Chapter Text
Her eyes flashed opened.
It was the screen, but it looked different. There was a new image on the screen. It read “Are you sure you would like to exit?” and below it there were two options: “Cancel” and “Continue”.
This was it. She couldn’t believe it.
She looked down at her… hand. Her hand was… normal. She couldn’t stop looking at it. This had to be one of Caine’s tricks. She wiggled her fingers and rested them on the computer mouse. She stared at the “Continue” button, not believing it was true. She took a deep breath and moved the mouse slowly to hover over the “Continue” button.
This was her chance. This was the only way to escape.
But what about the others?
Was she really going to leave them all the same way she did Ragatha that first day when Kaufmo abstracted? They told her they could make it, but what if they couldn’t?
She remembered the look in Kinger’s eyes. “Get out of here kid. Don’t wait around for us”.
Her hand was shaking. She had to take it away just so she could make sure she wouldn’t make the wrong choice.
Her head was spiraling. But it was different. The world didn’t cave in on her. The walls didn’t start glitching. It was only her brain.
This is how the world could be now, she said to herself.
She put her finger back on the mouse. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She clicked the mouse.
After a moment of hesitation, she opened her eyes. She wasn’t expecting to still be looking at the computer screen. She thought this was a dream a simulation, and as soon as she had hope it would go away.
But it didn’t.
The screen showed Caine on a couch crying, hugging a pillow. A bright and bold font came on the screen saying “We will miss you!”. Then it changed to the grassy hills Pomni saw the first day Caine showed her around. The screen read “Come back to THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS soon!”.
And with a blink, it shut off like an old cartoon.
All that was left was herself staring back at her in the computers black screen.
Wow. She didn’t recognize herself at first. It had been so long.
She’d gotten used to her Jester look. Her hat with the little yellow pom poms. Her collared, bright, red and blue striped uniform. She even got used to her hands constantly being covered by gloves.
But here she was. Short brown hair with bangs, a burgundy collared shirt with small yellow buttons. Light blue eyeshadow and bags under her eyes.
It couldn’t be real.
She looked around. It was dark. The blinds were closed in the building. She stood up to look out of them. Her body gave out.
How long had she been sitting here? Her body was so stiff it felt like she’d never moved in her whole life. How could she have felt like she was living day after day while her body just sat here day after day? And how was she alive? She never had any food or water except for a couple of times in the circus. And that wasn’t real. None of it made sense.
She tried to stand up again, this time holding herself up. She made her way to the blinds and looked outside.
It was nighttime. The stars were so bright. Were they always that beautiful? It didn’t even compare to the Stargazing adventure she had went on.
There were trees outside. Real trees swaying in the wind. And an empty parking lot. All except for one car. Was that her car? She couldn’t remember.
She heard a buzz, and it scared her. She jumped, shutting the blinds, looking back at the computer screen, but nothing was there.
There was a small sliver of light coming from a space on the desk. Her phone.
She went to it and looked at it. The clock read 3:57. The buzz had come from a new notification: a comment on a video she had posted. There were several other notifications. Months worth. There were several missed calls, texts, voice messages. The latest missed call was from someone named “Christy”. Christy…
She had forgotten. Christy sounded so familiar but she couldn’t figure out why.
There was only one thing she could do. So, she used her face ID to get into her phone. After a minute of looking, she found the call button and went to “Recents”. There were 57 missed calls from Christy. With 49 voice messages left. She tapped on the name and the phone began calling.
It was so early, she wasn’t expecting a response. Until on the sixth ring, there was a frantic, tired answer.
A girls voice saying “Kellie?”
She couldn’t answer. It was so strange to hear someone else’s voice who wasn’t one of the circus members or an NPC.
“Kellie, are you there?”.
Kellie… She could remember now. That was her name. Kellie.
The name that had been taken away from her along with everything else.
“Is this… Is this Christy?” She finally whispered.
There was a gasp from the other side. “Oh my God, Kellie you’re alive.” The gasp turned into a sob. “You’re alive I can’t believe… Where have you been? Are you okay? What happened?”.
