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Aventurine came to his home.
His dear little cat cakes meowed, like they usually did. Usually he was glad to hear them.
But he decided that today wasn't anything of the like.
Today he is expecting a reunion.
He walked over to some stray papers and found a pen. His hand felt shaky. Why now..
Thank you, Diamond, for allowing me a chance to see my potential. Thank you, Lady Jade, for seeing in me something else than I did.
Thank you, people of the Planet...
He also probably could have mentioned Topaz, but she never seemed to care for him much anyway. She would probably just see it as more workload he left her.. Maybe if he left her something else, she'll feel better?
His writing became a bit smeared. He probably never wrote this many thanks in his life.
And he never will.
... for helping me when I had nothing to offer back. Special thanks to Veritas Ratio, that you were an only thing close to a friend I ever had.
Yeah, Ratio.
Isn't that ironic? Thanking people that never did more than tolerate him?
Aventurine let out something in half between a chuckle and a scoff.
“Stop shaking, will you?”
He frowned as he reprimanded his hands for their stupid behavior. But he knows damn well that they won't listen.
Thank you, Nameless, for the things you do. Your attempts at giving people hope when they have none is wonderful, but let me ask you this - how deep can a light go into an infinite abyss?
Getting poetic now, aren't we? Well, the people of the Trailblaze do often have plenty hidden talents. Mabey they will appreciate this factor tossed in.
Sparkle, tell the people the invite to the World's End is accepted.
He smiled at the mention of the Fool. Of course he had to write her down too. She wouldn't forgiven him otherwise.. Who else?
Thank you, Acheron, for allowing me a taste of this trip ahead of time. See you soon.
This felt right.. Everyone important was mentioned.
People usually write down a will. He's sure there's an official one written down somewhere deep within the archives of the IPC, but he could also just write one down right now for no other reason than just because..
Today, on...
Aventurine checked the date and wrote it down. Day, month, and the year of the Amber era.
22nd of February, I am writing my will.
To Topaz, you can have my IPC ID. I'm sure you'll have your fun destroying it.
To Lady Jade, you can take all the watches and hats you see value in. Burn them to a crips, if you so see fit.
Mr. Stellaron, or Trailblazer, I'd like you to take care of my cat cakes. There's three of them in total. I think you could get along with them if you were able to get along with me.
And to Doctor Veritas Ratio, my friend, I'd like you to have an ownership of a wooden box hidden on the bottom of my closet and every item located in that box. The code is a little cipher, a little farewell if you will. You gave me the same answer not long ago in Penacony to a puzzle we faced.. I'm sure it's not going to be hard for you to figure it out. You always were the smarter one of us, even though you know that already.
Sincerely, your humble servant "Aventurine".
That box was the most valuable thing he owned. For in that box there was a shirt that he used to wear. It was the shirt he had worn long before he was known as Aventurine. There were two other things in that box - a golden button, a lucky charm his mother gave to him, and a necklace that his mother given to his sister.
He couldn't care less what anyone will do with the rest. Money and other belongings. In the end, every human has one thing in common - they will face the Nihility, no matter whether they are rich or poor.
But he was never lucky or rich in the places where it actually mattered - people.
The only thing that was even close to it was his relationship with Ratio. And even then, he is pretty sure that the man doesn't care much for him either.
Tonight he had it all neatly planned out - just the right amount of painkillers and he'll be out cold.
The moment he walked to his bathroom sink he noticed all his medication conveniently ran out. He remembered that it was quite a while since he has used most of them out on a complicated mission and the rest were used up for a cold.
“Maybe I should have stocked up.. Lucky me..” He said through his gritted teeth.
Fine. He'll make do.
He walks over to the window.
Won't budge.
“Hah, what lucky guy am I?” Aventurine is getting annoyed at this point.
Seriously? Just earlier today it worked no problem.
“Usually I don't run out of options this quickly..” Aventurine said to no one, or maybe he just thought the Aeons would be curious to know.
He didn't think too long. There are plenty of knives in the kitchen. Yep, that can get the job done.
He does have a reunion to get to..
He picked up a sharp blade. One he used to cut meat. Specially made for that purpose. Specially made for his chest.
Yeah, perhaps stabbing oneself isn't the fastest way to go, but atleast it's fancy. Dying via a gun to the head would ruin his only nice assets - his face and eyes.
Ah yes, his eyes.
Magenta with a cyan ring around his iris.
