Chapter Text
In the past, Varka had a wife.
It was a part of his life he’d long gotten over–though, the memories stuck eternally. They met in the middle of his first year in college; she fell behind in work, surrounded by seemingly endless personal issues and a family that solemn supported her. Varka had caught on when she requested his notes from the prior week and allowed something of her situation to slip into the conversation. What was meant to be a mere exchange of notes so she could catch up soon shifted into something significant; talks outside of their classes that led to spending weekends in the coffee shop nearby campus. She needed an escape when classes didn’t take up much of her days–and Varka was willing to accompany her in an attempt at filling in the endless boredom that struck when the weeks ended.
Their friendship evolved, from there. Calling on late nights, visiting one another almost daily when classes ended–it was like an endless bliss that Varka never wanted to lose. From the day he managed the confidence to spill his true feelings, they’d been attached at the hip. Some years passed–and suddenly, he was a married man, watching his family in the crowd with their gazes of endless pride.
And finally–they brought his precious Ellie into the world. The light of Varka’s life, his absolute pride and joy–with tufts of hair the colour of her mother’s, and the same intense sapphire gaze of Varka. He could practically envision the perfect future for her; love and support, a father that would never leave her side.
On a dim evening, sometime in the mid-fall season–his world crashed and shattered around him. Ellie had recently reached the age of six, and Varka’s career in building up a business in fixing vehicles had begun to rise.
When he returned home, it was silent. It was long past Ellie’s bedtime, no concern there; but on the average day, his beloved would have come to greet him by the door, smile and bring him to a freshly-delivered dinner from their favourite restaurant. It was a tradition on weekends.
Varka found none of that. Rather, when he entered the dining room, he only stumbled across a stack of papers and a letter. His heart sank to his stomach, reading the word “Divorce.” on the first page. He’d keep Ellie in his custody–she’d let him keep the entire house. The only thing Varka had lost was who he believed to be the love of his life.
Ellie reclused herself in her bedroom for days on end after the divorce was settled. Varka could barely lure her out with her favourite meals at dinnertime–and it ached. He despised seeing his daughter fall into such an intense period of sadness in response to her mother leaving; but truly, Varka was just as affected.
Despite it all, he never once blamed his ex. Perhaps marriage and a child simply weren’t for her–and that was perfectly fine. Varka would have rathered her leave and live the life she truly wanted, rather than pushing through a marriage she didn’t want to be in. In a way, he was proud of her for standing up.
It took just under a month for Varka to finally draw Ellie back out of her shell. It began with a short conversation in the car, as he drove her to school that morning. Ellie had gripped her sequin-covered backpack tight in her lap,, staring out the window from the backseat. Varka managed to catch the saddened gaze, and turned around in his seat to make an attempt at holding a steady conversation with her when they stopped in the school’s parking lot.
“Els…I know something’s up. You’re usually already bounding out of the car to get into the school.” Varka tried, watching the way Ellie’s features twisted. She frowned, eyes downcast and arms gripping her bag tighter.
“...Why’d mom go away…?”
The car fell silent. Varka’s eyes widened momentarily at the soft-spoken question–how Ellie looked as if she feared getting in trouble for asking about “adult problems.”
Varka watched her silently for a moment–before reaching back and squeezing her shoulder. “I dunno, princess. But I can promise it wasn’t because she didn’t love us…alright?”
Varka caught the sound of the school bell ringing in the distance, and he sighed. “C’mon–I’ll walk you in so you don’t get in trouble.”
Ellie remanded quiet throughout the walk into the front doors, hand squeezing around her dad’s palm. His answer still left her confused–lost on the reason her mom felt the need to leave them and start a new life. She wanted to ask her dad about it again–but he, too, looked hurt. She decided not to.
Varka dropped her off at her classroom after a few moments of silently wandering the hallways, her teacher stepping over to greet him and welcome Ellie into the classroom. She meandered off to her chair–leaving the elderly woman and Varka standing by the doorway. The teacher gave him a sympathetic frown, then thanked him quietly for bringing Ellie in before the lesson started–before returning to the classroom and leaving him alone in the hallway.
