Work Text:
Aaron knows this is a bad idea.
He’s known it from the first moment he set eyes on Victoria Sugden’s gorgeous older brother, and decided that he was going to shag him, regardless of what he had to do to make it happen.
Vic was the first friend he’d made, in Emmerdale, and she’d been the one who hold his hand and give him an encouraging smile when he admitted that the real reason he didn’t want to snog Holly Barton around the back of the school hall was because he’s gay.
Sleeping with the older brother she idolised was probably not going to endear him to her, but Aaron had a single-minded focus about it, and it made it kind of hard to care about what Vic’s reaction might be.
Robert Sugden was - well, he was fucking gorgeous, was the thing.
He was in his final year of sixth form, and he wore his Hotten Academy uniform like he was a fucking model, crisp white shirt rolled to the elbow, tie partly undone in that slightly askew way that made Robert look cool, and Aaron look like a bit of tramp, when he tried it.
Robert was smart - was in the top set for all of his A-Levels, apparently, Vic liked to brag - and he was popular - played in goal, for the Hotten Academy football team, which was about as close to a badge of honour as you could get at their tiny school - and Aaron had never fancied anyone more.
And Robert Sugden didn’t know he fucking existed.
It was the only flaw in his plan, really - and if Aaron told anyone else about this plan, they might have argued that it was a pretty major flaw, but he felt as though it paled in comparison to the months he had wondered if Robert was actually any flavour of not straight (Aaron wasn’t picky - he just needed Robert to actually fancy boys in some way), but then he’d walked in on Robert with his hands down Max King’s trousers at a party up at Home Farm, and he realised his dream of shagging Robert Sugden might not be entirely fantasy.
So, Robert liked boys - and girls, it seemed, if the rumours at school were anything to go by - but that didn’t change the fact that Robert didn’t know he fucking existed, which was a pretty major spanner in the works of his grand plan to finally shag a fella, and have that fella be Robert Sugden in his snarky, tall, blond glory.
“You look lost in thought.”
Aaron looked up from the engine he was very much not paying attention to, the early Saturday morning sun the only thing that made it worth getting up for work before eight am. He wasn’t sold on the idea of doing A-Levels, and so after many arguments with his mum about it, they’d come to an agreement that he’d work for Cain, every Saturday, and if, by the end of the year, he really didn’t want to go back to school for college, he could do an apprenticeship.
That did mean he spent every Saturday with Mackenzie Boyd, who Cain’s brother-in-law, and Moira’s wildly younger brother (Aaron didn’t want to know), but who had just turned twenty, and thought he knew just about everything there was to know about life. He was annoying, but he was probably one of Aaron’s closest friends, and he was also a nosey bastard.
“You wouldn’t know, you’ve never had a thought in your life,” Aaron grumbled in response, wiping his greasy hands off of his overalls.
“If you’re being snarky, it’s a sure sign you’re in a mood about something,” Mackenzie sing-songed, and there was something so incredibly punchable about Mack - Aaron understood it now.
“I’m not telling you, because you’ll just make fun of me,” Aaron huffed, leaning against the workbench. He’d probably tell Mackenzie sooner rather than later, but he was going to make his friend work for it - obviously. It wouldn’t do it make it easy for Mack.
Mackenzie hummed. “So there is something to tell,” he grinned, setting his own work aside. “Go on - fill me in on the gossip of Hotten Academy. There has to be something interesting happening there; the best we had in the village this week was Eric falling on his arse outside the shop.”
Aaron snorted. It had been Max King who’d poured washing up liquid all over the front step of the shop, if the rumours at school were anything to go by, Eric’s comedy-movie fall filmed on someone’s phone and passed around in the bathrooms like some sort of cinematic masterpiece.
Before Aaron could say anything, a ruckus from outside drew his attention. Vic was walking past, Robert by her side, the two of them nattering about something that was making Vic cackle delightedly. Robert was wearing his farm overalls, which was a frankly sinful outfit to be wearing out in public, and Aaron had to try very hard to make sure his mouth didn’t actually start to water.
“Ah,” Mackenzie made a knowing noise. “You’ve been drawn in by the charm of one Robert Sugden, then?”
Aaron spluttered, feeling his face flush a probably horrifying shade of red. “No - I haven’t!” he protested, though it didn’t sound convincing to his own ears, so it wasn’t a surprise when Mack fixed him with a Look.
“You wouldn’t be the first,” Mackenzie hummed, counting on his fingers as he reeled off names. “Katie, Sadie - Katie again, poor thing - Max, that posh girl Chrissie White and her sister, the list is near enough endless. He’s quite the prolific Lothario, for a seventeen year old.”
Aaron sighed. “You don’t need to remind me.”
He knew about Robert’s long list of conquests - knew all about how girls in his year would giggle and whisper about who snogged Robert Sugden at whatever house party had happened over the weekend. It’s not as if he was hard up, was the thing - it was embarrassing, really, when you compared it to the fumbling hand-job that Aaron had gotten from Jackson in the year above during the Christmas school disco, and the time he’d kissed Ed from the school rugby team.
Mackenzie’s face morphed into something unbearably sympathetic. “You fancy him,” he noted, and it was less of a question, and more of a statement. “Don’t you?”
Aaron nodded, feeling incredibly pathetic. “I do,” he sighed. “I really do, and he doesn’t know I exist. I’m just his little sister’s best friend - he’s never going to actually fancy me back, is he?”
Mackenzie shrugged. “You won’t know until you ask.”
“Ask?” Aaron couldn’t help his incredulous tone. “I’m not doing that!”
Mackenzie rolled his eyes. “Teenagers,” he sighed, as though he hadn’t been one himself until recently. “Allergic to communication, you are. What are you going to do if you don’t plan on telling him that you fancy him, then, genius?”
Aaron shrugged. “I dunno,” he admitted, watching as Robert and Vic continued to fade into the distance, Robert’s blond hair glowing in the sun, the observation alone making Aaron sound like a completely pathetic sap.
Mackenzie tossed a rag at Aaron’s head, rolling his eyes. “You’re an idiot,” he pointed out. “If you just told him, you’d get an answer - but no, you’re going to be all Aaron Dingle about it, and sulk in a corner until you explode from being pissed off, and we’re all going to be caught up in the blast zone.”
Aaron stuck his tongue out at his friend. “Maybe,” he shrugged, and he didn’t want to do that this time - didn’t want to live up to the reputation he’d given himself as hurricane Dingle, ready and willing to take half the village with him when he’d inevitably explode and take everyone down with him. “But at least I won’t have embarrassed myself by asking if he fancies me.”
The problem, Aaron was realising, with fancying someone who doesn’t know you exist - or rather, doesn’t really care you exist - is trying to get their attention. Aaron’s almost sixteen - so he is older than Vic - but that didn’t seem to matter to Robert, who was thundering down the stairs of the farmhouse, shrugging on a jacket, rolling his eyes as Jack starts to lecture him.
“Are you trying to come through those stairs?” Jack snarked, his tone devoid of the affection he tended to show Vic. Aaron hadn’t known the Sugden’s that long - had only been living in Emmerdale since the summer - but he still found it jarring, how soft Jack could be with Vic, and how easily he turned his ire to Robert.
Aaron didn’t exactly have a decent dad - and he’d rather not think about that, sitting uncomfortably next to Vic on the couch - but he had a Paddy, and Paddy was a good dad. He wasn’t sure if Jack was.
“I’m late,” Robert said easily, shrugging off his dad’s criticism. He was wearing a garishly patterned shirt underneath his denim jacket, and on anyone else, it would have looked ridiculous, but somehow, Robert made it work, the swoopy, blond, boyband fringe he was sporting making Aaron’s stomach do somersaults.
“For what?” Jack eyed him with suspicion.
“I’m going around to Max’s - we’re doing a footie tournament, on his Xbox,” Robert lied easily. If Aaron didn’t know it was a lie, he might be convinced, but Robert was headed exactly where he and Vic were going - a big party, up at Home Farm.
“You’ll rot your brain, playing those games,” Jack huffed, turning his focus back to the television. Ironic, really.
“I’m doing my best to,” Robert retorted sweetly, reaching down to ruffle a protesting Vic’s hair, not acknowledging Aaron’s existence in the slightest.
Great.
Good start.
“We’re off too, dad,” Vic said. “Aaron and I are getting the bus into Hotten for the cinema.”
Jack looked up, something much softer in his expression as he looked at Vic. “How are you getting home?”
“Aaron’s mum is going to collect us!” Vic beamed, confident in her lie, pressing a kiss to her dad’s cheek. “See you later, dad.”
Aaron nodded at Jack, getting the same gruff nod in return. It’s not as if he didn’t get on with Jack - he got on with him as well as he did with other adults, he supposed - but he didn’t much like the man.
He was kind of boring.
A bit like Andy, really.