The pain of his being.
Sigonian, Avgin, eyes.
One look at him and people immediately had all the information they needed. He's an Avgin - clan named after "honey" in the Sigonian language, yet those who irrationally fear Avgins unjustifiably distort the word's meaning to perpetuate Avgin stereotypes that portray them as crafty, smooth-talking, and capricious.
He is no stranger to these stereotypes. Honestly, it was his job in the IPC that made people believe this stereotype was also true for him.
Well, atleast I am the only one that had to suffer from it at this point...
He reached the living room. It had a comfortable rug. If he had to pick a resting place, this one would be it. The moonlight did suit him the best in this moment.
He glanced at the stars and the moon visible. They were there before him. They will be there after his fall.
There were once endless possibilities.
He could have grown up into a dashing young man back in Sigonia. He would have brought food on the table for his mother and sister. Mabey they wouldn't have much, or maybe he could have gotten them each an attire from the softest fabric there was with embroidery from golden thread. Mabey he could have even kept the shine in his eyes.
Mabey, if destiny was fair.
But it isn't.
Destiny was playing against him since the very begining and he knows that.
Mabey, once he presented his flesh with the cold steel, mabey then he could see how it could have been. Mabey, he'll walk to Nihility with open arms and he'll see his mother, his sister and his father waving in the distance, calling his name.
“Kakavasha! Oh, what a beautiful young man you are!” An older woman with blond hair covers a wide smile with her hands.
But she never grew old. She died before she had the chance.
“Oh, dearest brother of mine, you made it! I knew the men from the sky would help us! See? I'm working for them now so we don't ever have to worry about food again!” A shorter woman claps her hands in joy.
But she never joined the IPC. She died before she had the chance.
“My son, Kakavasha, you are our family's pride. Seems you scored a good job for yourself, huh?” A tall man stood there, smiling, wearing a rag that was a bit too familiar to Aventurine.
But he couldn't know what Kakavasha looked like. He died before he had the chance.
But, mabey when he's dead, he'll get to see them again. Mabey they will tell him how he's grown. Mabey they will tell him that they never have to worry for food ever again. Mabey they will tell him they are proud.
And Aventurine has always been a gambler - if there's a chance for victory, he will reach it.
“All.. or nothing..”
He unbuttoned his shirt, like opening a door to a car.
His thoughts start the engine.
A firm grasp on his knife, like one would have on a steering wheel.
Stretching out his hands, like one would when pulling a gearshift to the fastest speed.
Now he only needs to put force into stepping onto the gas pedal.
He quickly brought the sharp steel against himself..
Then someone had the audacity to knock on his door and he let go of the knife, sending it flying across the floor with a metallic clank.
Fuck.
Aventurine looked onto his bare chest. There was a slight slash, with crimson pearls running down his bust and stomach.
Knock, knock, this time slightly more aggressively than before.
“What fucking idiot-” Aventurine looked at towards the direction of the noise. He got up, stepping over the knife and to the main door. He looked through the peephole.
Ratio.
It was Ratio.
Aventurine quickly wrapped himself into the shirt, praying to god it will be dark enough for the possible blood stain to not be obvious until he can deal with it.
He opened the door to a crack.
“Hey, doc..” Aventurine put on his normal facade.
Facade of a confident, happy man that he never really was.
“Are you alright?” Ratio quickly looked at Aventurine's face, since it was the only thing visible.
“I just dropped something.” Aventurine chuckled, but he had to hold back a grimace.
Mabey the cut was deeper than he originally thought.
That didn't go past Ratio though.
“Are you certain? Because that isn't a type of noise one would make at.. Twenty two past ten in the night.”
That isn't a noise one would make in the middle of the day either, but Aventurine bit back that comment.
“What did you need, doc? Because I should probably be sleeping already if it's that late..”
“You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you? You said there were some documents that you needed me to check.” Ratio crossed his arms.
“That was supposed to be next morning, you know that.” he frowned and crossed his arm.
Just the way it shifted he could tell that it wasn't enough pressure to keep the blood flow down to a minimum, but his shoulder and half his arm was already in view of the corridor light.
“Something unforseen came up and I was able to leave early, luckily for you.” Ratio replied, tapping his foot impatiently.
“Yeah, luckily for me..” Aventurine muttered under his breath.
Aventurine did have in mind that if he had to have someone find his will, it would be Ratio.