Stepping through the hallways, Varka glanced around at the drawings from students that hung on the walls. He found himself glancing over the student’s names–finally finding Ellie’s, with her scribbled handwriting and care with what colours she used.
Reading the words “My dad is my hero.” on the sheet of paper left a bitter taste rising in his mouth. Despite his own distance and struggles to keep himself stable in the past month, she still labelled him as her hero. Varka bit his lip and turned away before he could shed tears in the hallway of his daughter’s school–hurriedly stepping outside and towards his car. He allowed himself to break once in the comforts of the vehicle, the radio’s music concealing the sound of his low sobs.
…..
“...Varka–have you considered bringing this up with her?”
Jean’s voice spoke from where she sat, settled on the cushion of Varka’s couch. She stared back at him with a raised eyebrow, a sigh escaping her when Varka shook his head.
“I’ve tried that. It’s kinda difficult to convince a six year old to talk about why she’s been hiding in her room everyday.”
Because truly, it was. Ellie was always fairly quiet–only bright and energetic when she felt comfortable. If she didn’t want to talk about something serious, she simply wouldn’t. She’d go back to playing with her toy horses on the carpet floor, lip pursed as she held in the urge to tear up.
Varka had tried endlessly to get anything out of her. He offered to buy the stable playset she’d been staring at on the TV anytime the commercial came on, if it meant convincing her to say what’s been bugging her. And like the stubborn child she was, Ellie refused. Varka’s options were growing limited; no dolls, visits to Alice’s manor to play around with her “Funky machines”, or offers to convince Kaeya to let her ride one of his horses would work. He was still dumbfounded at the last one; Ellie used to always love visiting her Uncle Kaeya.
Jean only frowned, shifting to the side as Lisa approached and sat beside her–three cups of tea cradled in her hands. She passed one towards Varka, and he drank a good quarter of it immediately–as if it weren’t fresh off the stove. Both women stared with wide eyes when he didn’t even flinch at the burn.
“Maybe, some time away from this area of Mondstadt will do you good. Perhaps, Ellie needs…a change of environment.” Lisa’s lips curled into a gentle smile, as she blew carefully on her tea and took a slow sip. Jean nodded in agreement.
“You could use the change too. When was the last time you just…took a weekend off?”
The question lingered in the room momentarily. Varka paused, long enough to actually think. It had been a while since he stayed home and spent time with Ellie, rather than throwing himself into his work at the shop to distract himself from the distance that had grown between them. Lisa and Jean shared a mutual glance.
“Exactly. So, how about this weekend, Jean and I bring you two out into Starfell? Take some time to explore, and see if it’s something you’d be willing to agree to.”
Lisa continued to take another sip from her cup, idly picking a few strands of dog hair from the couch cushion. It was a tempting offer–to leave behind the home he’d bought with his ex, and start off a new chapter of his life.
The issue was the drive. Starfell Valley was at least two hours away, not considering the time spent in traffic and possible construction interruptions. And with that, meant pulling Ellie from her current school and finding someplace completely brand new for her. It sounded like a dream on the outside–a remote little town, someplace he could start anew and recover his mental health—but deep down, Varka knew it wasn’t the best idea. Ellie would only struggle to adjust at a new school; while she didn’t have many friends, only about one or two, and she wasn’t a fan of her teachers–she would be placed further behind those her age at a new school.
Lisa and Jean continued to peer at him, awaiting his response. If Varka was firmly set on remaining in the main city of Mondstadt, then they would back off and leave him be. He had grown up here, afterall; moving to a brand-new area meant leaving every sense of familiarity behind.
“...We can visit this weekend. I’ll see what I can do about my schedule.”
Both of them smiled. At least he was finally stepping out of his comfort zone, after all this time of remaining firmly in place.
…..
That night, Varka brought Ellie to her favourite restaurant for dinner–something to bring her some sort of excitement as he revealed their weekend plans. When Ellie was through with tearing into her meal, Varka decided it was the right time.