“I told you that you wouldn’t be able to walk in those shoes,” Aaron commented as he and Vic walked - wobbled, in her case - down the driveway of the farm.
Vic fixed him with a vicious glare. “I need to look cute!” she replied, shaking her head. “Aaron - Adam Barton is going to be there tonight, and I need to impress him, if I want to have any chance of him asking me out. Do I look hot?”
“I’m gay, Vic,” Aaron reminded dryly, and there was still something genuinely astounding about being able to say that out loud - after everything, after how hard he’d fought the idea of it. He’s not sure he’d go as far as to say he was loud and proud - like his gran, Faith, tended to spout off about - but he was out, and that felt kind of amazing sometimes.
“You have eyes, though, don’t you?” Vic snarked back, that patented Sugden sarcasm he’d grown to know and love on full show.
“You look hot,” Aaron reassured, and she did, really - Vic was objectively beautiful, all blonde hair and bright smiles. Adam would be a fool to say no, and Aaron knew he wouldn’t, was the thing - Adam had confided in him during PE a few weeks prior that he desperately fancied Vic, and he wanted to ask her out, and Aaron had been a damn good best friend and told him that he definitely should, because Vic fancied him right back.
Really, he deserved an award. Best mate of the year, twice over.
Vic looped her arm through Aaron’s, giving him a questioning look. “Do you fancy anyone?” she asked, sounding all the fourteen (almost fifteen, she’d argue) years old she was, eager to get some gossip.
“Nah,” Aaron lied. “It’s not like I have many options around here, do I?”
“Well - Max King is bisexual,” Vic pointed out, as if Aaron didn’t know - as if Max King didn’t have the most public coming out in Emmerdale history, having a bust-up in the Woolie with his brother Carl about it. The bit Vic was not alluding to - or felt was important, Aaron supposed - was how Robert had followed up said coming out by planting one on Max in the middle of the pub right after that, reassuring Carl that being queer wasn’t catching but that Max wasn’t the only gay in the village.
“No thanks,” Aaron replied dryly. “I’m not having your brother’s sloppy seconds.”
Vic pulled a face. “Don’t ever say anything about my brother’s sex life again - it’s bad enough getting the Monday lowdown from Kerry about who he’s managed to shag over the weekend. I’ll never recover from the morning she decided to tell us all in great detail about how she walked in on Robert fingering Violet Wilson from the posh girl’s school in Hotten in the cinema bathrooms.”
Aaron pulled a face and pretended that he didn’t wish he was Violet Wilson getting shagged in the cinema bathroom by Robert Sugden. It was fine, he was fine. “All the more reason for me not to want to sleep with Max King,” he pointed out, thumping music greeting them all the way down the driveway of Home Farm.
“Maybe Max has gay friends he invited!” Vic tried to encouraged, because she was nice like that.
Aaron wasn’t sure any of Max King’s gay friends would be his type.
The only one he wanted to snog was Robert, frankly, and he couldn’t exactly tell Vic that.
“Yeah,” he agreed, giving Vic his best fake smile. “Maybe he did.”
Aaron didn’t mind parties, was the thing. He quite enjoyed them, most of the time, but tonight, well - Adam was in a corner snogging the face off of Vic, and Aaron sort of felt like Johnny no mates, so it wasn’t his best evening.
Home Farm had always been a bit too posh for his tastes, and so Aaron decided to take the opportunity to duck outside for a cigarette without Vic buzzing in his ear about how they were bad for you.
He knew they were bad for you. Objectively, Aaron knew smoking was bad - but in the grand scheme of the ways he had tried - and succeeded - to hurt himself over the years, a few cigarettes didn’t seem so bad, really.
That was his excuse, anyway.
“Those will kill you, you know.”
Aaron looked up, and near enough dropped his cigarette in shock. Robert Sugden, looking all gorgeously tussled, cheeks flushed pink from the drinks he’d been throwing back with Max in the kitchen.
Swallowing his nerves, Aaron decided to try and be suave, and sexy. He wasn’t sure how to be either, really, so he’d have to settle for not looking like a complete tit. “Didn’t ask for the lecture,” he decided on, because he was sure he’d heard Kerry tell Amy Wyatt that you have to be mean to guys you like. Or something.
“Good thing I wasn’t here to give one,” Robert hummed, sitting down next to Aaron on the windowsill. “Can I have one? I can’t risk keeping them at home - dad goes through my stuff all the time, and he’d go mad.”
Aaron gave what he hoped was a nonchalant shrug, offering the packet to Robert. He watched as Robert happily took a cigarette, using Aaron’s lighter to get it going, before he mumbled a thank you.
He felt like a bit of a perv, honestly, watching the flex of Robert’s throat as he took a drag, but there was something so ridiculously fucking hot about Robert, it was hard not to pay attention.
“Aaron Dingle,” Robert said after a few moments of silence. “I don’t know much about you.”
Aaron took a drag of his own cigarette, tipping the ash into the grass. “You’ve never asked,” he retorted, raising an eyebrow at Robert. “I wasn’t sure you knew I existed.”
Robert grinned, that familiar, lopsided grin that Aaron had spent months fantasising over. “Oh, I know you exist,” he said, as though it were entirely obvious - and not as though Robert had done his level-best to ignore Aaron every time he saw him.
“Wow,” Aaron put on his best sarcastic drawl. “Should I be honoured?”
“Some people might be,” Robert replied, because he was a pompous twat, and Aaron really, really liked him. It was embarrassing, really.
“I’m not one of your fanclub,” Aaron lied, as though he didn’t regularly dream of being the president of it. It was fine.
Robert smirked, and it was the kind of look that Aaron would have ordinarily wanted to wipe off someone’s features, but the self-satisfaction oddly suited Robert. “Most people are,” he said, with the confidence of someone who’d rarely ever been told no. Aaron wished he could pretend as though he would say no, if given the chance, but he’s not entirely sure he would.
“How do you manage to fit that head of yours through the door?” Aaron retorted, because he was not going to be the one to boost Robert’s ego further. As if he needed it, the twat.
Robert finished the last of his cigarette, winking at Aaron. “See you around - Aaron Dingle.”
The real problem with Robert having now acknowledged Aaron’s existence, was the fact Aaron couldn’t stop thinking about him. Like, at all.
“You should invite him to your birthday,” Mack offered, chin tucked into the collar of his jacket, the late December cold biting as they sat outside the cafe, finishing the last of their lunch - coffee, for Mack, because he thought it made him look cool, and tea, for Aaron, because he had taste.
“Mack!” Aaron hissed, looking around to see if anyone had overheard.
“Calm down, lover boy,” Mack rolled his eyes. “There’s no one about.”
Aaron glanced down Main Street, watching as Robert and Max walked into David’s, the two of them laughing about something or other. Best friends, Vic said - had been for years. You never saw one of them without the other, Paddy had noted.
Aaron knew he had no reason, nor claim, to jealousy, but he couldn’t help the feeling sparking in the pit of his stomach as he watched Robert and Max together. Best friends or not, everyone in the village knew that the two of them had slept together - could be, still - and people like Val tended to root for them with the enthusiasm of a step-aunt who desperately wanted a queer nephew to parade around at her book club.
“I can’t just ask him to my birthday,” Aaron shook his head.
“I mean, you can,” Mackenzie countered. “Aaron, mate - it’s just a birthday. Invite him, it’s casual.”
“It’s cringe,” Aaron huffed. “Hey, do you want to come to my birthday? Promise we won’t be playing pass the parcel!”
Mackenzie fixed him with a look. “You’re such an annoying kid sometimes, you know that?” he rolled his eyes. “Aaron - ask the guy to come to your birthday. Give him an excuse to see you. He’s shagged half the village - why not you?”
Aaron glared at his friend. “Cheers, Mack, you know how to make someone feel special,” he huffed.
The problem was he didn’t just want to be another notch in Robert Sugden’s bedpost.
He wanted Robert to actually like him.
“All I mean is, you’ve got a chance - invite him to your birthday, and see if anything comes of it,” Mackenzie encouraged, giving Aaron’s knee a slap. “Listen to your elders - or I’m not going to the big Tesco in Hotten to buy you alcohol for the party.”
“Arsehole,” Aaron muttered darkly, following Mackenzie back to the garage.
He wasn’t inviting Robert to his birthday.
“Hey, so - um,” Aaron scuffed his trainer against the floor, the squeak drawing Robert’s attention. He was waiting for Vic, so they could actually go to the cinema this time - some cheesy action film that Adam was desperate to see, which meant Aaron had a whole afternoon ahead of playing third wheel to his two best mates. Wonderful.
Robert was wearing that oversized old fleece he always did when he was working on the farm, overalls tied to his waist, looking unfairly attractive for someone who’d just spent their afternoon mucking out stables. Giving Aaron an expectant look, he blew on his cup of tea, trying to cool it down.
