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You were at the courtyard of the Cleaners’ HQ, stimming with your vital instrument, a rubix cube. You’ve been a cleaner for years now, to the point that Team Child and the “strays” that Enjin picked up have grown up. Yourself, you were in your mid-30’s. You haven’t settled down with anyone, which is an expectation you’d think to meet earlier in your life, but being a Cleaner makes it hard to have a stable life. But you didn’t think about it much, you just did your job alongside your team.
“Hey, I was just looking for you,” a voice said. When you turned you saw Enjin approaching you from the main entrance of HQ.
You regarded him with a nod.
“Well, kinda slow lately, don’t you think? Wanna head into town today? I know a great place that sells bombass ramen.”
It’s been like this lately. Ever since the revolution Rudo and the Cleaners have spurred on, the Sphere had gradually stopped throwing trash onto the Ground. They were still figuring out what to do with the trash, such as repurposing them, burning wastes, and taking apart larger objects for resources. Rudo had mostly taken upon himself to start projects to recycle the trash. Progress has been slow, but effective.
It did mean less trash, which meant less trash beasts appearing in the immediate area. And Cleaners like Enjin and the rest we’re either taking part in Rudo’s plans, or in Enjin’s case, goofing off.
You kick yourself off the wall, pocketing your rubix cube. “I feel so listless, Enjin. I didn’t think the Cleaners would end up being, you know, literal cleaners.”
“Me neither, but perhaps it is the end-game. Trash Beasts are made of trash, and the less trash there is, the less Trash Beasts.”
“But what about us? I feel so antsy, I barely fight anymore”
“Hey, the job’s not done, you know? There’ll still be Trash Beasts around, even the huge ones. Now come on, I’m starving!” he said, heading to the exit.
You’ve been spending more time with Enjin lately. He was probably aware of how bored you’ve been since you didn’t want to take part in the recycling projects. If you weren’t getting reports of large herds or colossal Trash Beasts to exterminate, you were off playing hooky.
You followed Enjin to the car, and you have to mention how Enjin’s driving skills had improved to smooth cruising, at least when it came to nearby towns. You sat in the front seat next to him, leaning back while Enjin started the car.
“God bless Givers that cook, amirite?” he said, his hands on the wheel.
You smiled. You sometimes wonder what life would be like as a Giver that didn’t use their vital weapon as an instrument.
Enjin spoke throughout the ride, mostly news about the recycling project and commenting on how Rudo was in-over-his-head.You looked over at Enjin. You took note of the changes he went through in appearance since you first met. His tattoos were still apparent on his skin, but you noticed how he sometimes forgot to shave, or how he kept his hair down.
Enjin started coughing, which was unpleasant to hear. You heard it more often even before Alice diagnosed him. Besides the smoking habit, living in the Ground only compounded the issue. You winced every time he coughed.
He pounds on his chest lightly. “So, anything new with you lately?”
“You’ve quit smoking, right?” you asked suddenly.
“Huh? Ahh, yeah, doctor’s orders and all that,” he said.
“Enjin.”
“I have, alright? It’s been like, what, 5 months since I last smoked? I’m getting old anyway, and I don’t want this disease killing me sooner than I want it to.”
You sighed. “Good, though I imagine it’s been difficult.”
“Difficult? Nah, though I admit the first few days gave me the shakes. Hard not to take a drag when things get quiet, ya know.”
You pressed your mouth into a hard line. You didn’t feel concerned over Enjin’s smoking habit until the symptoms of his disease became worse. It always felt like just another habit, like chewing on gum or tapping on a surface. You only hoped that Enjin stayed true to his word.
Enjin parked at a lot between a couple buildings. When you both exited the car, he wrapped an arm around. It wasn’t an odd gesture, Enjin had been touchy-feely to more people than just you, so you tried not to think too deeply into it. You figured it was a way for him to lead you in the right direction.
When you both arrived at the restaurant, Enjin greeted the cook who was behind the stall, as if they’re familiar friends. You sat yourself behind the counter and looked up at the signs across the walls. Enjin spoke with the cook as he sat beside you.
When you made your order, you sat quietly fidgeting with your rubix cube. Enjin propped his head on his hand, his eyes on you. You try not to notice, but it bothered you.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” you asked, annoyed.