“I…” Her mouth was so dry. Partially from the lack of hydration, but also from all the questions. How could she answer?
“Kellie, are you still there?”.
“Yeah. I’m… I’m still here”.
“Where are you? I can come and get you.”
“I don’t… I don’t completely remember. I’m at this abandoned building. C&A? It’s an… an old company I think.”.
“Okay.” She said, and Kellie heard her moving around. “I’m on my way. Don’t move and just keep your phone with you, okay? I’ll be there soon. If anyone else shows up, find somewhere to hide and text me."
“Okay.”.
“Okay. I’ll be there very soon.”.
“Wait! Christy?”.
“Yeah?”.
“Please just don’t… call the police. Not yet.”.
“Fine. Yeah. Okay.”.
“Thank you.”.
“See you soon.” She said and hung up.
Kellie let the phone fall.
She was back. Why couldn’t she remember who Christy was? Or what her car looked like? She couldn’t remember her name until Christy told her.
And most importantly, how long was she in the circus?
There was another call from Christy forty minutes later. Kellie answered.
“Hello?”.
“Hey. Do you know what level you’re on so I can come find you?”.
“No, I don’t. I’ll go look.”.
Kellie moved slowly to the door and looked around. She kept walking around until she found a staircase. There was a big sign that said “Level 3”.
“I think I’m on the third level.”.
“Okay. Just stay on the phone till I find you.”.
“Okay.”. She replied.
She went back to the room she was in and looked around. She picked up what she hoped was her purse, a camera, and looked around for anything else. But there was only the computer and the headset.
The headset. She couldn’t stop looking at it. She couldn’t just leave it here for anyone else to find? Yes, they all had found the Exit to the circus. But it all was a simulation, what could stop it from restarting with a new group of people. Even without Caine, he could be rebooted or a new AI could step in.
And her friends. Kinger, Ragatha, Gangle, Zooble… even Jax. She couldn’t just leave knowing they all still might be in there. Could she?
She heard footsteps behind her. She turned around, scared.
There was a blonde girl standing there looking at her. Kellie remembered her face.
The girl stood there, taking it all in. Until she finally rushed over to Kellie and hugged her as tight as she could.
Kellie was frozen.
“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like being touched I just…”.
The girl released Kellie and wiped away her tears, her face still left blotchy. “I missed you so much. Are you okay?”.
“I guess. As okay as I can be right now.”.
“C’mon. You can sleep at my place tonight or as long as you need to. You can tell me everything in the car.”.
Christy turned to go out, but Kellie stayed there staring at the screen. She couldn’t place the feeling. It wasn’t regret. But it felt similar. She felt guilty for leaving them all. And part of her would miss parts of the circus. Mostly her friends.
Christy turned to look at her. “Are you okay?” She asked again.
Kellie looked at her and nodded. “Yeah. I’m… I’m okay.”.
She followed Christy all the way out of the building.
When she got outside the air refreshed her. Even on the outside adventures, there was never a breeze or fresh air element. It was the best breath she had ever taken.
Christy opened her car door for her and made sure she put on her seatbelt. When she started driving away, Kellie watched the C&A logo slowly fade out of view.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Christy asked.
Kellie froze. She couldn’t say the truth. Yeah, my soul was trapped in a digital circus world inside a headset where my friends were a chess piece, a ragdoll, a purple bunny, a ribbon, and a bunch of shapes. Oh, and the Australian dinosaur, but he was just an NPC. Christy wouldn’t believe her. Nobody would. She felt like Gummigoo at this moment. That day he saw himself alongside the other NPCs. Her world was shattered and then brought back together. But she couldn’t remember anything, and the only people who could understand her weren’t here.
She started to cry. To cry for Gummigoo, for her friends, for all the abstracted humans who never made it out. She cried for herself and her new life after the circus.
Christy looked over and then back at the road. “It’s okay”. She said. “You don’t have to say anything to me or anyone. Just talk when you’re ready.”.
Kellie nodded silently. The rest of the car ride was filled with nothing but the memories of the circus.