
“Oh. Wow.” Yuna gasped. David stayed quiet, but the expression on his face did nothing to hide his shock.
“We know it’s a lot.” Shane offered.
“We want to be honest with you and we hope maybe you understand.” Ilya added.
Shane began explaining from there, about their conversation the night before, about their fears, about his concerns for Ilya’s safety. “I think it’s the only way I would know he would be safe.” He admitted.
Once he finished, Yuna and David looked at each other, communicating silently. “We understand.” David confirmed.
“And we will support you.” Yuna added.
“Really?” Ilya was surprised by how easily they accepted it. Didn’t push back, didn’t question them or their logic. Didn’t judge them for how irrational and sudden it all seemed.
“If you believe this is what’s best for both of you, then we do too.” David explained.
Ilya was in awe. It really was that easy with them, that simple. He never could have imagined something like that with his family, not even with his mother. As much as he knew she loved him unconditionally, it was not that simple in Russia.
David and Yuna insisted on going with them to the courthouse, insisted on being their witnesses. So the next day, the four met at the courthouse to finish the paperwork and get married.
But before that, they needed rings. “No we don’t” Shane insisted when Ilya brought up the idea.
“Yes. We will give to each other during ceremony.” Ilya explained.
“We aren’t going to wear them.” Shane tried, but Ilya disagreed.
“We are married. We have rings. I wear with my chain.” He said as he tugged at the necklace he wore with his mother’s cross on it.
“How will you explain that if someone asks?” Shane pushed back, but Ilya shook his head.
“No one will ask.” Ilya growled, but something about it made Shane laugh. It was a testament to Ilya’s persona. They both spent a lot of time in the locker room, either partly or fully naked, around their teammates. It was guaranteed that someone would notice the ring around Ilya’s neck. But everyone on his team was just a little bit afraid of him, enough so that he knew none of them would dare question it.
Ilya had already found a jewelry store, clearly having done some research before he even mentioned the idea Shane. So on their way to the courthouse, they made a pitstop.
Both men put on baseball caps and hoodies and hoped they would be able to fly under the radar. Thankfully, they were in Ottawa and not Montreal or Boston, so it was less likely anyone would be expecting them.
Even though the store had a wide selection of rings, the decision wasn’t hard for them. They both easily agreed on thick, solid black bands made of tungsten. “Completely indestructible” the jeweler explained.
“He’ll see about that” Shane quipped, as he grinned at Ilya.
“Is a challenge?” Ilya replied with a raised eyebrow.
They made their way to the courthouse, meeting up with David and Yuna. After signing some forms and presenting the required identification, the blank marriage license was handed over, and they were brought into the courtroom to meet with the judge.
As soon as Yuna heard about their plans the night before, she immediately went into protector mode and started doing research. Marriage licenses were not public in Canada due to privacy laws, so that gave everyone with a small amount of reassurance. The clerk who processed their application and the judge also confirmed their obligation of confidentiality in these matters, which put the group at ease.
“Are you sure about this?” Ilya asked as they walked into the courtroom.
“Yeah” Shane confirmed, hoping that Ilya wouldn’t panic at his shaky voice. It wasn’t that he was nervous or second guessing his decision. From the moment the words came out of his mouth a few days earlier, he had never doubted it. This was right. But he was still scared about everything else.
The ceremony was short. The judge read from his script, they both recited the vows he provided and exchanged rings, and that was it. The marriage license was signed as Ilya joked about changing his name. “I should put Hollander as middle name” he laughed.
“Then I will put Rozanov” Shane snarked.
“And how are you going to explain that to everyone who sees your ID?” Yuna interrupted, snapping both of them back to reality.
“Fair” Ilya shrugged.
They handed over the signed license and the clerk confirmed the official certificate would be mailed within a week.
With one more hug from Shane’s parents, they headed back to the cottage.
“I carry you through door?” Ilya asked as they got out of the car.
“What?”
“Is tradition?” He grinned, and Shane shook his head.
“You are insane.” He snapped. “What if I carried you?”
“No” Ilya growled as he approached Shane, picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder.
Shane had to hold in a laugh. “You’re doing it wrong!” He yelled as Ilya ran toward the front door.