“It’s my birthday, next weekend,” Aaron said, feeling entirely silly - but he’d started, now, so he had to commit to it. “I’m having a few people around to mine for drinks - not like a party, or anything. But if you wanted to come. You could. If you wanted to. No pressure.”
Great.
Way to sound like a fucking idiot.
Robert’s smile was blinding. “I’d love to come to your non-party birthday party, Aaron Dingle,” he grinned, and Aaron didn’t know why Robert insisted on calling him by his first name, or why it made Aaron’s stomach flip inside out, so he elected to ignore both things.
“Um - yeah, cool,” Aaron mumbled, praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Or for Vic to be ready, finally. “See you there, then.”
Robert grinned. “See you there.”
Aaron had sort of given up hope that Robert was actually going to come. Which was fine - he wasn’t sad about it, because he wasn’t some big girl’s knickers about Robert. It was fine. He just thought that Robert would have come, is all.
He’d said he would.
Probably got a better offer, was the thing.
Aaron should have known.
“Birthday boy,” a familiar drawl drew Aaron’s attention. “How come you’re sitting out here all alone?”
Aaron glanced up to see Robert standing next to him, wearing a deep blue shirt that brought out every speck of green in his ridiculous eyes, even in the dim lighting of Paddy’s back patio. “Smoking,” he tried to sound casual, waving his half-finished cigarette at Robert.
“Sorry I’m late,” Robert said, perching himself on the bench next to Aaron. “Dad went off on one - tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed go out,” he shrugged, as if a massive bust up with his dad was just a regular Saturday night - it was, was the thing, and Aaron knew that from Vic, who’d always text him to complain that her dad and Robert were having a redux of their regular World War 3 style arguments in the kitchen downstairs.
“Are you having a good birthday?” he asked, nudging his knee against Aaron’s.
Aaron nodded. “‘S alright, yeah,” he said. “Vic made me a cake.”
“If you weren’t gay, I’d say my sister was trying to impress you,” Robert winked. “Is she still seeing that Adam Barton loser?”
Aaron nodded. “He’s not as bad as you seem to think he is,” he tried, because he was a good mate, and Adam wasn’t a loser. “He really likes her.”
Robert made a non-committal noise. “I don’t really want to talk about my little sister’s love life, right now.”
Aaron stubbed out the end of his cigarette into one of Paddy’s plant pots. He’d be raging. “What do you want to talk about, then?”
Robert grinned, mouth hooking up at the corner. “Maybe I don’t want to talk at all,” he said, shifting so he was only an inch or two from Aaron’s mouth, eyes scanning Aaron’s face for a reaction. “Maybe I came out here to give you your birthday present.”
Aaron felt like he was going to throw up. “Oh, yeah?” he tried for cool, calm and collected, but he wasn’t sure if he managed it.
“Mm,” Robert hummed, and before Aaron could process it, Robert was kissing him - really, properly kissing him.
Aaron wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to do with his hands - or his mouth, quite frankly - so he led Robert take the lead, opening his lips obediently when he felt Robert’s tongue press against them insistently, one of Robert’s hands coming up to cup the back of his head.
Kissing Jackson, and Ed - it hadn’t been like this.
It sort of felt like Robert wanted to devour him.
Aaron found himself feeling as though he wanted to let him.
“Happy birthday, Aaron,” Robert breathed, still close enough that Aaron could feel the warmth of the older boy’s breath on his skin.
He didn’t want to open his eyes and have it be over - not yet.
But -
He didn’t want to miss this, either, the way Robert’s eyes were bright, and delighted, as Aaron slowly opened his eyes, Robert’s fingers gently scratching through the hair at the back of Aaron’s neck.
He smiled, softly - more softly than he’d ever let himself smile in front of anyone else - and the words were out, before he could stop himself. "I’m glad you came, Robert.”
“I better get drunky here home,” Robert rolled his eyes, Vic lolling against his side. He looked at Aaron, his expression sincere. “I - well, I had a different plan, for how tonight might go, but,” he gestured at his drunk sister. “I’ll text you. Yeah?”
Aaron grinned, still feeling the faint echo of Robert’s kiss against his lips. “You don’t have my number.”
“I’m sure I can convince Vic to give it to me,” Robert rolled his eyes, offering Aaron a grin. “Happy birthday, Aaron.”
Aaron beamed.
Happy fucking birthday indeed.
Aaron was trying his best not to stress about the fact he hadn’t heard from Robert. He really was. It had only been a day. Aaron wasn’t some clingy, annoying sixteen year old who needed to be constantly in contact with the guy they’d kissed, and Robert was probably just busy, anyway, and -
“Morning!” Vic greeted, grin bright despite the grey January morning.
“Morning,” Aaron returned, heart stuttering in his chest as he realised Robert was there too, a sheepish look on his face.
“Great party, on Saturday!” Vic beamed, sitting down on the bench to wait for the school-bus. She looked at her brother, grinning. “This one got grounded, because of it.”
Aaron couldn’t help his look of surprise. Robert had done far worse - according to Vic, at least. Why did he get grounded for going to Aaron’s birthday, of all things?
Robert winced. “Thanks, Vic,” he rolled his eyes. “Dad grounded me for a week - took my car and phone away,” he said, giving Aaron a hopeful look. An explanation, Aaron supposed. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t relieved. “I’ve to go straight home from school.”
“Too bad! We’re going to that nice new cafe in Hotten after school,” Vic said, looking at Aaron. “Aren’t we?”
Aaron pulled a face. “I got grounded too,” he lied. “Paddy wasn’t happy when he found all the empty drinks bottles. I’ve got to go straight home from school too.”
Vic sighed. “Boring,” she huffed out, looking annoyed. “I guess I’ll see if Adam is free.”
Robert’s smile was soft, and secretive. “I’ll see you on the school bus later, then, Aaron.”
It was stupid to be nervous about taking the school bus. Of course it was stupid. Aaron took the school bus with Robert every single day - it was just that, before, Vic was always there as a buffer, and Robert tended to only speak to Max anyway, so it’s not as if Aaron had been able to have a lot of one-on-one conversations with Robert.
Until today.
He’d chosen his seat strategically - the middle of the bus. The back was where all the kids you didn’t want to mess with sat, and Aaron fancied himself in a fight, but he didn’t want to get in trouble for scrapping on the bus home.
Not today.
The middle tended to be a safe bet - all the boffins (including Matty Barton - sorry, Matty) tended to sit up the front, leaving the middle as a relatively neutral place to sit.
“Hiya,” Robert greeted, sliding into the empty seat beside Aaron before anyone else could. “I wanted to text you, you know,” he said, his voice low, and secretive.
Aaron did his best not to blush.
“Dad went mental, when I got home - I was in trouble for sneaking out in the first place, but then when I brought Vic home as drunk as she was - well, he decided it was all my fault,” Robert explained. “He took my phone - and my car keys - on the spot. Wouldn’t let me leave the house all day yesterday, either, because I was going to do the old fashioned thing and knock on your door to explain.”
“Okay,” Aaron said, trying to sound entirely unaffected by it all.
“Yeah?”
Aaron nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
Robert gets his phone back on a Friday. Aaron knows this, because he immediately gets a text from him.
Free? I’ll collect you in ten. Have an idea.
Aaron waits a respectable five minutes before he replies - with a thumbs up, to not seem too eager - and he does not jump off the couch, regardless of what Paddy says. He gets up in a slow, normal way.
“Have you got a hot date?” Paddy asks, teasing.
“No!” Aaron splutters. “Fuck off, Paddy.”
“Your curfew is still midnight!” Paddy calls after him, but Aaron elects to ignore it, grabbing his jacket before he steps outside, Robert’s beaten up old blue Ford Focus rolling to a stop outside of the house.
He waits a minute, before he heads down the driveway, sliding into the passenger seat, a little breathless.
“You got your freedom back, then?” Aaron questions, glancing across the dark car at Robert, who was wearing a leather fucking jacket, looking like a wet dream behind the wheel of his car.
“Yup,” Robert grinned. “You up for an adventure?”
Aaron felt a little giddy, as he replied. “Yeah. Why not.”
“It’s not much, I know,” Robert shrugged, passing Aaron the chips, the two of them sitting on the hood of Robert’s car. “But I didn’t have much time to plan. Dad was going to keep me grounded until Sunday, but Vic convinced him to set me free.”
Thank you, Vic.
Aaron shrugged, taking another chip. “This is fine,” he said, because the honest answer was that he’d never actually been on a date, and chips three towns over from Emmerdale where none of their nosey neighbours could bother them felt like as good a date as any.
Jackson had taken him to the cinema once, but he’d picked some pretentious fiction movie that Aaron had hated every minute of, and their relationship hadn’t really lasted too long, after that.