And much to his dismay, it didn’t go the way he hoped it would. She nearly broke into soft sobs immediately upon the reveal that he was debating moving towns, her cheeks flushing red and blue eyes welling up with unshed tears. Varka winced when she began to cry, hurriedly reaching over with a napkin to wipe her face whilst gently shushing. It didn’t reassure her.
Ellie remained upset the entire drive home–not even stopping in the doorway to scratch their golden retriever on the head, or let him playfully chase her down the hall. She rushed towards her room–and through the next hour or so, Varka heard her choked sobs and sniffles. He let out a sigh as he laid in bed–rolling over and burying his face into his hands. Hearing his precious Ellie sobbing from her room agonized him; but Varka knew she wouldn’t let him in to comfort her. She’d simply cry until she passed out.
When the week came to a close and Varka began packing a bag for their weekend trip, Lisa had to practically coax Ellie out of the house. Varka had helped pack her backpack with outfits and toys the night prior–so there wasn’t much concern in that aspect.
It was nearly noon, by the time they convinced her to get in the car and relax on the drive.
True to the directions on Jean’s GPS, it took close to three hours for them to arrive in Starfell Valley. Jean guided the vehicle into the front yard of an opulent home with towering walls and wide windows that gave them a glimpse of the grand interior. Ellie perked up in her carseat from the second she recognized the manor; already hurrying to unbuckle herself and grab her backpack. Varka watched with a smile as Ellie bounded out of the car and up to the front door–where Alice cracked it open and stepped outside.
Varka heard Alice’s laugh of amusement from across the yard, as she gladly scooped Ellie up into her arms and spun her around a time or two. Ellie’s gleeful giggles echoed from the doorway when she was set down onto her feet, a bright grin beaming on her face. Varka couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped him.
Stepping up to the front porch with their luggage, Varka paused to embrace Alice for a short moment; then carried the bags into the grand foyer. Ellie bounded in shortly after, giggling and pausing in the open doorways to find wherever Klee was hiding. They’d always been close friends–courtesy of Varka’s companionship with Alice and her husband. Though, from time to time, Varka debated if allowing Ellie around Klee too often would influence her to grow into a chaotic child, too…
Jean and Lisa followed him inside with their own bags, greeting Alice on the way by. Varka was instructed to bring their belongings into the guest bedrooms–and he complied. Lisa’s was particularly hefty, with her collection of books; he had decided to be kind and carry it up the stairs for her; considering her worsening condition as the days passed by.
He refused to linger on the thought–setting the bags down with great care in the closet of a bedroom, then exiting to find his own. It felt like too much for a mere weekend visit–but it was better than finding a hotel and staying in an unfamiliar environment. Ellie would never forgive him, if he settled for a hotel in a place she’d never been to, outside of visits to Alice’s manor, or Albedo and Kaeya’s after the former finished his afternoon classes.
Varka caught the distant sound of the others conversing downstairs–likely in the living room, settled around on the expensive couches as Jean explained his situation. He could almost feel the pity rising from Alice, all the way from the bedroom. They’d been friends since he obtained his first job, all those years ago–before he met her. Alice had cared for Ellie when Varka was out late at the shop, working endlessly until his wrists cramped to distract himself from the recent heartbreak.
Sighing, Varka made his way back into the first floor of the manor, following the sound of voices until he reached the living room. The women sat with similar glasses of tea on the table, conversing in whispers. When they noticed Varka entering the room, their voices quieted–and the conversation shifted to another topic.
Through the next hour, Alice spoke of the greatness of Starfell; the kindhearted people, varying job opportunities, and a gorgeous environment. If Varka didn’t already know her as a professor, he would have taken her to be some sort of higher-up that was encouraging more people to move to their town.
Around the time when evening came and Alice’s husband returned home, they agreed to visit a local restaurant for their dinner; Angel’s Share.
Varka took the time to catch up with Diluc when they sat at a table nearby the windows. Despite his ever-stoic expression, Diluc seemed glad to speak with Varka again, after a good year or so without much contact outside of their uncommon texts. Together, they drank and chattered amongst themselves; as if no time had gone by at all.