Ilya dropped him back onto his feet in front of the door. “Sorry” he said, before leaning over and picking him bridal style. “Like this?” He asked as he carried Shane through the door of the cottage.
Shane just rolled his eyes, but couldn’t manage to wipe the smirk of his face.
As soon as Ilya put him back down, he wrapped his arms around him. “We consummate marriage now?”
“Where did you learn that word?!” Shane laughed. This man was completely ridiculous. And he was so fucking in love with him he didn’t know how to process it.
Shane hadn’t taken the ring off his finger since Ilya put it there three days earlier.
He knew it wasn’t real. They were doing this to protect Ilya. Yes, they wanted to be together and wanted to try to figure out a relationship, but they were nowhere near a place where either one of them were ready to commit to a marriage.
But the thought of taking the ring off bothered him. He liked the feel of it on his finger, and he liked the way that Ilya’s ring looked on his hand.
Everything else had been the same between them. They fell back into the routine they had established the previous week, drinking coffee by the lake, swimming, playing video games, sitting by the fire at night, with lots of sex weaved in between. It really had been perfect.
But they both knew their time would be up soon and they would both have to go back to reality. Ilya heading back to Boston and Shane back to Montreal. Pre-season was starting in a few weeks and they both needed to get ready.
“I changed my flight.” Ilya said casually as he was making them dinner that night.
“What do you mean?”
“I will stay longer. If you let me.” He explained with a shrug. Yes, of course Shane would let him stay longer. He wished they could both stay here forever, but he knew it wasn’t possible.
So over dinner, Shane insisted they start planning.
“Boston to Montreal is only five hour drive.” Ilya offered. “Can do that on off days.”
They compared their schedules for the next few months, and while it wasn’t ideal, they were able to find a few days here and there when they could get together. There were times when they would be near each other and could sneak away, with Boston playing against New York the same time that Montreal was playing against New Jersey.
When one had a few days off and the other was home, they would make the drive. And they had video chat and phone calls. They would make it work.
Even though Ilya was able to extend his stay at the cottage an extra week, the clock was still ticking. The morning that Ilya was scheduled to leave, they lazed in bed for awhile, then enjoyed a late breakfast together before Shane had to drive him to the airport.
They both were still wearing their wedding rings, and neither had said a word about it. But now, they knew they had to take them off.
“I have a present for you.” Ilya told him, disappearing into the bedroom and returning with a small box.
“What is it?” Shane was a little surprised. Ilya had been with him for the past week, how could he have gotten him a present?
“Just open it.” Ilya instructed. So Shane did, carefully unwrapping the gift.
“What is this?” He asked, but Ilya just shook his head. Inside was a jewelry box was a silver necklace, similar to the one that Ilya wore, with a unique looking charm attached to it. Shane took it out and studied it for a minute. He had never worn jewelry before, and while he very much liked the necklace, he was quite confused as to why Ilya had gotten it for him.
“Here, I show you.” Ilya said, taking the necklace out of the box and laying it down on the table. He then took Shane’s left hand, sliding his ring off, and attaching it to the charm on the necklace. “See? You can still wear ring, but no one will know.”
Ilya held up the necklace to show him. “Can I?” He asked as he put the necklace around Shane’s neck.
In that moment, Shane did not have the words to express his surprise. He just nodded as Ilya clipped the necklace on him, then he grabbed onto the charm holding the ring.
Ilya sat back down in his chair, unhooked his necklace, and slid his own ring onto it. The ring sat perfectly on top of the cross, almost wrapping around it.
“Thank you.” Shane whispered. “It’s perfect.”
Shane was off kilter the rest of the morning. It was such a small gesture, but something about it made Shane’s heart melt just a little bit more. It was so perfect.
Their ride to the airport was quiet, both not wanting to leave the bubble they had created the past few weeks. They said goodbye in the car, Shane thankful that his windows were tinted so no one could see in.
As he watched Ilya walk into the airport, he could feel the tears falling from his eyes. He didn’t try to stop it though, just letting himself cry as he drove home. There had been so many emotions over the past few weeks, almost every extreme of the spectrum. But they had been together, they had had each other. Now, Shane was all alone.