Chapter Text
Seasonal depression is no joke.
You had worked hard over the past year, cut out many of the toxic people in your life, found new, real friends that didn’t use or manipulate you, you graduated college; all things considered, you should be happy! But... that's not the full story, is it?
You had a racist, ableist father, a narcissistic mother, both of whom you're forced to live with because America sucks and seasonal depression was back again. You felt like you constantly had to walk on eggshells, forced to say "yes, I agree," when one of your parents talked about politics, cheering on violence and hatred while forgetting that you were a target, too. The only "family" who respected you were all stuck behind a screen, hundreds or sometimes thousands of miles and an ocean away. On top of all of that, you had been slacking on your shadow work and spell work, something you had taken great pride in.
One of the few things that built your confidence and hope when you were still surrounded by those old, toxic friends was spell and deity work. Tarot, pendulums, crystals, candles, herbs, runes, bones, there was nothing you hadn't tried at least once. You treated each tool like a science experiment, using controls, creating tests, having second and third and fourth opinions to check your work. It was thrilling to build those skills and see what worked best for you. Sure, it was costly and time consuming and you often were called a devil worshiper by your God-Fearing father, but it was yours to take pride in.
And so tonight, under a crescent moon and the gleaming beauty of a surprise appearance of the Aurora Borealis, you find yourself kneeling at your altar once again. In your hand was a tiny gold key, and before you was a glass tray holding a chalice bowl. Inside was a bed of black rice, a small yellow candle and a few carefully picked herbs. Next to the key was a tiny container of a golden oil, no longer than a couple inches, labeled "Crown of Success." A Road Opener spell.
What else could break this slump of yours?
You open the oil and let a few drops fall onto your finger, which you use to coat the outside of the candle and the key. You then pull out a lighter from a small supply box and light the candle. The wick sputters and pops, but soon holds a flame. You set the lighter aside and fold your hands together, closing your eyes.
In the dark you focus on the sound of the flame. It hardly wavers, but the popping of the wick and strong scent from the candle gives you hope. Surely this will work. You open your eyes only long enough to reach out and grasp the golden key, bringing it to your chest before closing your eyes again. The key slowly warms from your body heat, and you can feel the oils coating the skin on your palms. You take a slow breath and try to think.
...What am I trying to bring?
The last time you had done this spell, you had been trying to get a new job. It had been focused on a singular, tangible goal and, ultimately, was successful. However, no spell can thrive on vagueness. "I want change" isn't good enough. But what is it you want?
Your thoughts began to wander, despite all attempts to the opposite. One of the few things that had kept you positive was, of all things, a game about cookies. Two characters specifically, Shadow Milk Cookie and Pure Vanilla Cookie. Perfect opposites, truth and deceit, hero and beast, You had... grown invested in the pair, so to speak. Of the Beast Yeast stories, theirs was your favorite, with the ending being your favorite part.
Despite everything Shadow Milk had done, Pure Vanilla still wanted to help him. To be his friend. You often caught yourself daydreaming of a world where Shadow Milk learned to be good again. You would also insert yourself into the story but reallywhocaresaboutthatamirite.
You saw a lot of yourself in Shadow Milk Cookie. A being created with the expectation of perfection. Your creators unforgiving when you lose yourself to pain or fear or exhaustion. Maybe that's part of why you like him so much. Why you wish you could be around him, with him. Oh if only.
While you didn't see as much of yourself in Pure Vanilla cookie, you still held a similar love tor him and his character. Someone so dedicated to his pursuit for Knowledge and understanding of another that he would... ruin himself... to try to help them…
Never mind, you do see yourself in him.
He still wants to help others despite everything. Even people who hurt him. It was admirable. You often wished you had someone so willing to be there for you like that; holding you accountable but never giving up on you, even if you try to....
Was this what you wanted? Someone like you, that you could truly relate to? Someone to make sure you keep moving, even on your hardest days? Someone like them?
...you slowly bring your hands to your forehead. As you hold the key, you feel the promise of a new road to explore...
You stay at the altar until the candle's wax puts out the flame and your legs fall asleep. Surely, you think, that should be enough.
You leave the supplies out on the altar, intending to return in the morning. Thankfully, tomorrow is a day off for you, so you’ll have all the time in the world to focus on spell work. You put the key in your pocket, though. You can't let it leave your side. You won't.
For now, you decide to have some fun. You leave the altar and make your way to your desk, smiling as you sit in your chair and pull your laptop closer to you. A couple friends had shown you how to install Cookie Run: Kingdom onto your computer, and it had become your favorite way to play.
You open the game and wait for it to load, your smile growing as it opens and greets you with the art for the new Dark Enchantress War update. The art is beautiful, as always, but especially Pure Vanilla stands out, front and center.
Once the game finally let you in, you make your way through your dailies; resource collection and creation, bounties, trains, wishes, mining and arena tend to feel like a slog. Getting through it lets you get to the good stuff, though. Liiike ~
The new Beast Yeast episode!!
...that doesn't seem to feature Shadow Milk Cookie so Far...
harrumph!!
You decide very quickly to shelve the new episode for now, opting to return to the Spire of Deceit. You still hadn't beaten it on the harder modes, after all- ooooohh… That s a really high recommended power level. that you weren't at yet. 13. 6 Million at minimum.
Welp- time to waste all of my resources!
You open your cookie menu and start with your normal team. 2.8 Million is surely something you could improve!. You start with Shadow Milk Cookie- when did they raise the level cap?!
That's Fine It's Fine Everything's Fine.
You immediately spend a good chunk of your jellies and life powder to Level up Shadow Milk Cookie, bringing him From Level 90 to 100, which pushed his power over the 1 Million threshold! finally! Your First 1 Mil cookie!
Next, Pure Vanilla: First, level him up. Being one of your only usable healers, you had plenty of life powder to use on him. Next, change his toppings. Finally, attune his Beascuits to bring him From 300,000 to... 370,000. Darn. Well, that's how healers are, you suppose.
You zone out as you work on the rest of the team but frown as you find yourself still under the power suggestion. You sigh and just try out the new game mode instead, allowing your mind to wander as you crush waves of dough monsters. You don't even notice the hours passing by until the sunlight leers at you through the window.
At least you can sleep through your parents waking up and arguing this way! Checking on the spell can wait until... hm. idea.
You return to your kingdom, searching For Pure Vanilla Cookie and Shadow Milk Cookie, who are both unceremoniously tossed into the Tent of Sweet Encounter. Then, you pull the golden key out of your pocket, turning the little trinket over in your hand. Perhaps the lack of sleep had gotten to you, but you wonder if, just maybe, there had been more to thinking of them earlier than you believed before.
With an eye roll and a huff of laughter you point the key to the screen and slowly turn it. You almost flinch as Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla leave the tent... then start walking around like normal. You scoff. Of course not. I'm just tired.
You stand from your chair and move to close to the game,
You don't see how Shadow Milk Cookie turns to stare at you through the screen.