He had it all planned out. Tomorrow, Ratio would come and find the will, take the box he left him and inform others of his demise. He trusted enough in the other's schedule for this to work out. But this wasn't a factor he counted in his equation.
“Could you let me in then, gambler?” Ratio interrupted Aventurine's train of thoughts. He raised his eyebrow and narrowed his eyes at the other in mild annoyance.
“Look, I don't don't have them prepared and-”
But Ratio already stepped foot into the apartment.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Wait!”
Aventurine turned at Ratio as the latter turned on the lights in the hall. His ever-present smile is gone as the lights hit his eyes.
This wasn't supposed to happen, not at all.
Ratio was surprised by the blonde's remark, but his face would turn to utter terror as he could see panicked Aventurine trying to cover a large dark stain on his shirt. The same same stains covered the floor.
“Aventurine, what-?”
Ratio quickly walked up to the other and pushed his hands away, revealing ton of dry blood and still a plenty of fresh pouring still.
“Just what happened?” He tried to hide the shock to the best of his abilities.
Aventurine quickly covered his chest back up, feeling ashamed that he got caught in the act.
Ratio quickly looked around. A note with thank you's and...
A paper. He gave it a quick read.
A will.
The puzzle piece's fell into place.
Ratio quickly took Aventurine and seated him on the edge of the bath tub in the nearest bathroom. He quickly began searching for things that could help.
All through out this, Aventurine didn't say a thing. And what could be said?
I tried to kill myself and I would have succeeded if it weren't for you.
Ratio quickly kneeled before Aventurine and inspected the stab wound. He narrowed his eyes as he took some suture tapes and began fixing him up.
All through out Ratio had a rather unreadable expression.
But the way his eyes darted from one place to another could tell anyone, especially Aventurine, that he was anxious. Afraid even.
He took a bandage and began wrapping it around Aventurine's chest.
He managed to mutter out a question.
“Why..?”
It's a simple question, but one that is hard to answer.
Aventurine answered with a question of his own.
“Is there a reason to live when people are just born to die?”
Ratio grimaced.
“Answer. The. Question. Aventurine. Why did you..?”
But those words died in his throat a second time. Aventurine knew them anyway.
Why did you want to kill yourself?
He wasn't supposed to be that affected, Aventurine thought.
Well, it was obvious why anyway.
“Aside from my good fortune I have nothing.”
His voice was nothing like his usual tone. He tried to put back on the mask of his smile, but he failed miserably.
“You're too smart for you to genuinely think that, gambler.” Ratio tried to convince himself more than the one he actually needed to. He continued to wrap Aventurine's chest but frowned as he could see the crimson seep through the white gauze.
“I.. I told you to stay alive..” he whispered towards the bandages in his hands.
Was that.. concern.. he just heard in Ratio's voice? Aventurine asked in his head.
“I know-”
“Do you think that I wrote that for no reason?”
His fiery red eyes pierce Aventurine and the other knows there are no arguments for that.
Aventurine looked down on Ratio's hands as the man secured the bandage in place.
He genuinely hated to see Ratio like that.
“I'm sorry..”
“What are you sorry for? Are you sorry because you planned to die again or because you didn't succeed?”
That.. stung a lot.
Yeah. He isn't apologizing because he did it in the first place.. He's apologizing because Ratio had to see him like this - a pitiful pile with dried blood on him and a small stab wound - and not because he actually regreted his descision.
The silence spoke loudly enough.
“.. I'm sorry, Ratio..” he whispered, “I am so sorry..”
He couldn't stop himself from shaking again.
He closed his eyes to avoid the dissapointed face in front of him.
I am so sorry, Ratio, I am. I am so utterly useless. The only person that even cares for me and I managed to disappoint you. You were genuinely there for me in Penacony, and here I was, planning to take my life.
I am sorry. I am so sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…
For each sorry he said in his head a tear rolled down his face without him even realizing it.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…
“I.. I am sorry.. Veritas..”
Aventurine could suddenly feel a weight on his shoulder.
He opened his eyes and found Ratio's head pressing against his shoulder and the other's hands around his waist.
“Gambler.. Please don't ever do this again.”
Ratio's words were muffled, but Aventurine could feel the lips grazing his shoulder with every word.
“Promise me you'll never do this again..”
Ratio sounded almost desperate.
“Please..”
Aventurine wrapped his arms around the other, reciprocating the embrace.
“I promise..”