“Oh, I was staring?” he said, blinking in surprise. “Well, you seem so transfixed with your cube there, couldn't help but be transfixated myself.”
You rolled your eyes. “You want to tell me something, just say it,” you declared.
Enjin grinned, before sighing and leaning back. “You got me all figured out, huh babe?”
He’s called you that before, along with the other women he had been interested in. You didn’t quite know where you stood with Enjin. Admittedly, relations with him were beyond platonic, but didn’t qualify as romantic, at least, not officially. You were both intimate before, mostly to fulfill each other’s needs. That’s what you tell yourself, anyway.
You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t wish he chose you for once. He chose plenty of other women in the past, and although his relationships with them were short-lived, what’s stopping him from trying one with you?
Enjin fixated on a sign on the wall. “Well, we’re both getting on in years, don’t you think?”
“Enjin, you’re 38, you’re not that–”
“Yeah, yeah, but I’m not getting any younger though, so…I was thinking…”
He trails off and says nothing for a few moments.
“What? Thinking what?” you pressed.
“Well, this is gonna sound, well, not like me, but, I’m thinking of quitting being a playboy.”
You raised your eyebrows in surprise. That was unheard of for someone like Enjin. He loved women a lot, hell, flirting with them was his main hobby. So you wondered what’s with the sudden change.
“You?”
“I know, right? I never thought I’d get bored of it either, but I realize it’s more heartache and trouble than it’s worth.” He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a sheepish smile.
You didn’t reply for a few moments, thinking over the revelation. “So…are you gonna stay single or something? It’s not like you’re dating anybody right now.”
He laughed. “I just might. I gave it some thought, and, well, I do want to experience something more, steady. Reliable. Ugh, I don’t know what words I mean. But basically, I want to see the same face in bed every morning, instead of forgetting the name of the chick I decided to hook up with a week later.”
“Hmm, I see,” you said.
He looked at you and smiled. “Well, how about you? I did ask in the car earlier if there’s anything new with you.”
You opened your mouth to speak, but the cook had already laid two bowls of ramen in front of you both.
Enjin excitedly split his chopsticks and dug in, complimenting the cook as he ate. You ate deliberately, hoping that savoring the flavor of the ramen will distract you from your thoughts.
In between chews, Enjin spoke. “I am serious though, I want to know what you got planned. I see you back in HQ doing jackshit in your free time until Semiu calls for you. Like, c’mon, don’t you have a hobby?”
“Well, if you didn’t drag me to town every time you see me, I would’ve thought of something else to do,” you retorted.
“What do you mean? I thought you enjoyed my company,” he said. “And I have you know, you should be grateful I take pity on your sorry ass.”
“I’m not one of your strays you need to take care of, Enjin, I can take care of myself,” you said, slurping your ramen adamantly.
“Alright, jeez, you’re in a bad mood today,” Enjin said, frowning.
Gulping down your food, you give Enjin a hard stare (he stares back), then you sighed.
“I don’t know what I have planned, Enjin, I really don’t. Yeah, I’ve been a Cleaner for so many years, but I’m not sure what I want to do other than that.”
Enjin gives you a look, focusing on you rather than his food.
“Really? All that time, and you don’t want anything else in the whole world?”
You shook your head. “It’s just how it is with me lately, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Hmm…then, why don’t you try something small? Like I said, you can start a new hobby. You like puzzles, right? What, with that rubix cube as your vital instrument.”
“It’s…more like something I fidget with, really” you pointed out.
“Yeah, but you solved it more than a few times before. Maybe try something else, like crossword or sudoku or somethin’”
You scoffed. “Sudoku? Really?”
“Just throwin’ out examples. Play an instrument, learn to dance, cook a new recipe, I don’t know. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”
“Never took you for someone religious,” you joked.
“You know what I mean,” he gave a tired expression. “Still, I will be hauling your ass to town every chance I get.”
“Oh? And what would be your reason to want my company so much?” You said, genuinely interested in his response.
“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my co-leader, my second-in-command, my right hand man. When people find us, we’re always together,” he grinned.
It was true. You were Team Akuta’s second eldest member and thus the team answered to you when Enjin wasn’t around. You also knew Enjin ever since you both joined the Cleaners, and even trained with him during the early days. You barely remember a time without him.
“There’s gotta be more to that,” you frowned. “Do you…genuinely enjoy my company? Do you…like me?”
“Of course I do!”