“Fine - what a review,” Robert cackled, shaking his head. “I want to take you out properly.”
Aaron’s nose wrinkled. “Like - a date?”
“You don’t need to sound so disgusted,” Robert snorted, and it was embarrassing how much Aaron fancied him. It really was.
“‘M not,” Aaron shrugged. “I just didn’t think you did that sort of thing, is all.”
Robert was quiet, for a second, clearly lost in thought. “Maybe I want to now,” he offered, finally, and there was something sincere in Robert’s expression that Aaron found it hard to say no to.
“Alright, then,” Aaron snagged the last of the chips. “You can take me on a proper date, then.”
Aaron had absolutely not stressed about what he was wearing, the day Robert texted him to inform him that he was taking him out on a date. He hadn’t. The clothes were on his floor anyway, regardless of what Paddy said.
“You look nice,” Robert greeted, shifting his car into gear, music playing softly in the background as he drove them out of Emmerdale.
Aaron looked down at the jumper he was wearing - the only clean one he’d had, if he was being honest about it - and the jeans Paddy had forced him to buy a few months back (“I know you like tracksuits, Aaron, but you need a decent pair of jeans. Just one - please.”) and his least scruffy trainers. “Yeah,” he snorted in disbelief. “Alright.”
“What? That was a sincere compliment, you know!”
“You’re a tosser,” Aaron retorted, fiddling with the volume of the radio. “Where are you taking me, anyway?”
Robert winked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Their mystery destination, as it turned out, was the trendy new burger place in Leeds, and the burger had been good, but it had felt pretty fucking surreal to be on a date with Robert Sugden of all people. Robert Sugden, who was renowned for not going on dates ever - despite the valiant attempts of half the girls (and boys) of Hotten Academy sixth form.
It had been nice - but what was even nicer, Aaron was discovering, was the fact that Robert had pulled into a lay-by on the way back to Emmerdale, and he had his tongue down Aaron’s throat, and Aaron was pretty sure he could die happy, there and then.
He’d been missing out, it seemed.
Robert palmed at Aaron through his jeans, giving Aaron a questioning look. “Can - can I?” he asked, and the implication was clear. Nerve-wracking, but clear.
Aaron swallowed his nerves, giving Robert a nod. “Yeah. Go on, then.”
“You okay?” Robert asked, and Aaron didn’t have it in him to do anything except grin back in response.
He was more than okay.
Aaron wasn’t an expert in the subject, but he figured it was fair to say he was seeing Robert now. They’d been on a date - two, by Aaron’s count - and he spent a genuinely ridiculous amount of time snogging Robert senseless behind the cricket pavilion, and in barns, so surely they were seeing each other. Right?
He didn’t want to ask.
Asking would be more embarrassing, because what if Robert thought he was weird, and needy?
No - best not to.
Except -
Well, except he had been invited around to the Sugden’s for Sunday lunch, mostly to be a buffer for Vic and Adam, in case Jack took a dislike to Vic’s boyfriend - officially, now, because Adam had asked her out over lunch hour in school, and Vic had squealed in Aaron’s ear so much he was sure she’d burst an eardrum - but Jack had been utterly delighted when Vic had walked in the front door with a farmer’s son, and so Aaron’s presence was mostly useless.
“More potatoes, Aaron?” Diane asked, and Aaron wasn’t going to refuse. If he had to sit and play happy families while Robert didn’t so much as look at him, he might as well get a good feed out of it.
“You’ll be next, Robert, eh?” Jack said, breaking the comfortable silence of the table, drawing everyone’s attention. Aaron had given up his usual seat next to Vic, letting Adam have it, and so he was sitting next to Robert, right across from Andy, and Katie.
Robert looked up from his dinner. “For what?” he asked, his tone bored.
“To find a girlfriend! Our Andy and Katie are together, Vic and Adam, now - only you left now, son,” Jack said, as though it were entirely obvious.
“Or a boyfriend,” Katie interjected, and her tone was sweet, but there was a glint of something nastier in her eyes. “Don’t forget Robert likes both.”
Jack’s expression hardened. “I hadn’t forgotten, no.”
“Don’t worry,” Robert let his fork clatter to his plate, giving the table a faux sweet smile. “I don’t believe in relationships, so that won’t be happening anytime soon. Any one for pudding?”
Aaron tried to ignore the icy twist in his stomach at Robert’s words.
I don’t believe in relationships.
What kind of garden path was he leading Aaron down, then?
“Thanks again for dinner,” Aaron said, shrugging on his coat. “It was delicious, Diane.”
“You’re sweet,” Diane cooed, and she was nice - as nice as step-mum's went, Aaron figured. “Get home safe.”
“Hey, Aaron - wait up! I’m going to meet Max, I’ll walk with you.”
Aaron really, really didn’t want to, but he forced a smile onto his face as Robert tugged his own jacket on. He waved goodbye to Diane, Jack grunting his goodbyes, and before he knew it, it was just him and Robert walking down the quiet driveway.
“You alright?” Robert asked. “You’ve been quiet, since dinner.”
“Just thinking,” Aaron said, because Kerry always said that boys didn’t actually care about what you were feeling - they just said that, so they didn’t seem like total arseholes - and even though he doubted that was true, because he was a fella and he cared about how Robert felt, he was inclined to take Kerry’s advice. She’d been in a relationship before - she probably knew best.
“Penny for them?” Robert asked, knocking his elbow against Aaron’s.
Aaron shrugged. “Just didn’t know you were so against relationships, is all,” he mumbled, feeling embarrassed as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
“You’re upset about that? Come on, Aaron, it was just something I said to get my dad off my back,” Robert stopped, tugging at the sleeve of Aaron’s jacket. “Hey - come on. I didn’t mean it.”
“Why did you say it then?”
“Because, it’s my dad - it’s Andy. I don’t need them to know about my love life,” Robert said, brushing a thumb across Aaron’s cheekbone. “It’s fun, right - keeping us for just the two of us?”
Aaron gave a non-committal shrug. “I didn’t know we were an us.”
“Don’t be dense, Aaron - of course we’re an us,” Robert shook his head. “Do you need me to ask, all official like?”
“Don’t be daft,” Aaron rolled his eyes. He didn’t need that. “I just - I wish people knew, is all. I see how people go after you, Robert, and a selfish part of me wishes they knew you were off limits, is all.”
“I feel the same.”
Aaron fixed him with a look. “I don’t have half of Hotten Academy dropping their knickers for me on command, Robert.”
“Maybe not - but I don’t think you realise how attractive you are,” Robert said, leaning in to press a kiss to Aaron’s pouting lips. “Let’s just keep this for ourselves for a little while longer. Yeah? You know how my dad is - as soon as he finds out we’re dating, he’ll get all weird, and strict, and he won’t let you upstairs in the house, and that would really fuck with all my plans for you.”
Aaron wasn’t sure what to say.
“I just want to keep you all for myself,” Robert said, and it was hard to argue against the charm of one Robert Jacob Sugden, was the thing.
“Okay,” Aaron mumbled. “But we will tell people. Right?”
“Of course,” Robert said, as if it were obvious. “In a few weeks. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Aaron agreed, as much as he didn’t want to. “In a few weeks.”
“You and Robert - you two seem close these days,” Adam commented, as they walked toward the bus stop, Vic and Robert already there.
“Have to talk to someone, now you and Vic are all over each other,” Aaron lied, shoving at his best friend. “Sick of being your third wheel - I’ve had to go and make new friends because of it.”
“Aw, Aaron - you’ll find someone, one of these days - that gorgeous face of yours,” Adam teased, ruffling Aaron’s hair. “Vic and I are happy to have you around until you do.”
“Ha-ha,” Aaron deadpanned in response.
“Just - don’t get too close to Robert,” Adam said conspiratorially, and Aaron’s heart started to race. Had they made it too obvious? Had Adam, of all people, figured it out? “You might catch something off him, the rate he goes through people.”
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
Robert’s eighteenth birthday party is quite the occasion. Jack - for once - had relented and allowed Robert to host a party, and so the farmhouse was heaving with people. Friends, classmates - and a lengthy list of Robert’s previous conquests.
Aaron was trying not to be jealous, he really was - but when Chrissie White, of all people, handed over an extravagant gift bag of presents, he decided it was the right moment for a cigarette.
“I always seem to find you hiding out with a cigarette,” Robert greeted, not bothering to ask for a cigarette of his own, plucking Aaron’s out of his grip, taking a drag. “Are you not having fun?”
“I am,” Aaron lied.
“Why’ve you got a face like a slapped arse, then?”
Aaron scuffed the toe of his trainer against the gravel. “Chrissie got you a pretty big present,” he commented, not wanting to explain himself.
“It’s probably something tacky and awful,” Robert rolled his eyes, blowing smoke out in front of him. “She has terrible taste. Is that what you’re upset about?”