Once again, the reality of Varka staying the weekend was revealed by Lisa, when Diluc leaned over their table with a raised eyebrow. Diluc only frowned his way and dipped his head in a nod, before striding off to grab them a free bottle of wine for them to bring home. When they finally returned to Alice’s manor, Varka didn’t hesitate to wander up the stairs and get into a nearly boiling shower.
He was unsure if he could survive this. Everyone was pitying him, no matter how many times they denied it. The soft frowns and low “I’m sorry”’s, their gentle eyes as they patted Varka on the shoulder–as if his ex moving on was the worst thing that could have happened to him. He’d nearly been crushed by cars so many times he’d lost count, and his fingers were damaged from years of accidentally closing drawers on them or having vehicles squeeze them until the skin went purple. His past relationship most certainly wasn’t the worst he’d been through.
It ached, yes–but it wasn’t something he’d consider agonizing, or even traumatic. Their love simply fell through–and that was alright.
Varka solemnly slept that night–even after a hot shower and being buried in a pile of soft blankets and laying on fancy, puffed pillows. He tossed and turned, groaning into the pillow when he still couldn’t manage to fall asleep.
Tragically, it wasn’t new. He couldn’t even remember the last time he experienced a nice, fulfilling night of sleep; but he knew it was before she left.
…..
“Dad! Dad, wake up!! Uncle Kaeya is here!”
The sound of Ellie’s high, eager voice broke Varka free from his rest. It took about two hours–but he’d finally managed to pass out.
He groaned lowly into his arm as Ellie climbed up onto the bed and bounced the mattress, jostling her father enough to get him fully awake. She giggled quietly when Varka pointed a playful, withering glare her way–before sitting up and stretching.
“...Uncle Kaeya, huh? And why’s he visiting us at…” Varka squinted his eyes to see through the blur of sleep, the numbers on the clock blending together. “...Seven in the morning?”
Ellie blinked at him, turning to the clock and tipping her head. “It’s ten, dad! C’monn!!”
She reached down and grabbed Varka’s arm, hopelessly tugging him towards the edge of the mattress. He let out an exasperated sigh and gave in–allowing Ellie to pull him out of the warm grasp of the bed, towards the door, and finally, downstairs to where Kaeya sat in an armchair with Albedo leaned on his side. He grinned when he caught sight of Varka willingly letting his little daughter drag him towards them. She flashed a proud grin when Varka collapsed into the couch, to which Kaeya laughed softly and ruffled her head.
“You’re gonna be quite the soldier when you grow up, little one.” Kaeya jested, crossing his arms and leaning back against the chair. Varka rolled his eyes and huffed–but remained silent.
The house was fairly quiet, only them settled in the living room. Jean and Lisa likely left for breakfast, or to visit the local library–and truly, he had no idea where Alice could have possibly vanished to.
Varka saw Albedo raise an eyebrow at Kaeya’s antics, before he hummed and glanced towards Varka. “Jean asked us to give you a short tour of the town. In case you do decide to move.” He muttered, backed by Kaeya’s nod and slight grin.
The thought of a tour of the town felt odd, to Varka. There was no guarantee he would settle on moving to an unfamiliar area; he still had yet to make the final decision. It had begun to feel as if they were pushing for him to agree.
Jean had always wanted the best for him; he knew he should trust her. She would support him no matter what he decided to do in the situation.
Varka let out another sigh, then nodded his head.
“..I’ll go get dressed, then.”
…..
Wandering an unfamiliar environment by the side of Kaeya, of all people, was most certainly…an experience. He often paused in the middle of walking to point out a landmark, or some sort of building that held importance to him. They temporarily stopped in a small coffee shop to quell Ellie’s hunger–and Varka’s own. With that, came Kaeya’s rambles on how he and Albedo came here all the time, and the memories they’d shared. Varka couldn’t help but roll his eyes and nod along. Albedo occasionally gave him short, apologetic glances–but brushed off Kaeya’s behavior. Save for when he smacked him on the shoulder when he went to make a joke about a building they were passing by, right where Ellie could hear.