You notice him sweating. You squint your eyes at him.
“What? Why’re you looking at me like that?” he asked, his eyes darting away.
You sighed. “Let’s just pay the bill and leave, please.”
You get up from your seat, but Enjin suddenly takes your wrist in his grasp.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he said, looking at you with concern.
You look down, biting your lip. Enjin then quickly digs into his pocket and slams money on the counter before wrapping an arm around your shoulders.
“Alright, alright, let’s get out of here,” he said, leading you away from the restaurant.
You felt too despondent to shrug him off of you. How can you tell him now that you want to be with him? Would he even want you? Had he ever considered it?
He stopped at an alley, where he pulled you into the shadows. He stood in front of you, a confrontational air about him. You refused to look him in the eyes.
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, I don’t know why you’re acting like this, so can you tell me what I did wrong, please?”
You didn't answer right away, Enjin patiently waited.
“...I just want you to choose me,” you whispered.
“What’s that?” he said, cupping a hand to his ear.
You look up at him with a fierceness. “Enjin, will you choose me? Over the casual flirting? Over one-night stands? God, I don’t know why I’m like this, I feel like one of the clingy girlfriends you used to have.”
“Hey.”
“I don’t know, because, I know I’m your friend and I shouldn’t feel this way about you and I try to ignore it, but when you treat me like this, like I’m…special. I know you’re not into commitment, but am I more than just a hookup?”
“Hey!”
“Because I love you, Enjin, and I was hoping you could see that.”
You stared up at him with tears and your eyes, ceasing your ramblings. Enjin stared back, sighing and scratching his head.
“Look…you’re more…than just a hookup, alright? I’m sorry I made you feel that way, just…”
He looked at you seriously, laying a firm hand on your shoulder.
“You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. It makes me afraid–that if we do end up together, I’ll screw it up like all the other times. You know how much that’d suck since we’re on the same team?”
He reached up to your face, wiping a tear from your eye with his thumb.
“It’d kill me if you started hating me for some stupid mistake I’d pull. I admit, I never did enough for the other people I was with. I might even do the same to you.”
You reached up to caress his hand on your cheek. You were quiet for a few moments, but Enjin was unwavering. He rubbed his thumb on your cheek, a tender gesture you never felt from him before.
“Enjin…it’s okay, I’m afraid too,” you chuckled sourly. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be enough for you, on account of...you know. But I came to terms with that before, it’s just…I can’t help, but think of what could’ve been, you know? Because…”
You took his hand on your cheek and intertwined them with yours.
“I want to kiss you in front of everyone and gross them out.”
A beat, then he bursts out laughing. “W-what?”
You blushed hard, looking away.
“I didn’t know how much PDA means to you!” he said, grinning.
“It’s not like that,” you said, pouting. “It's like, you’re telling the world that I’m yours. Declaring that we’re official, like you only want me,” you sighed. “But..it feels like too much to ask.”
Enjin hums, an inquisitive finger on his mouth, his face deep in thought.
“Hey, if that’s all it takes!” He took your hand and pulled you out the alley with him.
You tried to ask Enjin where he was taking you, but you were too distracted by keeping up with his quick strides. He brings you to the town square, where a waterless fountain was at the center. There were people around you, some taking notice. Enjin takes both of your hands in his, grinning ear to ear. Your face was flushed, you felt vulnerable all of a sudden.
“Wah–why are we here?” You asked, looking around anxiously.
He caressed your face and turned it so you can’t help but look him in the eyes. He had a tender smile on his face, a rare sight for you to see. Or perhaps you never noticed. He leans in, closing his eyes and parting his lips slightly. You couldn’t help, but be as still as stone.
“What’re you–”
“Hey, you want to show the world we’re official right?” He whispered.
“B-but–”
“Let me kiss you.”
You said no more. You let your eyes flutter close as he his lips drew near. His lips were rough on yours, but yours soft on his, and he lingered for a few moments, before pulling away and smirking at you.
“There, you happy now?” he said.
“Wah–”
“And look, I’m bad…at commitment, but we’ve been at this for who knows how long by now. But if I had to be with only one person forever, well, it’d be you.”
“Enjin…”
He grinned. “And you’d take this as a grand romantic gesture, right? Not bad for a first kiss as a couple.”
You can’t help but laugh and slap him on his chest. He feigns a wince.