Aaron shrugged. “‘S not like I can afford to get you a present like that.”
“I don’t need you to get me a present like that,” Robert passed the cigarette back. “You’re presence is enough of a present, and all that.”
“I did get you something,” Aaron stubbed out the end of the cigarette, reaching for his pocket. “I - well, Vic said something about how much you like all those Marvel comics, and I did some research, online - and found this one. It’s a special edition, or something,” he passed the comic over, the plastic sleeve crinkling in Robert’s curious grip. “I can return it, if you hate it.”
“No, Aaron - I love it,” Robert looked genuinely enthralled. “This is amazing.”
“It’s just a comic book, or whatever,” Aaron said, shrugging off the praise.
“No, it’s - Aaron, everyone in there got me alcohol, or CDs, or whatever, and it’s all nice, but this is the only present I’ve gotten that’s something I actually love,” Robert said, his expression one of genuine wonder. “Thank you. Seriously.”
Aaron couldn’t help but lean in and press a brief kiss to Robert’s lips. “Happy birthday, Robert.”
Aaron knew it was a bad habit, to chew the skin off of his lip, but he was fucking nervous. Paddy was away, for the weekend - romantic weekend with Chas, however much that made Aaron want to throw up - and they’d decided he was responsible enough to stay at home alone, provided he went and had dinner with Lisa and Zak on Sunday.
It was a fair deal, really.
A few months ago, Aaron might have used it as an excuse to throw a party, but now - well, he sort of had an ulterior motive.
Everything with Robert had been good - fun, even. Aaron had never really been sold on sex, but after weeks of exchanging hurried hand-jobs, and a few - genuinely excellent - blowjobs, he sort of wanted to see what the big deal was.
So he’d invited Robert over.
And he’d gone on Google.
And promptly had a panic attack.
There was a lot to it, was the thing - all sorts of words Aaron didn’t quite understand - and so he sort of hoped Robert would be happy to take the lead, on this one.
“Hiya,” Robert greeted, barely waiting until the front door was closed to get his hands on Aaron, kissing him fiercely. Robert always kissed like that; fierce, and unapologetic in how much he wanted Aaron.
“Hi,” Aaron returned the greeting, winding his arms around Robert’s neck - the same way he’d watched Vic kiss Adam, the other day. The action seemed to surprise Robert, but delight him, all the same, his hands coming to rest on Aaron’s waist.
“Get your kit off, then,” Robert smirked, in the familiar, flirty way he tended to.
“Can we just - wait, a second?” Aaron had no idea how he was supposed to ask about this.
Robert’s expression fell. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I just - I want to have sex. With you,” Aaron blurted, because apparently he was a bumbling fucking idiot.
Robert raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been having sex, Aaron.”
“No, I know - I mean like, proper sex,” Aaron felt his face burn red. “I want to do that. With you. Except I googled it, and it’s all a bit fucking overwhelming, honestly, and I didn’t know what half of it meant, and I kind of hope that you do.”
Robert’s laughter was affectionate, not condescending - though it took Aaron a second to realise that. “It is overwhelming,” he agreed. “If you really want to - I can talk you through it.”
Aaron nodded. “I want to. I do,” he paused, knowing he needed to admit it. It’s not as if he ever told Robert he’d never done this, but he was sure Robert could figure it out. “I just have no idea what I’m doing.”
Robert hummed. “You’ve been a quick learner so far,” he teased, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s burning cheek. “You want to fuck me, then?”
Aaron was going to throw up on his maybe-boyfriend. They still hadn’t talked about that. “Uh. I was thinking about it the other way around,” he admitted hoarsely, enjoying the way Robert’s expression clouded over with desire. “If you’d want that.”
“Jesus, Aaron - of course I would,” Robert breathed. “Are you sure that’s something you want?”
Aaron nodded. The idea had been terrifying, before, but now Robert was here, Aaron felt a strange sense of calm - he wanted it. Robert would be good to him, he knew. It just made sense. “I want to. I really want to.”
Robert kissed him, again, and it was a kiss Aaron felt right to his toes. “Okay,” he agreed. “Let’s go upstairs, then.”
“That feel okay?”
“Yeah - yeah, it’s fine.”
“Aaron, just breathe - that’s it, relax for me. You’re doing so well.”
“Robert. Jesus.”
“It’s good, right? I promised you it would be.”
“You’re so fucking hot, Aaron.”
“Robert.”
Aaron had never had a sleepover quite like this. Robert’s hair was still damp, from the shower, as he curled up next to Aaron, a bruise blooming in the curve of his neck in the shape of Aaron’s teeth. That was new.
It was pretty hot.
“You okay?” Robert asked, that kind, and generous side of him that he rarely showed to anyone on full display, there and then. Aaron liked it - liked that he got to know a side of Robert that other people didn’t.
Aaron nodded, not quite sure he had the right words, there and then. “It was nice,” he promised, curling in on his side, the two of them nose-to-nose on Aaron’s tiny bed. Nice felt like underselling it - frankly, he could understand why half the fucking school went mental over Robert now - but he didn’t want to come on too strong.
It’s not like Robert was his boyfriend, or anything.
(Even if he kept hoping that might end up being the case, one day - that Robert would do what Adam had with Vic, and ask him out for real, want to tell people they were together. Aaron didn’t mind being a secret, but he wished he could shout from the rooftops that he was the one Robert was with when Rebecca White was making heart-eyes at Robert during lunch break. He wanted to be entitled to that, was all.)
“Just nice?” Robert questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“It was good,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Stop fishing for compliments.”
Robert grinned. “They’re just such a rarity from you, Dingle - I have to enjoy them when you’re willing to give them.”
“Shut up,” Aaron huffed, tugging the duvet up to his chin. “Are you - staying?” he asked, hating how needy it sounded.
Robert hummed, slinging an arm over Aaron’s waist. Aaron wasn’t sure if he’d ever been cuddled before - but he didn’t hate it. Not with Robert, at least. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Aaron sort of felt like he could explode with how excited he was to see Robert, that evening. Robert had texted as he arrived, making Aaron promise that he’d come and find him as soon as he got to the party, and it had felt like an easy promise to keep.
He sort of thought that maybe - maybe - Robert was finally ready to tell people they were seeing each other. He hadn’t brought it up again, since they’d talked about it that night at the farm, but it had been a few weeks, and it would be a lie to pretend as though Aaron wasn’t itching to tell people.
Vic, first, of course - and then Adam, and Mack. Aaron was sort of selfishly hoping he might end the night with a boyfriend.
Aaron Dingle, wanting a boyfriend. Who’d have thought it?
Home Farm was heaving. It felt like the entire school was there, and it didn’t make it easy to find Robert.
“Hey,” Aaron tried to sound as subtle as he could, as he approached Max. “You’ve not seen Robert, have you? Vic asked me to ask him something,” he lied, hoping that sounded like somewhat of a believable excuse.
Max grinned at him, and Aaron couldn’t shake the feeling that Max knew something. Surely that was a good sign, if Robert’s best friend knew about him? Aaron wasn’t sure; but it sounded like one.
“I think he said he was headed for the conservatory - wanted a smoke,” Max directed, and Aaron nodded his thanks, plucking his way through the crowd of people, ducking down a relatively quiet hallway, hoping he was going the right way.
“Oh, come on Robert,” Chrissie’s desperately affected accent drew Aaron’s attention. He wasn’t like, jealous or anything - well, he was, but he knew that he couldn’t necessarily tell Robert that, not when they weren’t like, exclusive, or whatever - but the two of them having a conversation did set off alarm bells in his head.
Chrissie tended to send Robert’s head spinning.
“Don’t tell me that you’re taken - and by your little sister’s best friend, of all people. I heard the rumours - but I didn’t believe they could possibly be true,” Chrissie said. Aaron peeped around the corner, watching as Chrissie smoothed a hand down Robert’s chest, fingers following the same pattern as Aaron’s had a few hours earlier, when Robert had crowed him against the back wall of the barn, and had kissed him for all he was worth.
Aaron watched, and waited for Robert to respond - to defend him, maybe, or shake Chrissie off.
“Don’t be so ridiculous, Chris,” Robert rolled his eyes, brushing a stray strand of Chrissie’s hair behind her ear. “He’s just a kid with a crush. You can’t honestly think I’d be taken by him? My little sister’s best mate? How embarrassing would that be?”
Robert’s words felt icy, as they sunk into Aaron’s sink, the realisation of what Robert was saying hitting him.
Embarrassing.
Was the idea of being with him really so embarrassing?
“I’m so glad,” Chrissie cooed. “It wouldn’t do to have someone like you be taken by some kid like him.”
Aaron wasn’t sure he wanted to make himself known - but he definitely wasn’t going to let Robert get away with it.