Starfell was a strange place-but Varka found that it was beginning to grow on him. While Kaeya did irritate him occasionally, they were still close friends–and they had been for years. He felt similarly for Alice, and everyone else he knew had resided here.
With that, another upside was added to his internal list. Everyone you know lives here.
And then–there was the school. Ellie clutched Varka’s hand just slightly tighter as they approached the doors, tempted by the people wandering around indoors. Varka had only chuckled and reassured her that they weren’t dropping her off, and were rather attempting to get information on their ‘norm.’
A tall lady greeted them by the door with a slight smile curling her lips, and Varka felt Ellie’s clutch loosen. The woman most certainly had a calming presence.
She led them further inside, murmuring idly about their curriculum, the staff, and every other piece of information Varka requested. It was where Klee got her education–so at least Ellie would have someone she was familiar with, if they settled.
Around fifteen minutes into their ‘tour’, the lady introduced herself as Lauma–one of the assistants for the office. She was sweet to Ellie–answering her questions in a way that eased her anxieties.
“There is nothing to worry about here. Our staff is known to ensure the best for our students; we don’t allow them to fall behind and struggle,” Lauma said, whilst they wandered one of the hallways lined with doors and dim rooms seen through the windows. Childish art plastered the walls, alongside genuine paintings clearly done by professionals. “May I ask–how would you say Ellie learns best? Does she prefer to participate openly, and work with other students?”
Varka paused momentarily. Ellie was always fairly mixed when it came to her education and preferences; truly, it depended on who she was around. If she was in class with people she knew and was comfortable with, she’d participate; but if she was unfamiliar with her peers, she hesitated and stayed silent. Her current teachers had called him into meetings far too much, due to her reluctance.
“She’s pretty quiet–doesn’t like speaking in front of others…that kind of thing.”
Lauma hummed softly at the short explanation, and glanced around. She continued forward down the carpeted hallway, glancing around the names of teachers on every door–before pausing in front of one at the very end. The light was on inside, illuminating a quaint little room with no windows, desks set up in two’s, and varying decorations in the corners and on the walls. The main lights weren’t turned on–rather, rows of little stringlights were strung along the ceiling; though most of the illumination was from a few lamps placed around the room. Varka glanced around what he could see, raising an eyebrow.
And suddenly–a tall, statuesque man stepped around the corner from where his desk sat; meandering towards a table in the back corner with stacks of papers and books. His eyes were tired and his hair tied back as if it were an afterthought when he awoke that morning.
Varka’s jaw would have dropped–if there weren’t quite literally a member of the office staff directly next to him, and Kaeya weren’t nearby with Albedo peering into another classroom. He hoped they at least knew who they were watching in that room.
A soft laugh escaped Lauma at his dumbfounded expression, her eyes wrinkling in a way that showed she knew how he was feeling.
“...That is Flins. He’s quiet, but handles kids like Ellie just fine.”
On cue, the man inside glanced their way–only nodding to acknowledge Lauma’s presence before returning to his desk, out of sight. Varka remained stunned minutes after he’d already left their view.
How Varka despised the sudden, rapid beating of his heart
……
Returning to Alice’s home that afternoon–after bidding Lauma farewell, and struggling to keep his questions to himself–Varka made a beeline for the guest bedroom. He didn’t give anyone else even a small mention of his intention to recluse in the room until dinnertime, simply rushing past. Albedo and Kaeya gave him befuddled looks, and Ellie gazed with wide eyes.
This couldn’t happen, Varka frantically thought, collapsing down onto the cushioned mattress and running a hand down his face. How could he allow his heart to race at the sight of a man he didn’t even know? He wasn’t even over his ex, yet; he still dreamed of the life they once shared, still imagined her being by his side and raising Ellie.
Varka felt like a disgraceful man.
But still–despite the feeling of endless self-loathing that built up within him, Varka could recall those piercing golden eyes as if he’d known them for years. The man had stared deep into his soul in the few moments of eye-contact they’d made–like he knew something Varka didn’t. It was strange, vile–but Varka found himself falling deeper into the bliss he’d felt upon locking gazes with the violet-haired man.