“It wasn’t so embarrassing to be with me when you shagged me the other night,” Aaron said, a part of him gleeful as Robert went deathly pale, realising he was caught. “Or are you really that hard up, Robert?”
Chrissie dropped her hand from Robert’s chest, glancing between them. “I’m going to leave you both to it,” she said, Aaron refusing to acknowledge her existence as she walked away, leaving him, and Robert alone.
Aaron has always hated the fact that he was an angry crier, and he’s never hated it more than right now, in this very moment, Robert fucking Sugden standing in front of him, looking painfully aloof as Aaron struggled to hold back tears.
“You’re such a fucking asshole,” Aaron bit out, shoving at Robert’s chest. “You knew, this whole time - you knew how I felt about you, and you what - decided to use it to your advantage? Sleep with me for the fun of it? What is wrong with you? Was this all just a joke to you?”
Robert stayed quiet, as though he had no response to Aaron’s angry tirade. Of course he didn’t - he was Robert Sugden, after all. Why would he care about anyone except himself? Aaron should have listened to the rumours; should have heeded the warnings and stayed well away, but he thought he could do it, be different, be someone Robert might actually want to be with.
Childish fucking fantasy, in the end.
“You kissed me first,” Aaron continued, not wanting to stop now he’d started, Hurricane Aaron out in full force - and for the first time, he didn’t regret it. Robert deserved to get caught up in the damaging, threatening winds of an Aaron Dingle meltdown. “You kissed me first, and you acted like it meant something, and then you go and do this. Have you got any idea how shit this has all made me feel? Being your dirty little secret?”
“Aaron, come on - it’s not that serious,” Robert tried, and Aaron was going to hit him - he really was.
“I know it’s really embarrassing for you to been seen with your little sister’s best friend,” Aaron spat, hands shaking as he balled them into fists, not wanting to let Robert see just how upset he was. “So I’ll save you the mortification, Sugden. I won’t come near you again - embarrassing little puppy dog crush forgotten. Don’t worry, no one else will ever know - I’ll keep it to myself that you lowered yourself to sleeping with someone like me.”
Something unreadable flashed across Robert’s face, and Aaron waited a second, to see if he might respond - if the Robert he knew was under that cold, hard facade would make an appearance and admit to why he’d been such an almighty arse.
Except -
Nothing. Silence.
Robert made his decision - and so Aaron was going to make his.
“Fuck you,” he spat, mustering every bit of anger he could feel thrumming through his body, the words harsh enough to make Robert flinch.
Good.
Aaron didn’t wait for an answer this time, forcing himself to turn on his heel, and walk out of the house, holding himself together until he trudged down the lane-way, dialling a familiar number with shaking hands.
“Mack? You think you could give me a lift home?” Aaron managed, tears he’d fought so hard to swallow back, freely pouring down his cheeks now.
Mackenzie’s affirmative response and promise he’d be there in ten minutes was enough to make Aaron sob, arms wrapped tightly around himself as he waited in the cold for Mack to bring him home.
“Mate,” Mackenzie said, spoon sticking out of his half-melted ice-cream. Aaron hadn’t felt ready to go home to the pub yet, and so Mack had been the one to suggest a late-night trip to the the drive-through, the two of them stinking up Mackenzie’s car with fried food, and Aaron had filled him in on the whole sorry story. “I’m sorry.”
“‘S not your fault,” Aaron hiccuped, feeling utterly pathetic and entirely miserable. Why did people ever even bother to put themselves out there, when it ended like this, all snotty and heartbroken? He hated it - hated the feeling, hated Robert Sugden, hated how much he probably didn’t hate him at all, if he was being honest about it.
Mackenzie shook his head. “I knew he was a bit of a twat, that Robert, but I didn’t think he was cruel.”
Aaron thumped his head back against the headrest of the passenger seat. “Maybe I had this version of him in my head that was better than the reality,” he mumbled, and he wanted that to be true, but the glimpses of the real Robert he’d gotten over the last few months made it very clear that wasn’t the case. He was good, and funny, and nice, underneath it all - but he’d still taken the first chance he could to belittle Aaron’s feelings for him.
“At least school will be done for the year in a few months,” Mackenzie offered him a sympathetic smile. “He’ll be finished, and you won’t have to see him again.”
“Except around the tiny fucking village we both live in,” Aaron groaned, shoving a spoonful of melted ice-cream into his mouth. “Why does anyone bother fancying anyone? This is horrible.”
Mackenzie laughed, tucking into his own melting ice-cream. “I don’t know mate,” he shook his head. “Falling in love is shit.”
Love.
That was a big word - one Aaron definitely didn’t feel comfortable with, not yet, maybe not ever.
But he liked Robert.
Liked him a lot, actually.
Liked him enough to feel heartbroken about it.
Aaron sighed again.
And he couldn’t even tell Vic without admitting to his best friend that he’d shagged her older brother.
Really -
It had been a shit plan to begin with.
Aaron should have known better.
Summer was beginning to crest over the familiar hills of Emmerdale Village, and Aaron’s school shirt stuck to his sweaty back as he trudged through the gates. A few more weeks, and then he was done with the academy - a new world awaited him at the technical college in Leeds he’d been accepted to, and he could focus on training as a mechanic, and actually figuring out his life, and not thinking about Robert Sugden ever again.
Aside from the fact he had to see him every fucking day in their postage stamp sized village.
He was shoving books into his locker when a familiar voice greeted him, Aaron’s stomach twisting.
“Hi, Aaron.”
Aaron glanced up to see Max King standing by his locker, face twisted into an expression that was supposed to be sympathetic. Arsehole. “What do you want?” he deadpanned, not interested in any sort of illusion of politeness.
“Look, I don’t know what happened between you and Robert the other night - but he’s really cut up about it, Aaron,” Max said, in that annoyingly sincere way that no one with the surname King should be able to manage. Aaron’s met Carl - he finds it hard to believe he and Max share DNA, or Max was just a very good liar.
“Maybe he didn’t tell you because he’s embarrassed,” Aaron grumbled in response.
“Of how he acted? Yeah - probably,” Max raised an eyebrow. “You’ve met Robert, he has a tendency of acting like an almighty twat, so he ends up spending a lot of his life embarrassed.”
“Of me,” Aaron corrected, slamming his locker shut. “He’s embarrassed of me, Max. To be seen with me - to have people know there might be some possibility that he fancies me. He’s embarrassed of me.”
Max’s face fell. “Did he tell you that?”
“Didn’t need to - Chrissie White made sure she said it loud enough for half of the school to hear,” Aaron huffed, thumbing at the folded corner of his jotter. “Max, I don’t want to talk about this - not with you, or anyone. Okay? Just - leave it.”
“Just - Aaron,” Max’s plea was a genuinely desperate one. “Look, thing’s aren’t easy for Robert, with his dad, more than anyone. I’m not telling you to cut him any slack, I know he’s been an arse, but - talk to him. Properly. It might explain things.”
Aaron gave Max a suspicious look. “Nah,” he retorted. “I’m alright, thanks.”
One of the stranger parts of their not-breakup of a breakup was not talking to Robert anymore. Aaron had gotten used to talking to Robert a lot; had gotten used to getting random text messages from him, during the day, had gotten used to Robert pulling up outside of the house, car idling as he suggested they go somewhere.
The absence of Robert’s friendship felt as weighty as the absence of the way Robert kissed him - soft, and determined, hands wandering as Aaron allowed himself to indulge in a physical pleasure he had never imagined letting himself enjoy.
Aaron had friends - he did, he really did; Vic, and Adam, and Holly and Matty, and Mack, who liked to think himself a fountain of advice and knowledge on their long Saturday morning shifts at the garage - but he missed Robert. He missed how easy it had been to talk to him, missed the way he felt fucking butterflies, whenever he looked at Robert, however cheesy the admission was.
Aaron didn’t exactly have a sordid romantic history to go off of, but he knew he’d never felt like this about Jackson, or Ed.
It made the absence of it all feel worse.
“You’ve got a face like a slapped trout,” Vic greeted cheerfully, trainers scuffing against the gravel of the playground as she approached, two cups in hand. “It’s hot chocolate - with extra marshmallows, because I am the best friend you’ll ever have.”
Aaron paused his mournful swinging, accepting the warm drink, the cup a comfort, despite the warm weather. “You are,” he agreed, and he wasn’t sure what else to say.
“Then why didn’t you tell me you fancied my brother? That you were seeing him?” Vic asked, perching on the swing and fixing Aaron with a patented Victoria Sugden look. She didn’t look angry, no - worse, she looked disappointed.
“Vic, I…” Aaron trailed off, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” Vic retorted, and it was the last thing on earth that Aaron expected her to say. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. Did you think I’d get mad?”
Aaron felt a bit helpless, as he replied. “He’s your brother,” he managed to squeeze the words out. “I didn’t want to make it weird.”
“Well, it might have been strange at the start - but I’d have gotten used to it,” Vic replied, giving Aaron a reassuring grin. “Aaron - you’re two of my favourite people in the world. I want you both to be happy, and if that’s together, then I don’t mind at all.”
Aaron took a sip of his drink, the warm, sugary taste a comfort. “It doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shook his head. “Robert doesn’t feel the same.”
Vic rolled her eyes. “The way he’s moping up at the farm these last few days tells a very different story, Aaron,” she pointed out. “He’s been acting like someone’s shot the dog. I’ve never seen him like this - he doesn’t even fight back when Andy tries to provoke him. He’s not had a fight with dad in days!”
Aaron couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Robert rarely ever passed up the chance to fight with his dad, or Andy - so there must be something wrong for him to not be rising to the bait Andy was likely gleefully offering.
“I know!” Vic could read his expressions so easily, it was honestly terrifying. “Look - there’s no doubt that my brother is an idiot, Aaron. I’d never pretend otherwise. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but he’s really sad about it. You don’t have to speak to him about it, but maybe you should, because you’re both pretty sad right now, and I hate seeing you both sad. That’s all.”
Aaron wasn’t entirely sure what to say. “Thanks for the hot chocolate, Vic,” he managed weakly, and thankfully, Vic seemed content to let the conversation lie.
Aaron’s brain, on the other hand, was a different story.
The night it had all come crashing down, Robert had tried to call him. Aaron had sat in Mackenzie’s car, and watched as his phone had rang, and rang, over and over again, Robert clearly desperate to get in touch.
He hadn’t answered - hadn’t rang him back.
Three days after that, Robert had texted him.
Aaron - I’m sorry. Please let me explain.
Nothing else.
Aaron had opened the text, and promptly chucked his phone across the room, and he’d left Robert on read. He’d overheard Kerry saying that you should leave your fella on read, every once in a while, to make sure he knew he couldn’t act out of order and get away with it (whatever it was) and Aaron had decided it was a good moment to give the advice a try.
Now, though, Vic’s words - Max’s words - were ringing in his ears, and Aaron found his thumbs hovering over the keyboard, almost giving in to the temptation of texting Robert back.
He shouldn’t, really.
Aaron should cut his losses and move on.
But -
Top barn in a half an hour.
Aaron felt like he was going to be sick. His text to Robert had been short - and not at all sweet - and so he hadn’t been sure that Robert would actually show up. Had he left it too long? Was Robert pissed off with him now? Would he -
“Aaron.”
The way Robert breathed his name was a kind of familiarity that made Aaron want to throw up, there and then. It was soft, and kind, and nothing that Aaron wanted to hear from the boy in question.
Robert looked rough. He hadn’t bothered doing his hair, and the blond strands were askew, the old fleece he was wearing one Aaron vaguely recognised from stolen moments up at the farm - he knew it would be soft under his fingertips, if he let Robert close the space between them, and that was his reasoning for taking a step back.
Even if the hurt look on Robert’s face did make him feel bad.
“You don’t get to pretend everything is fine,” Aaron tried to sound firm, tried to hide the tremble in his voice. “You really hurt me, Robert - you can’t just kiss this one better. Alright? You can’t. I’m not going to be like those other girls who are stupid over you and forgive you anything, no questions asked.”
Even if he was, admittedly, a little stupid over Robert.
Robert nodded, picking at a loose thread in the cuff of his jumper. “I didn’t think you’d text me.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Aaron admitted, because he might as well be honest about it. “You can thank Vic for that - and Max.”
Robert’s brow furrowed. “What did they say?”
“That you were sad, and mopey - and that I should talk to you, because there might be an explanation for you acting like an arse,” Aaron summarised. Robert didn’t need all the detail.
Robert let out a shaky breath. “I think that’s a good summary,” he managed, wiping roughly at his face. “I don’t - I don’t really know what to say except that I’m sorry. I did act like an arse.”
“Why, Robert?” Aaron found himself asking. “I thought - I thought that you liked me,” he managed, and it sounded even more embarrassing to ask the question out loud than it was to think it, Aaron feeling like the idiot kid he apparently was as he looked at Robert, lip wobbling. He was just the stupid kid who’d been stupid enough to fall for his best mate’s older brother, and that was a story that never worked out in the end.
He should have known.
It’s not as though anything ever worked out in Aaron’s favour, really.
Robert looked crestfallen. “Aaron, I do like you.”
“Then why are you so embarrassed to be with me?” Aaron demanded, anger clawing at his throat. Hurricane Aaron wanted to escape, desperately. “Why did you say all that to Chrissie? Do you know how shitty it felt for me to overhear all that, a couple of days after I slept with you for the first time? I know it makes me a big girl’s blouse, or whatever, but that meant something to me, alright?”
Robert looked as though he didn’t know what to say.
“If the next words out of your mouth are ‘I didn’t know’, I’m not sure I can hold myself back from smacking you, Robert,” Aaron said fiercely, because it was true - he wasn’t sure he could handle any faux ignorance from Robert, there and then.
“I break everything I touch,” Robert said, after a few moments of silence, the words robotic, and clunky. “That’s what dad says to me. Sooner, or later - I ruin everything I get close to. I didn’t want you to be another something I ruined, Aaron, I really didn’t - but I don’t know how to stop.”
Something in Aaron’s traitorous heart twisted at Robert’s admission, and he found himself softening - only a little, though. He wasn’t ready to forgive Robert just yet - not without more of an explanation.
“I’m never good enough,” Robert’s bottom lip was wobbling, now, his eyes shining with tears. “I didn’t want to wait around for you to figure out I wasn’t good enough for you, either - so it felt easier to blow it up. You know? Hurt you before you figured out that you were wasting your time with me.”
Aaron couldn’t help but frown. “Robert,” he sighed. “Why are you putting words in my mouth? I like you - I fancy you.”
“Maybe now you do,” Robert wiped roughly at his eyes. “But sooner or later - you’d realise what everyone else has, and you wouldn’t want me around anymore. No one ever chooses me - not dad, or Andy, or Katie, or anyone else.”
Ah.
There it was.
Aaron pulled a face. “I’m hardly going to want to shag your dad, am I?”
Robert feigned getting sick. “Don’t even joke about it.”
“Robert - I don’t really get it,” Aaron admitted, pulling at a loose thread in his sleeve. “You’ve got to explain yourself here, I’m sorry - I don’t understand.”
Robert nodded, moving to sit on one of the hay bales, his shoulders slumped. “I’ve always been the disappointment, with my dad,” he said, and that was something Aaron knew - had seen firsthand in the way Jack was happy to direct soft looks at Andy, and Vic, something harder in his expression when he looked at Robert, the eldest Sugden seemingly held to a different standard than his siblings.
“Liking school - wanting to go to university. He hates all of that. Hates that I want more than this,” Robert gestured vaguely as he continued. “I just always let him down. When I realised I liked boys, too, I knew it wouldn’t get any better. He - we had this farmhand, when I was fifteen, Tom.”
Aaron hesitated for a second before he sat down next to Robert, giving him an encouraging smile. “Did you like him?”
Robert nodded. “A lot,” he admitted, the boyish smile on his face giving away the way the lovesick teenager he might have been, before he decided to make it a personal mission to shag his way through Hotten Academy and beyond, and pretend as though he had a heart of unrelenting stone. “He kissed me right here, you know - in this barn.”
Aaron followed Robert’s gaze, the fondness in his expression unfamiliar.
“Dad walked in on us together,” Robert grimaced. “He sacked him, and leathered me.”
“Jesus, Robert - I didn’t think he was that kind of bloke,” Aaron shook his head, thinking of Jack Sugden. He was a sullen character, strict, stricter than Aaron’s mum was, and he didn’t much like it when one of the Sugden’s got themselves into bother - but he’d been alright with Aaron, despite him being gay, so he hadn’t put him down for being a homophobe.
“He’s not,” Robert’s voice cracked, and Aaron’s heart cracked alongside it. “He just doesn’t want a son like me. Fine if it’s someone outside of his house - but no Sugden was going to be queer, not under his roof. He - and made it clear I was to never talk about it again.”
Aaron waited, for Robert to find the words.
“I almost didn’t,” Robert admitted hoarsely. “It was Max, really, who convinced me that I couldn’t bury it - that if I did, I’d fuck my life up from the pressure of hiding who I really was - so I decided I wasn’t going to hide who I was, but I was never going to subject anyone to having my dad as an in-law.”
“So,” Aaron was putting the pieces together. “You decided you were just never going to let yourself have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.”
“Pretty much,” Robert sighed. “It was easy, before. Max is a good shag - sorry,” he added, at Aaron’s glare. “But I don’t fancy him. I didn’t want to have a future with Chrissie, or Rebecca, or any of the rest of them.”
Aaron could feel his heartbeat in his ears.
“But you’re different,” Robert concluded, twisting to look at Aaron. “I don’t - I don’t want to come on too strong here, Aaron, but I like you, a lot, and it scares the fuck out of me. I never wanted all the cheesy, ridiculous relationship stuff before - but I want it with you. I want to like - hold your hand, at the bus stop, and I want to wait for you after class, and I want you to have to sit through painful family dinners as my boyfriend, and it’s fucking terrifying.”
“Because you’ve never done it before?”
“And because it means having to face my dad, properly,” Robert chewed on a corner of his lip. “He knows, that I was sleeping with Max, or whatever - but bringing home a real boyfriend. I don’t know how he’d react.”
Aaron couldn’t help but grin. “Do you think I’d be afraid of Jack Sugden? I’d take him - easy. I bet his bones are brittle, your dad is so old.”
That got Robert to laugh, at least. “I’m serious, Aaron - I’m not embarrassed of being with you. I’m embarrassed of me, and the mess I’d be dragging you into if we got together.”
Aaron hummed. “That’s stupid.”
“I’m pouring my heart out to you here, and that’s all you’ve got - that’s stupid?” Robert was incredulous.
“Well - it’s true,” Aaron shrugged. “It’s stupid. Why are you forcing yourself to be alone when you don’t need to be?”
“My dad is a nightmare,” Robert pointed out.
Aaron raised an eyebrow. “You’ve met my mum, she’s hardly a saint.”
“I have a reputation. People think I’m a bit of a slut, you know.”
Aaron shrugged. “It’s not an unfounded reputation,” he grinned, because he’d always known what he was getting into with Robert Sugden - he might be sixteen, but he wasn’t totally naive. “Anyway - I can keep you entertained.”
Robert looked lost for words. “You’re Vic’s best friend.”
“You’re my best friends brother,” Aaron retorted. “Anyway - she approves. Any more excuses?”
“You shouldn’t want me. I was cruel, and awful,” Robert shook his head, and Aaron knew, in that very second, he was in love - properly in love, grown up kind of love, the kind his mum read about in books, and the kind Vic swooned over in movies. The feeling was unfamiliar, but it settled in his chest, all the same, finding a home tucked between his ribs, new, but still part of the very fabric of who he was.
Robert Sugden wasn’t going to be someone he just got over.
“I love you,” Aaron said, before he could chicken out - or listen to the distinctly Kerry-sounding voice in his head that said he shouldn’t be the first to say it. Aaron had denied himself a lot, in his sixteen years of life - had almost denied himself any life at all, when he’d locked himself in a garage and waited to die because he’d been so determined not to be gay - and he was kind of sick of the misery of it all.
Robert looked completely gobsmacked. “No. You don’t.”
Aaron rolled his eyes. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel. I love you. Deal with it.”
“But - why?” Robert asked, and the question made him seem so childlike - big, bad, Robert Sugden, who was freshly eighteen, and determined not to need anyone, was confused as to why anyone could love him.
Aaron shrugged. “I just do,” he said, as if it were obvious - it felt like it was. He wasn’t sure he had the words to explain it, but somewhere along the way, the schoolboy crush he had on his best mate’s fit older brother had morphed into something bigger, and love felt like the only word that summed it up.
He looked at Robert, the older boy teary-eyed and confused looking. “You’re not a disappointment,” Aaron said, reaching for Robert’s trembling hand. “You’re amazing, and your dad is an idiot not to see that.”
“Shut up,” Robert bit back, but there was nothing harsh to his words. “Aaron - I’m so sorry. For everything. I was cruel, and horrible, and I can never make up for it. I was never embarrassed to be with you - I was embarrassed of me, of you finding out the kind of person I really am, and you running a fucking mile.”
Aaron couldn’t run a mile, even if he wanted to - and he didn’t want to, not really. He’d been in too deep for months, now, and he wasn’t sure he saw a way out. He wasn’t sure if he wanted one, either.
He grinned at Robert, a bright, sunny expression that Aaron was sure probably didn’t suit his ordinarily sullen features. “I know how you can make it up to me,” he breathed, inching closer to Robert.
“Yeah - how?”
Aaron grinned. “By never ever holding my hand at the bus stop. That would be fucking embarrassing.”
Robert snorted, and the sound was a relief amidst the painfully serious conversation they’d just had. “I love you,” he breathed, and Aaron had hoped he might say it back, but he didn’t want to push - didn’t want to seem all clingy, and needy, or whatever.
Aaron kissed him, then, because he wasn’t sure he had a better response than that.
Robert Sugden loved him back.
Aaron felt like he was starring in one of those god-awful teenage romance movies that Victoria tended to force him to watch.
(He found he didn’t hate the thought of it).
“Are you seriously going to keep slapping my hand away?” Robert asked, the annoyance in his tone so obviously fake as he followed Aaron up the driveway of the farm.
“Yes,” Aaron retorted, slapping Robert’s hand away. “I told you, I’m not holding your hand.”
“You said you wouldn’t hold my hand at the bus stop,” Robert gestured around them. “This, Aaron, is definitively not a bus stop.”
Aaron stopped in the middle of the driveway, fixing Robert with a look. “Do I look like a baby who needs his hand holding?”
“No, you look like my gorgeous, grumpy boyfriend who’s about to have Sunday lunch with my insane family,” Robert cooed, hand coming up to cup the curve of Aaron’s jaw. It was stupid, really, how the simplest things sent his heart racing, but they did - Aaron figured he was allowed to be in gross, embarrassing love for the first time. He just tended to keep the thoughts to himself - Robert’s ego was big enough as it was, it didn’t need help.
“You’re just hoping I get mad enough to call your dad a cunt to his face,” Aaron sighed. Hurricane Aaron was largely under control, these days, but if he got particularly riled up, the hurricane tended to whip up and cause some low-level destruction.
He’d blame it on being sixteen.
“Of course I am,” Robert grinned, pressing a kiss far too dirty to be shared in the front driveway of his family’s farm to Aaron’s lips. “Can I please hold your hand? Please? Pretty please? Pleaseeeeeee?”
Aaron rolled his eyes, but relented, holding out his palm. “Only to the front door. 'M not having Vic thinking I’ve gone soft, she’ll tell everyone at school.”
Robert grinned, and Aaron really wanted to kiss the stupid, smug grin off his face, but apparently Diane was making a roast chicken, and Aaron wasn’t missing out on that, or her Yorkshires, because Robert couldn’t keep his hands - or mouth - to himself. “Okay,” he agreed, wrapping his fingers around Aaron’s, squeezing tightly on their short walk to the front door.
He looked nervous, as they came to a stop in front of the door, and Aaron gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I will call your dad a cunt. If you want.”
Robert grinned. “My hero.”
(“Aaron,” Paddy sighed, Chas too busy trying to hold in her laughter to scold him. Aaron knew he wouldn’t be getting grounded, if that was how his mum was reacting. “You can’t call Robert’s dad a decrepit, homophobic old cunt over the dinner-table.”
“Was I wrong?” Aaron demanded, enjoying the way his mum was desperately trying to look serious. “He’s an insufferable old git. Someone had to say it.”
“Did it have to be you, though?” Paddy countered, looking long-suffering. Aaron felt a bit sorry for him sometimes - he skipped the cute baby phase, and got thrown head-first into parenting a teenager. That didn’t sound fun. “He’s said you’re not allowed on the farm until he’s dead, Aaron.”
Aaron grinned. “Won’t be long, then.”
“Aaron!” Paddy admonished. “You can’t say that about your boyfriend’s dad.”
Aaron slumped back on the couch, feeling entirely self-satisfied. He didn’t regret anything, really. Well, except -
“Can Robert come round for tea?” he asked, looking at his mum hopefully. “Otherwise I’ll have to hang out with him on the cricket pitch like some sort of strung out, moody teenager, and you won’t want that.”
Paddy sighed, sensing the battle was lost. “You’re still a moody teenager,” he grumbled. “You just come with a moody boyfriend now too - God help us all.”
“We’re having lasagne,” Chas offered, her smile just about under control now. “I can put some extra garlic bread on.”
Aaron grinned. His mum had her moments, and this was definitely one of them. “Thanks, mum.”)
“What are you thinking about?”
Aaron twisted, so he was looking at Robert, his boyfriend squinting at him through his sunglasses. The last of the summer sunshine was soaking into the fields around Emmerdale, and they were lying on a sunny patch of grass in the top field, Diane having made them a packed lunch. Not a picnic, because Aaron wasn’t seventy-five years old, thanks.
He was thinking about Leeds - about college, and the distance between Leeds, and Manchester, where Robert was starting university, and how he was halfway to saved up for a car of his own, and how everything was going to change, soon, and how terrifying that all was.
“You,” Aaron breathed, earning himself a dazzling grin from Robert. “I’m thinking about you.”